G.S. asks from Van Nuys, CA on September 21, 2008
Pregnancy and Lack Sex
I am almost six months pregnant, and my boyfriend no longer wants to have sex with me. Before I was pregnant, it always seemed that I was more interested than he was, and most of the time I initiated. But we still did it at least once a week , if not more. Now that my belly is growing he is not interested at all, and he rejects all my advances. I am young and decently attractive and not overweight. He says that seeing me pregnant makes him think about the baby and I guess that is a big turn off for him. I feel so hurt and rejected. He won't even let me touch him sexually at all. I am worried that this could turn into a bigger problem and continue after the baby's birth. He is a wonderful partner in all other ways, caring ang and supportive and helpful. It just makes me so sad to know that he does not desire me at all.
Has anyone else been through this? Does it get better after the baby?
J.M. answers from Los Angeles on September 21, 2008
Well, thats a switch...Usually men are regular (Energizer Bunnies)when the woman is pregnant.Since it was usually you taking the lead in your sexual encounters,in the past, I'm sure this isn't a total shocker for you.While us women go through the normal ups and downs during pregnancy. Morning sickness, feeling exhausted,cramps,back aches,the common worries of our unborn babies, and wether we are taking good enough care of ourselves.We still have the need,and desire for love and effection. As a matter of fact,its vital,during times like this, when we are feeling vulnerable,and emotional,and afraid we have lost our sex appeal.Our men need to be more attentive and reasuring during this time.I think, your husband needs to go to your next gyn. apointment. You need to speak to your Dr prior to him seeing your husband, and ask him if he would please reasure him, that it is not imperitive,nor healthy to refrain from having sex for 9 months!Regardless of how endowed men think they are,they are not going to poke the baby in the head!! To answer your second question....No it does'nt get better right after the baby.You'll be exhausted, and busy caring for the baby,your four year old and waiting on your husband. Sex will then be the furthest thing from YOUR mind. lol Give it time,it will come.(pardon the pun.lol
B.N. answers from Los Angeles on September 24, 2008
My husband was the same way. it took nearly 9 months after I had our son for things to go back to "normal". Since your guy wasn't all that into sex before this isn't surprising. Have you talked to him about it? Communication is very important and remember to be open minded and respectful about how he feels. I know how VERY frustrating this is. Weare the ones that get pregnant and have to carry a child for 9 months however I think that the whole thing freaks men out more than they want to admit. As long as he is still being good to you and your daughter, be grateful for what you have. There will be plenty of time after your sweet prince gets here to have sex although I'm sure you are counting the day! Hee Hee... I know I did! ;)
K.R. answers from San Diego on September 22, 2008
maybe he needs time to get used to the idea/look of your pregnant body. It takes the guy longer to get used to the idea of pregnancy and having a baby than it does for the mama. Keep talking to him about it and telling him/teaching him about pregnancy and ask him if you two can try different positions too... Have confidence and keep the communication lines open; I'll bet he'll come around :-)
J.S. answers from Los Angeles on September 24, 2008
I think a lot of men go through this, mine included for a bit. My hubby talked with my OB about it, fear of hurting the baby, etc. This cured him so to speak. But since he didn't want much sex before, there is probably something deeper, unfortunately and it needs to be resolved.
L.G. answers from Los Angeles on September 21, 2008
My husband had the same problem, and I finally got it out of him that he was afraid he would poke the baby or something like that. Also he couldn't quite figure out the UM logistics of his moves any longer. Come to find out he was quite stressed. First, I showed him in books that it was ok to have sex while preggers, 2nd we tried alternative positions, so that my belly wasn't what he saw. That worked. After the baby he was very happy to jump on the wagon again... however I was no where near interested. As you might remember the first few weeks are exhausting!
Talk to him kindly and see if maybe alternative logistics might work?
M. answers from Las Vegas on September 21, 2008
Oh I feel your frustration! My hubby was the same during both my pregnancies. As soon as I started showing, that was it for him. He said it wasn't because he thought he would hurt the baby, he said it disgusted him. He hated the belly. It broke my heart, but as soon as the baby was out and I was healed (even with left over belly) he was more than happy to resume our normal sex life. I think some men just have issues with it. I know it's awful, but hang in there. My husband was fine after the births. Just keep communicating your thoughts to your boyfriend. If things do not improve after you have given birth, you may have to reevaluate the relationship. Until then try to think positie thoughts . Good Luck!!!
T.M. answers from Las Vegas on September 22, 2008
My man did the same thing with our first pregnancy. I was told that its called the "madonna syndrome" where men begin to see you as less sexual and more saintly or motherly...it's very common. My man would not touch me for close to 6 months. We got back to a very active sex life after the first baby.