Potty Training Help- 2 Year Old Holds It In......

We had this issue with both of my girls. We just got done potty-training my 28 month old. The potty thing was easy...the poop thing was not, I don't know why. They seemed worried about it and genuinely upset when they went in their underwear, even though we did NOT criticize them for it. We just found something that they REALLY like as a reward and talked it up. For my oldest, it was ice cream and for my second, it was licorice. For my second, I caught her mid-poop one time and just ran and put her on the toilet so she could finish there. Once she did it there once, it was easier after that. I also read to her on the toilet so she would sit there long enough for it to come out. My friend used a toy. Her son was older, but she took him to the store to pick out a special toy and it sat on the counter unopened until he did it. He did it by the end of that same day because he wanted that toy. After that, he got the toy every morning but if he pooped in his underwear at any time that day, he lost it for the rest of the day. He would always get it back the next morning though. She said that this went on for only a few days until he stopped having accidents regularly. Good luck!

L.,
I totally can relate! This is actually more common in boys - our son did the same thing the summer he was 3 years old. He got so backed up it required an enema at the hospital. It was horrible! Our doctors were adamant with us that potty training is a long journey and the best thing we could do was to back off. We were told that if kids hold their stools in for long periods of time, they can damage their muscles and it becomes a much bigger problem.

We actually had to go back to pull ups and start all over for a while. It was mostly a power struggle between us and him, and he ultimately was winning, so we backed off. They also put our son on Miralax so that he could not hold his stool in. It was messy but he eventually learned that his body had to poop. But, then he eventually got lazy in the pull ups and started to refuse to pee in the toilet too, so we dumped the pull ups.

I actually made up a story that the "pull up fairy" visited us and told us that he was a big boy and ready for big boy underwear. I said she took all of his pull ups away - except for the ones at night [we use Huggies nighttime ones, so they look different] and she left him a wrapped package - it contained underwear with his favorite cartoon characters on them)

We started slowly with scheduled potty sitting times - logical times like after meals and before bathtime (or after bath, as our doctor said warm water relaxes the bowels). We read lots of books sitting in the bathroom, played with puppets, anything we could do to make the time go by quickly and make it fun. We had a timer there and had it be 5 or 10 minutes max with a reward for good behavior.

Our son didn't go for delayed rewards or sticker charts, so we used good old fashioned candy! We kept it right there in the bathroom and it was immediate. We also did not do any repremanding for accidents, etc.... it was all positive reinforcement for going and completely ignoring of the messes (no attention at all, just a quick clean up and move on). However, we did give consequences (taking away privileges) for negative behavior (refusal to sit on the potty at scheduled times, tantrums, etc.....). In the end it all worked out but it was a long road.

Bottom line is I spent a long two years washing out underwear, but now he is five and is off the Miralax, doing great all by himself! He still wears night time pull ups; he's just a "late bloomer" in that area and we've learned that although at the moment it is the worst thing, in the big scheme of life, it's really not.

Hang in there :)

for the sore butt after wiping, have you tried Kandoo wipes or something like that? they are flushable and gentler than toilet paper.

L., I can relate sooo well with what you are going through. We have 2 girls who did the same thing. I remember feeling very angry because holding it in just makes it more painful in the future because of it impacting.

Here's what I did...I first had a talk with the culprit (my daughter). I explained to her that she would get very sick if she kept doing this. I also explained that she could not straighten her arms and touch to toilet seat when she was going.

I made up a song that we still use today with our 7 year old son. Yes, it sounds really dumb but can work. Here it is (I wish you could hear the tune!) "Don't push your poopies back in - because you will get sick - back, forth, back, forth" Then repeat. During the back, forth part, the child and mom lean way back and then forward (to help the poop come out).

At the end of our conversation, I promised her that I would insert a glycerin suppository into her butt if she did not cooperate. I really held firm on this threat too. It worked!!! Let me know if you have success!! S.

Hi L. - It is very common for children potty training to have a fear of pooping, as they feel they are losing a part of themsleves - Just a natural part of childhood development. Some things you might want to try are giving her a book to look at while on the potty, or a cookie to eat - This will distract her from the thoughts of the process and allow her to relax and let it all out...H. this helps!

I'm going through something like this with my daughter right now. She has been in underwear for a little over a month and does very well at staying dry, but will not poop in the potty yet. (She goes in her underwear.) It is very common and often takes kids a lot longer to feel comfortable going poop on the potty. I think it's just something they have to decide they are ready to do on their own. Try not to make a big deal out of it. You can empty out her pull-up or underwear into the potty with her next to you and remind her that poop belongs in the potty. It is frustrating, but I don't think there is much you can do until she is ready. I would get rid of the pull-ups while she is awake and just use them for naps and at night. They really are like wearing diapers. I went through this with my first daughter as well, so I know it will happen when they are ready!

