Potty Training - San Dimas,CA

When you are at your wits end, that means it's time to stop. That's it, just stop. Take a breather, for as long as it takes to NOT be at your wits end - two weeks, two months, six months if that's what you need. I don't know where we (as a collective motherhood population) came up with the number 2 1/2 has to be the age that our children are potty trained at - some kids are just not ready until they are closer to four! Potty learning is much better than potty training, does that make sense? Your daughter will go potty when she's ready, you don't have to "train" her, just provide the proper materials and environment and then leave her alone. Let her spend the next six months sitting and playing on the potty if that's what it takes, but don't bribe her along, I wouldn't even talk about it at all for a few weeks. When she does go potty (and she will, I promise), don't make it too huge a deal or it may become a "performance" issue that she may feel too pressured to do it again and then resist. A big hug and an "I'm so proud of you" and a happy announcement to daddy is probably enough. Learning milestones isn't something that needs to be outwardly rewarded, it really is enough for the child to feel pride and accomplishment - that is more rewarding than all the M&Ms in the world! I find that when I gets to my wits end with my son, it usually isn't because of anything either of us is doing wrong, it's just that we're doing it at the wrong time in his life. Just let it go and relax - she won't go to kindergarten in diapers :)

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S.,

Please read The No Cry Potty Training Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Your little girl may not be ready and she WILL feel your stress and frustration. When a child is actually ready to potty train - it's a piece of cake! Remember - it's US being trained, not them! A book that touches on that is Toilet Learning, I can't recall the author but it's a great read. My daughter was potty trained a few months before turning 4, (some may gasp at that, but we moved and had a new baby, so although trained around 2, she regressed with the changes), my son had phases but wasn't trained completely until 3. With him, I grew frustrated because he seemed to know what he was doing/etc.. Until I read the first book I mentioned. It was a God send!

Best wishes,
M.

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My son is 30 months old and goes to preschool twice a week, but otherwise is with my Mom or his Dad for visitation. We have started following their recommendation of going to the potty and checking if we have 'go'. Their philosophy is if you encourage kids to check then, it will become routine. So, far in the last week my son has gone four times during 'potty check' and asked on his own a few times to go even though we haven't made it there on time.

But, I think the idea is to take the pressure off. Make it relaxed and fun. Encourage your Mom to take her on a schedule to check and see if she 'needs' to go. Try makign it fun and exciting...but, don't let her see you sweat! I loved the book mentioned in the previous post, it has taken the pressure of the process.

Good Luck!

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She is not ready. Just give yourself - and her! - a break and stop trying. It will happen when she is ready - not when you are ready for it.

Don't worry so much! She will be potty trained before she goes to kindergarten. She sounds like a smart girls. Switch to training pants or big girl panties. Put her in a short dress or just a t-shirt and she will soon get the idea. Don't make a big deal about anything. If she has an accident, just change her. You might ask every couple hours if she has to go, but don't make a big deal about it. Do NOT put her in diapers at anytime. Diapers are for babies and she is not longer a baby. Of course this means you are not going to be able to go anywhere for a few days. You get up tight about this is a game for her. If she is really that smart you are playing her game. The main things is that she can not see that it bothers you and that you are not going to put her back in diapers. Pull ups to me are just the same as diapers. At night, I would put two pairs a training pants with pastic pants over and take her to the potty just as soon as she gets up.

My son is 3 1/2 and is still not potty trained. Everyone tells me that he is simply not ready. Your daughter is only 2 1/2. Give it some time!

She'll use the potty--don't worry! As a dear friend said to me when I was potty training my kids, "do any of YOUR friends still wear diapers or use a pacifier?" In good time she'll do it. Don't push too hard!

do u ever go in front of her? my son learned when i would have him in his stroller and have to take him into the public restroom w/ me...i would not sit on the seat b/c i'm a germ phobe and i would say..this is how u pee pee..and his dad showed him too..so then he just started doing it himself..also let her run around the house bottomless..i have hardwood floors so it's easy..it's been pretty easy w/ my son except he wears a pullup when we go out and about and doesn't ask to use public toilets ..but he's been using the potty since he was like 22 months...but he likes to be diaperless in the house..if he's in pants or pj's he'll sometimes have an accident.

