Potty Training - Sharpsburg, MD

Hi N.,
Well let's see...First I praise your efforts & hard work.

I never had to potty train my girls because the day care took care of that for me...on ALL three.

BUT!!! A couple of things that everyone needs to understand. --- ALL kids are different.
- This is not an overnight process.
- My oldest was still having accidents through elementary school.
- My middle daughter would have a FIT if she had an accident when she was like 3.
- My youngest would just be like "Oh well...accidents happen."
-- On rare occasions she will sit wet the bed at night depending on what her day was like (she's 10).

- Might I suggest putting her on a potty schedule?
-- Every 2 hours
- Putting little pottys in the rooms she spends the most time
in.
-- Saw this on TV from a couple who has 1 set of twins & 1 set of sixtuplets
- Play music when she's on the potty
- Run the water when she's on the potty
- Make a HUGE deal out of when she goes in the potty.
-- Jump up & down
-- Clap
-- Give hugs & kisses

I wish you the best of luck & tell your hubby to just chill out. It will happen in due time. Everyone is one their on life long schedule & maybe her time just hasn't arrived yet. What she DOESN'T need is to see/hear loud discussions over her NOT using the potty. This will make it a fearful experience for her.

God bless & good luck,
R.

1 mom found this helpful

N.,

EVERY child is different and you may feel your child is behind when she is doing just fine. Sounds like you are doing the best you can and you sound like a great mother to me. As for your husband, yes gag him. No, kidding.....just let it roll off your back. Don't let him pressure you. Sorry I don't have more on the potty training, I just wanted to send you some mommy support!!!! Best of luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

I am a sahm of 4 ranging in age from 10 to 4. All of my children were different ages when they got potty trained. My oldest son was over 3 by the time he would use the potty, and he would do the same thing as your daughter. Hang in there I know it is frustrating, but when she is ready she will use the potty.

I would suggest waiting until she shows real interest in the potty. I have a 2 1/2 year old and we're doing the same thing. She's just not interested enough to go to the potty. So, I'm not going to push. I'm afraid it will cause more problems if I do. As far as her development goes, I would speak with her pediatrician. Maybe do a little testing to be sure she's where she should be developmentally. Just remember that each kid develops at a different pace. Also, some kids work on different skills at different times than other kids. Don't worry too much until you talk with a professional. My niece is a very smart little girl (she's currently 4), but she walked, talked and everything else later than most kids. As far as the husband goes, let him have a few days and nights with your daughter and see how he fares by himself. Go away for the weekend on a "girl's" trip or visit family and leave the two of them alone. I bet he'll have new respect for everything you do each day. I stay at home and my husband understands that some days it's not so bad and I can get a lot done and get a nap in myself. Others, it feels like the house is going to crash down around me. FYI, my almost 3 year-old still sleeps in her crib and loves it. Until she starts climbing out, that's where she's staying. She's happy and comfortable, so what does it matter? We all sleep better knowing she's not going to keep coming out of her room until she falls asleep. Mine does still take naps, but I've read that fewer than half of 3 year-olds do. If she's cranky, try putting her to bed earlier and then laying her down for a nap each day once she's use to the early bedtime. It sounds wierd, but sleep begets sleep. There is a great book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child that discusses sleep throughtout childhood. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Well gagging my husband is certainly where I'd start :) just kidding. I feel for you. As a mother of 4, I know that every kid will do things when they are ready. My oldest daughter didn't potty train until 10 days before her third bday. Being a first time mom I had tried everything and nothing worked. One day she took off her diaper and never went back. Of course I encouraged her, but she did it on her own. Imagine how frustrated I felt, after all those months of beating my head against the wall and she just did it herself. Every child will do things as they are ready. My second child potty trained around 2 1/2 and my third, even earlier. I never pushed because they have to be ready. Men are not Momma's and aren't always qualified to give their opinions about children's development. Why? Simple, because they are men and don't know what they are talking about. Don't let his opinions get you down. You stay at home with your daughter and are more sensitive to her needs. Go with your instincts and do not push her to do anything. Sometimes pushing gets you the opposite behavior of what you were striving for. Still encourage the potty. Take her when you go, make a big deal out of it, then invite her to do the same. Eventually it will click and she will be excited and yes, she will pee in the potty instead of beside it. Try to not get upset with her, I know it's hard. Oh, and the nap thing, I have a 4 1/2 yr old who doesn't nap at all.....unless she is exhausted. I have a 3 1/2 yr old that will nap when she's ready only. She doesn't and will not lay down for 'nap time'. Looks like your doing okay in that area too then :)
Don't worry, you aren't alone and if your husband is sooooooo know it all about everything then leave them at home together on a day that he's off. Oh, and take all of the diapers with you. Be sure that you tell your husband that she is to lay down for a nap at exactly 1 oclock and when you get back you expect her to be fully potty trained :) See how he likes it.

