Potty Trianing 3 Year Old Boy

L.,

I will echo some of what has already been said. If your son is not ready, you are frustrating him and yourself right now. Relax. He will realize at some point that he has control over his body functions. Then he will be ready. At that time, you can try the fruit loops trick (my sons loved that one!).

One warning I will give you, as a mom who did this and a child who received this. Please DO NOT train him with running water! As an adult now, any time I hear running water, I HAVE TO GO! My children are that way, too, because that is how I trained them. We learned not to do this with my grandsons, and they don't have that Pavlov reaction to running water.

Keep in mind, all children are different. My daughter was trained by 2. My first son was trained by 2 1/2. I thought my second son would go to college in diapers! He didn't train till almost 4. So your son will be different than your friend's 3 year old, or your 3 year old nephew, etc. Please don't compare him to anyone else. Let him be the unique child who was wonderfully made by God to be just who he is!

God bless.

You are in a common situation... my advise as a mom to a 6,4 and 2 year old boys, give up for now and try again later... my 6 year old was potty trained at 4. the 4 year old at 3.75 and the 2 year old has not even started to think about it yet....

its best just to try again and jut use the pull ups again for a while.

hth
A. J

Here's what worked for us with both of my boys, now 8 and 5. I had a 4 day weekend and I just didn't plan on going out. He wore big boy underware (no pull ups). I gave him lots of water all day. I washed about 8 pairs of underware the first day... but it only took about 2 days before he got it. I've also heard of just letting them go without any pants at all. That way they know exactly what it feels like right before they go... and you can't miss it. We never used pull ups when we went out... only at night.
Good luck!!

I have 3 boys and all are potty trained. Each was a little different. The first, like yours, preferred the pull ups. So one day I just said no more. We went to big boy underwear and if he did it in his pants, it was uncomfortable. It took a week and he was potty trained.

The second one did #1 just fine, but #2 took forever. He would hold it forever and ever and then it would be difficult to expel and then he wouldn't want to go the next time 'cause it would hurt. I don't know that it was anything I did, but he eventually worked through it. We still laugh about it.

I think with the 3rd, I just said "whatever". I don't remember being stressed about it or that he was early. I think he just wanted to be like his big brothers.

Good luck and know that he will get potty trained!

I had similar problems with mine at 3-he absolutely refused to go poop on the potty and sometimes tee-tee as well. I fought tooth and nail, and when I finally gave up he started doing it himself. It boils down to a battle of wills that he's going to win. Unless there is a medical problem that needs to be addressed, I would just lead him to believe you simply don't care anymore and eventually he'll get tired of it, not to mention, in a few years he'll be under the scurtiny of peer pressure. As another incentive I made him clean up after himself including dumping the poop into the toilet, rinsing and washing himself. No doubt about it, it's frustrating. Good luck

It took my son a couple of weeks for #1 but more than 9 months for #2. I started early because he showed the signs of telling me that he already went in his diaper. Also he liked going to the bathroom and looking and sitting on the potty. But when it actually came down to doing it was a different story. I finally got rid of the pull ups all together because it did become his portapotty. Anyway, after trying everything, one day it just started to click for him. He also started preschool and I think since some of the other children were going I think he decided it was time too. We would give him M&M, just a couple of them each time he did go. Also we would alternate with money for his piggy. He loves to put money in his piggy so this was his treat. Another reward was a special video. I know its very hard and easy to lose your patience but it will come. Believe me I thought it would never happen. I think the more I stressed the more he did not try. When I let it go he decided to do it himself. Good Luck!

My son's ps teacher recommended having him do 2 things -
1 - use only the pullups that have to go on and off like underwear (pampers and tom thumb store brand)
2 - make him change his wet pull up (but not the dirty one).
once he figured out i wasn't going to do it for him, he started going on the potty more and then we switched to underwear all the time. he only has accidents when he's super tired now.
good luck!

Have you tried naked potty training? Put the potty in the room that you are at the most and have a towel handy, strip him and tell him to go potty every now and then and when he has a accident make him clean it up.

My SIL trained both her potty training resistant boys by keeping them naked (or just a shirt) for three days. They were really trained in one; the remaining two days were just to make sure. They HATED the feeling of it running down their leg. Leaves you with a few messes to clean up, but your son can help with that and it is totally worth it.

