Ppd? - Payne,OH

I haven't read other responses, but wanted to give you some thoughts. I nursed my second child and she screamed a lot the first 4 months. People brought up that she probably had "colic," but my observations showed no evidence of that or any other acid reflux or gas issues, and my gut instincts said she was fine. Looking at her now, I believe it was her temperment. She's extremely spirited and active and quite animated in all degrees of expression, whether in elation or utter despair. But that was a very, very stressful time. Someone during this time asked if I had PPD and I didn't think so because if she was fine, I was fine and actually happy. Mine was circumstantial. If things were blissful when you got home, maybe this is stress related and not hormonal. But, I know hormones are changing during this time, so it could be that in your case.

I think your eldest is really craving some loving attention. Not only is there a new baby in the house (your eldest is not your only focus now), but there's a lot of stress in the house with the baby screaming so much. And with you being stressed, it adds even more stress. I feel badly for how short I was with my eldest when my second one was first born. I longed to spend more time with her, but couldn't cause I was taking care of the baby.

Point being, do you have anyone who can come over and hold the baby? Can your husband give the baby a bath or hold her while he's sitting in a chair? I'm sure he's wiped out from working, but you really need him during this time. It takes both of you to work together as a team. My husband helped mostly with our oldest during this time. I wanted so much for someone to come give me a break with the baby, but everyone said, "Well, I can't take her, cause I can't feed her." They could have come over and held her or bathed her. But those closest to me where we live, were not favorable to breastfeeding, so that caused misunderstanding as well.
I do think you need a break. A few minutes here or there are so vital. I used to put my youngest in her car seat in the bathroom with the fan on. It seemed to help calm her. Some people don't like the use of a baby swing, but if it helps and it can give you a break USE IT! They now have playyards with vibrating bassinets. Would have LOVED to have that. Whatever works. This is sanity survival mode.
And whenever you can, give your eldest daughter tons of hugs and kisses. She would probably sponge that up.

Well, those are my rambling thoughts. If you want to contact me, please do so. I'm here in your corner!!

1 mom found this helpful

S.:

Hang in there!! You need a break!! Your hormones are definitely doing this to you, so don't feel like this is really who you are. Please talk to your doctor about this and make sure you are completely honest with him. Also, you need to set your husband down and let him read this. Make sure he understands that this is hormonal and you need his help to get through this. He needs to give you at least an hour each night to give you a break. It sounds like your daughter is very jealous of the baby. Is there anyway that you can incorporate her into your routine with the baby. Ask her to be your helper when you change the diaper or let her sit next to you when you are feeding the baby. Remember, she is 2 1/2 and being whiney and defiant are typical charactersitics of a toddler. I don't think she needs discipline. Why don't you try to give her just a little positive attention. Try to find something that she is doing well (anything) and reward, reward, reward. Ignore ignore ignore the negative behavior as much as you can and try to reward her any time you see her doing something good. Give yourself a break!!! Yelling and screaming are not working, so please try to take deep breaths whenever you are super stressed out and tell yourself that it will not last forever. Hopefully, your doctor can help you with this too. I went through the same thing when I had my daughter. I was sooooo surprised how rewarding and ignoring helped me deal with my totally defiant toddler. He is now 4 years old and 95% of the time he is a good little boy!! This will pass, I promise you!!!

This is what we did to get through the first 6 months--have your hubby give the baby a nighttime bottle, whether it's 9:00 feeding or the later one and go to bed when your toddler does so you can get a few hours of sleep! It will make everything seem so much more manageable, trust me. I didn't pump b.c it was just more work for me, we used formula for the bottle feeding and it's worked out just fine. As long as nursing is going well, I wouldn't hesitate at this point to introduce the bottle. Your hubby can still get his rest and you'll get a little more than you are getting now. I also had a little help, someone to watch the baby (or both) so I could run an errand by myself, even if it's just 1/2 hour so you can take a walk, maybe one of your neighbors could help for 30 minutes? Sound like you have trouble asking for and taking help, but you really need to for your sanity. Good luck, you'll survive this!

You will survive this , but you really need to talk to your husband and see if he will help out more. I would say you do have the Baby blue's. It's really hard with your hormones changing again after the birth but hang in there it will get better, it may take a few months so just hang on to the dream of a full nights sleep and a peaceful Quiet shower with no kids crying.Maybe you have a girl friend who could help you out some ??? A hour out of the house could do wonders for you .

