Potty Training Advice - Fairfax, VA

I have found it's a little harder to train boys than girls. Plus each child is unique and learns differently. That being said, what was most helpful for me was throwing a family party when mine were completely potty trained. I would take them to the store and let them pick out a cake at the grocery store and tell them when they were completely dry for 2 weeks we would have a party for them. I had little problem with that incentive because when we'd go to the store I'd show them the cake they picked out to remind them and give them incentive.

The main thing I found with boys is patience. It took me longer with my boys than with my girl.

Good luck.

I don't know yet if this will entirely work or not... but we started doing a reward chart with my 2.5-yr-old, and it seems to be going great! He gets a sticker on the chart every time he properly uses the toilet, and once he accumulates a certain number of stickers, he gets to go to Chuckie Cheese. As he gets better, we just move up the number of stickers it takes for the reward.
Prior to this, he would sometimes go to the potty but really wasn't getting into it and sometimes would go entire days without using the toilet. Now he really wants to get the "credit" everytime he has any body functions to do :)

J.,
I agree with Sam V. Be patient. My first son (now 13) was potty trained at preschool at just over 2 (then we had bedwetting issues for years). My second son (now 9) was 3 when I potty trained him. We decided after his 3rd birthday to use only underwear during the day (pull ups for bedtime). We didn't punish him or raise our voices (very difficult for me) when he went in his pants. We simply told him he needed to go potty in the toilet. After a few very trying weeks, he just stopped messing his pants. You son seems like a big boy next to your baby but he is still a little guy. He'll get it. Good luck.

J.
I am a mother of 2 boys 8 and 6. I would throw fruit loops in the toilet and tell them to aim for a certain color. I would also take them about every hour and read to them or leave books with them to look at. One thing I learned was not to get upset because they will get upset and become afraid of the toilet.

When potty training my son, now 4, I first let him run bare to the breeze around the house for a week. That worked great. Then I put him in underwear. He had a few accidents, including two poops. It was nasty, but he hated it more than me. This all happened when he was not quite 3.

My suggestion - tough it out in underwear. He'll get the idea after being a dirty a few times that dry is better.

I did help Jack by reminding him to potty, I would say every two hours or so.

Peace

N.

Hi J.,
I have just finished going through the exact same thing with my son. We started potty training when he was three and we did everything! Every method in the book, but he had no interest. Finally, the stickers on a calender worked to get him to pee in the toilet, but only for about two months then he relapsed. I had even put a jar of M&Ms over the toilet so he could see the treat he would get, but that wasn't enough. Then the lollipop incentive, new toy incentive, letting him run around naked, having him wear pants with now pull-up, etc. He wouldn't use a baby toilet or the removable seat that comes with it and he also was scared to sit on the toilet which made getting him to poop rather difficult. I'm sure you have heard the saying, "he'll do it when he's ready, it will just click and he's doing it". I know I grew tired of that one. To apply more pressure he needed to go to pre-school and, of course, he had to be potty-trained. We got through with some luck on that one, he would wear his pull-up and never pooped during school time. Also by that time he had mastered peeing in the toilet.

Anyway, he is now 4 1/2 and is just now pooping in the toilet. He still is scared about sitting on the toilet so he stands to poop -don't ask me how he does this, but he hits the toilet every time. He won't tell me when he goes, only afterwards to show me and to be wiped. When I can catch him pooping into the toilet I hold him up on the seat. He lifts the seat to do this so I have to make sure that is always clean, but he is finally doing it. I probably hindered his potty training by getting frustrated with him. What I did end up doing is getting underwear that he chose (not me) and let him wear them until he had an accident then he went back into the diaper all the time making a big deal about how the underwear were his "big boy pants" and the diapers were for little boys. When he would use the potty right then he was rewarded by going back into the underwear. Some will say that is sent mixed messages, but you have to explain the difference between the underwear and the diapers (pull-ups) and make a big deal over his wearing the big boy pants. He also soon realized that one was more comfortable than the other.

When it came to the pooping, I hate to say it, but we just had to wait until he was ready. For my son, it felt like we went through two rounds of potty training, but he finally did it and it only took us a year and a half. I did get the entire family involved and had him call the grandmas and aunt to announce that he pooped on the potty so he could get even more praise, of course now he announces it to everyone on the street! Small price to pay for toilet training.

Sorry if I ramble, in the end it took time & patience. I hate to be the one to say it. It is almost like there is a block in their brain about using the toilet and then one day they wake up and it's not there. My son has gone almost two months now without any accidents, but I can't say what it was that I may have done to speed it along. I think he just decided when the time was right, although, it would have been nice it he had decided to use the toilet to poop and pee at the same time. Just be supportive and obnoxiously praising when he uses the toilet and get the family and friends involved, that did seem to help.