Good luck!
VickiS

He will let you know when he is ready. Don't get frustrated if he is not potty trained by 4. Just keep encouraging him and eventually he will catch on!

Let it go. He is not ready and nothing you do will make him ready, in fact the opposite is true. I bet if you put him in pull-ups or diapers, stop hounding him, give him a break, one day soon he will be ready.

Hang in there L.! My son is 3yrs and 3 months old and just finally agreed on going potty over the Christmas holiday. We spent many days with him undressed from the waist down because he kept having accidents in his big boy underwear. The only bribery that worked with him was that if he went in his pullup or pants that we would take a Thomas train away. We then agreed that if each time he went poopoo on the potty he would get one back. He also goes to preschool 2 days a weeek and his teacher takes them potty thru out the day. Over the holiday 2 other kids, over 3yrs old, got potty trained too. It too shall pass...

I bought a few books from the library when i had started to train my 21/2yr old daughter. The book says don't force them to do something that they are not ready for and frustrate yourself in the bargain. Maybe ur son is not ready yet. For me potty training my daughter was like a piece of cake...not bragging but i think she was ready...i put her in pull ups and would ask her if she wanted to go pee pee. In the beginning she got trained to doing pee pee in the potty but just wouldn't go potty. I would take her for potty and she would just sit there and do it in her pull up later. The second thing the book tells you is to bribe your child and i did that, i told her if she did potty in the pot i would take her to chuck e cheese for a potty party and guess what that worked and after that she started going potty in the pot. I took her a couple of times to chuck e cheese for a potty party. She simply loved it. My husband would laugh but that worked.

Good luck and hope this helps.

Hi L. and God love you. I know it can be frustrating. My husband helped with the boys. Not that he really did what mothers do, he just started giving them more attention, taking the boys to the bathroom with him when he went to pee. He didn't say anything to them about them going also, but they seen Daddy went to the bathroom and they wanted to be like Daddy. He also allowed them with his supervision to do things that big boys do. It could be anything he was doing and made them feel important. I know it is a hassle, but if it was my child at 3 years old I would take him completely out of diapers. I know he will have mistakes in his bed, clothes, etc, but he needs to realize he is a big boy and he is to old to wear diapers. I wouldn't tell him he is to old for diapers but I would put him in big boy underwear. I would even go buy him and Daddy new underwear and give it to them together and have Daddy make a big deal out of his new underwear. Daddy could then say I'm going to the bathroom and then I'm going to put on my new underwear. I would try those things and what ever you have been trying in the past I wouldn't use anymore. It's not working anyway and kids know when you trying to "get in the front door by using the back door", as the old saying goes. I would try the new approach sugguested and just clean him up when he goes in his underwear. I really think if his Dad helps and starts involving him with what he is doing more he will want to please his Dad and quit because Dad doesn't go in his underwear. Good luck sweetie.

L.,
I haven't read other responses so forgive me if I am repeating anything,
I just went through this with my 3-year-old. I always thought that had to be potty trained by the time a kid was 2 (my daughter was). However, my son has taught me differently. I stressed just like you and tried everything. Instead of him improving it got worse. Finally I decided that he would let me know. About 2 weeks before he turned 3 I found the cutiest underwear for boys at Gymboree (they glowed in the dark) I showed them to him and he wore them around the house. I kept a potty in the kitchen and made sure that the doors were open to the other bathrooms in the house. I told him that when he was ready to go potty to try to go in one of the potties. He said he understood, but rarely used them unless he was going #2. He would wear the underwear every once in a while but preferred his pull-ups. Well about 2 weeks after he turned 3 something clicked. He started wearing his underwear all day and only had 1 accident and even then he was trying to make it to the restroom. Within a month he was no longer wearing pullups and using the toilet for both #1 and # 2. It has been about 3.5 months since he turned 3 and he has had 3 accidents (counting the first day and 2 of them being at night). I guess what I am trying to tell you is that you should not worry. When your son is ready to potty train he will let you know. Boys are a lot harder than girls and sometimes take a lot longer. If he does go reward him and get excited tell him how proud of him you are. However, don't say anything if he doesn't. I learned the hard way that when I would tell my son that big boys don't go in their pants it would cause him to say so I like being a baby. You might also surround him with other kids that are potty trained. I know that probably helped my son when all his friends that he played with were potty trained except for him.
Don't get discouraged it will happen!!