I have 5 kids and it wasn't until the last that I felt like I had the baby blues or ppd. First and foremost, speak honestly with your doctor when you see him. He can't help you if you hold anything back.
Secondly, you are a wonderful Mother. How could you be anything other than that? If you weren't, you wouldn't have written to ask for help and you wouldn't be worried about your children. So let that nagging part go.
Thirdly, my marriage was a bit stressful with every birth. My husband travels with his job. I understand the long hours alone with the children. It is hard as a Mom to do it by yourself. I finally learned to write down my kind words to my husband when I felt them. There were times during the day when he was gone that I would feel good toward him so I would just write a note and tell him that I love him and I was sorry that I was so stressed out. It helped both of us when I was so angry all the time and yelling at him.
Fourthly, whoever is available, let them help you! Even if it is to only take a walk alone for a few minutes. You HAVE to find a way to have a few minutes. It can be very difficult but so very therapeutic. If the kids nap, take a few minutes to relax however that is helpful to you. I would read a book while I nursed the baby if the toddler was asleep. That helped me "leave" for a few minutes.
It sounds cliche, but you do have to take care of yourself too. And I promise it will be easier. Good luck and good energy.

Dear S.,
I have def. been there! I have a 4 mo. old, 3yr. old, and 4yr. old. So I def. know what you mean when your nursing the babe and the world around you is crashing and you can do nothing about it. I'm so glad to hear you are nursing though. That most likely keeps you from going off the deep end because of the calming hormones that are released while doing it. So don't give up on that. I really don't think the toddler is jealouse though. Probably just being a toddler. I do agree though that perhaps having her help out would be good. Also, I know it may seem that way but babies do not cry for no reason. It's just their way of communicating right now (as annoying it may be I know!). Our 4 mo. old had mild colic for about 8 weeks and it started at about 4 weeks old. Maybe that's why she cries alot, she's probably hurting (nothing to be concerned about though). We did gripe water and it worked pretty good. Not a miracle worker, but did help alot. Or maybe she just want to be held alot or is high needs. You won't spoil her if you hold her alot. Yeah, your husband needs to understand that you're hormones are whacky right now. Yes 12 hour work days are very tiring. Us mommas however are on the clock 24/7! Do not give up the nursing though. And while the toddler is being "bad" with certain things, just remember you pick your battles and maybe some of the things could be looked over just so you don't go crazy. Remember you have 2 wee ones and you have made a HOME not a museum. Good luck and hang in there, it WILL get better.

It sounds like your little one has colic. My baby had colic for the first three months. I wanted to throw myself under a bus! It was terrible. I felt the SAME way you do. I was so horrible to my poor hubby for months because I was so stressed and didn't know what to do. You need a break girl! One night, no matter how hard it is, give the kids to your husband and get in the car and go for a drive. Even if it is only a half hour, get out of the house. Maybe if he has to deal with it by himself he will have a little more appreciation for you. And maybe (just maybe) he will help out a little more after a taste of what you deal with all day every day! What you are feeling is so normal. Your body is still trying to get back into a hormonal balance. It will take time, but you will get back on track emotionally. Trust me. In the meantime, get him to help out. Cry, scream, threaten him. Whatever it takes to wake him up and get him to join the family and pitch in with the childcare. And get yourself out of the house, alone! Even if you just drive around the block for 30 minutes. You need some alone time. You are not crazy, and you are NOT a bad mom. You are just like the rest of us....stressed out and over worked trying to do it all by yourself. Good luck and know you are not alone!

S. -

You are not a bad person! This is an overwhelming time for you. Seeking help is the first step. Fortunately, my husband took me to see my OB as he recognized that I was "off" a bit and was concerned about me. It turned out that I had Postpartum Hypothyroidism and some PPD as well. I was having difficulty sleeping and coping and wanted to hide. I was totally overwhelmed and exhausted and in desperate need of a shower.

We are pregnant again and due in November. My son will be 28 months when our next son comes. I'm already trying to arrange for help for the first few months. We have no family here and I'm just starting to make friends locally. I joined my local MOP's group and have met wonderful mothers that are stepping in to help.

