Pre-school Anxiety

for myself i think that now you've got her there, leave her there. it truly is a difficult adjustment to make, and if you take her back to grandma's, not only will she feel all that stress between the two of you again, she'll be very confused and insecure because of the flip flopping. just my two cents...stick it out and i bet it'll be great for her. good luck!

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My daughter had the same thing. She was watched by her grandma 3 days a week and 2 days by a good friend for the first year. Then for the next year or so, my friend watch her for all 5 days. When I decided to switch her to a preschool, she had alot of anxiety. It took almost 3 months for her to adjust. Stick to your guns, she will adapt. It's major change for her and her environment. They don't adjust as quickly as we do, so give her some time. I know that I was at the point of taking her out, but my grandmother told me to stick to my guns and keep her there. She will adjust in time (her own time). Hang in there. I promise, it does get better. Before you know it, she will be so vocal, learning so much, and have her school friends. It is well worth it.

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I moved my daughter from an inhome daycare four months ago to a daycare center close by. She thrived immediately in the new setting, but about a month after going there, decided she didn't want to go either (she's 2 years 3 months old). She would cry and cling to me each time to where the teacher would have to pry her off of me!!! When I'd pick her up, she'd be having a wonderful time and the teachers always told me that she stopped crying within a minute of me leaving.

I think your daughter is just adapting to her new surroundings and it may take time. My daughter cried off and on for a month or two every day!! She started telling the teachers "My mom is not coming back!" and I would tell her every time I left that I would be back in a few hours and the teacher would re-iterate that. Then when I picked her up, I would say "See, i told you I'd come back!" then it got to where when I dropped her off, she'd say "You be back in a few hours!!" and would run off and play.

As far as he rnot being challenged, I would think the two classes that you are comparing are pretty close in curriculum. If you are that concerned, talk to the director or teacher. ASk specific questions about their day to day activities and you may be surprised. If the school is funded or mandated or whatever the word is, they have to follow certain curriculum and protocol. It may be that your daughter is just more advanced than the others in her class. That is not a bad thing!

I would not be so quick to move her back to Grandma's because is that doesn't work out again, then you start this process all over again. Second, although I think it's great for kids to be with family first, I have seen so much advancement in my daughter since moving from a home daycare to the daycare center. She's doing things I never thought she would - and may not have done if she were just with a family member and could get away with not doing things.

Good luck!

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Hi M.,
Give it a good 6 months. My daughter started preschool at 2.5 also and cried every day and wouldn't play when they went outside. It broke my heart. But, my wonderful girlfriends encouraged me to stick it out. My lovely 5 year old is now in kingergarden at the same school and LOVES it. Kids really need to be around other children. One day it will just click for your little girl and you will be so happy you stuck it out. It does sound like you have her in a good school. Hang in there!

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I would eat crow. Grandma is much better for her than any preschool will be. What does a preschool teach her that grandma can't? Plus, grandma loves her, the preschool doesn't. She's only 2 1/2 and doesn't need to be in a school environment anyway. I personally think preschools are over rated and can't do anything we as parents and grand parents can't do ourselves.

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Hi M.!

My son started preschool at 2 years old. He did the same thing when I dropped him off. He still does sometimes. However, his teacher has told me that he does great during the day and his crying only lasts a minute after I leave. He will say he doesn't want to go to school in the mornings too but when I pick him up in the evening he is always playing and having fun. I don't think you need to worry. She's not used to being around so many kids. She'll get used to it and once she does she'll have fun. Good luck!

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Hi M.,
My oldest son is slow to warm up to new larger groups of people. For his first 2 years, he was one of two kids at a sitter, when he started his second babysitter, she had more kids and it took him a few weeks to get really comfortable with the kids. When he started preschool this year, it took him awhile to adapt to it too, but now loves it. When we have longer weekends and such, it's harder for him to go back, and he tells me he doesn't want to go, but I know he enjoys playing with his friends and always has a good time. (and I give him the option of going back to the babysitter which he doesn't want to do ;) )

I think you're doing the right thing by getting her acclimated to larger groups of kids, but it's an adjustment for both of you and will take some time. (oh, and the wonderful additional colds she's going to have) Because of the timing of starting school and the holidays coming up, you're probably going to have more ups and downs.

Good luck...I hope it goes well!
R. J

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Hi M.! If the daycare/preschool is a good one and you do not have any issues with it (sounds like it is), I think that you should stick with it. I think that Grandma time should be "special G-ma time" and not necessarily on a full time basis. I agree with a prior post that spending sometime with Grandma during this transition would be helpful and you may even let Grandma come with you to the daycare one day. However, one prior post said the daycare doesn't love your child. While they probably could not love your child like a grandma, they still love your child. My daughter's babysitter is like extended family and she loves all the children she cares for. I had a lot of anxiety taking her to daycare as well (took me 2 others before I found the right one), but trust me if you stick with it for awhile she will LOVE it. You will notice that she will start to have her school friends and can interact with children her own age. She'll have more friends to invite to her next birthday party and others will do the same for her. It's an amazing time in her life and I think you should allow her those companionships. It will be tough to stick with it, but you will be glad you did. As for the potty training....don't get too frustrated at this point and I probably wouldn't even think about it while she's trying to make this transition. Good luck!

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Hi there,

My daughter is 2.5 and she goes to a child development center, but I have had her in a schooling type system since she was 1.5.

With that said, they all go through a little separation anxiety at first I think no matter what the age is...also Grandma's are not always the best places for our children, even though we know that they will love them and care for them well enough. It is good for them to be in structured setting early on because it will prepare them for when they go to Kindergarten and schooling later on down the road. Also, the socialization skills begin now.

