Pregnant and Terrified!

Hi R., I have 4 boys (ages 6, 4, 2 1/2 & 8 mos)- and when we got pregnant with #4 it was faster than expected and terrified me. I actually cried and then felt horrible for crying. We had a difficult delivery with him, 2 months early, so nothing was easy .... but it all passed and I wouldn't trade any of my guys for anything. I also work full time, so the juggling and the horror of diapers for another however many years was scary... but it is all going really well and we get looks and comments too from people, but we have managed to meet a lot of families with 3 or 4 kids now so we don't feel so out of place!
The other bonus is that our guys are all great friends and extremely protective of each other- they are well adjusted in groups and great at sharing and being around people.

We knew we wanted the fourth, it just was a bit of a shock to get there... you knew you wanted 3 so don't worry - you will be fine. C.

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Hi R.;

Relax and take it easy. Everything will be fine and healthy. If you believe in god, trust him because he knows what he is doing to you. I have four children. Two adults and two teenagers. My eldest daughter is married and I had my 17 mths old grand daughter, I love her dearly because she is so precious and very intelligent at her age. My second son is 21 and still studying Video and Games Designer in NY. My 16 yrs old daughter is already in Junior College and my 14 yrs old son is freshman in high school. He is involved in Marching Band and Boy Scout. When they're growing up, I took care four of them. I took them everywhere I go. I challenge them in everything that they like to do. Luckily, my husband has his own business so I am a home mom. I do it all with love and understanding. I love children and they're the future of our planet. My 25 yrs old daughter, 16 yrs old daughter and 14 yrs old son are playing 5 musical instruments,my 21 yrs old son is an artist but played musical instrument in middle school but he has a natural talent in art so I challenge him to study art. They're also in Boy Scout and Girl Scout. I challenged them with sport,music,art,dance,Singing and etc., Thank god for his guidance and helping me growing up with them. All the hard work of being a mother, if pays off later on in life. Trust god and always pray everyday to help you go through this 3 child. You will be fine and happy. Good luck and take care.

A.

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You made this choice because in your heart you felt your family was not complete. You already know you made the right choice. Family and friends can say things that make you think you have made the wrong decision, that is because they don't think it is the right decision for themselves. Be true to yourself and your family (and all future members). I have 4 kids and couldn't possibly imagine my life without any of them.
I know this isn't the exact response you were hoping for but I hope it helps a little. You have a very short time with these little people (one of mine is 18). Please relish it and hold tightly to all the little stuff because it is gone quicker than you can imagine.

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I don't have any advice, but I'll tell you my story . . . My (ex)husband and I always said we wanted to have four babies. Our first was born two weeks before our second anniversary, the next was born 22 months later. My first baby was incredibly easy. It was different when the second one was born. Partly she was a difficult baby, partly circumstances were different. After a normal pregnancy and delivery, at five hours old, she was suddenly rushed to the NICU, where she spent a week. A month later my two year old had a horrible stomach flu with vomiting and diarrhea that lasted a entire week. Then seven weeks post-partum (about the time she decided she wanted to sleep all day and play all night) I broke out in chicken pox - which I of course then gave to the two year old and then the two month old! Ugh! As time passed, even though wed always said we wanted four, we became very comfortable with our two - it just felt right. I was getting to the point where I could take a shower by myself, etc . . . One day at three o'clock in the morning, I was going to bed and my husband was getting up for work - neither one of us was really thinking . . . number three was conceived. I wanted an even number of children, so as soon as I was pregnant the third time, I was back to wanting four. He wasn't as sure (maybe he was experiencing a premonition of what was down the road). After the baby was born, I had to figure out how to shower (I couldn't leave her alone with the four and two year olds - so I finally started taking her into the bathroom with me - in her car seat). We were armrest to armrest in the back seat of our car with car seats - you'd get them all in, shut one door, and when the second door was shut, all their little heads would bob. A year later, my husband lost his job - and was basically unemployed pretty much thereafter . . . My baby is going to be fifteen on Monday, my husband and I have been divorced two years . . . It is a constant struggle to keep my head above water . . . But she is a joy . . . She is my Tigger, she bounces wherever she goes . . . And I love her with all my heart - and would not give her up for anything . . .