The thoughts of running away from it all are very similar to what happens when someone experiences burnout at their job. Burnout is created by a feeling of helplessness and thoughts that no matter what they do they cannot change the situation they are in...they have no control.

I'm not going to tell you to nag your husband as his stress level trying to work and figure it out is probably already suffering. In the current economy his stress at just trying to keep a job is high. My husband lost his job a few months ago and I know that he'll find work but won't be available like he was when our first son was born. I'm not telling you that you should not talk to your husband but it does sound like you aren't in the frame of mind to do so without blaming or offending him. Just be honest with him.

Your children are getting vibes from you and react to them. You are not a bad mother - you are a good mother going through a tough time. This too shall pass! Feel free to keep in touch. I care - this is something that I understand.

Hi S.,

I think we've all had the "leaving it all" fantasy. That's nothing to feel guilty about! You do need a break. Can you hire a babysitter so you can get out a few hours a week? Or have them take the kids out so you can just nap or shower or watch TV or anything. Or just getting out of the house can be helpful. If you can get your toddler to entertain herself on a playground, being out might distract your baby enough so you can have a peaceful 15 minutes sitting on a park bench. Make sure you let the people around you, friends, family, and your husband know that you're going through a lot and you need someone to take care of you so you can take care of your kids. If your husband thinks this is ridiculous since you don't work, have him watch the kids for an hour on his own and see if he really thinks it's such an easy task!

In any case, this is just temporary. Going from 1 kid to 2 is hard for everybody. You'll figure it out, get into a new groove, and come out on top of it all.

-K.

Hi S.!

I know what a difficult time you are going through. My second baby cried all the time and nothing could console him. I felt like a terrible mom because he would only stop crying to nurse and I didn't want to nurse 24/7. Then, my husband would come home and not only was he no help, he would get frustrated about the crying and the fact that I was the only one who could get him to stop crying (by nursing) and tension was much worse. I would be on edge as soon as he came home which made the baby more tense. It was awful. For us, this was a full year, but we found out a couple of years later that he had food allergies and that was the culprit to the crying. I wasn't sure our marriage would handle it and we had moved to a different state and didn't know anyone when I was pregnant, so I didn't have babysitting options and was home by myself with the little ones all day. I was definately depressed. Go to your dr. I didn't know they could help me. Definately get help! And you might want to have the baby checked for allergies. Just a thought. Please hang in there, it WILL get better!!!

Feel free to contact me if you need to talk. H.

Dear S., Hang in there!
My daughter cried all the time when she was little too. Everyone told me it was colic, there was nothing I could do, but if I had it to do over again, I'd try something... just about anything... because it was awful. I've heard neonatal chiropractic can help, and I've heard there's an all-natural supplement that can make a difference. That's what I would look into if I was in that situation again.
Don't minimize the "baby blues". This type of depression is just as serious as any other depression, and there is help available. You've had some good responses so far.
Also, don't be too hard on yourself. We've all been there. I know that I too occasionally entertained similar thoughts that I'm embarrassed to talk about now, and I never would have followed through. It was kind of a mental escape, I guess.
Finally, everyone's suggesting that you ask for some help with the kids. One idea that hasn't come up- a "mother's helper"... My daughter is 11 years old right now and she loves kids and is very good with them. If you were close by, I'd suggest you have my daughter come over and entertain your older child for a little while. Maybe you know someone my daughter's age that could do this for you.
Good luck! :)

My heart went out to you when I read your post! My husband and I have been married 23 years and have 7 beautiful daughters! With every baby it has been a very stressful time! I have often thought of running away especially with our last one! She is now 10 months old but we went through very tough waters with our 18 year old! It caused so much stress that I had to quit nursing around 7 months because of the stress on her, so kudos to you for continuing! You are not a bad mom, don't ever believe that! Crying babies make you crazy at times especially when nothing you do makes them happy! I definitely agree with time away for you! My husband would watch them on Saturdays so I could get my nails done and the difference that it made for me was astounding! Give yourself more credit and believe in yourself! You are a good mom and being a mom is not easy in this day and age! Your marriage will get better! Things got so much better between us the older they got and we got back to us! A little touch on the hand and a gentle word goes a long way! I agree with writing things when you can as I know you probably don't have a second to do that! Hang in there, it will get better! We are finally getting back to normal now and she is 10 months! Just take a deep breath and know this is not forever! I hope this helps, I know people writing doesn't take away from what your going through at the moment but take heart that it does get better. From someone whose been there!