For us, we started potty training later and it went very smoothly be/c my son and I could communicate clearly. People tried to tell me just take away his diapers, but I ended up spending 10 days straight mopping the floor, scrubbing out underwear and washing the couch cushions. It was misery. Your darling husband is not the one cleaning up the messes! I would like to encourage you to use your "mother's intuition" be/c you spend 24/7 with your little one. I tried taking away his diapers in the morning and had him drink a lot and sit on the potty chair watching TV. Once he "went" I would give him a diaper and we would go out on errands (which he loved). It was a gradual transition and he did get out of diapers within 3 months. He had almost no accidents be/c he was a little older and more aware. As for your hubby, the muzzle sounds like a good idea. Perhaps he would listen to a pediatrician or other professional. My DH readily accepts ideas that come from someone other than me. Go figure!

I am a sahm too and getting the same pressure to get my youngest son potty trained!! My husband works outta town a lot and seems to think that I should be able to work miracles while he is gone! Keep your head up and don't let the pressure that you are under transfer over to your little one. Each child does things in their own time!

N.,
I know how you feel. I took me a very long time to get my child potty trained. I even sent her to my inlaws. That didnt ven work. Ughhhhhhhhhh. This summer My oldest child well Annie started going tt by herself and its been working and sometimes now she has accidents........
good luck with the potty training.....

hmm About nap time, it can be kind of hard to get a kiddo to go to sleep when they do not want to. I have two tots and have sleep issues too. However I did find if we got up early 6 kiddos went to sleep easier around noon. I would turn off all the stuff in living room and make room dim....sometimes a movie before nap...then lay down with kiddo and heck maybe take a nap yourself.... Anywere from an hour to two hours is ok. Then you can start night time sleep around 8 or 10. I try to keep same sleep schedule as my husband with the kids....he gets up at 5ish and goes to sleep around 8-10...so getting kids to bed is important.

Potty training can be a long long process and there is no one way to do it. Start around the age of 2...try diffrent things a potty chair if that does not work maybe the little adapter...some people jump right from diapers to underpants. However, would suggest since yours is poohing in pants to go with pullups.

My son was two when we started and I got very discouranged as family mebers made us feel presured to get him potty trained. Morgan was my first so it was kind of what am I doing wrong and now realize that its just a process.....

What I did was take him to the potty every hour, let him sit and then get up...then at bath time let him sit and we would talk about going pee pee. After a while he would go and I started him in pull ups....( I tried just under pants at first but Morgan would pee and pooh with no reguard to if he was wet or not) He were pull ups all the way untill 3 and a half....I asked the Ped doctor if this was normal he explained yes, kids learn when they are ready. Morgan started a pre-school program about then, think seeing the kids going helped too and just like a mirical ( lol) he just went to the potty and went. He's 4 and a half now....he does everything indepentantlly...except wiping which is were we are now.