Pull ups are diapers, without tabs. I suggest getting rid of them and letting her wear "big girl" pants. Let her be uncomfortable in them should she pee. The more big a deal you make of it the more she will stall it. Good luck, they do eventually all manage to get out of diapers when they are good and ready.

From a mom who just finally (in the last month) got her 3 1/4 year old boy potty trained (FINALLY!) just wait a little and try again. At first I was trying everything but he wouldn't poop...then he didn't want to do anything. I finally tried to stop bugging him for a little while and then reintroduced it a little at a time. For a long time he would only pee sometimes and most of the time use the diaper. I don't remember how long I waited but I knew that my pushing was making him want to do it less and less. Right after he hit three I tried to encourage it again. It took over 2 weeks to get him to actually poop in the potty, and then a while in pull ups (I actually used diapers because they were cheaper and he just pooped and peed in the diapers and he just pulled them down or I put them back on). I let him run around sometimes without anything on just to give him practice.

When we moved to underwear after he was going most of the time all day (about a month ago) he had about a week of one accident a day and then nothing more. He goes on his own without being reminded and sleeps through the night dry!

Anyway..I'm not trying to be a poster mom but I know that I stressed a lot about this when he was 2.5 - 3 because all of the other moms said "he should be potty trained already". Oh well. He didn't want to, but once he did he did it full force and I didn't have to buy pull ups for 6 months or have accidents everyday.

His great grandma told me, don't worry too much, he won't go to school in diapers--this too will pass! :) Wisdom from a 90 year old who has done it all.

GOOD LUCK!!!! :)

Dear S.,
I know it is a pain, but none of my three children trained until they were more than years old. One would sit on the bouncy horse when his diaper was full and I would walk past and know he needed changing. Don't put pressure on her, she will train when she is ready. Give her a little more time. She should not have anything to play with and should not have to sit on the potty for a long time when you do train her. She will let you know when she is ready:)
H.

I think you should wait a little bit long and she will be ready. I was dreading potty training just from watching my friends. I even bought 20+ pairs of panties because of all the accidents they had. A month before her third b'day she just decided to do it herself, she said no more diapers. That was it, done. We only had two accidents, one at a party where she was busy playing and one at a music class. I never needed all the extra panties. I think at 2.5 you should just wait until they are ready.

What you need to do is give it a rest for a while. I know several girls who weren't potty trained until after 3 years. She just isn't ready. Wait for a month or two, and start trying again. They mature a lot in just that little amount of time.

Don"t put her pull ups back on. Kepp her naked for one week and stay at home as much as possible. Tke her to the potty every 45 min. When sucessfull sing and dance together about how happy you are.

Hi S.,
A potty watch (they sell them online and at The Right Start) worked fantastic for my son! You set it for 30 mins, 60 or 90 mins and it plays music when its time to go. It worked better than having me always say potty time, now the watch tells him. He even goes sometimes when he knows he has to go but the watch hasn't gone off yet.
Also, I never did pull ups just put him right in his favorite character undies!
Good Luck!!

Hi S.,
It sounds like she's not ready - despite the fact that she knows what she has to do. My son was the same way and he kept telling us that going on the potty was "scary". One month before he turned 3, we told him no more diapers, took them off and let him pee in his pants - he did it once then used the potty from then on. But he was ready at that point. We only used pull ups for bedtime for a few months until he learned to wake up in the middle of the night to go.

Unfortunately you just have to keep trying until they are ready to do it but try not to make it a power struggle because the kids always win that one. She is probably close to being ready.

You could try a behavior chart where she gets a sticker for each time she goes and the after maybe 5 times, she gets a special treat. We did this later when my son regressed a little for a few weeks.

Good luck! Hope this helps! Don't worry - she will do it eventually....