are you sure its not a constipation issue?
constipation is not the LACK of going its the hard stools, and painful, difficult, straining passing of stool.
try giving more water and milled flax seed, a teaspoon at most at first... and wait a couple days - weeks? im not sure how long it will take. if shes had hard stool, not only is that not normal, its not healthy and its painful! it can cause little tears and cuts in the intestine and opening, which would cause this kind of behavior in just about anyone! also, any hemmroids caused by pushing when she doesnt have to go will also make going more difficult and painful.

i really dont believe in children having this kind of attitude about pottying. one of the thigns we have to remember is we wouldnt be able to go one cue, we shouldnt expect our kids to either. do you sit there with her? try letting her sit there for a while by herself, maybe with you just outside the door. i know i cant go if someone else is in the public restroom with me, i KNOW i couldnt if someone was sitting there watching me! :D

give her more control over her urges. you can still be using wet wipes to wipe her butt, not only is it cleaner, but its easier on little bottoms... if you dont want to buy them, you can make them out of paper towels. there are recipies online im sure about how to make them.

just have patience and think more of your daughter than shes purposly trying not to poo. think about it the next time you have to go - could you NOT go unless there was pain or some kind of fear of not going?

anyway.. try giving her some books or something to do on the potty too. my son loves to read while hes sitting, even if he doesnt go, he will still try and sit there for a while. usually he will go pee or something :P
anyway, good luck

I know girls are very different from boys, but what worked for my son, was alot of talk and hype about underwear. Making a big deal about getting them and letting him pick them out (favorite characters on them). I left them out where we saw them every time we (anyone) went potty, (all clean and ready to wear)and always mentioned mom and dad are big boys and girls so we wear underwear. Dad's comments like, "I wish I had Thomas on my underwear!" helped too, I think. We started wearing only underwear (pull ups at night), on a specific day we had been talking about for almost 2 weeks. It was busy, the first few days we went through 5-10 pair a day. Always appologizing to the character on the underwear, for getting them dirty, and talking about if trying to keepp them clean. But not overdoing it, 1 sentence, no more (my son tends to dig his heals in, if he feels too much pressure) "Sorry you're dirty Thomas" mom-"what will you next time?" son-"i try, to keep thomas clean" I praise him for being a good friend to Thomas and trying to be a big boy (who uses the potty). We also used different rewards for what he did, a small M&M for #1 and a big M&M (he loves peanuts) for #2. We went straight form diapers to underwear, and started the pull ups at night a day or two after the underwear because of the characters.
I've heard that hyping up the underwear has helped alot of people, it certainly helped us. I hope this helps you.
We did not have an issue with holding it in, but we always made a point of saying how much better we felt after going, and it helped with getting him to go when he said he have to, "Now that we feel better we can ......(whatever)". Maybe that can help but you've probally already thought of that.

About Me:
My son is now 2 1/2 and has been accident free for over 4 months. We started wearing underwear all the time (not overnights) in July 08. I'm a stay at home mom, and he does not have any other caregivers other than dad, so it was easy to create and stay in a potty routine, which helped alot especially at the begining.

My daughters did the same thing. It must be a girl thing, my son never did that. What happened with my girls is they would hold it in so long they would be constipated. Then that would casue more pain so they associated pooping with pain. So our docotr told us to use Miralax for a few weeks. It was just enough to make their stools so soft, they couldn't hold it in. After a few weeks, they forgot the pain association and was going regularly on their own. I still have to keep an eye on my four year old though. I have to make sure that she goes every day becuase she gets constipated really fast. We also use the medicated wipes to wipe her. She has had some bleeding with stools before and the wipes seem to calm her. You could also try making sure that she is drinking plenty of water and eating fresh fruits. That works for my younger daughter pretty well. She will eat just about anything! Some kids also take a little while longer with the pooping thing too. I have a daycare and I have had one boy and one girl who pooped in their pants in small amounts like that for almost 6 months after they were 'trained'. Just be paitient with her. Don't get upset with her. Encourage her and give her rewards when she does poop in the potty even if she already did it in her panties. I used to give my girls a mini candy bar for 'mommy and daddy' poops and an m&m for baby poops. It sounds funny, I know. I thought that once they were out of infancy I would not obsess about their bowl movements!! Good luck and hang in there!

This can lead to bigger problems! My daughter (now almost 10!) had these problems which didn't go away until 6 YEARS on MIRALAX and months of behavior therapy at 8! & I still keep track to see if she's falling back in her ways. Push foods like grapes, corn that go thru. Limit dairy products. Increase water. switch to wheat pasta. Also if it helps, give her a small reward for actually going in the toilet (a couple m&m's or a sticker). As a a toddler teacher for the last 17 years - I agree completely pullups are expensive diapers. They have their time & place - long car rides, weddings - but I like real training pants much better! As long as you are prepared for cleaning out the mess! I always kept a bucket of BIZ water to soak the training pants in since we had a lots of messes they stayed decent. So my advice there - ditch them!:) & the sore bottom - keep using wipes & cream. When the poop starts getting out this too will get better.