Yes, go see the doctor about PPD.

As far as the toddler goes - try to find things she can do to help. Let her get you a diaper for the baby, or find the wipes or something. Something that she can do that you can give her praise for. That'll decrease the incidents. She's craving attention.

Next, try to find things that your husband is doing right. I'll thank my husband for running the dishwasher even though he was an idiot and put the pans in there even after I've griped at him a million times that that's going to end up ruining the pans. Likewise with your daughter..."Thank you so much for helping clean up" even if she was the one that created the mess. Remember, it's all about spin...the spin you put on it. Try to let the words that come out of your mouth reflect the good aspects and not the negative that you might be focusing on. If you have trouble with "but that means I'm bottling up the negative...." then get a journal and write in that. Do an "online journal". It's okay to find some way to release that energy...just don't unload that onto the family, or find alternate ways to address it with the family so that it's not coming across that nothing can make you happy. I know there is stuff that can make you happy. Present it to hubby like, "That was great that you ran the dishwasher. I really appreciate that. I could really use your help with unloading it. It doesn't have to be done this second, but maybe by the time you leave for work in the morning?" And when he does, thank him for it profusely, genuinely. Let him know things that would be helpful for you, and when he does them, lay on the "attaboy's" real thick! You'll be amazed at how that works!!

My older daughter was a bit of a handful especially after our second daughter was born when she was three. When we would do our night-time routine, I'd tell her 3 things she did that day that I really liked, or that were really helpful. She's always look relieved and say, "Thanks Mommy." When I do that, she goes to sleep so much easier and faster.

For what it's worth...

I don't have any words of wisdom... but wanted to say hang in there. See if family members (mom, sisters, in-laws) could come over and help, take your older daughter for a few hours, or just watch them so you can have some time to relax, take a shower, and a quick nap.
I hope you start feeling better soon. You are a strong, determined, and loving mother. I can tell that from your note. You will figure it out I'm sure. Best of luck.

I would say this is the baby blues. Im not going to say that it isn't ppd though. However I know how hard it is to be a stay at home mom with young kids and the jump from 1 to 2 kids is hard. I'd say you need to find atleast 15 minutes for yourself daily. And don't feel bad if you leave the bavy crying for a minute as long as she is in a safe place like the crib or playpen. I am a mother of 4, all 6 1/2 and under. I just recently got back together with their father but have ben alone with them since the youngest was born 06/17/08. trust me it gets easier. good luck and i hope it gets better fast for you!

Oh sweetie...lots of hugs from a complete stranger! Anyone would have a hard time dealing with half of your situation. (I know I did!) The weeks after my newborn arrived were so hard I was not sure how the human race survived! Who would ever have another baby, let alone encourage someone else to have one? I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! Of course life got better and I no longer wonder how the population keeps growing. Only a doctor can tell you if you have PPD, but I'd say you're doing the right thing by going to see one! Monday is a long ways a way though...try and see if you can get in sometime for yourself to recharge your batteries. Yes, your husband has worked 12 hour long days, but so have you! Hang in there!!!

Oh man, I completely remember those days!!! When I brought my second baby home, my daughter was 15 months old. My husband worked 12 hour days and went in on Saturdays too. Plus, made calls from home at 8 or 9 at night once he was home from work. When you have a newborn and another small child, it's torturous, believe me, I KNOW. But, it DOES get better. During the times when I needed a moment (usually to cry) I stepped outside the sliding glass door and sat there for a good cry. Tough times, for sure. Do you have any friends or family around? I didn't have many friends when I became a mom because I was a bartender beforehand and so all my friends turned out to be just partying buddies and stopped calling when I got pregnant. My mom was around though. She couldn't help much since she works full time and has kids still in the house that were 10 and 7 at the time, but I would go over to her house for dinner about once a week just to get out and have help with the kids for an hour or so.