Catch morning pee for the first week, she has to sit their until she goes, that means no breakfast until she goes. But the potty in front of the tv she will get into the tv show and go. And forget the pull-ups they don't work, they should only be used for long trips. They second week you put on the undies and remind her to listen to her tummy does your tummy say it's full and needs to go? Leave the little potty in the room she is most in for a few weeks, I think we did it for 2 weeks then I moved it to the bathroom closest to the play area. Occasionaly you should remind her to try, But the first week is only to teach them the hold and release issues, you can't hold that morning pee forever. Good luck, once she understands the release thing every morning will be faster, especially if you can't eat breakfast till you go. J.

Maybe your girl just isn't ready... :)

Also, skip the pull-ups! My daughter pretty much potty trained herself around her 2nd birthday, we were at home alot and she was naked in the backyard (it was summer). It just sort of happened... and we never did pull-ups because you CAN potty in those.

We did big girl underwear and I remember being nervous going places in the beginning but I just made sure we always pottied before we left and weren't gone long, or took her (and her potty ring seat) to the bathroom if our outing was going to be awhile.

Good luck, it WILL happen!

Prepare for one week with "Potty Power" DVD (amazon) and "Everybody Poops" the book. Tell her that she is a big girl and is ready to use the potty like big girls do. Get excited and make it fun. Put her portable potty in the room where she plays, or in the living room. Don't put the pressure on, make it special, and/or casual. Then set a date, and tell her that date, and remind her how many days until she gets to be a big girl and use the potty. When you reach that date have her help you throw away all the pull ups, and diapers. Wrap up some special underwear like a present (princess, etc.) and let her open it on this special day. Sit her on the potty every one and half hours for one to two weeks. Make it fun and happy, and she'll get it. You just have to be really consistent from that day forward. (you'll have a few mistakes, but clean it up and say, "don't worry, next time you'll make it to the potty")

When she is ready, it won't take long. It's easier to do in warmer weather so she can run around with just her trainers on (use pull ups only for nap and bed). When you have to go out, put plastic pants (the kind you use for cloth diapers) over the trainers. When she goes on the potty, lots and lots of praise. When she misses, no reaction, just clean up the mess. Good luck! Just keep in mind that they usually don't go to kindergarten in diapers.

Hi S.,

Have you read anything about the "signs of Readiness"? You should first check to see that your daughter is physically ready, emotionally ready and cognitively ready. There are specific signs to look for. Have you tried one of those dolls that actually pees? I think Fisher Price makes one
(I have seen it at Toys R US) If you go to my website www.pottytots.com, you can get information on the signs of readiness and some other parent tips. Your daughter can go online to the JUST FOR TOTS section and play with the Potty Tots. If she likes them, she just may want to learn how to go potty like her new found friends.

Hi, I say don't sweat it....not to many kids go to school in pull-ups!!! ;-) I would keeping introducing her to the potty once a week or 2 weeks, she will get it...my daughter was a little over 3 when we got serious, but it still takes time, and she was fully trained in 2 months, no pull ups at all, and I kept her in diapers until then. My son did himself between 2 1/2 and 3, but we had the summer for him to go "natural" in the backyard, which helped a lot! He never wore pull ups either. Good luck, and if nothing else, ask Mom for suggestions, since she stays there thru the day anyway.

Hi S.,

I wanted to share my experience with you; When my daughter was 2 and 2 1/2, we tried potty training. Although she could do it, she really just had no interest. She is/was super bright and enjoyed the rewards given, but just wasn't interested in making it a full time thing.

When she was 3.....boom, ready, willing, able....it was a piece of cake. So, I hope you can just back off, relax, and know that it will happen when she is ready.

My daughter is 9 now, and the time goes fast, so don't stress about the little things that take care of themselves.

:) N.

You have some great advice already. My parents said I did the same thing when I was little. I reversed trained wouldn't go unless it was in my diaper. Then one day I saw my mom changing my sister's diaper said ewww yucky and decided that it was better to go in the potty. Is there anyone you know who is potty training their child that maybe you can put your daughter around, sometimes being with other kids helps. Don't lose heart I was a hard person to potty train and I eventually got there :)

I'm just starting to potty train my 27 month old twins and I trained my 3 year old son last year (he was already 3 when we started). I have had absolutely no luck with pull-ups and I'm not sure how they work for others. My kids will just use a pull-up like a diaper. I'm not using them this time around and will just move right into underwear for the twins. I imagine there will be several messes to clean up, but it'll hopefully be better than the frustration I had trying to use pull-ups with my oldest. Good luck to you. You may see me posting questions soon depending how my twin potty training experience goes in the next couple of weeks!

