Pre-School Girls Growing up Too Fast?

Oh I think it is normal for even some preschoolers to crush on the opposite sex and that they all are competing for his attention and giving nasty looks could just as easily happen if there was a popular girl all the kids wanted to sit next to and have all to themselves to play with. I wouldn't see it as a growing up too fast issue, but a friendship lesson opportunity. I would tell her the nasty looks, competing and waiting around for this boy to play with her are not the type of behaviors that will win her any friends, boys or girls. And if this boy likes that some group of pushy girls willing who aren't kind to their classmates to get his attention, he's not being a good friend either. I would tell her this boy is probably pretty stressed out by the group of girls constantly hanging on him and fighting with each other.

I do not like it when people ask for advice but then start off by telling us what you don't want to hear. IMO, its rude. I don't think anyone on here is gonna tell you, you are being a bad mom, so don't worry about that.

~I do not have any good reference materials for you to read.
"I really like to find some sort of research to either support this or debunk it"

???What do you mean???
Support or debunk that allowing your kids to wear pretend make-up & listen to Kidz Bop will turn them into hip-shaking-boy-crazy-cheerleaders??

IMHO: Yes, kids are growing up to fast....but we as parents we can still shape and guide our children. Don't fret too much, your daughter will be OK.

It is more likely that these kids are getting their notions from overhearing parents or friends of parents or siblings talk about relationships and playing "grown up". Rest assured that it is pretty unlikely a pre-k girl is ACTUALLY thinking about dating and what it leads to the way a girl would in high school or middle school.

My first "boyfreind" was when I was five! Everyone who just went "oh my!"... I say, "whatever!" We threw rocks at each other and tried to escape the playyard at our preschool, and we held hands just like "big kids". It lasted a grand total of an afternoon, and was a game- like everything is to kids that age.

Kids emulate the people that surround them, especially adults. My 2 year old LOVES make up and will "play make up" and be a "pretty girl" all day long. She also likes to pretend she is a dog or a cat, but it doesn't make me think she is dillusional.

Make sure the relationships these kids are emulating are healthy relationships, by paying attention to who your kids are listening to- and relax.

As far as shaking thier hips- that is what highschool cheerleaders do. These girls aren't trying to be "sexy"- and if someone thinks a little girl IS sexy when they shake thier hips- I think that person is the one with the problem!

Adults thinking kids are too "sexy" are at least half the problem. The kids are being kids. Back in the twenties girls who were just toddlers wore dresses so short that you could see their ruffly panties! (how scandolous!)- these kids were not being sexualized- no, they were being cute and appropriate for their age!

Adults who MAKE it into an issue by reading things into normal little kid's behavior- are making a problem exist that shouldn't.

I shook my hips dancing to music (shania twain) as a little girl, and it was because it was fun. I still thought boys had "cooties" most of the time. If someone says these girls are acting too sexy- the answer is simple, a girl who is too little to even have a dash of puberty hormones- is not, and will never be "sexy"- even if they are running around buck-naked! The person who thinks they are- has the problem!

Irregardless- good question!

-M.

(by the way, you are a good parent for caring about it, of course!)

Hahaha. Sounds like my 4y. She swears she is marrying the 11y down the street and doesn't like any other older girl who says she likes him too. She tells EVERYONE, including the boys mom. She and I just laugh about it. I tell her that when she is 22 and graduates from college, she can marry him, but until then he's allowed to have friends that are girls. She wouldn't want me to tell her that she couldn't have lots of friends that are boys AND girls, so she's not allowed to tell him that he can't have friends that are boys and girls.

Maybe they need to learn to share and take turns. Monday is Jane's day, Tues. is Kimmie's day, Wed. is Sarah's day, etc..

Really, I'm laughing with you ...
M.

I think that no one (preschooler, teenager, or adult) can truly help how they feel. If they have a crush on this boy, they can't help it. They can however, help how they react and at this age they will need the help of their parents and teachers. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it as it will make it a bigger issue for your daughter then necessary.

I think it would be best if you asked her why she is so set on playing with this one boy and why she would give mean looks to her friends when the get close. Explain to her that all of her classmates should be her friends and his friends as well and should be playing with all their friends not just one friend all the time. Ask her how she would feel if she couldn't play with one of her friends because another friend didn't want her too. She may be young but my preschooler is very bright and I think would "get it".

Her teacher can also incorporate it into something she reviews with the whole class. Kids are bright and they pick things up from older kids. She can explain that your children don't have boyfriends or girlfriends but rather "friends" some of which happen to be boys and others are girls. They shouldn't try to hinder friendships...the more friends they have at this age the better. My daughter is 4 and her teacher just had to tell them the same thing because they were all talking about "being boyfriends and girlfriends" and kissing. She told them they were too young and she didn't want to hear it again and they should not be kissing anyone but their parents, grandparents, etc.

My almost 5 year old informed me the other day that she has 3 boyfriends. Also, in Target, I was surprised that I didn't get weird looks when she asked me how many times I've been married! Sometimes it's just a matter of what kids overhear and us being surprised at how they retain information. I do agree that kids can grow up too fast, but sometimes, what they say is just plain funny when they don't really grasp the concept of their words.
I think I am scarred for life when at a family dinner, everyone was talking about the weather. In my innocence and wanting to join in on the conversation, I decided to announce that when it's windy, my mommy and daddy's bed squeaks. Harmless, yet funny for everyone else.

