Potty Training Accidents with 4 Year Old

Boys, boys, boys...They are harder to potty train than girls. I have a boy also. What worked for us was the sticker method. Every time he went to use the toilet without accidents, he received a sticker, and, at the end of the week, he had to do fun things with us or we bought him a small toy. As far as the night, when he was 4 and a half I set the alarm to go off at 2:00am, got him up and made him use the toilet. Your son should wear underwear, not pull ups. It took 2 weeks and then he was able to hold it until 6:00-7:00am. He had some accidents in the following months, but that is part of the training. Be patient. All of my friends that have boys potty trained after the age of 3 for the daytime and around 4 years old for the night-time.

Like the other mom's who responded, it is probably just boys being boys. I have 2 boys, and my youngest especially was just always too busy to take the time to go to the bathroom. Eventually it will bother your son. My youngest son still has poop accidents of a sort, and he's 8. He'll be on the computer, too busy to go to the bathroom, and will tell me he had a diahrea accident, when the truth is, he had to go for a while, passed some gas, and a little snuck out. I have a great pediatrician, who is the mother to many, and she always seems to tell it like it is, while all us Mom's get paranoid over everything. As men are a strange breed that always seem to need guidance, we see in little boys where it starts. My mother always said to me, don't worry, you don't see any boys going to college in diapers. Just keep up the patience, and know that mother's of boys come up against the strangest of obstacles, and you are not alone. Good luck!

If it is a behavioral and not physiological, you can try this approach.

(My son just turned 5. He had the same potty training issue. Just too busy to stop. Bowel movements he could feel sneaking up so he'd make it to the bathroom. Bladder it was like all of a sudden it hit because he'd been too busy playing to notice)

First, stop telling him when to go. This makes him dependent on you to take him. He needs to initiate it himself. So, the next time he has an accident simply say (in a non-angry tone. Just have a VERY flat affect) "Uh-oh, you pee peed in your pants. Pee pee goes in the potty" AND THAT"S ALL YOU SAY! Very important not to give too much attention as this may reinforce the behavior. Then you take his hand and make him feel that he's wet. Then take him to the bathroom. Pull his pants down and sit him on the potty (for barely a second), then immediately take him off the potty, pull his wet undies/clothes back up and take him back to the scene of the crime and repeat, "uh oh you pee peed in your...." and do this FIVE TIMES. This is a researched based procedure and is used to train children with autism and other disabilties. This part of the method is called Positive practice.

It's not a punitive method but it's certainly not fun (it's not fun for you either so hang in there and just be determined. Five times of pants down, on the potty, off the potty, back to the scene of the crime gets very tiring for mom. but don't let it show!) He's probably think, "man, that wasn't fun, I better remember to pee in the potty because I don't want to do that five times again!) I only had to do this ONCE with my son and we were accident free after that! and now I don't have to be constantly reminding him either. One less thing on my mommy responsibilities list!

A second part you can add is the "dry check". Set your timer for every five minutes (it's hard but will work) and check him to see that he's dry. When he is, praise him and hug him like crazy! or offer another reinforcer you know he'll like. That way you're showing him the behavior you want him to achieve while extinguishing the other behavior of peeing in his pants.
Good luck, let me know if I can help further!

R.

The first thing I would do is to not make going to the bathroom a choice for him. When he begins to dance around, or he's had a lot to drink and has not gone in awhile I would say "lets go potty and then you can go back and play with your friends." If he refuses then he has to sit out of play for a few minutes (which will infuriate him) and he will soon realized that the two minute trip to the restroom was worth it. And I would go to the potty with him so you can tell him he's such a big boy and how proud you are of him etc. We also used to make it a race to the bathroom and that usually worked. Once he knows that you mean business he will begin to go regularly which should cause him to have less accidents. I would also ask his teacher for some assistance with making him go. Then they can help track his progress. We learned that we could not ask our daughter if she had to go, we had to tell her it was time to go. Now this was sometimes a fight and sometimes she sat on the potty and didn't go but we would still always tell her "great job for trying." Another thing I would do is reward him for when he doesn't have accidents. For i.e. if he goes 5 days in a row w/out an accident he gets a special treat. And I would do this with a potty training sticker chart you can find at most toy stores. He will get excited to put the stickers on and when he needs to go potty he will anticipate that special treat. As far as bedtime goes, if he's still having lots of bedtime accidents, I would keep him in pull ups at night. But I would not let him have any liquids after dinner (other then a sip of water after he brushes his teeth). Once his diaper is dry for several days in the morning then explain to him that you're going to put his big boy pants back on and if he needs to go in the middle of the night, have a night light on so he can go on his own or have him come wake you up. Whichever he is ready for. Just keep up the positive reinforcement and he should do great.
:-)

I am not so sure about the night time accidents. I am afraid the daytime accidents just take time and maturity to improve. My daughter had accidents until she was 6 or 7 (not often, but every few months). Good luck, I know it is frustrating. My son had an accident last night in my bed!! He is 4.

L.,

This, too, shall pass. My son was fully potty trained, but went through a regression at about age four as well. In talking with other parents, it seems like this is just another completely normal example of the various phases our kids go through, so you are definitely not alone.

One thing that helped with my son was we made a daily calendar and we would mark each accident-free day with a smiley face. At the end of each week, if he had 5 or more smileys, he would get a small prize. If he had all 7 smileys, he would get two prizes. This really gave him something to strive for and made it like a fun game that we all could play.

We did not penalize him for not getting 5 smileys, just made it understood that he would not get a prize for that week if he did not reach the goal (which NEVER happened - he got 2 prizes EVERY week after the first week). I hate to say this, but when all else fails, try bribery!

Hope this helps you. Good luck!

Please talk to your physician. I was this same way as a child. Many doctors told my mother that I was just lazy. My mother finally found a doctor that did a full exam of my bladder. My bladder was misshappen and required surgery. I had no problems with peeing after that.

Best of luck,
Jodi