Potty Training at Home but Not Getting Much Training at Daycare

Updated on August 12, 2010
V.D. asks from Arlington, TX
9 answers

I began potty training my 20 month old 2 weeks ago. I tried the Dr. Phil method of potty training in one day. I had 4 days with her before returning to work. She would Pee in the toilet 5 times the first day. 2nd & 3rd day began to pee and poop. Not to mention, all the normal accidents in between. She was doing very well. I told her daycare on Monday. By Wednesday-Friday she stopped. She would sit on the potty but nothing. I spoke with her daycare. They weren't taking her because her classroom wasn't set up for it. (Large potty and 1 teacher to 6 kids). I love her teacher and she doesn't want to put any of her kids in danger. I totally respect that. She will be moved to the next class in 2 weeks. But, I'm frustrated. She will pee and poop after spending more time on the weekends. But during the week at night, I can sit and wait and she won't do anything. I even give her plenty of liquids. I think she pees in her diaper right before I take it off. Oh, diapers during the day. Evening- panties with plastic liners. Pullups are too expensive to not be getting potty trained at school. I spoke to the administrator. The best thing they could do was be to maybe put her on once a day when the teachers overlapped. Until she moves to the next class which is set up for it. Has anybody been through this. Any suggestions! I almost stopped for 2 weeks. The minute I think about it she poops in the potty. I did talk with my husband last night. He is suppose to help more. I just feel like I have been the only one trying and I'm tired and angry. I don't take it out on my daughter. I make everything positive about potty training. We sing and read books while on the potty. I also have never had any problems with her school before. They teach her very well and look out for their safety.

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G.B.

answers from Tulsa on

Child care centers are not set up to do potty training until kids get to be 2 - 3 years old, they are not going to be able to change that. Chances are any center you call will not be able to accommodate you either but may say they will and just not do it. Personally I think you are doing okay but you are just going to have to be patient and wait until she is in the appropriate class to do this.

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A.J.

answers from Dallas on

If simply waiting 2 weeks reduces your frustration and ager, why would you not do that? Why try to change a really unchangeable situation that will only continue to frustrate you when time simply has to pass and your daughter will have the 24 hour environment she needs to learn to go the bathroom. Give yourself a break and just wait.

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K.K.

answers from Dallas on

Hi V.,
Well, I have also potty trained many children and none were more difficult than my own children. I love Dr. Sear's website www.askdrsears.com and click on his A-Z link and find toilet/potty training (can't remember how he labels it). He provides great tips on what your child should be doing before you truly get tangled up in potty training. When I noticed the things he said and then began the process, my girls were potty trained very quickly and truly no stress. The other times I tried it before all the signs were there that he mentions, it was more frustrating and a lot of work for me. The process of potty training is much more than just going in the potty. Can she push her pants down independently? Can she take her diaper/pullup/panties off on her own? Can she get on the potty by herself? Can she get down? Pullup her clothes, etc on her own? These things are things that should be worked on so that once she is ready, she is truly independent in the process. If she is showing the signs, like dry when she wakes up at night (that was the one that was the last for my kids to show), and she can do the above, go with it. I don't think it matters that she is in a daycare center---if the teachers are nurturing, potty training is not a good reason to change centers. It is unreasonable to think though that they can watch her signs all the time to catch her needing to go. Is there a word that everyone could use to communicate she needs to go so when she says that word the teachers will know?

My now 4 and 5 year olds trained at the same time and the lil' one showed great promise at 18 months, more advanced than the 2.5 year old I was trying to train at the time. She just stopped doing it one day though and when she was three decided she was ready......we never looked back. I am grateful for Dr. Sear's site and the pressure it took off me. My girls were a breeze once each of them were truly ready to train....day and night. It seemed like I would never make it through it but looking back, it seems like a short period in our life.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

If it 's only 2 weeks until she moves to the class that is set up for potty training, I'd just wait. At my daughter's daycare, they would only work with potty training a handful at a time, so unless you're child was potty trained enough to ask to go, it was diapers. As it got closer to her turn, we would put her on the potty at home, but not really expect anything. Once the daycare started training, she was in Pull-ups for just a couple weeks before they asked us to put her in "big girl panties".