Some people will tell you to do it this way or that way or "He should be potty trained and back when I.." dreaded phrases. Each child is diffrent....
God Bless

N.,
Sounds like you are doing everything right. I might add a treat for going potty. I use to use M&M's and eventually my son really wanted a sucker or cheetoes so I think you can use anything she will respond to. Make sure it is something she only gets when going potty. Sometimes my little guy will only go potty when there is a treat involved. You won't have to reinforce like that forever so don't worry about setting up an expectation for the rest of her life. When she wet she is taking off her pants because she doesn't like the way it feels. That is a good sign. Just make sure you have many and I mean many pairs of the cloth underwear to keep washing. Its a pain but in a few weeks this will all be behind you. The important thing is to not give up. Be consistant and she will get the hang of it. I understand about the poop on the carpet. I think every baby shower should give a carpet cleaner. I am on my 3rd but it gets a very regular workout. The poop part takes longer. I wish I knew why. My thinking is that it requires more time on the potty and my guy doesn't want to miss anything. You might want to try some books so she will sit longer etc. I sometimes would read to my guy and say he could get up when I was finished.
You are not doing anything wrong. What a blessing that you are able to stay home and nuture your child like that. See if your DH would be willing to help by taking her to the potty and watching her to make sure she goes. If he would involve himself he would see it is so difficult. Remember you can't make her go you can just encourage her and make sure you have a big ole potty party celebration when she is successful. My son would go tell everyone in the house he went teetee on the potty. We even called grandma a few times.

Hang in there we have all been through this it will pass I promise!

: )
S.

She seems to be showing signs of knowing what the potty is there for, but it also seems like she is not ready to get out of diapers. Some children take longer than others because they might think they won't be getting much attention after they are potty trained since changing diapers has been such a big part of their life. Please do not put pressure on her to use the potty, it sounds like she is just not ready to make that move yet. There are plenty of 3 year olds out there who aren't potty trained yet. She knows where the potty is and how to use it and I promise she will use it when she is ready! Good luck on it! J.

okay sounds like your have your hands full. my son was about 2 1/2 when we finally got him potty trained it took about 2 days and its fairly easy you just have to be consistant. your daughter already sits on the potty so thats good. me and my husband had to do it together though. we bought a kitchen timer, they are like 3 dollars, and set it for every 20 mins. every time we took him to the potty he had to sit there for at least 10 min, of course that meant that we had to sit there with him. after 10 minutes we would let him get up and reset the timer for 20 minutes. we continued to do this until he finally went potty while we were in there with him. once he went we clapped and make a big deal about it, had a pee pee in the potty song and everything (kind of silly but he loved it.) once he did that first time we still set the timer for every 20 minutes by the end of the day he knew that the timer meant it was time to go to the potty. he only went to the potty about four times the first day but that was more than he did the day before. on the second day he already knew the routine so we set the timer to every 30 minutes. it was easy after that. on the 3rd day it was every 45 minutes. by the fourth day he was telling us that he had to go potty plus we were asking him through out the day to make sure that he didnt forget and go to the potty on himself. its fairly simple you just have to remember to reset the timer, it kind of became a game to him. i dont know if you would have the same issue but i could not take him to my grandmothers house until he knew how to go by himself because she would not take him so it would confuse him and he would potty on himself. i know the every 20 minutes sounds bad but thats just for the first day. the timer made it really easy for us. i hope that it helps.
good luck

Hi N..
Don't worry. You're just in the beginning stages and although, it can be a little frustrating, you will succeed. Just a little more time is needed. I would, however, switch to the pullups. I like the ones they have now that feel cold to the child when she wets. Just stick with your routine; on the potty first thing in the morning; every hour; and right before bed. You're doing great!! As far as your Husband is concerned, just ask him to support you and not fight you about how you are progressing and to please refrain from complaining, especially in front of your daughter. Most guys will respond to a flat out direct request. Just be firm so he understands that you are doing your best and that is what counts.
Take Care!
D.

To me, she's saying loud and clear that she's not ready yet.

I think you need to do your daughter and yourself a favor and go back to pull ups or diapers. You can always put on underwear under either one, so she can "feel" wet, and you don't have to clean up such a mess.

If you're not going to do that, making her clean up her mess has a history of working real well to prevent pooping in the floor (or in underwear, for that matter). Get a Wal-mart bag, have her use toilet paper to pick up the mess and put it in the wal-mart bag, then dump it in the potty and throw away the bag.