First,take a deep breath. I just got through this with my boy (about to turn 4!!) and the bottom line is HE will do it when he wants to. I tried everything under the sun and just ended up stressing us both out. I suspect that if I hadn't done anything and let him work it out on his own, we would have been on the exact same time frame.

Three things that DID help...1) wait til it warms up a bit and set him free naked in the back yard. Once my son was able to put the sight of it happening together with the urge, it all made sense on #1. And send him to the bathroom with dad a lot.

2)Get the Elmo Potty video.

3)Finally, after a million mishaps, when he was ready to do it all himself anyway, I made a 10 day potty chart with chuck e cheese as the prize. Done. No accidents since. This did not happen until almost 3 years/7 months and he is in all regards a normal/healthy/smart boy. He just wasn't ready yet. I wish I could take it all back and do it solely on his terms and not mine.

This is so so stressful for mom and kiddo. Take it easy on each other and give yourself some more time. Good Luck.

Hi L.,

I'm late in responding, but I just wanted to say that we also used the "naked" method. It worked really well for my twin boys. After being used to going in a diaper or pull up where the business stays put, they were so startled when they had an accident and the pee free-flowed, so to speak! We just took a week to stay put as much as possible. We had a few accidents, but they got the idea very quickly. Good luck!

G.

My now 50 yr. old son didn't want to sit on the potty and I had a friend who had a son who was about a month older and her son stood at the big potty (on his tippy toes) and used the rest room like his daddy did and boy did my son take to that. Little boys like to stand up at the potty and pee. Try it, it worked for me.

As much as you will hate to hear this - he's not ready. Boys learn later than girls on a whole and no amount of bribing will get it done. Now there is one thing that might get him interested. Throw some fruit loops in the toilet and see it he can "hit" them while going to the bathroom. All boys love that, but honestly if he's not telling you to change his diaper he's not ready.

Sounds like he just isn't ready. There isn't a magic number where you have to potty train, you just have to wait until they are ready. If you keep trying before he is ready it will be a long...long road. I have six kids and I HATE potty training, even now my 5th child (4 year old boy) still has problems with the poop aspect of potty training after 1 1/2 yrs yet his 3 yr old sister was potty trained in one week at 3 years and 2 months. And she potty trained later than all my other kids who trained at 2 years. But I waited till she was ready and she did great and did it fast.
Maybe consider taking a step back and waiting a little bit then try again later. And if he doesn't seem ready then also, take another step back and try again later.
Best of luck!

I feel your pain.
With my first son (who is now 5) he hated being dirty, so just explained to him that if he went in to potty he wouldn't get dirty. I wouldn't leave is a soiled diaper or pull up a long time..just ook my time changing it. It clicked. He potty trained himself...

My second son will be 3 in April. He has no desire. For fear of 'tramatizing him' I am not pushing him. I have a potty in each of the bathrooms for him. I don't change him on a changing table or anaything, but right in the bathroom. I ask everytime (even when we are out) if he wants to sit on the potty... its 50/50 on his responce.) He REALLY wants to wear the Diego Big Boy Underwear I got for him, but Ia told him Diego would be real sad if he went pee pee on him... so while he asks alot, he understands. Our pediatrician recommended training underwear and not pull ups- except for outtings.

Basically I'm just looking for signs from him for interest. My mom told me (who had problems with my brother) that when he is in high school and hi sfriends are running out on the football field and he can go with because he has tochange his own diaper it might click then. I'm pretty sure she was kidding :)

Would you like the advice another mom gave me? Wait until it is warm outside then start again. Save yourself the grief.

When it gets warm out, let him run buck naked in the back yard. Yep. That is what she said. My neighbor had a three year old boy at the same time and did not do this. My son learned to feel his body and potty trained almost right away while hers was still having poopy accidents in his boots. Yuck. I was very surprised and happy with the results. We have a fence so it is very private. We also used potty training pants when inside - we threw some of them out but it was well worth it. Pull up at night for awhile and finally, those were gone too.