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R.M.

answers from Dallas on

I began to get my daughter comfortable with going on the potty around 18-20 months . . . however she started school at 23 months and they do not do potty training (for the same reasons you listed) until they are in the 2-3 classroom. I just sit her on the potty often when she is at home (and she goes if she needs to), but do not make a big deal out of her still going in her diaper and not having a chance to go at school. In a couple weeks, she will be in the new classroom and then I plan to step it up a noch in training. I would not let this issue ruin your relationship with a childcare center that you otherwise like. Good luck!

N.B.

answers from Minneapolis on

If she is doing that well, keep it up! Many people think kids are not ready at so young an age, but I disagree and every child is different. I dislike Pull ups with a passion, so don't use them!

I do home based childcare and urge the 3day potty method (Lora Jensen)...or its basics anyway. Its not the law of potty training by any means, but I love the "boot camp" style to get things going and the parental commitment it takes. As a provider, I need to see that! This method teaches and encourages a parent/caregiver to learn the childs ques tho..not to take them to the potty at intervals, etc.

Your daughter is young....my youngest to train was a 22 month old girl (and several 27-29 month old kids), but its not impossible. I would do what I can to ride out the 2 weeks until she transfers to the appropriately outfitted classroom (not a very progressive thinking school if they don't even have ONE child ready potty in there, if you ask me..but thats just my opinion), then just continue with the methods you've established if you are comfortable with that. I highly recommend looking a the 3 day method for another resource...its available as an online eBook only (I think I paid about $30 for it to download)....it has completely altered potty training in my home childcare...I do not dread the process so much now (and boy did I dread it before....)

Good luck!

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J.L.

answers from San Diego on

Hi V. In my opinion at 20 months old she would do better in a home daycare than school type like daycare. I start potty training my daycare kids at 20 months as I did my own 3. Diapers and or pullups will hinder her, because it is confusing to children when it's ok to poop or pee on your self at night or other times, but during the day you use the potty. I never use diapers or pull ups during potty training whats so ever, I also make sure that the parents are on the same page with me, so the same rules apply here as to at home, in your situation the daycare needs to be on the same page with you, since you take her to them, it's not fair, and it is very confusing to do things one way at home and one way at daycare. I have been potty training other peoples children for 13 years, 90% of them before or by 2. I don't see how taking your child to the potty put other kids in danger, it sounds to me they just don't want to deal with it. You may have to put her somewhere that will work with her, cause honestly Susan, if only you are working on it, it defeats the purpose, and it's not fair to your daughter. You may get many moms telling you 20 months is to soon, please don't listen to them, I have much experience in potty training, and I have found that starting children early is more effective. Please do not take Christina's advice she is intitled to her opinion, but how much experience is it bassed on? J.

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C.M.

answers from Austin on

I think she is too young. It shouldn't take very long to train a child who is truly ready. I'm not sure why you are feeling like you need to rush. She won't be in diapers forever.
At this point, I think you are confusing her. I don't recommend using pullups. At all. They are just diapers with a fancy name. Kids that young don't understand the difference.
Honestly, I would just let it go. Try again when she turns 2 and is physically and mentally ready.

Added: Julie, your opinion is just that. An opinion. I do not appreciate you trying to make it sound like I don't know what I'm talking about. You don't know me. You don't know how many children I have potty trained.
OP: You will obviously get moms on here that have potty trained kids very young. I remember one woman talked about how her 9 month old baby was crawling to the potty. How sad. How stressful. I guess it comes down to what is good for you. For my family, it is WAITING UNTIL THE CHILD IS READY. Not me.

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G.W.

answers from Dallas on

It sounds like you're very happy with her daycare situations. I think, some situations with our kids, we just have to be patient and wait themout. If she'll move in 2 weeks, just try to put up with it until then and then start the potty training again. It's only 2 weeks and your daughter won't suffer any for peeing in her diaper for 2 more weeks.

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