Don't worry about other people - if you had no children, they would be bugging you about that - or if you only had one, you'd be getting lectures on onlies - you will never make the people outside looking in happy - don't make yourself crazy trying - just worry about your own little family, do your best to keep them safe and happy, and you will be a success . . .

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Hey momma...remember what you had just stated yourself....this baby is a precious gift from God and has blessed your family with per your request....He knows your needs and will provide...as far as other people's comments...that's all that is comments....I was saying to a friend just the other day....you give life to another being and brings more life to you and your husband...and a greater understanding of life itself....it is through our children and our experiences with them that challenges us to grow these days....most importantly the happiness they bring....don't you worry...enjoy this pregnancy....savor it....I guess you can say yes I know how you feel....been there....I have 5 boys....10 yr old...a soon to be 9yr old on the 12th...a 7 1\2 year old....a 4 1\2 year old...and a 15 month year old....my first four are from my ex husband and my 5th well...he's here....like you I got the comments and worries about money and space....momma...it'll all fall into place....no worries....and yes....I had 3 in diapers at one time...haha....the diaper train....take care

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After two kids, my husband rescheduled a vasectomy (twice), and guess what? I got pregnant. I had a 10yr old and 7yr old, so a baby was totally out of the question. Plus, I never wanted more than two kids, nor did I think ANYONE needed more than two kids. I was panicked the whole time wondering how on earth I would handle THREE kids. But, I figured God wanted me to have this baby so it WOULD be good. And it has been. She is the love of our whole family and she has opened doors to many new friends we would never have met. She is now 5 and life IS good and blessed. Keep your chin up, count your blessings and enjoy!

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God never makes a mistake when he gives these beautiful gifts to us. And remember he knows what you can handle and can't.we went for our third, thinking how hard could it be we already have two , whats one more.when we had her, she was our first girl. So we were blown out of the water with cost & everything. now 10 years later we would never change a thing, and we had our 4th in 2006. life is hard and scary and we too had all the fears but you will prevail through it all.
Goodluck and many good wishes to you and your family.
D. (:

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I think its so great that you can acknowledge that you are feeling this way. So many of us put on a happy face but feel so unsure and awful inside. I think that because you are worried about all of these things makes you a great mom.

Just remember, too, that it could be the hormones making you feel this way. Try to separate what you feel, the logistics, and other's comments. If you like to write, maybe use stream-of-consciousness writing to get out some of the heaviness you may be feeling.

I don't have much in the way of experience with this, but I hope you find the peace you need and deserve.

J.

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I think of the great curses of motherhood is the guilt we put on ourselves (and sometimes each other). Everything you're feeling makes perfect sense to me! It is normal to have many feelings at once - being pregnant is wonderful and exciting AND at the same time scary and overwhelming. It's so normal to feel all of that. You are allowed to feel it all! Give yourself a break, you deserve it.

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You made the right decision. Think of it this way. If you hadn't gone with your instincts and just went ahead with the vasectamy you'd never know what it would have been like to have the three you felt you wanted. You'd have been kicking yourself the rest of your life. Never sure.

And, there are those out there struggling to even have one. You have been blessed three times! IT wasn't just your decision, it was your mates and God above! It must be right.

And, you know you'll love this one just as you do the other two. It's just your anxieties and worries that are confusing you. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the pregnancy. You knew you needed one more so it doesn't matter what others think. And you can do whatever you want if you set your mind to it.

The sideways glances are from those who know what a challenge it is to raise children, and they are probably thinking that it would be too much for them, but it won't be for you. Your gutt told you something was missing. Now it won't be. Be happy! :D I am happy for you.

I always said I'd only have one. So I could concentrate on trying to raise this one the best I could. Provide as best I could. And have no conflicts of interest. I didn't think I could share my love with so many at once. Multi tasking. My hubby convinced me two was better for playmate reasons. After that it was all I wanted. Two, just two, and close together as we could so I could get through the rough stages quickly (potty training etc..) and they could be close in age for playing. We were blessed with two great kids! A boy, then a girl 14 months later! I have been happy ever since. I have to admit, sometimes two feels like something is missing, too easy, but there are times when I am so glad we stopped. I get too easily stressed. But that's me.