Worth a shot, up to you. :)

PS: We used skittles to learn our colors and M&M's to learn to count. Bribery sometimes works very efficiently especially when they have to tell you the color or the number in your hand before they can have one. :)

You know it has been a long time since I potty trained a boy. But maybe this sounds strange but I got my son to start potty training by him peeing outside. Maybe this will be useful to you or not. You may want to try. That or just let him start hanging out with his Dad, and learning how guys do it. I know it is hard as a Mom to teach your son, but it will come eventually. Good Luck.

if he is using the big potty, try sitting him facing the tank. and when he is on the potty turn on the water. that sometimes helps them go. sometimes it takes boys a little longer to potty train, but it will happen. on our 3 yr.old a special prize was given, or a trip to their favorite park or place. good luck.

Hi L.,

My boy is not to that age yet, so I haven't tried this, but my friend swears on the book "Toilet Training in Less Than a Day". He trained all three of his boys in one afternoon using this method. He said that he sent his wife off for the day, so it was just him and his son, and he trained him in one afternoon - he swears that it works! My boy is only 4 months old, and I have already purchased the book, so we can use the method for him when it comes time! Good Luck!

Hi L.! Is there a reason you want him potty-trained right now (outside of the obvious issues of expense and pain of diapers)? The reason I ask is: There are only 2 things kids can control at 3...what they will eat and where they will use the bathroom. When trying to get my son to potty-train to attend a 3's preschool (who required it), it was nothing but frustrating. I picked up a book (can't remember what book), read the first chapter, put the book down and changed everything. The book confirmed what I knew already...I wanted him potty-trained to fit into society's view of what it right (and bc of the diaper issue). However, my love for my son WAY trumped the diaper issue, the preschool's requirement, and society's feelings. The book stated that children are still people, who require respect and respect for THEIR bodies as do adults. It said that they know when they are ready. So...I went to my sweet little willful and headstrong son, bent down to look him right in the face, and told him with complete sincerity and truth (I had to make sure I wasn't trying to manipulate him before I chose to tell him), "Baby, YOU decide when you are ready to go to the big potty. It's YOUR bottom and your _____, so YOU choose when to use them for the potty. Mommy loves you and wants it to be your choice." After that, when I could tell he needed to go, I would SINCERELY ask, "I can see you might need to go potty...Would you rather go in your diaper or the potty?" Within a week, he was choosing potty every time. We have never looked back. Hope that helps!

Relax. He knows what to do and will put everything together one day. My daughter is 3 1/2 and just a few weeks ago everything clicked and she has had only one accident since then. You cannot force it. It will only stress you and him. Seriously, there's no magic solution, just let him do it in his own time and there will be NO stress.

L., make sure that you are not dealing with a power struggle. Make sure that he understands that he doesn't have a choice. When I was potty training my son, we spent 2 hours in the restroom with a glass of water until he understood that he would go on the potty, no options.
J.

I agree with most of the others that say let it go for now. I tried to train my oldest several times beginning at 2 1/2, then at 3, with no luck. I just gave up and finally at about 3 1/2, he came home from Church one Sunday and announced "I'm not wearing diapers anymore" and that was it. No accidents, no struggle. I assume that he was the only child in the nursery still in diapers and that caused him to use the potty. I don't know for sure, but I think that especially for strong willed children, it has to be their decision and not yours. Also, all kids are different and develop at different ages. My second son, was really interested in using the potty at age 2, but he just could not control it until he was around 3. I know that many parents "train" their children very young, but I say if you have to take them to the bathroom every 30 minutes and wait for them to go, they are not "trained" - you are. Relax and let it happen when your son is ready.

don't stress it!!! everyone develops differently...i have 3 boys and 2 are potty trained....i tried with my 1st one at age 3, and he just didn't get it! he would cry when he started to pee, and it wasn't that he didn't want to go...he didn't know what was going on. i put him back in diapers and tried again after 3 months, and he was trained in 3 days!!! he just has to be ready! but just know that it is different for all kids...so even when he's ready, he might have several accidents while he's learning...but you will know that he's ready. he'll be interested in the underwear, and he'll be 'trying' to get to the potty. even if he doesn't make it, the fact that he's trying is huge! my sister tried with her little boy at 3 and it wasn't working...she waited 5 months, and then he got it! so don't be discouraged. and don't feel pressure from moms who's kids trained at age 2...everyone is different!!!!! and boys (especially first borns) are usually slower to get it! hang in there...

