Potty Training 4 Almost 5 Yr Old

I agree with MamaMay, I would cheerfully potty train his little sister. She sounds more than ready, and he might get tired of this power struggle if she "shows him up".

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I agree with Marda. Let go of it and make him be responsible for it. He's clearly capable, and it has become a power struggle. Give him the power and responsibility to potty by himself and to clean up after himself if he makes a mess.

However, since little sister is ready to potty train, go ahead and do it. If your son doesn't like pull ups because he knows they're for babies, he probably won't like little sister going to the potty by herself and getting lots of positive attention for it. He might just decide that he can go to the potty too. But DON'T point it out to him. He's smart enough to figure it out on his own, and pointing out how much better sister is doing will only cause problems.

Good luck!

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Since he is mostly continent when he's at other places, I suggest that this has become a power struggle with him. I urge you to try letting go of potty training. Tell him you know he's capable of using the toilet and you trust him to do so. Then completely ignore him and the potty. When he has an "accident" treat it as it's no big deal. Completely ignore him. If necessary remind him once to clean himself up but don't help him and don't nag him. He won't like being in wet or dirty pants and when he learns that you're not going to be involved he'll clean up and eventually stop wetting/soiling himself.

In short words, tell him it's now his responsibility and stay out of it.

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I think if you make a big deal out of the sister's potty training achievements then he is going to want to go more. He'll see her getting rewards and high fives and want them too.

We did Jelly Beans: one for pee and two for pooh.

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You're in a power struggle and he's winning. You really need to stop now with the whole 1. giving a choice 2. Pull Ups 3. reward system. Those things are not working. And you really do need to relinquish control. Instead, establish some ground rules. He continues to clean his own messes. But he must also do his best not to soil himself. His only rewards at this point should be mild to moderate praise. Don't lose your temper with him when he has accidents. Don't say a thing.

With your daughter, just take her lead. If she wants to sit on the toilet let her. If she shows signs that she needs to poop or pee, suggest sitting on the toilet before she does it in her diaper. "It looks like you need to use the potty. How about we try sitting on the toilet and we see what happens?" Give her praise, and keep it simple. He'll likely notice her getting praised and want some of the same.

And I can almost guarantee you that if your daughter makes progress on her own, your son will make some splendid progress quite quickly. Also don't underestimate the power of peer pressure when it comes to toileting. If he has enough accidents in front of classmates in daycare, kids who are already toilet trained, he's going to be embarrassed.

But lastly, I've been assuming throughout the entire post that your son is typical, but I feel like I need to ask if he has any Sensory Processing Disorder or is on the Autism Spectrum or if he has any other disorder that causes Global Delays? If he does then that would also mean that toileting would be delayed as well.

Edited to add: Bringing up delays and Autism wasn't intended as an insult to anyone, but as a question for the original poster because no mention of other delays was made. And for Susie L., I know that your comments are born out of ignorance of Autism and learning delays, but people with delays and Autism can read and do math and virtually anything else that typical children can. In fact, people with Autism are extremely intelligent. My response was merely asking if there were any other delays for any other reasons.

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Potty train his sister. My 4 year old finally stopped having accidents the day her little brother potty trained. Explain that sister is a big girl now that she doesn't pee her pants. Continue with the pull-ups when he doesn't use the potty.

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This definitely sounds like a power struggle, if your sure there are no underlying medical problems? If your sure, then I would explain to him that it is now HIS responsibility to stay dry at home. I would not say anything negative when he has an accident. NOTHING. Just say, where do we go potty at? Then, next time, please use the toilet. He cleans himself up, and that's IT. EVERY time it happens, DON'T lose your cool. After a short time, he will get sick of having to clean himself up each time & that it's not bothering you. I would NEVER revert back to a pull-up, that would never be an option at his age. He WILL learn quickly that he's a big kid, and it's not acceptable anymore. I have a 3 1/2 y/o strong willed daughter. We started at 3 potty training, and she goes through her phases of 'getting lazy' with potty training. (She's been trained for 4 mos. now). IF I make a big deal of it, she does it more often. If I calmly ask her, "Where do poo-poo's go?" She answers with the potty, and I say, "Next time lets put them there". End of story, she goes back to 'no accidents' within the day. I also don't nag her, remind her, nothing. The more I do, the more she resists. Good luck, and hang in there Mama!!

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funny enough i see myself where your at now with your 5yrs old. My son is 3 and we struggle with the potty training. 2 tries at it (potty training) and still no interest :(

i agree with the other moms. Your son is old enough to be a responsible child. Back off. He knows how to push your buttons and yes, this is a power control thing. Don't let him win at his own game. Stop what your doing and make him clean it up, take his clothes off, get new ones and be responsible for his actions. After a few weeks of this (you do not help), he will change his tune.

Concentrate on your daughter since she is willing and ready to roll. She will give him a role model to look up to and follow. He will see the attention and praise she receives at her hard work. Hopefully he will follow suit.

good luck, as i may b asking for help soon too...well i will be ha!

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Bless your heart! You are repeating what I went through 10 yrs ago with my son! I didn't think he would be able to start kindergarten! I was at wits end. I don't really have a solution since it was so long ago, but I want you to know you are not alone! My daughter was nearly 4 before she was trained. But I do remember if nick had a" accident" he had to wear it and put gloves on and clean it up or at least help. He didn't want to have to do that so he was more mindful of his accidents. Seems kinda harsh now that I say it but it worked! Good luck

If you have been potty training for two years and he's still having "accidents" and he doesn't have a medical condition than something is wrong. When a child is ready to be potty trained, it does not take 2 years to do. If he stays dry at night and can stay dry at school than he is just plain being lazy and he's not having "accidents" he's purposely peeing his pants.

If he doesn't have a medical condition that causes it, you need to take action now as it has went on for too long already. Make it clear to him that if he is peeing or pooping in his pants he will be wearing pull-ups until he stops. If he has to where underwear at school (and can do so without accidents) and you have to send him to school than so be it but when he is home it will be pull-ups or diapers until he can use the bathroom like the pre-schooler (almost kindergartener) he is. Tell him that includes the "swimmer diapers" for when he's in the pool this summer. Now if he truly has an accident (as in trying to get to the bathroom and gets his pants a little wet) that is a bit different.

Being nice and the other things I would have suggested are what you have already tried.

Good luck.

If it has taken two years,,,I'm thinking he started "training" before he was ready. I have late potty trainers... 4 kids, all trained at 4. If your daughter is showing interest, invest in her. If she pees, have an ice cream cone! Or buy little candy-bars or something. Things the other child will be see for but not get. :) A double whammy of having the baby learn *and* get treats! You could also try a reverse chart. Give your son a roll of quarters or something...and plan a toy he is saving for. When he goes on the potty, give him a quarter. When he goes in his pants, he pays you. Don't know if that would work for him, but something visible like that (maybe a jar of marbles) might help, too.

Best advice I was ever given.... just stop talking about it all together. Not ONE word. Let him poo and pee himself and let him figure it out.
Once you don't make it an issue, they tend to come back around. Worked for us on less than a week. No talking about it and bam, she brought it back up.

THEN I would just start working on your daughter who is eager to start. Give her praise, treats, ect.... he will soon see what is going on with her and want to be apart of it- he will miss the attention he is no longer getting. If he starts to talk about it with you, say well we are potty training your sister not you. Then of course when he doesn't like that idea, then tell him ok if you want to do it with your sister, then NO MORE going in pants! Period!

Good luck