My sister said she needed three also. She had that same sense of, "two just isn't enough. Something is missing". She never regretted that decision. She once told me, "After two it feels the same. Once you past that "more than one" stage what's one more?" It worked for her. ;)

The career idea may change up a bit, but that's ok too. Don't be so rigid with your plans and yourself. Go with the flow. So you need to rearrange a bit, no biggie. Flexibility is something you'll have to deal with the rest of your life with your children... they are unpredictable at times, and you'll need to replan your days at times. Sometimes I get really tired of being so flexible, but that's life for you. It spices up your life. Don't let a change in plans make you feel like you failed to reach a goal. You are just living life, and can't predict all the moves. Life is a journey not a destination.

Enjoy being pregnant knowing this is the last time you'll feel that growing entity inside you. I tried to enjoy the second pregnancy as much as I could because I knew it would be my last. It was tricky. It had been a long time since my body was my own. Being pregnant and breast feeding for two and a half years straight I was wanting my body back! I was glad that I had them close in age. There were so many benefits I hadn't thought of. Getting them through the stages even faster. She wanted to copy everything her older brother did. He potty trained and she did too, he got off the bottle and had a sipper cup, she wanted a sipper cup too. It was great! I was the youngest of four girls so taking care of someone wasn't something I was used to. I was always taken care of, a baby. So to have my own was very stressful for me. Having a third one was not anything I'd want. But like I said, that's me, not you, so don't worry about how others feel.
My oldest sister, probably because she had THREE younger sisters, wanted three kids of her own. It filled some sort of void for her I think. Who knows?

I wish you the best of luck and happiness. Try to stop worrying, it gets you no where. Be happy with your decision and enjoy that miracle inside you! Try to look forward to picking a name, buying little outfits, fixing up the home for the new arrival, and the look on the other kids faces when they see the newest addition to the family has to be priceless!

I wish you well!

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I found that telling people (in a nice way of course) that it's not nice what they're saying tends to put a stop to the comments. It's amazing what people will say to you! It will all work out. My two older ones were 9 and 6 when the little one was born. Wouldn't change a thing! So glad we went for #3. Do what's right for your family and just gently remind people that they're being rude when they make comments. It's really none of their concern anyway.

M. (11 girl, 8 boy, 2 girl)

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Dear R.,

O.K., first of all stop thinking about what other people think. You may be bringing into the world a very important person, or not, but never the less he or she will be important to you and to his or her siblings and your husband.

People gripe a lot about things that are none of their business. Just let that worry drop. ...and for the rest of it. Just do the best that you can everyday and be thankful to God that you can have babies and bring them up in a civilized country. O.K.?

I grew up during the Great Depression and we had NOTHING and were homeless before it was fashionable, and we are still alive, respecting life, and thanking God that we got to spend some good years with our Father, who died early. O.K.? C. N.

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Take it from # 3 of 5 kids... Yes, everyone feels that way at some point, and yes, it will pass. I'm pregnant with # 3 my self and am in the same boat, but you know as soon as you see than little munchkin, it will all be forgotten. Yes it is stressful, but loads of fun. That's why you didi it in the first place. Remember that!

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Hi! I have three kids myself. I was completely horrified when I found out that I was pregnant with my last child having been told by several doctors that I could not have anymore children AT ALL EVER! Don't worry! These things work themselves out. Yes three can be a handful, I won't lie but see it this way....it's not 4 or 5 children. I also had some eyebrows raised from family and friends but when my daughter was born they were all around to help out. One would watch my two little ones while I was working a part-time job and for two weeks I had a private chef (grandma/great-grandma)came over to cook for the family. Just relax and don't worry! Babies are blessings and some are miracles...At least my last one was!

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R., I can't say that I know exactly how you feel but sometimes it helps to take a step back and look at the situation from a different perspective. Be thankful that there are two of you to work it out and that you are not a single mother worrying about how you're going to provide for your family alone. It could always be worse so focuse on what you DO HAVE, not on what you don't. You already stated in your comments that the child is a gift from God so hold on TIGHT to that belief and PRAY. When you put his feelings and thoughts ahead of your own, the rest will fall into place.