Never ever ever ever ever ever ever try to potty train a child with diarrhea. It's hard enough to make it to the toilet when you're an adult and know the sensations that mean an accident is about to happen - for a child it is traumatic to lose control just when you're trying to gain it. (IMHO)

As for your husband, I strongly suggest that you let him know that, while you respect his opinion, unless he is going to stay home and - potty train, enforce naps, become a language therapist - he is just going to have to trust you to do it at the time that is right for your daughter.

I'm a teacher who recently became a stay at home mom via becoming a daycare provider, and I've noticed my husband becoming more critical too... that stopped when I asked him to start working over time, since we needed more money and he was the one in charge of making it. He got a stunned look on his face and thought I was serious (I've always been against overtime - favoring family time instead) - until I informed him that if I was going to pick up his "slack" with the kids, he should pick up mine with the salary. That was what it took for him to realize that I am doing the best I can, and they are turning out just fine.

You can always bring your husband to your daughter's next pediatrician appointment, too - and ask the doctor about verbal development, naps, potty training, and what pressure to perform does to a kid.

Good luck. :)

S.

I know how frustrating that can be. My little one did the same thing. For a month or two we let her have accidents in the pull ups (they were the cheap kind) after awhile she realized that when she wet herself twice in those she wasn't confortable. The pull up didn't absorb like the diapers. So she finally started getting the hint. My grandmother used to tell me to let her stay in her wet undies because when it starts to dry they feel icky and most kids dont like that feeling. So they are more aware of what is happening. Is your daughter getting enough playtime with others her age? Maybe mommy and daughter need some playtime with others.

First off any child her age still needs a nap every day.... You can do some research on it, but if your husband gets on you about, call around to your local daycares and ask them if their children still take naps, up to what age and why? I am sure they would be more than willing to help you with reasoning behind this. My understanding is tha children under the age of 5 should still be getting at least an hours nap, and the younger the child the longer the nap.

If your daughter is squatting on the floor, chances are she is rebelling and just no ready for it. Dont push her. If she is strong willed (which is sounds) she will go in reverse. Just keep her in the pull-ups or cloth padded underwear. Ask her if she has to go potty every 30 minutes or so. Make sure when you go, she goes with you so she sees its a normal occurance.

As far as her development. My daughter pretty much kept to herself and didnt want to talk to anyone outside the home until recently. Her daycare worked with her and did a tremendous job. She is very picky on whom she speaks to. But, if a new teacher came in, or someone out of the ordinary, she would just clam up.
So, to keep her motivated, I buy the dry erase cards and we work with them and flash cards. We also love the wooden puzzles that are numbers and ABC's.

Another option is www.sesamestreet.com My daughter loved the elmo alphabet game. It teaches phonics and so forth.

Good luck with everything. You are doing great and I feel your love, I am a one-time mother.... on top of working fulltime and being a single mother.... I would never give a minute of my time up where my daughter is concerned.... She is my world and has my heart...

N. - Don't stress yourself about this. When she is ready you will know. Just getting her used to the potty and having the right idea is a step in the right direction but you can't force her to become potty trained. Kids do things in their own time and parents have to go along with the flow. It will get easier. Husbands can be pills sometimes but at some point they have to realize that the world doesn't work on their schedule and that is especially true with their children. As moms we know this but dads take a while to catch up. You can always try a potty chart and each time she is successful using the potty she can put a sticker on the chart. Either way, it will happen when she is ready...not when you or dad are.

hello N.:
I am a first time mom of a 6 month old daughter/student/work at a daycare 40 plus hours a week and if it helps.... when i was in the 2 year old class we knew it was time to potty train when the kids would stay dry all the time. another sign is when they pull their pants down and say potty lol. But as i have heard a thousand times "you cant rush them they have to do it on their own when they are ready" maybe she just isnt ready yet..... good luck!!