Stop trying so hard! She's not ready. Leave the potty seat out, but say nothing. I bet that as soon as you leave her alone, she'll start using it. These days, we unknowingly push our kids to do some things when "everyone" else is - and they are individuals. I'd leave it to her for a bit, and I bet by 3 years old ( which, by the way is the normal age), she will be potty trained.

Hi S.,

Sounds like she isn't really ready. I would forget about it for a few months and then try again. My first was potty trained at 3 and my second was trained at 2.5ish. But I think that is because they want to do what the first is doing. Another good key to do is to "talk" behind her back...to others in front of her. Like say, "Sally is such a good girl, that hopefully she will want to go on the potty so that she can wear princess panties like all of the big girls and not be a diaper baby". Weird stuff like that. She will hear it and will get it and WILL want to be with the big girls and not the diaper babies. But I would continue with diapers for two more months and then start that talking.

I learned this from a 60 year old "stay at home" daycare woman. She was amazing! I would get the daycare or whomever takes care of her during the day to do the same thing. It will definitely payoff. However, take a break to gain your sanity back and in two months she will be a little older and get it!

Have you tried letting her pick out (or surprising her with) some Disney princess underwear? We used this with my daughter - she would only get to use them if she kept them dry.

We also followed that up with a big girl bed, which she was only allowed to move into (from her crib) if she was out of pull-ups at night.

Good luck with the training - and don't worry - they all get it eventually! :)

She's not ready. Get her some really cool panties and put them in her drawer. Tell her "when you are ready to use the potty instead of diapers, you can choose to wear these!" Then back off. She will one day put them on all by herself and she will be potty trained in five minutes. I'm not kidding. You can reinforce the potty whenever you get the chance "Your friend Anna is going to use the potty now. She is wearing some panties like you have in your drawer" and stuff like that. Good luck!

She's probably not ready. Give it a rest for awhile. Try again when she is closer to 3.

Hi S.!

I'm a Mom of adult kids but the "Manna" to 8 grandkids. My hubby & I are attached to our youngest daughter's almost 4 yo daughter. We've been picking her up almost every weekend - every other at least since she was born.

She, too, is a very smart little girl. I mean, she loves playing games on the computer and knows how to turn it on and properly shut it down!

Anyway, it took us until this past Christmas to fully potty train her. Since then, she's only had 1 accident. before Christmas, she would do really good at our house but have to go back to pull-ups when she got home because "Mommy" wasn't working with her like we did.

There are a couple of things that help. 1. You have to keep reminding and asking if she needs to go potty. (I bought the "throne" potty chair that plays music and the whole thing but she prefers the real potty.) 2. Take her to Wal-Mart and let her pick out her own "big girl" panties. We have princess panties, Hannah Montana, My Little Pony and Tinkerbell panties now. 3. Be patient! She will come around but on her own time. 4. Make a big deal out of it every time she goes on the potty. Clap, say yeeaaahhh Missy (or whatever you call her) did it. Whoo hoo - what a big girl you are!

In time, she will realize that wearing pull-ups is a pain in the butt (sometimes literally) and will want to wear her big-girl panties all the time.

Take care & good luck!
S.

I know its hard and very frustrating right know....Don't give up hope it will happen!! I went throught this not that long ago. My daughter is 3 1/2 now we are just getting offically at the potty training end. It has been a long year and a 1/2 in the making. Keep doing what you are doing. We set a big goal for when she was finally potty trained(pretties in her ears.)She just got them on the 22nd. I myself bought her panties with her chosing what character is on them. When we are at home it just panties, if she wont go to the bathroom because the tv is on, I turn it off until she does go. I keep re-enforcing that she is a big girl know and need to go in the potty. Repeat-Repeat-Repeat eventually it clicks.Keep taking step to the end, gently nudging her when she needs it, don't give up or take a step backwards. Good Luck to you.

i would just let her potty train at her own pace. we tried pushing our daughter and it just meant she would hold it all day and/or have accidents. so we just stopped pushing. when she was ready (close to her third b-day), she basically trained herself and had no accidents, could stay dry through the night. she had regressed in her potty training when her brother was born around her second b-day -- he was in diapers and she wanted to be in diapers. having learned with her, we did not push him at all. he potty-trained himself at 2 1/2 -- same thing -- he was done -- no accidents.