Hi L.,
We had this problem, as well. Tried everything, did EVERY method. I finally just decided to stop as I truly believe that my son really could not tell or notice the sensation or feeling until it was actually happening.
It was a slow process. I would actually set my calendar to not go anywhere for a week every few months to give it a try again.
Hang in there.

They say that until they are dry two hours straight, their bladder isn't ready yet. Does he stay dry that long? if you put him on every 30 min. he probably wants to go play so bad he just won't, try waiting closer to two hours, and act excited that he is going potty like a big boy now. run a little water in the sink, the noise may make him want to go in the potty. If he is big enough to understand, tell him you'd like to go to the park,and play , but don't want to have to change diapers there, as there is no place, so he will have to potty right quick before we go,, and say lets hurry so we can go, and sound excited and see if that helps. After he goes a few times, maybe he will think that is a big deal. He will still have a few accidents, but maybe they will become few and far between.

Boys are hard, I have two of em and it took forever to potty train them both. Just don't push, thats all I can tell you, like another poster said, its a battle of wills at this point, and he's only gonna do it when he's ready to do it. Even with my girls, if I pushed too hard, they wouldn't do it, when I gave up, they did it themselves. My first actually just came to me one day and told me she was going to wear big girl panties from then on and she wouldn't go in them anymore. Just act like it's no big deal, and he will think he's doing it and you aren't making him. Just remember, it'll happen, he wont be fifteen and still going in his pants, I promise.

He will start when he is ready. I went through this with my boy and recently with my girl. I learned my lesson the first time around, I thought...then I rushed into it with my girl. Now again, I have realized that kids don't start using the potty until they want to. As much as you would love for him to be trained, I say temporarily 'give up' and try again in 3 months, just for a week or less...if he still isn't ready, try again in another month, etc.

We did the no pants training for all of ours, even our boys, and it worked great. They would wear a shirt only and whatever room they were in, I would take the potty chair. If they were watching a movie, playing in the play room, or eating, I would move the potty with them. With nothing on, it made it easy to have a seat and do thier business. If the potty was right there, then they didn't feel like they were missing out on anything. It only took ours 3-4 days and then we went to regular underpants. Good luck!

A few ideas that helped....take him to the bathroom everytime you go and talk to him about the goings-on and let him flush maybe even let him try....take off the diaper just keep a watchful eye....and most importantly keep it fun and exciting and careful keeping your frustration and disappointment to yourself. Good luck and know that he WILL GROW OUT OF DIAPERS!

get cracker gold fish and toss them in the potty. have him "aim" at the cracker gold fish. or you can remove his undergarments and let him walk around naked while in the house. when he has the urge to go and has no "safety net", he will either utilize the floor or go to the potty. had a friend that did the later and her boy was trained in a day. good luck.

I agree with most others who have said "take a break for a while". I think parents stress out way too much about it. I did the same thing, at age 3, seemed like a magic number that most other boys were getting it, but my son still wasn't ready. Going to the bathroom is one thing kids can control and it may turn into a "control thing" if he feels like he is being pushed too much.
One thing I did try with my son when we started again was leaving him without any pants on at all. On the weekends he would just be naked and he would go to the toilet when it was time. Most kids will go in their pants and especially in a diaper, but not on the floor. We moved when he was 3 years and 3 months old and the preschool we went to had me start sending him in underwear and they took all the kids to the toilet every hour. I think being around the other kids and watching them all do it helped him a lot. It is hard not to get so stressed about it, but my pediatrician kept promising me that it is rare for kids to go to kindergarten in diapers... they will get there when they are ready. Boys are especially more difficult. My son was a bit later than others at getting potty-trained but rarely has any accidents. Once he started going in big boy pants to preschool, he only had maybe two or three accidents. So, it is much better to wait until they are truly ready. It doesn't mean that they are abnormal or anything, just need to move at their own pace and when they are developmentally ready.

