Pregnant and Scared

I'm so sorry about your loss. I lost my first baby at 7 weeks and like you, got pregnant again right away. I was scared all the time, so I set goal for myself. I made a goal to not think or worry beyond 7 weeks, then 12 weeks, then 20 weeks, then 32 weeks, then 36-40. It helped because I knew with each goal I made, the closer I was to holding my child in my arms but I didn't make myself sick worrying about something that was too far away for me to do anything about. And make sure you take care of yourself too. Relax, eat well, exercise (walking is best!), cry if you need to and try not to worry too much until your first appointment. If you need too, call the Dr office and explain because of your previous loss, you'd feel more comfortable having an earlier appointment. I'm sure they'd try to work you in...maybe tell them you would be willing to come in if someone cancels if they are booked out. The best feeling was hearing my son's heartbeat via ultrasound at 7 weeks! Also, Empty Arms was a great book in helping me get through my miscarriage. I hope this helps some...Good luck with this pregnancy!

S., 25, mother of Tyrrone, 4 months, and an angel in heaven

Hi Cindy,
My heart goes out to you... Here is my story I have 3 healthy boys, and was told I would never have a child much less survive child birth. All my kids were born with in a short time frame of each other ie: two birthdays in Feb and 1 in march. In between my kids I had 5 miscarriages, 3 in less than two years and then the last two were when we were trying for our youngest I had two in the space of 6 months.
I found that there was only a short time frame that my body would actually keep a pregnancy but even then I was high risk because my body wanted to go into full labor to early.
You have to try to stay positive what helped me was my mom telling me that when you miscarry is probablly best because there may be something wrong with the baby and it's not time yet to have another. I took that advice and was able to stay strong through the miscarriages. I realized it wasn't my fault and there wasn't anything I could do about it.
Keep your head up and try to stay positive...

Cindy,

I know that type of fear. It really can be a scary experience. I went through three misscarriages, all around the 11th to 12th week of my pregnancy. The baby's heartbeat stopped around 5 to 6 weeks, according to the ultra-sounds. The strangest thing is, with every pregancy and miscarriage I had different types of symptoms.

I found out I was pregnant for the fourth time, back in October of 2005. I was very fearful like you, and wasn't so sure if my body would be able to keep this baby. I had alot going against me, by the time I became pregant in 2005. I had developed diabetes, high blood pressure, heart complications and being overweight. The doctors were not sure if I would be able to carry a baby through full term.

I listened to the advise of my pastor, Dr. Tom Anderson. He told me to constantly picture myself holding, loving and taking care of my baby. This is what got me through my 8 1/2 month ordeal. This last pregnancy, I experienced painful cramping in my lower abdomen area the entire time I was pregnant. So with every sharp pain came the fear of "is this it, am I going to hear the doctor say that I need another D&C"? When those fears and doubts start fluttering my mind, I took about 5 minutes to close my eyes and picture myself holding my baby, cuddling her, and feeding her.

Try to picture yourself holding your new baby. Hopefully that helps. At least that helped me. In the end, I had a beautiful and healthy baby girl. She will be two years old this Memorial day weekend.
Take Care,
D. R.

Your doctor should be aware of your history and should be aware that you are a high risk pregnancy. I would call your doctor and express your fears. They will fit you in early if you tell them how paniced you are feeling. You still have those fears even if nothing is wrong.
C. B
P.S. I have had a miscarriage as well as a still-birth. Talk about scared and hurting, I've been there!

Your previous miscarrage may just be a fluke thing. You know from having your son that you are able to carry a baby to full term, which is wonderfully reassuring. I am the oldest of my three siblings, and my mother had one miscarriage, between my brother and me. After that, she never had another miscarriage--she had a healthy, normal pregnancies with my brother and my sister. Just try to think positively (I know that is easier said than done) and take care of yourself. Also, avoid things that are risky, like strenuous exercize, hot tubs, soft cheese, deli meat and all those other pregnancy don'ts! Good luck!

I have worked with 2 infertility doctors in our years of trying. The first thing they advise for repeated miscarriages, regardless of diagnosis, is one 81mg aspirin per day. If it's okay with your doctor (family doctors are sometimes easier to work with) go ahead and start. I have not had any miscarriages since doing this. I had 3 before, one very similar to yours. The whole how you feel thing is a myth. With my second son, I was pregnant with twins and felt great! I was so scared. We did loose the twin due to a lot of complications, totally unrelated to my other losses. Don't worry. I know it's hard, but the negative hormones can have an effect on the baby. I find taking the aspirin I don't worry. It's a pretty harmless way to go if it makes you feel better, even if it's just until May 2. Congratulations and good luck!

Hi Cindy,
Oh dear... my heart goes out to you. I know it is so hard to go thru these tragedies and try to have a positive heart about your current pregnancy.

BUT, despite your track record miracles DO happen. Most of the time we don't understand why these things happen, especially while we are in the midst of them.

I was told I would never carry a child full term, long story short.... I have three beautiful children, 12,11, and 5... I hold close to my heart the faith that I will someday be reunited with my other children. This makes me cry both tears of joy and sadness.

If you ever need to chat shoot me an email. I am a good ear. :)

My thoughts and prayers are with you Cindy! :) A.

I have had 9 pregnancies and have 4 living children, so I do know exactly how you are feeling. You can click me and send me a message if you want. I have experienced what you have.

I think who your doctor is makes a huge difference.

Again, if you want, give me a click/message.

Yes I have been there! Actually almost the same place! When I had my miscarriage, it was when my DD1 was 20 months old. I was 12 weeks along when my body finally went through the process, however I had been told 2 days before that it was going to be a miscarriage. I was DEVASTATED! 4 months later I got pregnant again! I am sooo grateful for a wonderful doctor! She told me to come in at any time and they would check and see. Until I was 15 weeks along, she constantly gave me U/S at each appointment (I had 3 appt. before I was 15 weeks). It was GREAT to know I had such a great doctor. My DD2 was born healthy and strong!

I don't think there is advice for help. What I did might not work for you and what you will do might not have worked for me! I had my BFF miscarry and the way we grieved was sooo different! Grieve the way you need to and be overjoyed by the new little one. Don't worry. There is NOTHING you can do if you are going to miscarry and worrying only causes stress upon the baby! Say a prayer for comfort! My heart is with you and I pray your baby will be a healthy, strong one.

Also - CONGRATS! A new baby is such a WONDERFUL gift and so is getting pregnant! My DH and I have now been trying for a year and a half for another little one...what a blessing to get pregnant!

I have had 2 m/c and 1 healthy full term pregnancy, and I'm now suffering secondary infertility.

What help’s me is chat boards with women who are where I'm at.
I like WebMD

http://boards.webmd.com/webx/topics/hd/Pregnancy/Pregnanc...

You may find the same comfort and support here.

GL and Congratulations on your pregnancy. It is scary. I hope you have a happy healthy 9 months.

Cindy,
Even though I've had a miscarriage, I did not experience what you have. My heart goes to you for your loss and understandable fear! But I can reassure you, from my mother's experience, that it will work out okay, somehow. My mom had the multiple miscarriages you mentioned. She not only had them in between my siblings, but then had several in a row. That is why all my siblings are much older than me. There is a 9 year gap. But she managed to have 6 of us... that's a lot of kids! (And a lot of trying!) I guess the reason it worked out for her, is she didn't stop or give up. She knew she'd had one healthy baby, so when she had her first miscarriage, she just kept thinking, "it's worked once, it'll work again." Her focus was on how it worked before, it can work again. And it did. I sure hope that helps in some way!!! My prayers are with you.