I think people are too quick to jump to PPD as the reason for the blues after becoming a mother. With me, I wasn't depressed at all, it's just a total transformation! You go from having a fairly easy life to having to meet the needs of kids who can't do anything by themself all day. It's so hard! Give yourself some time. Once the baby becomes more consolable it will probably help a lot. Plus, don't forget that babies are completely tuned into their surroundings. If mommy is stressed and unhappy, baby will be too. I noticed after I finally sat down and realized that I was trying really hard to NOT be a mommy, that I was able to embrace my mommy duties and began to finally find peace in motherhood. What I mean by trying not to be a mommy is I used to feel annoyed at my kids. I was annoyed when my baby would cry. I would be annoyed when my toddler wanted something. I was annoyed every single time they bothered me with something it seemed like. I just wanted to be left alone at times, when the fact is, part of being a mommy is completely taking care of the kids, whether it's convenient to us or not. I truly think some women have this ability to just enjoy doing everything for their kids naturally. I didn't though, I wanted the quiet time I had before I had kids. I wanted to be able to finish something on the computer for more than 5 minutes, or if someone called, I wanted to be able to talk to them without kids screaming and crying in the background. I just wanted my me time back. But, part of becoming a mother is sacrificing. I never sacrificed who I was, I'm still me, I just have responsibilities now. It took me 2 years of being a mother before I finally could let go of the negative feelings, and be able to embrace the positive parts of being a mother. Now, my kids are 5 and 7, and I love being their mother. Sure, I still miss my quiet time, but I have a lot more of it than I did when they were little, so hang in there. Try to find constructive things for your 2 year old to do. I used to try and keep my daughter busy when I fed my son. I would sit beside her and watch cartoons while I fed him, or I'd read a book to her. That way she wasn't up running around.

Definitely try to explain to your husband what your isolation feels like. Maybe he could be there more for you emotionally. You definitely can't expect him to help out after he gets home, atleast not in my opinion. After my husband gets home from work, I know he needs to unwind. Sure, most of the time my days are WAY harder and annoying and loud than his, but you can't compare your lives and who had the more difficult day. As soon as that starts happening, there's trouble and arguments that were completely avoidable. If you want to vent it out, feel free to message me. It helps sometimes to talk to someone who knows exactly what you're going through!

Hang in there, you're doing great, and it's just a hard transition. hugs, Julie

Hang in there, S.. I can relate to EXACTLY how you're feeling. I'd dream of just getting into my car and driving off into the sunset, all by myself in the quiet, and go somewhere I could just sleep. But I promise, IT WILL GET BETTER. Just hang in there. My two are 19 months apart, and until my youngest was sleeping through the night (he was probably 8-9 months old), I felt like a zombie. It was rough on our marriage, too, but you'll get through it. I'd definitely talk to your dr. about everything, but also talk to your husband. Men just don't understand what having a newborn is really like for moms. Do you have any friends with kids? Maybe join a mom's group so you can go to playdates? What about family or friends nearby who could take your toddler for the day? Or watch both girls for a couple of hours? You aren't alone in this. It will get better. God bless.

Where do you live? Would love to come and watch the girls for you for a moment of peace and/or a couple hours if you're up for it. I'm in Aurora/Twinsburg. Please reply as this time is challenging for all especially someone without support.
If you won't take me up on my offer - reach out to someone/anyone to get those few hours to yourself. You need them and if you don't get them you can't be a good Mom to your girls.

It could be PPD, or just downright EXHAUSTION!! First give yourself some credit. You have two little ones, and you're pretty much doing it on your own. That alone is enough to make someone on the brink of losing it. You need help!! So your husband is tired when he gets home? What about YOU? Your job never ends. Most husbands dont seem to get that! And its a total double standard. Having kids is 24/7 job. And its completely unfair to think that once our husbands punch their timecards for the day they are done. But that seems to be the way for most of us. Try calmly explaining to your husband that you understand he's tired, but so are you. He gets to leave the house and the chaos, take breaks, lunch talk to someone other then babies, you dont! You need his help and support to keep your family together and you sane! Are there friends or family you could ask for help? Even if its just an hour here or there to take a nice long bath or shower. It could do you wonders. Dont be so hard on yourself. Your hormones are probably still all over the place, and being a mommy is the hardest job there is! Hang in there:) And seek out help, we all need it sometimes!!!