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I know it seems kinda like alot to think of three little ones running around but it's really not so bad. I felt the same way you did when i was pregnant with my third (I have four now!). But the truth is money,space and timing are all besides the point! The important thing is love. The love you have for your family and your soon to be third baby matter much more than anything else. The feelings of worry go away (it's like a short bout with buyers remorse) you get over it. Well anyway good luck, Congradulations and most of all have fun and happy times with your children!!

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First, who CARES what other people think! You should see the looks I get when I tell people I want ten!

Second, it will all work. I have to tell myself that sometimes because I am a worrieier, but sometimes you just have to remind yourself that, as long as you're doing everything you possibly can, there's nothing to be gained from worrying. Maybe you just need to become more efficient, or reevaluate an area of your life that is stressing you out. I don't know your exact situation, but that happened in my family- I was working a crappy food service job because my BA doesn't help me in the area I want to work it and it was stessing me out, and by proxy stressing out the fam. So, we reevaluated and figured out a way for me to go back to school. It wasn't easy, but it has made our lives less stressful even though money is still tight, and because I went back to school there will be a time in the near future when money will be way less of an issue. Moral is, as parents we do what we have to do, and you just need to have faith in yourself and in your husband. Good Luck!

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Congratulations on #3! What a Blessing! It is so easy to worry about so many things especially when we are trying to calculate the addition of another member to our family. You need to set those worries aside; this little one was meant to come into your family. Your on-hold career can wait....enjoy your little ones; they will be in school before you know it! God will provide....be willing to make sacrifices as you need to modify for this change; before long, they won't feel like sacrifices anymore, but a precious gift to be with your children.
You are already used to juggling with 2; the third will slip right in. It's definitely not like the adjustment from one to two. We have four children, the oldest 12 and the youngest almost 2. I can't believe how the time passes, and in a couple years, when he goes to preschool, going back to work will be an option.
Enjoy your pregnancy, anticipate his/her birth, and the growth to complete your wonderful family.
P.S. I love this verse from Psalms and I have quoted it when others have questioned our "larger" family (your little one was meant for your family):
"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16

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R.-
I haven't been through exactly what you are going through, but I do feel "qualified" to say, please don't feel guilty! It is always natural to have doubts, fears, etc, it doesn't make you ungrateful. And please don't worry what anyone else thinks about having three, it's your family and your life. Anyone who would even comment on such a personal choice has some sort of issue of their own- it is their problem. I'm sure your feelings will pass at some point, but in the meantime, don't make things worse by being hard on yourself!

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I think it is completely normal to feel panic. I had my second child 9 months ago and he was completely planned and we were so excited at the prospect of bringing another child into our family esp. for our 4 year old daughter. The idea of her having a sibling to run around with warmed my heart and soul. As soon as I found out I was pregnant I went into a silent state of panic. I felt so alone and afraid and I didn't know how I was going to do it all. I finally took a deep breath and realized that GOD has always taken care of our family. Whenever I thought I couldn't go another step I found the energy to walk a few more. When I was pregnant with my daughter we went through a serious financial setback. We were at odds with one another and at odds against the world. Six weeks before our daughter was born with only pennies in the bank my husband got a job working on a top television series. It saved us and our sanity.
I guess my point is this...if you have faith that things will work out and be just fine then they will. God has a way of taking care of us and our needs when we need him most. Just when you least expect it something good happens and everything is more than fine. Things will be excellent and your family will be complete. You will be surrounded by a new life with new challenges you will tackle as a family. Good Luck!

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Don't worry You'll work things out, and honestly who cares what "others" think or say, you wanted another child, your having one.....it's between you and your hubby not anybody else....and all the other stuff will be figured out in due time....be happy....I'm a mom of 6 kids trust me it will workout....