Why put the pull up on? Use panties. To her the pull up is for potty.

waiting a little could help i tried 4 different times with my daughter, and at the end we did the naked at home not going anywhere for 4 days and at the end of helping cleanup her mess and not liking things running down her leg (only the first 2 days with us) she ran to the potty when she needed to go , we also moved the little potty to the room she spent the most time in (our living room) so she didn't have to run far. But getting frustrated will only really effect you, she could care less in a way. just be excited everytime she does it and let her know it's ok she forgot but re-enforce that she should use the potty and ditch the trainers until she gets it and once she has it a few days then use them at naps and night... We bought the plastic mattress protector and just gave up the trainers all together a month into her having it because she was still using them on purpose. Good luck and remember each kid is different and it may take more time

Hi S., You are having the same problems many moms are having today, Since this is your first and you probably will have more I want to give you advice for future kids, do things ealier, by the age of 2, bottles, breast feeding, pacifires, diapers and pull ups become more of habits than needs, the longer you do something the more natural and habit forming it becomes, my husband and I have raised 3 kids, and we thought way ahead and we looked at the bigger picture beyond the baby/tot stages, for example we never used pacifires, we only bottle fed, becasue you can get rid of the bottle, but you can't get rid of the breast, we introduced sippy cups to our babies as soon as they could sit up, they still got their bottles, but at one year when we took the bottles away, it was a smooth transition becasue they were already used to using a cup, for potty trainig, we started out first child (a son) at 20 months, by 21 months he was trained, by 2 he was using the toilet, our second child also a son, was trained at 19 months, he wanted to wear big boy underwear like his brother, so we told him you have to use the potty like your brother if you want to wear big boy underwear, and he did, our third child a daughter was trained by 22 months, and the only reason it was a later age for her, was becasue when we started my husband got orders for us to move to Japan, so with all that intelled to we decided to wait until we got over there to train her. One thing that we did S., when we started traing there were no more diapers, we used traing pants, not pull ups, a pull up is nothing less than a diaper without tapes, when you go from panites/underwear back to a pull up or diaper if is confusing to children, becasue they have always beem allowed to poop and pee in their diaper/pull up, so to have different results you have to do something different, pull ups are not traing pants, I don't care what the package says, they are made out of the same materials as diapers. If your little girl sits on the potty and sings, let her, she is not hurting anyone, she's not miss behaving, but you have to stick it out and let up after she goes, and not before, becasue like you said you take her off the potty and put a pull up on her, and that gives her the comfort and security to go potty on herself cause that is how she has always done it. Now you mentioned all's these things you have tried, the one thing that I see is missing, is discipline, coinsequiences for going on herself, all traing weather it's sports, diet, learning a new skill, all takes discipline, most children will do what ever they are allowed to do, simple as that, but they will think twice about things if there is coinsequiences for not doing what mom and dad are telling them to do. All the different things we have to train our kids through don't have to be battles, we didn't battle with our kids over anything, I know it's because of the way we did things, I'm not saying we are experts or that we know everything, a lot of what we did was the opposite of what we saw other parents doing that was not working, and we established from day one who the parents were and who the children were, and to this day, our kids are 25, 22, and almost 20 thanks us for raising them the way we did, and they tell us they are the men and women they are today because of the discipline and the way they we raised them, so we know what we did was the right way, for our kids, becaus the results are in.
Sorry for going on and on, You and your husband sound like very loving parents. Have you ever asked your parents how they potty trained you and how old you were when you were trained? just a thought. Wish you and your family the best. J.