I think if they're all doing it, they're feeding off eachother and J. want what each one wants...typical preschool behaviour (that boys dad must be prud to have such a cut boy...lol)...my daughter is the same way, likes the boys, sometimes refuses to talk to girls, she says they talk to much...I wouldn't stress..it's not like you can change her personality...although you can let her know, that she should have fun in school, and enjoy her time, maybe set up a girly playdate without the boy, to get the girls closer? Also even if she has a preschool crush...its not growing up too fast to admire someone, girls do it to girls all the time at that age too, pick one person they absolutely adore, and become obsessed.......idk I think its normal

I agree with the other mothers on here. I wouldn't be too worried about it but you should consider talking to her about her actions. You cannot control her attractions and feelings but you could start talking to her about those feelings. There are definitely books out there if you want to read about it but I'm not sure you should go about trying to change your daughter. There is one book that may be relevant..it is about how society reinforces gender roles at a young age (the info for the book is in a comment) -
http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/question/q/2801?utm_campaig...

She has probably seen this behavior somewhere at some point. Most importantly is how you react to it. While we can't stop boy and girl crushes we can teach our kids how they should react to it. Go from there. Let your daughter know that it is not acceptable to act that way.

Hey. First off, no one has the right to be judgemental and critize you as a mother. We all come to this site to get advice because we all have imperfections. So don't worry about that. As far as your little girl is concerned, she may be picking up this behavior from other girls in school. Is there anyone else in the house, maybe an older child that she may look up to? This behavior cannot be taught but can be encouraged if she isn't properly repremanded. Kids absorb information like a sponge. They only act out what they see. I think you may wanna hold off on the play make up and anything else that would cause her to "prentend" that she's older than she is. Try to monitor her friendship with this boy in her class a little closer. Trust me, you will nip it in the bud way before she's 16 yrs old. Good luck to you. :)

I think you just deal with it matter of factly like you would any other situation that arises at this age. She needs someone to explain that it's not being a good friend to the boy or the other girls to behave this way. They ALL need to play together and get along. It's part of learning how to behave in a group social setting. That's why they have preschool after all!

As for the teacher, I think she needs to take a step back and deal with as she would deal with a child who is learning another social norm such as how to share or be a good friend and take turns. I think she really is making it too big a deal. She really needs to sit the girls down, explain that this behavior isn't being a good friend and that everyone needs to play together and get along. She should alleviate the problem by making a way for all the girls to take turns sitting next to the boy and find co-operative games they can all play together as a whole. After a while this would eliminate the competition.

Just my two cents, but it sounds like over reaction to me. This is how children learn. My little boy is in Kindergarten and he comes home telling me that "Kindra" won't play with him and that "she isn't being nice" to him at recess. I tell him that perhaps we should think of solutions so that they can get along better. For instance I know he likes to play super hero games with the boys at recess. I explained that girls probably don't like those kind of games which is why "Kindra" probably doesn't want to play with him. So instead he should try a different game like tag or ball so that everyone will want to join in. I emphasize that he can't do anything about her behavior but he can do his best to include everyone and in the end that's all that matters. He also tells me that some of the kids are kissing on the playground. I just tell him that behavior is inappropriate for his age group and that no one should be kissing until they are much older. He says that some of them are saying they are getting married and I tell him that he is really young to think about marriage because he will meet LOTS of girls before he gets married so he has alot of time to think about it. He should spend his time getting to know everyone because everyone in life has something special to offer.

I'm on the other end of this. My son is the object of affection for a couple of girls. I know there has been two incidents where girls were fighting to sit next to him during 'circle time.' They ended up in the quiet chair and he bursted into tears beccause he thought he did something wrong.

My son is so loving he's the first one to check on an upset or crying child and he hugs EVERYBODY goodbye at the end of the day. I'm going to have my hands full if this starts THIS EARLY!

I think the pounding in the head about 'being a princess' goes waaaaaaay to far in our culture and the little girls get caught up into it.

Goodness, ours watch those shows and don't act like this. They have to have seen it somewhere and are imitating it. I would just ask them what's going on and where they get the ideas for the actions.

In my opinion it's probably just her personality. She's a girlie girl and that's okay. My son is in Pre-K and I haven't seen much of that going on. My daughter is in 2nd grade and they still haven't really started in on that kind of thing either. I would imagine that just as there are tom-boys there are girlie girls, who like to do cheer, wear make-up and think about boys. Nothing wrong with any of that. Just be open with her and make sure she's being nice to the other kids in the class.

This has been going on forever. One magnetic, charismatic boy can play with the emotional balance of a whole class full of girls. Here's my advice. Tell your daughter about women friends. How important they are to our lives and to our health. It only takes one man to be married to and he should not be someone who keeps a harem.
Among native peoples this boy is known to be practicing Elk Medicine. Very dangerous. His parents should be brought into the conversation.

I'm surprised a teacher that has 22 years experience hasn't seen this before. :) My daughter and her pre-school clique did this and it continues to happen in Kindergarten. I was amazed. Then our teacher said it is normal. They are all working on their relationship skills and learning the ropes of how they fit into their world. Your girl is growing up, but her thoughts are far more innocent than a high school girl would be. She is learning how to fit in with her group of peers. Talk to her about it, more like listen to her. Ask her a question in a role playing type format and you will be surprise at the insight you get into her world.
I recently finished reading Queen Bees and Wannabes - very good book. It is targeted at a little older girl, but there is a section for the younger girl.It also helps you think back to when you had to deal with fitting into a group of peers at school. I recommend reading it. http://www.amazon.com/Queen-Bees-Wannabes-Boyfriends-Real...

birdsandbeesandkids.com

She's awesome!