Potty Training Through a Divorce

Updated on June 09, 2009
A._. asks from Sarasota, FL
8 answers

My 2.5 year old was doing great at the potty training back in February - then she had an overnight weekend w/ her daddy...now it's been a challenge to the point that she completely regressed wearing only diapers. Her day care teacher informed me last week, that we should just put her back in panties - since she knows what she's doing. This week, I'm jsut not sure if this is the right approach - she knows when she has to go and will only go in the panties and make mistakes. She will on occasion go on the potty and I reward her with excitement, hugs and kisses and a treat. Anyone, know how to handle this kind of situation? It seems more like she's making the mistakes on purpose, but why?
thanks for any input!

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S.S.

answers from Tampa on

Regression is symptomatic to stress.

I remember a little girl who had been potty trained for more than 6 months. She was solidly THERE. Then her family ended up in a homeless shelter, eating at salvation army, etc. She started wetting again. As mentioned by another mom, its the stress, most likely.

My own daughter began to have a lisp when her dad was in the hospital. A year later, or so, it was gone.

Have faith in her, she'll be okay and so will you.
Work through it was as much love as you have to give.

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M.M.

answers from Sarasota on

Why? To get attention from you. She used to live with two people that gave her attention. Now she lives with one person giving her attention. It is frustrating, but she is old enough to go on the potty. Between you and her teacher she will be fine. All children have accidents when training.

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T.Y.

answers from Sarasota on

I am having the exact same trouble with my 3 year old (except for the divorce..so sorry). He used to go potty all the time and then one day he got hurt on his knee and has since fought using the potty. Luckily he will go poo in the potty. But as far as peeing goes he just won't do it. And I have tried everything! The Dr says he is learning how to use what power he has over me. I am interested to know what you find out here. Just know you are not alone in the potty battle. Everyone says to me he will not go to school in diapers..but I am not so sure! :o) Keep your head up and do your best to keep your cool....

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R.H.

answers from Tampa on

Children sometimes regress with potty training when they are dealing with stressful situations. Depending on how recent your divorce was, it may have something to do with that. Even if your child is not presenting symptoms of emotional stress it can manifest itself in what people might consider an unrelated issue such as potty training. Additionally, changes in routine such as staying at a different house for the weekend, can also cause such regression.

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H.B.

answers from Tampa on

In my opinion, I would back off on the training for a bit. She doesn't need any added stress, things to work on or reasons to disappoint anyone if she makes mistakes (I know you wouldn't be mad at her, but still - she still knows that a potty accident isn't what you are looking for).

She is under so much stress that parents can't possibly imagine. She is not of age, maturity or mental rationale to logically sit there and plan out how she can manipulate her parents. It just doesn't work that way with a 2.5 yr old. She has however, probably enjoyed the constant extra attention, touching and closeness that diaper or clothes changing requires.... and right now she really needs that from both parents and is thriving on it. May sound weird, but having to be changed gives her all of that and it makes her feel close and cared for. I would hold her VERY close, hug her, carry her (maybe get a good sling to carry her on yor hip or back), cuddle, lots of emotional and physical contact and love gestures. I think once things settle after a while and in her own time - and once she gets all the attention, contact and needs she has in other ways, she will again make progress with potty training. I wouldn't push it. She just needs love right now, nothing else.

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K.M.

answers from Tampa on

Hurry to ChildrensBehaviorHelp.com- they always amaze me with their workable solutions!
Best luck, k

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M.H.

answers from Sarasota on

Even if she was doing well, 2.5 is still young and I would just back off. She is stressed and upset and is handling it the way she needs to. I know there are a lot of 2.5 year olds that are potty trained, but my son was 3.3 before he trained and there was nothing stressful going on in his life. The more I pushed him, the more he pushed back. Charts and rewards did nothing for me. I had to wait until he decided he wanted to. Let her take time to deal with things and back off. Tell the teacher you are trying this approach and that she must do the same. She can ask her if she needs to use the potty during the day, but stay away from "well big girls use the potty" and "one day you will have to stop wearing diapers and be a big girl". Just have both of you chill for awhile and let her adjust to your new lives. So sorry you are going through this, she will need more time than you, that is just the way it goes.

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N.G.

answers from Tampa on

Sweetie you are the mother... Your two year old is only acting out because her dad probably didn't meet you half way on what your trying to do for her. It's up to you and the father to come to an agreement on what he needs to back you up on... He's only prolonging his daughters potty training success if he's not being consistant as you are. So it's the parents fault when the children are allowed to act out... Take control back and speak with dad about being more consistant with potty training rather than leaving your daughter in diapers all weekend. If he doesn't know how to encourage her or be consistant, simply offer your guidance through what it is that you are doing that's affective.. Communication is always the key... Your daughter will benefit from it...

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