Potty Training- When Are They ready...i Am , but Are They??

Updated on August 10, 2011
S.D. asks from Portland, OR
10 answers

i have a 4 year old who was a self potty trainer at 18 months. she literally just did it and was totally trained by 20 months. i now have boy girl twins who are nearly 23 months. they are not nearly as verbal as our older daughter was at that age and do not show interest in potty training (we have had a kid potty in the bathroom for months, talk about it , have tried casually to introduce it). i am really ready to be done with diapers.
we are wanting to try the 3- day go for it potty training method . i am wondering if we should wait until the twins are more verbal and show more interest, or if it matters.
any advice on this method would be fantastic. there is a book online but i have not purchased it. our our older daughter was so easy i feel like i am not sure where to start or what i know about timing, ques, etc.
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D.M.

answers from Denver on

I am a believer that they need to be ready and start to show interest and some signs of wanting to go in the potty. My 1st (daughter) was ready before 2 and trained by 2. My second (son) was not interested until 2 weeks after he was 3. However, he had about 3 accidents total one weekend - and has been great ever since. It's SO MUCH easier to wait until they are ready IMO.

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J.G.

answers from New York on

We are on day two of the cold-turkey potty training method. So far, so good. Only three accidents. My son has learned the words for what his body does in the past two days. Three days ago, he didn't have a word for pee or poop. He didn't really need them, because he was wearing diapers and wasn't really aware of his soiling (didn't care) He is 22 mos. Now, this week is about learning what his natural body processes are and showing him how to grow.

My take? You are the Mama. You knew when they were ready for solid food. If you think they are ready or beginning to be ready, then go with your gut. (so to speak) Check out the book Diaper-Free before Three. It is great- though I feel like according to that book, I'm already starting late- even though the other parenting books and websites say my son is not quite ready and is too young. I don't buy it. If I waited for all the signs of readiness- it would never happen. Give it a go- education is never a waste.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

Here is the single most comprehensive website I've ever found on potty training. See if you can find yourself and your children in the descriptions of various approaches, their advantages and disadvantages. You'll also find a couple of variations on readiness checklists that you may find helpful: http://www.parentingscience.com/potty-training-tips.html

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D.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

Before my son turned three he was ready because he was telling me that he was going pee or poo in his underware. His birthday was in July so I started that April before his third birthday. In less than two months he was done. Once they tell you that they are going in their diaper then they have made the connection. No connection then they are not ready.

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K.W.

answers from Seattle on

If you start too early, it may be more difficult than it needs to be. Give it a couple of months and see if they get interested.

"There is some new data suggesting there is an ideal time for initiation of toilet training. A recent study suggests half way between age 2 and 3 years is the golden age. Ditch the diapers between 27-32 months, the urologists say." From the Seattle Mama Doc website.

That said. My first was similar to yours. She self-potty-trained at 24 months, both pee and poop. She had a couple of accidents, but very few. In her case, she was obviously really ready, both intellectually and physically. This, I'm told, is not the norm... :-)

R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

It IS so hard to know...this is what I went by ~

Clues to watch for you help you know when your toddler is ready to begin the potty training process. These can include:
Consistency in times of urination or bowel movements
The ability to maintain a dry diaper for two or three hours at a time
The ability to follow basic verbal commands
Discomfort with wet or dirty diapers
The ability to sit still for 10 minutes or longer
http://mommypottytraining.com/
This site has LOTS of tips, I go along with most of it except we don't use pull-ups, (sorry, they keep the child dry so they have no incentive to use the potty) just cloth trainers✿

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K.W.

answers from Seattle on

Read the book "Diaper Free: the gentle wisdom of natural infant hygiene."

Readiness is something of a myth. My baby girl pooped in the toilet for the first time when she was 3 days old. You can toilet train a child at any age, but training tiny ones is a very different process, almost completely reversed from the standard "readiness."

Look into the toilet training methods designed for 2-4 year olds. Look over the toilet training methods designed for tiny babies. Combine them in whatever way makes sense for your children.

Good luck!

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W.C.

answers from Seattle on

There are three things you can not make a child do--eat sleep and go pee or poop when you want them to. (sigh)

I have two children. A son who trained himself at 4. I will tell you the story.

I went before his 4 year old preschool started in August to meet the teacher. I mentioned to her that my son was not toilet trained. She said, within earshot of him, that she usually did not take children who were not potty trained and never changed diapers. Well, all of his best friends were going to that school and there was no way he was not going to that school. So in two days, without me saying a word, or doing anything to help, he trained himself. Easiest thing I never did.

My daughter did a similar thing at 18 months only a trip to Vancouver and Victoria B.C. by boat, ferry, bus, and train, when we visited every clean and dirty restroom in sight whenever food entered her mouth. But was scared to go poop in the toilet--pee was okay. Poop--no way. But of course every time she ate she had to go poop. It was a four day trip. But she trained herself. It was easy to train but I wish it was at home.

I suggest you wait until you find they are motivated by something they really want to do or have that requires them to be potty trained. Then go after it. Have them be internally motivated, or motivated by circumstances from their life not motivated by you. It is much easirer on you.

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B.M.

answers from Dallas on

Just wait until they are ready and they will pretty much train themselves. My daughter was a self-trainer too but right before her 3rd birthday. As far as not being interested in the potty, my daughter never showed interest in the little potty. She wanted to use the big potty. Give yourself a break and wait until they are ready.

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S.S.

answers from Seattle on

Wow, 18 months is seriously early for potty training, though my sister apparently trained herself at that age, too. The rest of us were well over two years of age and my brother was closer to three and a half. Boys are notoriously slower than girls to train and twins are apparently slower still. I have a four-year-old boy who was pooping on the toilet from the time he was about 20 months, but he was not fully potty trained (day or night) until he was 39 months. It was great because he did night and day training at the same time and we haven't really looked back, save for a few accidents. I also have two-year-old twin boys and yes, I am soooo done with diapers, but they are really not showing much interest in potty training. We've got the potty in the bathroom, we talk about it, they watch their older brother go, they totally know what's going on, but they refuse to go on the potty at all. They are also not nearly as verbal as their older brother was at this age, though my doctor says they are still pretty verbal for their age and for being twins (our first son was born talking, though, and he hasn't stopped since! haha). Still, they know when they go poop and pee, but they don't want to have anything to do with the potty. I'm going to wait a bit and see if they get more interested - we'll still do the usual; talk about it, show them their older brother going, etc. I heard a great phrase once in a potty training course - the instructor said "you can start training them when they're two and have them trained by three or you can start training them at three and have them trained by three." I'm of that mindset because kids (especially toddlers) can be stubborn and they will do what they want when they want when it comes to going on the potty. I think 23 months is very young to be potty trained. I hang out with a group of people whose kids are the same age as ours and I think the youngest to train (girls included) was two and a half. Your first was a miracle to train at 18 months, but I certainly wouldn't take this as the norm. Keep doing what you're doing and make a big fuss when one of them actually goes on the potty, of course. We tried taking the diapers off a month ago but nothing - they just peed and pooped wherever. Sigh. Luckily it was outside! :-) Good luck and I hope your twins train early, too!

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