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My husband and I planned all 3 of our children. Hindsight being 20/20: it would have a lot easier with only 2 kids. We had a son 1st, 3yrs later a daughter then 2 1/2 yrs later another son. I know that as a Mom we're not supposed to have favorites, but my youngest son definitely is mine. Our 3 kids are no longer young, the youngest will turn 21 in Feb, if I had to do it all over again, I'd do it just the same. Our children have done us proud and are the joy and light in our lives.
Be strong, stand firm in your decision to have another child. Don't let outsiders influence your emotional well-being.
Best wishes,
K. B

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R.,

Please don't let other people pu ttheir baggage on you about the right size for a family. These days, so many people get remarried and combine kids that three is a small number compared to what most some out with. We have 5 kids (all ours), the last of which are twins and were a surprise. I want one more to round it out at 6 (i like even numbers), and i either keep it to myself or go for the shock value and tell people i see i can't wait for one more. our families seem to act like our kids are a burden to them- not sure why unless it's just having more to buy for at xmas- which i don't really care about anyway. my husband and i are not expecting anyone to take care of our kids but us. anyway, you are going to have a great time with this new baby! everything will work itself out in terms of $$, etc. enjoy being pregnant, it goes by so fast. best wishes, M.

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Dear R.,

Three is not too many, and you should never feel that way. I do simpathize with you since they are all close in age and the ages you have are tough alone. I have four kids, and even my mother wondered what I was thinking when we had our 3rd. I won't even begin to tell you the comments about our fourth.
They are a blessing and with every difficult day that passes will come better ones. I will tell you my oldest is now 15 and this brings on new challenges that we never had before. The rewards and joy are there, and no one will get that better than you. Take a moment look at them all and you will understand that while this time in your life, you will not always know your am from pm it is short lived. Keep a sweet picture by you at all times and know that in a few years, it will settle down. The house will be unusually quiet when one goes off to a sleep over, that will be when you will wonder, how weird it was when you only had the one or two. I wish you the best of luck, and make sure you take good care of yourself since you are the most important thing to them now, and unfortunately that will change.

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First off congratulations! It's wonderful that you two are so easily able to get pregnant! In my opinion...this decision was YOUR (and your husbands), so family shouldn't have anything to say about that. I'm sure you panicked a little when you had your second child...wondering how you'd afford it all, and how to juggle 2 kids and a job, etc. It worked out though didn't it? Everything happens for a reason, and things have a way of working out. You just make it happen. My husband and I are also expecting...I'm about 7 weeks preg. We have a 2-1/2yr old daughter who is the love of our lives and we can't wait for this second baby. I was pregnant about 4 months ago but lost the baby...but now another miracle happened and I'm preg again! We are of course nervous wondering how we are going to do it all, but we were with our first too. It's been the greatest experience of our lives and we can't wait to have another addition even though it means more work.

I think it's wonderful that you two decided to have another baby...and just think, you almost didn't. Wouldn't you both have regreted having the surgery, and then realized you weren't done having children? Think of the families (our grandparents) who had 16 children!! Ok, that's way too many, but people did it and made it work.

One suggestion, you may want to look into opening a home daycare (if you are interested obviously in being with kids all day) so you can be home with your children, and home with your hubby instead of working separate shifts. It doesn't take long to get a license, and a lot of money can be made too. You also won't have to pay for daycare, and you'll be able to be home with your own children.

Just something to think about...

Congratulations again...and best of luck to you!

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Hi R.-

I know it is PC to have zero population growth by replacing only yourself and your husband, hence two children, but YOU are unique and have special circumstances AND you have given this thought! Just go for it. Your baby will be special and despite all the hoopla regarding the perils of three children and the dynamics of a trio, I know many families of three who have real adjusted children including my boss who has three daughters all of whom are bright, articulate and well adjusted. Don't let outside people tell you what in your heart you know to be a good thing for YOUR family. Everything will be fine, maybe a little hectic with three children under the age of 5, but you will prevail!

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Hi R.,

You are justified in feeling the way you do. I, too, am pregnant 7 weeks with our 3 child, and I feel the same way. You are thankful for the gift that God has given you and I don't believe he would think that you are ungrateful. It is only natural to want to worry about the future and the impact of your life, but be encourage that since God has given you this gift, He is faithful to provide you and your husband a way to provide and you will never be in want. I myself am horrified, but I have to trust that it will be ok. I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old and it will be difficult, but I believe with God and the help of my husband it will work itself out. I have to tell myself that I am not the only woman that has been through this and I won't be the last, so I can make it. I just met a lady at work that just had her 9th child, so I am counting my blessings.