If I were in this situation, this is what I would do. 1. Set an ending date...if things are not better by January 29, you will move her to B. That way she has a full month- two months, because Christmas break is right around the corner as well. 2. Tell her that Mommy is around even though she can't see you and reaffirm that you will always be back at so and so time. 3. When you drop her off (which you might already be doing this) give her hugs/kisses and leave right away....I have seen to many moms stay until they stop crying, but they are around the corner out of sight, but I think kids can sense when their parents are around and 4.ask the teachers to work to get her to socialize more with the other kids

I hope this helps you some

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Hi M., Give her a good solid week or 2 of the pre-school before pulling her out. When my oldest went her first couple of weeks were a nightmare (with the begging not to go and I don't like its), she was only going a couple of days a week at the time. The owner, who was not there when we started and we have since become great friends told me after this had happened that she always recommends that a child go to the school all day everyday for a week or 2 even if they are going to be a part time or every other day schedule. She said that the solid week really helps them to adjust, get to know the teachers and other kids. We did that once Miss Mary was back from her vacation and then my little girl was fine and loved the pre-school. It's an adjustment and going full time should help her. But I do that then decide if its going to work or not. My sister-in-law put her daughter in preschool when she was little and pulled her out 2 days latter because she didn't like it. They waited a while and tried again. So each time this little girl would throw her fit and cry about how she didn't like it so that she didn't have to go. She tried this with "big" school too when she went. I think that letting your daughter know that you are really going to give it a try before quiting is a good idea. Good luck and God Bless!!

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You say this is her first whole week of school-my question to you is How long does it take you to adjust to things? She is only 2 and 1/2 what do you expect? Give her several months-yes months. Keep watching to make sure there isno bullying going on and let her learn to fend for herself a bit-most kids are shy to begin with and it takes time for them to make friends too-again how long does it take you to make friends? This is a big change for you too so work on it Mom!!! This will not be easy but given time both of you will come thru without to much screaming and hollering! Ok if she feels comfortable pulling her hair or chewing then let her do it-this is not a permanent thing but she needs to feel strong within herself and this ishow she is showing it to you and the rest of the world. Let her get potty trained and move to the next "space" she will make friends and bring new things home for you to talk about. She will develope confidence from all she accomplishes on her own!!! Now for you-what can you accomplish without the struggle with her granny or others-think about how you can work on yourself and let things be for a while-it might just become a smaller issue than you thought all along. If you have free time and don't know what to do-volunteer at a soup kitchen/meals-on-wheels/senior center/food pantry or anything where you have to give of yourself to others to make their lives a better situation-you will realize that you are putting to much into your own circle of life-expand-it will help all of you--might even take granny with you--could be fun. Good Luck now get out there and grow!

Good Morning M., I haven't read the other posts yet so here is my take. Leave your little Princess in Daycare. The crying and hair twisting will stop eventually. Don't give in. Our grand son Corbin 4, is in pre-K about 15 miles from where we live, I have cared for him since mom went back to work after he was born ( well I stayed with her every day also to help her after her momma went back to TX also)
Corbin some days will say "I'm not going to School today Nana". When I ask why he will say "Just don't want to". He goes anyway and is excited when I pick him up at 11:50.

It's normal for kids to act like they are being abandoned or just don't want to go. He wanted to go to preschool so bad he was 3 then and went closer to home for a few months.
They weren't willing to work with him, thought he was to active, had a huge vocabulary and very independent. Said in 14 yrs they never had a child like him and had to hire another teacher because of it.. BOLOGNA!! THis class only had 15 kids and 3 teachers.

Pre-k teachers love his enthusiasm, vocab.. etc.. They have 21 kids and 3 teachers also.

Potty training will come eventually M., give her time and let her stay in day care.

God Bless you and yours
K. Nana of 5
PS you can still eat crow if you like the taste or want to, just leave your little one in day care.

IMHO .... the daycare may be wonderful, but it is not the right one for her. We have had our granddaughter in several daycare situations as well as after school programs now that she is old enough for school. Some she loved, others she hated. We learned early on to respect her comfort or discomfort with all of them. If she wasn't comfortable, we found a new situation for her.
Even if a daycare is wonderful in every way, it may not be suited to your child's particular needs and personality. Look at it this way .... you have to go to work every day. Can't get out of it. Would you rather spend each day working a job you love around people you feel connected to, or at a job you hate with people you don't understand or particularly like ? She's just a little kid. Childhood should be happy, not miserably uncomfortable and scary.
Try to find another situation she may like better, or as you suggested, be the one to take the "high road" and take her back to Grandma if she was happy there. Maybe you can talk with Grandma and tell her your concerns about things being said in front of your child, and how this could upset a child. Ask her could we just talk about these things when your child is not in the room ? That would be the more mature way to handle a disagreement any way.
I wish you well.

Has she been able to see her grandmother since she stopped keeping her? If not, she might be suffering from being completely taken away from someone she loves. Even though it is natural to have anxiety at first when switched to daycare it is even more natural to suffer anxiety when being ripped from a grandparent - especially if she has been such a big part of her life. If she knows she can see her grandmother often it might lessen the pain for her.

Two adults should be able to stop bickering for a few minutes every so often if it is what is good for a child they both love.

I would wait another month or so. See if things get better, and if nothing is improving, she may not be ready for that kind of environment. Things for her are still new, and it may take awhile for her to adapt.