Potty Training Help Please! - Prather,CA

It sounds like she knows that mom has a stash of pull ups somewhere. They are smart little dickens.
Have you tried a pee-pee chart? Something she puts a sticker on everytime she pees in the potty and that she has to take a sticker OFF everytime she pee's in her pants. And the end of the week, she gets a prize, at the end of the month, she gets a trip somewhere, when she sleeps thru the night she gets an ice cream.....things that make her want to work towards potty training.

I also have the potty training in 3 days book, I didnt' have to use it because my little man decided one day after his 3rd birthday that he was not wearing diapers anymore (I know since it was so easy with number 1, my youngest is going to be hard, I'm relishing in this moment until that day comes though). I'd be happy to "pass it along" if you're interested in looking at it.

it's harder when it's just you too..

good luck
K.

Hey J.!

I've been there, very recently. My daughter is now 3.5 and we JUST got this potty training thing down, having started the whole thing more than a year ago. The thing that finally worked for us was a combination of three things -- a "No Accidents" potty chart, where at the end of each day if she had no accidents, she'd get a sticker on a chart. After 14 stickers, she got to go to the toy store and pick any toy she wanted. But this only worked in combination with removing the crutch of the pull-ups. It turned out for our daughter that if there was a pull up on, she'd go in them, despite months of explaining that this wasn't ideal. So despite my real disdain for cleaning up messes, we went naked for a few days and then just with "big girl underwear" -- even if we were going out. I always had to carry lots of wipes, extra clothes, and a travel potty in the back of the car for a while. We used them all quite a few times. And I put a waterproof lap pad in the seat of her car seat, too. Some friends had told me that potty training really doesn't fully work as long as you're still letting them wear pull ups. The final thing, too, is that I had been super-positive with my daughter about potty training -- and when an accident happened I'd say, that's OK, accidents happen! While I don't think you should be all-out negative, it occurred to me after reading some tips from an "expert" online that potty training is sort of like conquering addiction -- you have to realize you have a problem before behavior will change. So after that I wasn't negative about accidents, but I wasn't all happy about them anymore either. I just told her in a nice tone that next time we have to get to the potty to go, we have to try our hardest not to make a mess. And you know, it worked. She actually never had an accident again. With all my concern to make potty training "positive" I had been giving her mixed messages.

But by the way, since she's only just 2.5, she might not be ready. Since you don't want to make it a battle of wills, I'd give it a break for a little while until she shows interest. Maybe get a new book about going potty in a couple weeks and see if that sparks her interest again. (That's what we did last fall, by the way.)

I hope this helps!

Hi J.: As the mother of 5 children, and now several grandchildren, I thought I would respond.
As a teacher ( my husband was one also), you know that a child will do things when and as they are ready not as you want them to. That said---
I always buy a Betta Fish, and keep it in the bathroom for the children to talk to while they sit on the potty chair. This distracts them and they can tell the fish just anything. It has worked for 9 children so far! Good Luck, Nana G

I took the long road with my son - he's 7 and we're still working on it from time to time. With my daughter, I used the 3 day potty training method. It took more than 3 days for us, but it has worked. LOOK IT UP - it's worth trying. I think that they would recommend that you stopp att attempts at potty training for a month before doing their method, so that will be easy for you, just use pull ups for a month. They have a help desk thing so that you can email them questions and they really do answer. We got the peeing under control in a few days and the poop tok longer. Definitely use lots of fiber and liquids. Look them up ! And good luck!

She probably isn't quite ready yet. You also need to think about it this way... during the summer, when she was doing well, she was home with you where you could be alert to getting her to the potty regularly (possibly you were the one who was trained more than she was?) and you said she did better when she was allowed to be naked. Now, not only has she had the change that Mom is working, but she's in two different childcare situations during the week. No matter how closely you, the daycare and your grandma try to do potty training, there are going to be some differences in routine and the way you each handle it. This can be an asset, because she learns to be able to go in different situations, but it can also slow the process of learning at this stage.

