Potty Training in DayCare - Debate on Method...

Updated on September 25, 2010
A.F. asks from Lafayette, IN
9 answers

Our 2 yr old son has been going to daycare for about 4 months, since I returned to work. They are wanting to really start seriously potty training him and I need some advice or to compare notes with other moms whose children were potty trained mostly by the daycare providers.

Our little guy is 27 months old to be exact. The daycare policy is to start potty training at 2.5 years old. He will be 2.5 years old December 15th--so this is a bit early. He still wears diapers, but has been peeing on the potty for probably 6 months now. In that time, he has probably only had about 4 BMs on the potty -- 2 early, in the beginning, and 2 just last week. He's really resistant to doing #2 on the potty--which I understand many boys are at first. He pees on the potty consistently all day at "school", but BMs in his diaper. In the morning before we leave at 10am to go to daycare, in the evenings before bed and on weekends---He goes pee on the potty if we just sit him on the toilet. Sometimes when we ask if he has to go, he's resistant and says "No!", and winds up just peeing in his diaper.

The daycare is wanting us to buy a bunch of underwear, and pull on pants, and they want him to go completely off diapers all at once. They want to make him go at certain intervals on the potty and if he has a BM accident, they want to throw away soiled underwear and just keep changing his clothes all day. My husband and I really don't know if we are comfortable with the cost and the method of this. We'd feel like it'd be costly to buy a bunch of underwear and just throw them away (especially since our son is prone to having softer BMs and they'd probably throw away every time he went #2 -- sorry, gross, TMI I know, but true. His doc said some people are just that way). We'd also be given a bag of soiled pants every night to take home and wash. We suggested using pull ups, and the daycare teacher balks at that - she says they don't work - they're like a diaper, and kids resist potty training when using them. They're too comfortable.

Our concerns are not only the cost, but being consistent in the mornings when he is awake/home and in the evenings and especially on weekends -- when we are on the go, doing family activities, errands, etc. and sometimes fights us about using the potty. We are also concerned about night time--he currently uses Huggies overnights, and wakes up with a huge full wet diaper (but no leaks!). He doesn't drink a lot of liquids after 6pm. -- If we did the full on underwear method--would we still use diapers at nite? Or do those Nite time Pullups? I know they'd leak...he pees alot at night!

How did you and/or your daycare potty train your child? What method? How did you deal with it when they came home and on weekends? Did you do the same as daycare did, and how did it go? What are your ideas, advice on this? There are times I think he's just not fully ready. We encourage him as much as possible, fuss over him and praise him when he goes, talk about it and read books about potty training, but we're not sure he's 100% ready....Help!

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M.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

My son had the softer BMs for a long time. I remember saying how are we ever going to potty train this kid! So I can relate. I cant relate to the buying a whole bunch of underwear and just tossing them if they are too messy. This is just dumb (sorry). I am not a fan of pull ups at all. I never did use them. I used a clothe diaper and cover and a disposable liner. We never had a problem. At night I continued with diapers as I never found a pull up that held enough. I think he was well into his third year with the night time diaper. I also think that if he is staying dry all day except for the BMs then he is ready to be trained. I just dont get the underwear thing they are talking about. I dont know if I helped? Hopefully? :|

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K.S.

answers from San Francisco on

My oldest son was exactly this way, but we went for it...he had several poop accidents in his underwear and we would either wash them or throw them away depending on how bad...yes, it costs money but so do diapers...I also agree with your preschool that pull-ups are just like diapers. Kids pee in them even if they know how and frequently do pee in the potty (which is my experience with my 2nd son). The bottom line however is that you have to do what you feel comfortable with...so if you don't want to do it then don't do it...you are the parents and it's really your decision, not your schools decision.

3 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

I agree pull ups are too much like a diaper. We never used them either.

If you do not want them to throw away the underwear, have them send them home dirty to you so you can wash them.. They can put them in ziplocs..

You may be surprised that he will catch on pretty fast.
Let him begin watching your husband go to the bathroom..

I LOVE the idea of trying to chart when your son tends to have bms..
That is kind of what we did, we knew about the times our daughter usually had her bms and encouraged her to stop and think, did it" feel like potty might be ready to come out"..

2 moms found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Kansas City on

with bms, we kept track for a week of when our daughter went, which was generally once a day, after dinner but before bed. So we just started sitting her on the potty every night after dinner, and within a week or so she was always having her bm at that time and knew to go do it on the potty. It was actually easier to train her to go #2 on the potty than #1!

If he's afraid of it, would it help him to watch your husband or yourself go? My daughter was afraid to do it at my grandma's house for whatever reason, and we were there for 5 days! After 2, I finally sat down and had her stay in the bathroom with me while i went. I hated it, as the bathroom is very private for me, but it worked like a charm, within an hour she wanted to "go poop like mommy!" and hasnt had any problem since.

Good luck, mama!