F. P.

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How would you feel if you had stopped at two? Would you always feel that twinge of regret, that feeling that something was missing?
So what if others raise their eyebrows or say negative comments. This is you decision. You will take it one day at a time and do the best you can.
Sure there will be times when it won't be easy but no one ever said it would be. Even if you only had one child it wouldn't be easy. There would still be challenges no matter how many children someone has, just different types of challenges. God blessed you with this third child. Not only you but your other children as well. They are going to have another person to love, another family member. How can expanding their family be anything but a blessing? I wish you the very best in your journey. What an exciting time!

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Hi R.,

I am a mother of four children. They are all in their 40's now. They waere very close together. My oldest is 18 months older than his brother. my third is less than a year younger than his brother. Then there was a gap of 4 years to my youngest. He was killed in a skydiving accident 13 years ago. PLEASE don't let anyone talk you out of doing what your heart directs you to do. With Garrett, (who was killed) there were so many wonderful gifts he gave to ous as a family because he was a part of it. When you say something seems missing in your family, it could be you intuitively know he needs to come into your family - or she. I am clairvoyant and a spiritual counselor. If I can be of any help to you, please e-mail me ____@____.com webszite is kaysnutrition.com

Hope this helps.

Blessings

J. Sanders
Alternative Health Practitioner

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Don't stress!!!! It is very natural to feel this way. My family reacted the same way when I got pregnant with my third. My mom even cried...and not because she was happy. God will never give you anything that you cannot handle. He will always provide and give you the strength that you need. This will pass and your family will jump on board soon. Take care of yourself and everything will smooth out as soon as people get used to the idea of a new family member. Remember that God gave this child for you to protect...if your family doesn't like it, then that is their issue that THEY have to deal with.
Congrats!,
Steph

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Hi

I am a grandma of a 3 1/2 grandson and a 10 month granddaughter. My grandson has alot of anger towards his sister. Does not do well with sharing. You say your two children are best friends. You are Blessed.

You are following you instinct to have another. I was the fourth of five children and my mother told me when she found out she was pregnant with me 60yrs ago. My father told her that maybe I would be the one to take care of them when they were old. My mother lived into her 80's and I did look after her and enjoyed her.

I only had one daughter. I would have loved to have had more kids. You will manage. You sound like you Love being a Mom.

Good Luck God Bless You.

K. B

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R.,
Remember that God never gives us more then we can handle. Trust in him every day and you will find both peace and that you are already taken care of. Enjoy your gift, don't waste it being scared!!!!

Every one said I should have my daughter cause my son was already so busy and I was already working graveyard opposite my hubby, as it turned out I had to quit my job I sat at home which put us in such horrible debt we almost declared bankruptcy. Since there was no way for me to work work outside the home and off set day care costs we were stuck. I prayed an prayed and then as if some one were watching over me, I found a way to make a living at home, and we are doing fine now and I have been home for almost 3 years. Trust in God he nows your grateful even if you are a bit scared.
So again I say, find your peace and enjoy this gift.

H.
http://wisemommy.fourpointmoms.com

Hi R.,

I read some of the responses that you've already received and they sound like some good advice and experiences to live by. I have two children, both completely natural childbirths, so after my 2nd was born, I told my husband not to touch me until he got a vasectomy. Never wanted to feel that pain agian. I don't have advice about 3 kids, but what popped out to me was the fact that you have to work opposite shifts of your husband and that you are missing out on precious, valuabe time with your family. I started my own business with an amazing company with fabulous products that I absoultley love. It enables me to spend all the time I'd like with my family and never miss out on anything important. I also get to meet new people and spend time working with my friends. It's a great opportunity for a nice amount of money, or you can just create the income that you need. I'd love to tell you a little more about it if you are interested. No pressure or obligation, can just share info if you want. Email me if you'd like. ____@____.com

ps. all babies are blessing from the Lord. He knows exactly what you need and this baby will be the perfect addition to your family. Best wishes,

J.