All the time your Huby gose to the Rest room for one, Or two let your son go in and see that Daddy dose that to And when your son dose do it prayse him tell him good job , your a big boy And Give him a hi Five

It sems to be working with my son he just turn 3 2 weeks ago hope i Help
C. C DAllas,TX

I was standing in your shoes last year this time. Give up for now, he's not ready and you can't force him to be. Just tell him it is up to him to decide when he is ready and to let you know. It didn't happen for us until my son had his 4th birthday. After that it took a month for him to be completely trained-day and nighttime.

Man, I feel your pain. I just finished potty training my 2.5 year old son the last few weeks, and it was not easy! I think that maybe one thing that could help would be to leave him naked on the bottom. You may have to keep the house a bit warmer, but that is what it took to finally get my son to poop on the potty. When there is nothing there to "catch" things, there is a bit more panic! Other than that, it sounds like you have tried everything! So, it is either time to take all diapers and pull ups away..deal with the mess for a few days, until he gets it...or maybe a little reverse phsychology. Tell him he is notbig enough for the potty, you are sorry, but you were wrong. Put everything away..no treats etc..and take a break for several weeks. Thats is about all I got, sorry!! ~A.~

Potty training was this difficult for me to. This is what i did after i did everything you were doing to. He wore undies only, no diapers and pull ups. After every accident we went straight to the potty and i explained that to him. After days of cleaning and washing pee and poop underwear, he started to finally go on the potty. A few accidents sometimes, but it got better by the week. Also, i explained that if he went on the potty he would get 2 pieces of his favorite candy (something that is small: smarties, m-m's, rec. pieces, etc) I did m-m's. That really worked well. It was his only sweet for weeks and if he didn't go on the potty, no candy. And only two, no more. Good Luck!!

It took me 8 months to potty train my three year old. Rewards only worked for about two days each. All I ever used were cotton training pants. He begged for diapers, but would only use them instead of the potty. I was ready to quit. When one day it all clicked. Grandpa had promised to take him on a train tide (Trinity Railway) when he was potty trained. One day after about 7 months. He stopped in the middle of playing, yelled, "I have no more accidents! Go on the train with Grandpa," and ran from the room. Then he only had a few accidents that next month. And was able to go on the train within six weeks. Don't ask me what the key was, but it happened. Don't give up, it will happen for you, too.

Hi L.,
I just finished what you are experiencing. Your letter is an exact replica of my son, who is now 3 yrs. 8 months. I started training him at 3 yrs. 3 months old. I don't know about your son's personality, but my son is very headstrong. I had 2 daughters and both were potty trained by 3, and then my son showed no interest. In fact, it became a "power of wills" because he would sit on the potty and then 5 minutes later tell me his pull-up had pee-pee and ask me to change him! I figured if he knew his pull up was wet, then there was a certain awareness of going potty. After 2 months of struggle, the only thing that worked was just going "cold turkey". No pull-ups except at bedtime. I stayed home all day (no errands) for 5 days, put him in long pants with elastic top so he could pull down on his own, and took him to potty every 30 min. He would cry and argue and ask for a pull up. I had to change 5 wet pants a day for 4 days and then SUCCESS on day 5. He finally went 1 time in the toilet but had 4 accidents. The 6th day he went 2 times and had 3 accidents. Finally by day 9 he was 90% successful and by two weeks we took off the pull ups at night too. It was worth the 2 wks. because now he is just as strong willed about going potty on the potty. He never has accidents even at night.
Good luck to you! Just hang in there!

My coworker also swears by the "toilet training in a day" program and she used it on her daughters more than 20 years ago! It did take more than one day (2 for one; 3 for the other), but it did work.

Hi L.,
Have you tried practicing getting to the potty after he has had an accident? I got this idea from the book Potty Training in a Day. I stayed home with my son for one weekend. We went potty every hour and when he had an accident we would immediately go sit on the potty. Then go back to where he was when he had the accident and run to the potty. Then practice from 2 other places in the house running to potty, pulling pants down, and sitting on potty. Then he took his wet underwear off, put it in the dirty clothes and assisted in cleaning himself off. I like some of the other ideas in the book I mentioned but it took about 3 days straight and a few accidents after that. Pull ups keep kids too dry and didn't work for my son either. Good luck and hang in there!