Hope this helps. At least know that you are not alone and boys are a strange creature unto themselves.

N.

Hi J.
at this point in his lil head there's some confusion. he went naked for a bit, then underwear then back to pullups. too many changes. i'd stop for a few months, maybe until early spring. then choose the method you want to go with and stick to it. i waited until my girls' 3 birthday went in a shopping craze with them to choose their underwear and that was it. no rewards no big deals, i just made it a fact. it is something they need to learn and why make a big deal out of it. it took them less than two weeks to be completely trained day and night. i had potties all over the house, 3 bathrooms and one in a hallway. i did it during summertime so there were no layers of clothes for them to undress to get to the bare bottom. i also got a potty on the go so we don't stop our usual outings. i kept that potty on the go with us at parks, bookstores, libraries, hospitals etc. at nightime i put a potty with a lid on in their room and a box of wet wipes. i cut the amount of liquid they get 2 hrs prior to bedtime. they went just before bedtime and then again when i went to bed i woke them up for pee. i still do that almost 8 months later. also, i got mattress protectors because i am a freak about germs. but we didn't have to use it after the week was over.
so bottom line is don't pressure him. don't talk about potty until let's say mid march. then get that potty book and read it every day for about a week so he gets used to the notion again. then take him to target and let him choose what he wants to wear. then tell him the story about how 'spiderman' needs to be clean and dry otherwise he will be so sad (we used mermaids for that). i know it sounds pretty bad but for us it did the trick. that first week every time they had an accidents they themselves talked about how they need to be more careful so that mermaid doesn't get dirty.
good luck

Hi! I know potty training is difficult, what it really requires is motivation and commitment from you, the parent. Take his diaper and pull ups OFF! Dress him with underwear and pants and for the first 2 or 3 days just sit him on the potty periodically. He will have accidents and it may seem difficult to leave the house, but when you do leave take 2 changes of clothes and underwear and a plastic bag (to put the wet ones). Don't put his diapers or pull ups back on him under any circumstances, not even at night. Buy a plastic sheet for the bed ($8) and you can put regular sheets over it. He will get the picture and within a week he will be fully potty trained if you stick to it. If you go back and forth with diapers it may take him years. This is coming from a mother of 3 girls ages 4, 6, 8. The first one we didnt start potty training til 3 and she STILL wets the bed at night. The 6 yo got potty trained by the time she was 2 and has never had any problems, the 3rd, we adopted when she was 3 and immediately took her diaper off, she hasnt had any issues, day or night. :) hope this helps, good luck! Be patient!

So sorry to hear about your plight. Over in England we don't tend to use pull ups when potty training. We tend to use ordinary underwear and when inside the home nothing at all. Obviously in the winter we may allow some socks or warmer clothes but generally we allow the children to be able to feel the air between their legs so that they get the idea of weeing in the pot or toilet. Boys can be harder to train and do take longer than girls. I always take the child to the toilet/pot every hour on the hour regardless of whether they want to go or not. They have to have a go/try. I also leave the potty about so that the child can play with it when its clean and that it does not become an item of fear or strain. If the child poos in his pants (in England this means knickers) and the mess is too unbearable to sort out we just chuck the knickers and start again. Many children get the wee part okay but then insist on pooing in the nappy/pull up and make sure that you have put one on before they go. This is alright because the nappy to them is the toilet or potty. What happens next is the natural transference of the nappy becoming the potty/toilet and it does take time. When I have trained children in the past I always start off with spending the majority of my time in the home and try not to go out too much. This gives the child confidence and helps prevents accidents. On going out take the potty with you and extra clothes (we call them bottoms) and get to know where the convenient and easy to use toilets are. I know every public convenience in South East London! What an achievement eh? Finally when the child has pooed in a nappy or on the floor put the poo if possible down the toilet and let the child see you do this, it really does show him where it should go.

In some cases children are just not ready yet and some boys can be lazy! So you may have to wait a bit longer but trying when the weather is warmer does help! Good luck and don't stress. How many adults do you know still wearing nappies?

A little about me: Ex nanny, aunty of 4, Godmother of 2 plus adopted parent of 3 and child care specialist teacher!

L. P.

I had that problem too with my second daughter. Nothing worked, it was very frustrating!! Finally I explained to her that she couldn't go to big girl school (preschool) like her sister if she was still wearing diapers. We had to explain to her that they don't let babies go there. She idolizes her sister and was dying to go to preschool so instantly she threw away the diapers and only used the potty. I don't know what your plans are with him, but that worked for us.