I am a mother of 5 kids. Our 3 year old use to do that and now that he is in school now he compelety poty trained. Hang in there, it gets better. Just keep up on what you are doing now and before you know it she will be poty trained. I just started a bed routine and having the kids sleep in their own bed bout 5 weeks ago. My husband does the same thing to me but it gets better once they have the bed routine and poty thing down.

A friend of mine was having the same problem so she finally just gave up and put her back in pullups. She decided she would try potty training her 3 year old again in a month or so... wouldn't you know, right about the time she was thinking about starting again, her daughter just started going in the bathroom and using her potty chair by herself without even being told. I don't know if it was because the pressure was off or if she finally just matured enough to figure it all out, I do know she was about to start preschool though and was told the teacher wouldn't let her come play with the other kids until she knew how to use the potty and keep her pants dry and clean all day.

I guess, to make a long story short, my advice is to stop the potty training for a month or 2 and then start from scratch, like you've never even tried it before, maybe it will make more since to her next time.

It sounds like shes not ready yet, there potty area is the last thing they develop control of. If you want to continue tring then take her to the potty every 15min let her sit as long as she wants, let her play with a special toy that she can only play with on the potty. Remind your husband all children develop at diffrent rates. If you have any thoughts that she is too behind for her age then I would contact ECI or Region 16 and have her evaluated for free to see if she has any delays that she may need services for, also talk to them about parenting classes. You and your husband (him too)need to get a parenting plan and support each other and be on the same page about your daughter.

There is a potty training solution for you!! don't despair!! My friend and I found this ebook online when we needed to potty train our little girls. We used it when they were 2 (about a year ago) and it really does work. You will have her potty trained in 3 days. We did it and it worked, so we told 3 other people at work about it and out of the 5 of us , it only didnt work for 1, so i think 4 out of 5 isnt too bad an odds. Well here is the website, its well worth it to check out:
3DayPottyTraining.com
Good Luck!

Dear N.,
Without sounding terribly rude, tell your husband to back-off!!! Children aren't machines...you can't program them to do anything! Plus they are very intuitive..she can sense your stress.

If she has diarrhea, this is not the time to potty train.
I just trained both my little ones this past May...my son was about to turn four and my daughter was about to turn three, and they both showed signs they were ready. I am a stay at home Mom too, so it was a little easier to devote my time to just potty training. I picked a weekend- I started on a Friday night and told both of them that they would not be wearing pull-ups anymore during the day. Then I got a kitchen timer and set it to 20 minute intervals. Every 20 minutes they had to go pee-pee in the potty. I didn't use a training potty, they used the real thing...they didn't like the training seat either...

Long story short, it took a good two weeks for both of them to be potty trained. But this wouldn't have happened if they weren't ready. All children develop differently. Talk to your little girl and ask her if she is ready...tell her of all the neat things she could have with the money you save from buying her diapers.

Here's wishing you peace and joy...I will be praying for you!

I'm so sorry you are are having so much trouble. Potty training is a long process and it will not happen in a week or two. The best advice I can give you is trying giving rewards for just sitting on the potty, make a chart and give stickers, anything that praises her for any little progress. I would not have discussions around her with your husband if he is barking at you about her progress, this will only make things worse. It is not the end of the world, just relax and things will fall into place when the time is right. One thing that I have learned as a mom is patience. Good luck.

Hi, I potty trained my daughter when she was about 2 1/2. What worked for me was letting her know that we will not be leaving the house that whole day and just put panties on her. I would taker her to the restroom and maker her sit in the bowl (the regular one). I will tell her that she needed to potty in there because she was a big girl and explained to her what big girls did. It took a couple of tries that day and when she finally did go in the potty I made a potty party. However, if she had an accident, she will be placed in time out. Sounds cruel, but it worked. You have to be persistent and consistent with it. You run the show not her OR YOUR HUSBAND.

As far as napping....you really sound like you could use an hour or two to relax, so what I do with my daughters (I have a 3 year old and a 21 month old) I put them down for a nap at the same time, even if they are not tired. They sometimes stay in their beds babbling or playing, but at least they have some quiet time and you have some free time. Put her in a routine and believe me, she will appreciate it. YOu need to make it conisisten, like waking up, having breakfast, playtime, story time, lunch and nap. Every day and believe me, it works. Don't give up, and good luck.....By the way, tell your husband to stay at home with your daughter for an entire day while you go out and tell him you expect him to potty train the girl, clean, cook dinner and look pretty for you by the time you return. Let see how well he does it.