Here is a number for a lady who is the President of Postpartum International. She can help you in anyway you need. I suffer from postpartum and she has helped so much. She is in Indianapolis, however, she has contacts all over. ###-###-####. Just call her and leave a message (it is hard to get her directly as she is out an about a lot) and she WILL call you back and get you in contact with someone there. I go to a support group every Monday and it helps a lot and I also am in counseling and on meds. It is helping a lot. You sound like you may needs to be seen and see what your next step is. Keep your head up. I will keep you in my prayers!

Sounds like you are just as exhausted as your husband...You might talk to him about it. I know you don't want to burden him, but you need to tell him what's going on. You both had a part in making the kids, so you both have a responsibility in taking care of them. You might try calling your mom or a friend or sister to come and watch the kids for an hour or so, so you can take a shower or a nap or whatever. I did this after my 2nd was born, when he was about 6 weeks. Mom watched the boys and I went and got my nails and hair done, it was amazingly refreshing and I wasn't so stressed afterwards.
Definately talk to your Dr. though, because it does sound alot like ppd. Good luck and I hope this gets better *hugs*

Baby blues all the way. It sounds like I could have written this a few months ago. I talked to my doctor and she agreed. She gave me a prescription for a very low dosage of zoloft. When my husband came home, I talked to him about it and he went off the deep end. He has the believe that doctors over prescribe on everything and he didn't want to see it in the house. In the end I did not fill the prescription. I figured it would be just as stressful if I was trying to take it and keep it concealed from him and I was not fond of the deception anyway. It slowly got better. I don't feel crazy or the urge to just walk away. It did take some time though. When I went back to work part time really was the turning point. Sometimes I just need out of the house and work gives me that opportunity. My children are now 3.5 and 1.5. Oh ya, I also noticed a significant improvement in my moods once I stopped breast feeding. That also took several months and my doctor said that is normal because your hormone levels are trying to get back to prepregnancy/nursing levels and they don't do that over night.

You are definitely not alone!!!!

Hi S.,
Definitely bring it up to your doctor. I waited for a long time after my second daughter was born and didn't want to believe that my depression was back. It took a long time to come out of it and the medicine made me gain 50 pounds. If you catch it early it might be easier to come out of.

Your husband might work 12 hours a day but you work 24 hours a day. He MUST help you no matter how exhausted he is. Don't feel guilty for insisting on help from him. You need some time to get refreshed and to take care of S. the person so you can continue to be mommy and wife.

Your children can sense your mood and some of the problems you are having might be because of that. I am proud of you for recognizing this and wanting to get it taken care of. Good luck, let us know what happens

It definetly sounds like you have PPD, I went throught it also w/my first child and honestly the first time, I think I waited too long to see a doctor, its a real shock to your system w/all the hormones especially after pregnancy when your really worn out. I highly recommend you start trying things, sometimes it takes a while to find something right for you, but i'm going to do it in a heartbeat after this second child!

Well, I can't imagine any of us thinking you are a bad person. My children are almost 3 and 4 and I still have moments when I wonder why we ever wanted children LOL. Maybe you will think this is harsh but your husband needs a talking to. So he's at work for 12 hours. What does he think you are doing all day, taking a bubble bath? The first three months are definitely the hardest, especially if you are breastfeeding exclusively, the baby doesn't sleep more than 2-3 hours at a time and you have your daughter with you so you can't even take a nap when the baby does. To be honest, this doesn't sound like ppd, just sounds like normal stress and overload to me. Do you have any family around that could give you a 2 hour break? How about a "mother's helper", a younger teenager to be there while you are to keep your daughter occupied. I do have to caution you to "giving in" to your daughter just to keep her quiet. We did this with our son and he quickly became a monster, screaming when he didn't get his way. Ignoring him didn't fix it. We have to punish him (for us it is making him go to sleep without one of us in the room). Your husband is just going to have to "wake up and smell the coffee" to realize what you are going through. From what you have said, I think your marriage is suffering, not because you are being nasty but because he isn't doing his share. It is not a crime to pump some breastmilk and have your husband give the baby a bottle. Does he have any vacation time? Let him take a day and witness and help you so he can better appreciate what your "work" day is like. Sounds like you are working almost 24/7. I hope something in here can help you out. Know that you are not alone in what you are going through and feeling.

Best of luck, it really does get better!!

C.