I personally think that your problem IS the pull-ups and diapers. Why did you put him back in pull-ups just because he had an accident in his underwear? He needs to learn from those accidents. Pull-ups are nothing but fancy pull on diapers. They will keep him dry. If you want to potty train him, you need to get rid of the pull-ups and diapers. You can still use them at nap and bed time (we called them his night time underwear). Allowing him to wear underwear and have accidents is what teaches him his bodies signals and help his learn to control it. If you are constantly switching back and forth between potty training, underwear and diapers then you are lowering his own self confidence. You are telling him that you don't think he can do it. You need to have confidence in him and give him big boy underwear. If/when he has an accident you just explain to him what happened, that it is ok and you will try to make it next time. Accidents are a part of learning. When I was training my son (he was 2 yrs 4 months) I would just check on him every once in a while and ask him, "are you still clean?" We would celebrate the fact that he was staying clean instead of putting pressure on him by asking, "do you have to pee now, how about now" etc. If it had been a while I would take him to the potty and have him try. He was completely trained with NO accidents in less then a week. When we had to go somewhere I would just take some clean clothes, a towel and a plastic bag. I did the best I could to limit is drinking while we were out and to make sure he peed before we left. He NEVER had an accident. Actually our first outing was on about day 3 or 4 of training and he used the BIG potty at Target. You should of seen us running through that store, lol.

Ditch the diapers....USE UNDERWEAR....Be patient with the accidents and show him that you have confidence in him.

Good Luck!

Dear J.,

I have a nearly 4 year old and was extremely frustrated potty training my daughter. I made two attempts before finally getting everything to happen, it took 7 months. When my daughter was ready she got it. My friend on the otherhand prepped her son several months before turning 3. She kept telling him that on his 3rd birthday that he wasn't going to wear diapers anymore and would be a big boy. Can you believe that it actually worked! He got to his 3rd birthday and never had one problem with the switch. After my months of agony I almost wish I'd done the same thing.

Hey! Don't worry to much about potty training. My son was started training hisself after he turned three. My doctor told me that they will learn when they are aready. I also took him to the bathroom with me everytime I had to go so he would get the idea. He started peeing in the potty very quickly but now pooping in the potty was a different story. he just started doing that about 3 or 4 months ago and he just turned four. So give it time he'll learn.

I will be reading the responses with much interest! My son turned 3 in Nov '07 and he has made a conscious decision he is NOT going to use the potty. I backed off for a few months and started up again this week. He knows the concept of the potty, wash the hands, etc., but absolutely refuses to be a willing participant!!! In other words, sounds like you're doing a great job and very close to success!:)

I would love to know what you hear from the other MOM's on this. My son is 2.5 and I am in the same boat. he is just not interested to going potty in the toilet. we have even givin ourselves stickers so he would want stickers tooo. He just doesn't care.

Hi J., I know you have recieved a lot of responses and I can tell you our method that worked like a dream. I have a 4yr old daughter and I potty trained my 5 yr old nephew and the method worked both times. When we started potty training we found a reward that the kids loved. Something that they just had to have. For my daughter, she was 2, it was smartie candy and for my nephew, he was 3, it was hotwheels.

What we did was set a timer for every 15 minutes for the first day and filled them so full of fluids that they had to pee. (Popsicles, fruit, yogurt, liquids, vegetables, etc.) When the timer went off they had to go and try to potty. After a little while they got the hang of it. They don't go everytime they go in but if you give them enough fluids they will start to notice the sensation. After a little while at 15 minutes we tried to spread out the timer more. We tried 30 minutes and started getting accidents. So we went to 20 minutes for a few hours then to 25 minutes and eventually to 30. We kept adding more time between potty sessions. Within a couple days they were telling me when they had to go.

One thing that is most important is that you make sure you stick to this schedule. They need the repetition and continuous praise. You need to make sure that you have plenty of underwear and the time at home to do this if you want it to work. I have several friends that have also used this method and it has worked everytime. You need to make sure that you DO NOT USE Pull Ups. They feel just like a diaper and the child knows that. They are not a good substitute for underwear. If you do not want the messes in the house, like peeing in the pants, then they sell the plastic pants at wal-mart. Like the ones used with clothe daipers. They slide over the underwear and work great. The child will feel very wet and uncomfortable when they go in their pants and want to use the toilet.