I am an Army wife, so I know all about the barking orders and wanting his kids to move along a faster pace than they are ready to. My husband also expects me to work while taking care of all of this. Our first son is very smart, but took forever to potty train. He wasn't potty trained until after he turned 3. We are working with our second son, who won't be 3 until Sept. Matt is doing fine, but we have to use Pull-ups at nap and bedtime. Every child is different. You would think that someone who count to 20 before he was 2 could be potty trained with no problem, but that wasn't the case. I went through a gallon of bleach every week. I would tell JD to go potty and he would yell, "No, I don't have to!" and then wet himself right there in front of me. I know your husband won't understand this, but she'll do it when she's ready. If you have given her every opportunity and it isn't working, just give it some more time. Put the "big girl pants" in a drawer and go back to pull-ups and tell her that when she can keep a pull-up dry for the whole day she can wear the big girl panties the next day. You can also get some literature from yoru pediatrician regarding potty training and the fact that all kids are different if you think your husband will listen to the doctor. Mine didn't care either way. So we just kept buying bleach to clean the house and wash undies. As for naps, not all kids need them. JD slept 9 hours at night and took 2 two hour naps during the day until he was 2. Matt will nap some days and others he would only sleep for a few minutes. Wish I could give you an answer that would fix the problem. Your pediatrician is always a good source of advice, too, if you think she is lagging behind other kids. Honestly, every child is different.

hi N..
My chilren are not potty training yet, but i have many friends who are going through the same thing. Every child is different. Maybe she is not ready yet. I know if they feel the least bit pressured, it makes them frustrated and not do as well. I know you are doing the best you can. This is a hard stage. I would keep her in diapers for now and just put her on the potty every hour or so and if she goes, reward her, but if not, then just tell her "we'll try again later". Then you can still keep the diapers (to keep your sanity!) and then that will take the pressure off her a little. As long as you are laid back about it, and just put her on the potty every now and then, she will eventually get it. as far as your husband: i would just tell him how you feel and let him know you are doing your best. That is good that he is involved, but he needs to know you are doing the best you can and children have a mind of their own. if they aren't ready to do something, then give them some time. That's so wonderful that you can stay at home with your little girl! Good luck with everything!

Ok as far as the potty training goes most of my kids are right on target with development and so far the two oldest ones didn't get the concept of potty until 3 years old. I haven't even tried it with my two year old now because I am sure that he is going to do the same thing his brother and sister did and ignore me until he is 3 too. What helped me is taking my older ones on play dates with ohter 3 year olds that were potty training so that they could see that other kids do it too. We still had a few accidents but they cleared up real soon. As for the talking have you consulted ECI. They help kids who have not reached a developmental level. They even help with potty training. They will evaluate and then send a speach therapist to your home or set up a day care situation for you to take your child to for a few hours a week so that your daughter can recive speach therapy. My daughter who is now 4 was not talking at all when she was 2 and had less than 20 words when ECI came in to the picture. ECI worked with her until her third birthday and then enroled her into the speech therapy program in the local school district. It is important to get this help early for many reasons but the one that got me was, she was going to get the help latter on in school any way but why wait until she is old enough to remember when the kids would tease her about having to go to a "special" class for her speech. I perfered her going to the day care that was set up for kids that needed the therapy and then starting school at the level she needed to be at. She will be starting pre-k this year and is talking very well and she is even brave enough to talk back now. As for the husband I have one response: Tell him if he is not going to help then BACK OFF! Or you will leave her with him the next time she has diarrhea and so you can take a day off, (code for spa day). But really you need to have a sit down with him and let him know that this child has TWO parents not just a SAHM. So if he doesn't want to help and he just wants to be negative then maybe you should invest in a good gagg! I had that talk with my husband with our first child we now have 4.