It sounds to me like you have your daughter in one of the larger centers for daycare, where the teacher/child ratio is likely 12 to 1. If so, you'll probably find that she has to stay in a classroom for two year olds until she is potty trained. That tends to put some pressure on parents to have their child trained before the age of three. While I understand the reason for the trained before they go to the three yo room... since they are doing more academic teaching, but still have that 12 to 1 ratio, the teacher simply doesn't have the time to be doing potty training... I also feel that the pressure to train the child is often detrimental to the process. Some children just aren't ready that early.
Having said all of that, I think your daughter is likely ready enough that she will train before she reaches age three, but you do need to be patient with her, and allow for the recent changes in her schedule and routine. The most important aspect I see here is that you don't get so frustrated with her that you thwart what you are trying to accomplish.
You do need to talk openly and often with her preschool teachers and with your grandma about how the process is going when she is with them, so you'll all be "on the same page" as much as possible.

Hi J.,

We're in a similar situation! Before this summer our little one always had a dry/clean diaper and did all of her business in the potty. We didn't take off the diaper because we were just about to take a 5 week trip this summer and I knew it would be stressful for her. Sure enough, half way through the trip when Daddy had to go back to work (he came home and we stayed with family for another 3 weeks) she announced, "no more potty". I asked where she wanted to go and she said with a happy smile, "floor!". Fantastic.

Since then she does all her #2 in the potty, but 1/2 the time tells us just after she's peed in her diaper. She just turned 2 so I'm not is a rush to potty train, but am so frustrated because I know she is very able to do it, but doesn't want to anymore. I've mentioned that she can wear panties instead of a diaper when she does all her business in the potty, have asked her if she wants to pee in the potty or the diaper, etc. but she doesn't seem to care much, and she used to be so excited about it.

I am just waiting for now because I sense, as you do, that it will very quickly become a power struggle and I don't want to go there. I am thinking she just isn't "ready", whatever that means, and I'm waiting until she seems to take the initiative again. I hate polluting the world with diapers, but other than that don't see any reason to rush her. Like your daughter, she is smart enough and aware enough to do it herself, so I don't see what more input from me will do except give her a reason NOT to do it herself. Oh, toddlers... :)

Good luck! I'll be interested to hear what other mommies suggest, and what ends up working for you!

H.

I have no advice for you -sorry. Just wanted you to know that you are not the only one out there going through this. My son is 3.3 yrs old and still won't use the potty consitantly. He even tells me he doesn't want to use the potty. He can do it when he wants to,but it's not often. I tried the "only underwear policy" and he just pees/poops in them anyway. I can't even keep up with the underwear laundry he creates so there is always clean underwear. We've tried potty charts, stickers, ice cream rewards etc., etc. Nothing works. Now we've started taking away favorite DVD's and that doesn't seem to work either. I don't know what to do either. I will say that although girls usually train sooner, I do know people who didn't have their girls successfully trained until 3-3.5 so it's not unheard of. Everyone assures me that my son won't be a grown up in diapers and he'll just do it when he's ready, not when I'M ready. I hope that's soon. Good luck to you -hang in there!

Hi J.,

I think you are doing everything right but I would take away the pullups & panties all together. My son was 25 months when we started with him and we were only doing night time diaper since he wasn't napping. We finally broke through when we stopped using night time diapers and were able to honestly tell him that we did not have any more diapers. Until that time, he would ask for a diaper to poop and would pee in the toilet. However, it was a longer road then it was with my olders son who was 2.9months at the time of start and took only about 3 days . My younger son now at 2.9 is fully trained. In the beginning with my younger son I would personally take him to the toilet every 3 hours. Now he comes to me when ever he has to go, I entertain him by going with him. Next step is to let him go by himself. Even now I don't put underwear on him although I do think he is ready. Its confusing to have pullups/ panties and to pee in it sometimes and to go in the toilet sometimes.

Goodluck

Honstly, until she's ready there's not much you can do. Keep with the pull-ups, keep with the "potty training" but don't stress if it takes her a little longer to want to use the potty. My oldest refused to even consider underwear, even though he was practically trained by 2.5, until his 3rd birthday. We offered him underwear, he decided it was time, and he's never worn a pull-up since.