Good luck. I hope this works for you or that you find a method that does work. Oh one more thing. I know the toddler potty's are good for potty training but, we found it made the child feel like a big kid when they got to use the big potty with the little seat on it. Good lukc again.

A.

J. -

Patience. You are doing all the right things. It will happen. Likely when he's ready. This is not the kind of thing that you can rush. Keep on doing what you are doing and don't be afraid to change some dirty underwear now and then. Let him wear the big boy underwear, and let him soil it. It's okay. My pediatrician said that 3 years old is average for most boys. Some do before, some do after. You are right in there. My guy (now 4) was trained right around then, relapsed for a month at 3.5 when my second son was born, then got back on track and we never looked back. No worries. Take care.

J.,
I tend to think like most of the other moms, relax don't be to up tight or harsh. Make it fun, what I did,and it was a trick my mother used...great for boys. It's silly and might seem a bit grosse. I had a jar...a peepe jar we called it, and it was fun for him to pee in...that way he can feel what the urge feels like and peepe in the jar. Keep it in the car, then have him put it in the toilet. Another fun thinkg is to have floating targets in the toilet for boys...again it is fun and they want to go. It can be a piece of string or drop of food coloring that he aims at. There is also biodegrateable popcorn for packing it begins to desolve in water, and floats.
Good luck

Well my advice would be to ignore it. You see it takes longer to train a boy than a girl. And they learn they have control of 2 things... what goes in their body and what comes out!!! Put him back in the "Big boy " pants and tell him he now has to use the potty, every time he messes in his pants don't say anything. Just take him to the bath room and change him. BUT DON'T SAY ANYTHING!!! He will get tired of feeling pee and poo in his pants. Most important thing to remember is to have paticence.
S Sarver

Hi J.,

I don't have any specific advice because I am in the same boat. I'd love to hear what other people have to say. My son just turned 3 in December and he just ignores the potty at home. At day care he uses it all the time, and I think that's because he sees the other kids doing it. People have told me they think maybe he is not really ready for potty training if he won't tell me he has to go, but I don't think that's it. If he goes at day care then he has to be ready!

But try not to push him - my coworker said she pushed her son to get potty trained by 3 so she could get him into preschool and now every morning they have a big fight about the potty, and they are both in tears. Maybe you should try holding off for a few weeks but don't put away the potty, but still change him in the bathroom so he sees the potty. I know if my son thinks something is his idea he is more inclined to do it.

I have never potty trained a boy (that challenge will be coming in the next year or so) but I have potty trained a very resistant girl. Finally when she was over 3 and I felt like i had tried everything I went to her preschool director for advice. Get rid of the diapers during the day is what she said. If you are worried about your carpet (my girl refused to use the potty and would pee on the floor and furniture) then restrict him to an area of the house that doesn't have carpet until he will go. They get bored fast. She recommended getting a bunch of things from the dollar store and wrapping them as potty presents which worked on her son. My daughter loved pieces of a tastykake, so I think finding the reward that motivates your particular child is helpful. Once we dumped the pullups, she was trained in a week (at over age 3). My boss has 2 boys and said that at age 2 she put them in underwear and when they had an accident outside in the cold they didn't like the cold sensation and that was it, they were trained. We still used pullups during nap times for a while and for bedtime for over a year. Good luck to you. I never imagined how frustrating the process was until I had to do it.

Hi J.! I'm a 45 year old mother of four (21 boy, 19 girl, 7 boy and 3 boy) and have been married for almost 24 years. Our first two boys didn't potty train until they were about 3 1/2, but I didn't rush it and within one week they made their decision and were fully "trained" (including nights). Now, our 3 (and a half) year old boy is still in diapers, but I am not fretting, because I know that sometime between now and his fourth birthday he, too, will make that decision. Our daughter made the decision around 2 1/2, but girls are generally earlier than boys. I know it's hard having two in diapers (I did for a year and a half), but for me, it was easier to encourage the child and wait until they were ready than to deal with frequent accidents. Good luck!

So, my son is 2.5 and is potty trained except for overnight (I'm VERY lucky, he did it completely on his own), but I've been a nanny for several families and my best piece of advice is make sure they're ready, if there not, nothing you can do will really work. That being said, if you really think he's ready. Stick with the underwear (not pull-ups, they really are just diapers that slide on). He won't like feeling wet and especially messy, and he'll learn to respond to himself faster. Target and such have thicker underwear, which used to be called heavies, they are still all cloth, but thick enough you don't have messes all over the house. They also work great so in the beginning if they wet a little, they feel it and can get to the potty, which is the best way for them to learn their signs. Good luck!!