2 moms found this helpful
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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

You have to get rid of the diapers to train them, so I totally understand where they are coming from. Pull-ups are just diapers, so to train, you have to get rid of those too. Yes, there will be messes. Yes, it isn't much fun, but it is just part of the process. You can buy some trainers that contain stuff. In fact, they make cloth trainers that are like pull-ups, so the wetness and mess is still there, while making them easier to get off. Maybe you can discuss using those with the daycare center- though, to be honest, those are expensive and it shouldn't really take your son long if he is in undies full-time.

I do think it is ridiculous that they want to throw away underwear. That is so wasteful and bad for the environment. Ask them to just put them in ziplocks. Yes it's gross, but again, this is all part of the process. I cleaned up my daughter's poop for 5 months before she started going in the toilet. She was putting all of her pee in the toilet, though, and I didn't want to retard that by keeping her in diapers.

BTW, if he has gone on the toilet, he is 100% ready. He has full control.

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C.S.

answers from Chicago on

I have watched my niece since she was 3 mo old (she is currently 3 1/2 yrs old),and what I can say from experience is you and the daycare need to be on the same page.Either potty train or don't. If you train the child to pee at school on the potty but then train that it's still ok to pee your diaper at home - you are setting yourself up for a LONG road of potty training. I was able to potty train my niece in about a months time but her mom and dad were not on the same page (didn't find it convenient when they were running errands,etc.) and she still wets the bed at night. I believe this is completely due to her parents not being on the same page. The reason I say this is because I trained my son at the same time and did not use pull ups or diapers at night. I wanted to train him that it is never okay to pee your pants,and he was completely potty trained within 2 weeks.

I think that if you son is able to go potty at school,then he is ready. I think the real question is are you ready? Yes, it is h*** o* the parents - it's not convenient, you will have to stop what you are doing several times a day to take them to the potty - and sometimes they do nothing on it.

Bottom line - either go all in or don't do it at all. It will make it harder on you in the long run.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.R.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree with the others. Once you are on the same page with daycare and serious about potty training you have to get rid of the diapers and deal with the accidents and extra washings. I was fortunate enough to be off work when I trained our son but it did make trips hard. I always did short trips to the store and back to the house (because I avoid public restrooms at all costs). This allowed him to go potty regularly and only have a couple of pee accidents when out and about.

Your son sounds ready to be fully trained. Our son was about 30 months when he was trained and done with diapers for the day. Night time is a different story. I've seen some posts that their child was in pullups at night for a few years. Our sonhas been trained just over a year and wears pullups at night. We call them night time underwear. In the last 2 months he has maybe woke up wet 5 or 6 times. This makes me very happy, it means we are almost done with him. Now I will have to deal with the occasional wet bed if he has an accident.

He occasionally is distracted at daycare having too much fun and will have an accident. A few times in the last year he's had a #2 accident. They put the soiled clothes in a bag for me to take home. Yay. Usually we could hose them off and wash them in the washer. There were also a couple that we washed the shorts/jeans but threw away the underwear. At about $1.00 cost to throw away an occassional pair of underwear is way easier and still cheaper than about .25 cents for a diaper.

Good luck.

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S.R.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I have a home daycare and would never expect parents to buy underwear just to be thrown away that day, that is crazy expensive and bad for the environment. I also disagree with the time frame, not all kids are ready at the same age. It sounds like your son is ready, but it still could take a few months. Definitely DON'T do pullups, they are expensive and really don't help with the process. What would happen if you didn't agree to buying the underwear? Or only supplied 1 pair a day and diapers in his bag for the rest of the day?

So that brings me to my next thoughts.... do you really like the daycare? What positive things are there that would make you continue using them? Personally, I would be looking around for a place that would better meet your needs. If they are that rigid on the time frame and that wasteful with the underwear, what else do they do?

I would use diapers at night, it won't make a difference for potty training during the day. You could use pullups in the evening/ weekends when going out somewhere and even at home for awhile, I think he is still young to expect full potty training anytime soon, but obviously you know your son best.

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G.B.

answers from Tulsa on

Most child care centers don't even start potty training until 3 and they work very well with the parents. I would say find another care provider. I think it is revolting to ask a parent to buy underwear just to be thrown away.

Boys underwear is, least expensive, $1.00 per pair at Wal-Mart and usually the cheapest is a bit more. I can'not see them getting away with throwing underwear away on a daily basis. That's just wrong.

I have over 10 years in child care, working in all age groups from babies to school kids, teacher, manager, and even a partner owner. I would NEVER expect my parents to provide several pairs of underwear a day to be thrown away.

We kept rubber gloves in the bathroom and the teacher would try to...plop the pooh into the toilet and just put the underwear into a zip lock baggie.

We use the Huggies night time pull ups and have never had a leak...they have Buzz Lightyear and Woody on them and are in a dark blue package.

Boys won't be dry all night for years even, after being dry all day. get the pull ups or do lots of laundry and then showers before leaving the house in the morning.

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