GL Mama, PT can be one of the most trying experiences around!!

She is not ready. Go to pull ups and wait 30 days before trying to put her in panties again. Take her with you when you have to potty so that she can follow your example. Don't stress over it - she will sense it and it will become a control issue. Just tell your self that she will eventually use the potty and let it go. Pick your battles with her.

My son took a long time to potty train and didn't completely get it until he was 3 1/2. What finaly worked for us was the marble jar. We filled a jar with 2 bags of those decorative "squashed marbles" (they don't roll away). He got to decorate an empty jar. Once all of the marbles were in his decorated jar he got to go to the Sac. Train Museum. He went to it right before we started the jar program and it took him about a year to get all the marbles. The basic idea of the program is that he gets one marble for peeing in the toilet and two for pooping. I take a marble back for any messes in his pants/ floor. This plan worked for us because there was consequences for not using the potty but I didn't get upset with him, just calmly moved the marble. I did give small prizes for milestones like having 25, 50, ... marbles in his jar at one time.

Let me ask you something... did you go through all this angst when she was learning to use a spoon to eat with? No? Then quit worrying about potty training and teach her, in a direct and straightforward manner, what it is you want her to do! First off, get rid of the pull-ups. They are no better than diapers, and in putting them on her, you're confusing her. First you tell her to go in the potty, which she was doing, and then you put her in diapers, which tells her that you don't trust her to go in the potty - so why should she even try?

You were on the right track with letting her run around naked. This is the easiest way to potty train. What you need to do is get serious about potty training and be sure that you will support her in this, no matter what!! This weekend, tell her that you are all done with pull-ups. Go give the rest away to someone with a baby, or throw them out, or whatever. Then watch her, and when you think she might need to go - run her to the potty. Every time! YOU have to be on top of this and be a good leader for your daughter - she needs your support and expertise! Be happy when she gets it right, and don't make a big fuss if she pees on herself. Just tell her that next time she WILL make it to the potty - and you need to be sure that she does! She will test you on this, be prepared. She knows you've backed down on this before, and it's the nature of 2 year olds to make sure Mommy really means what she says, so be ready for her to refuse to go in the potty, etc. STICK WITH IT - once she sees you're not backing off, she'll get with the program. With both of my girls, it was a ~3 day process to fully potty train them.

There is no magic in potty training. There is no "waiting for the child to be ready" - that's a cop-out for parents who want to pawn off the parenting onto their poor kids - it's up to you to teach her this skill and let her know what you expect from her. And then it's up to you to follow up again and again until you are sure she understands and has mastered this skill.

There's no need to be frustrated. It's a learning process that you and she will have to go through time and time again for different skills. She won't be able to tie her shoes the first time she tries, but it's not like you're going to give up and buy her velcro shoes until she's an adult, right?! The first time she tries riding a bike, she will surely fall down - but you'll encourage her to try again. Some things take time to master, and children need the adults in their lives to believe they can do it and to continue to mentor them until they master the new skill. Children are happiest when their parents are the leaders, and when they have clear direction and expectations. Once your daughter is perfectly clear on what's going to happen, she will do it. Maybe not perfectly at first, but she'll get it figured out pretty quickly.

Hang in there mama, you're on the right track - you just need to see it through!

Hi J.,

I don't have any great suggestions to offer but wanted to comment that we have a similar situation with my son. My son is 28 months old. Earlier in the summer he was peeing in the potty almost every time he needed to go and usually initiating it himself. He was wearing undies most of the time at home. Slowly he started having accidents, even one time he peed on the bathroom floor before bathtime instead of going in the potty. So we are back to pull ups and he is going in the potty 1-2 times most days. I even started asking him if he wanted to go on his potty or the big potty instead of asking if he needs to go and that only worked for about 2 days and now he just usually says he doesn't need to. Poop has been harder for us from the beginning. I can't find a reward good enough for that one (I even tried gummy bears but he won't go for it).

Like you, I am not ready to make this a power struggle yet. Good luck! It is frustrating but you are not alone in your situation.