Potty at Night? I'm Afraid We Are Being Played...

If she really goes right before bed, I don't think she is "playing" you. Can she get up and go without you? You could tell her she can get up and go, she is a big girl and doesn't need mommy to watch. Get her a nightlight so she can see what she is doing. Certainly you don't want to insult her dryness at night by reverting back to a diaper, especially since she has been dry at night. That is a huge milestone in the pottty training world!
My daughter had many bladder infections when she was younger. The problem turned out to be our well water. The doctor reassured me through all of them that "holding it" would not create or worsen a bladder infection, she just didn't want to go because it was painful. He said that her bladder would just let it go if it is held too long so don't worry about that.
Just explain to her that "you are such a big girl, you don't need me in the night to go potty. Here is a special princess nightlight to help you get to the potty all by yourself! Good job sweetie!"
I am sure you will hear her get up, stay in bed and listen for any trouble, but let her do it herself...sounds like she can. Let her know it's ok to get up, go potty and go right back to bed, ...that's what big girls do. She'll get the hang of it. You could also add a reward on a calendar to encourage her to go by herself. Good Luck!

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She is very young to be totally potty trained. She's still adjusting to having control over this stuff. I sure wouldn't even think of punishment. I'd keep it as light as I can. You don't want to get into a big power struggle over this. She's at an age when independence and dependence on you are all mixed together. It may seem like, if she does it well at certain times, that she can do that all the time. It's too soon for that kind of consistency. If she's doing it for attention, then she needs attention and you can try meeting that need in other ways and not make a lot out of her need to go. If she's really going, she needs to. It will improve over time.

I was going to say use a pullup-thats what we did...but I really like the idea of a potty chair in her room. That's a great solution if she's just trying to put off bedtime...a good way to call her bluff!

Personally, I think kids are way smarter than we think...and a child who is ready to potty train won't be confused by wearing a pullup at night. It can be explained simply to them in a way they can understand, that 'sometimes our bodies have a hard time remembering to wake up to potty, and it would be uncomfortable to wet the bed'.

Good luck to you!
L.

We're working on the potty training at night situation with our 3 year old right now. We've discovered that nightime "panties" work great (GoodNites makes them and there is an off brand at Target). She thinks they are real panties, so won't pee in them. We haven't had this issue with her, but do on occassion with our oldest, who is 4 1/2. We know we're getting played. We finally set down the rule that they go potty before bed time - it's a MUST. They are allowed to come downstairs to go potty one time after that before they fall asleep. Josephine will occassionally get up in the middle of the night, go potty and go back to bed. But we've ended the game. You may just need to call her on it, explain how things are going to be and make sure she completely empties her bladder. One thing I did with Josephine to determine if she really had to go was timed (roughly) how long she normally took to go potty during the day and then during the little trips. We quickly saw that during the day she was sitting on the toilet, and releasing more fluid, then what she was at night. The little trickster and figured out how to hold it in. Your daughter may be doing the same thing - just letting a little bit go so she can stay up later. Maybe reward her for a weeks worth of going to bed the first time, she can stay up a little bit later on a weekend. Do that for a while and she may just keep it up without the reward.

my daughter did the same thing ...I think she is afraid of wetting her pants...When she relizes she is going to be ok the 20 trips too pottie will be over...T ake the diaper back and just keep reasuring her she is a big girl...lots of hugs might help the way........Good luck B.

She might be afraid that she will soil her bed. I'd go with pull ups at night and let her know that its okay if she needs a bit more time to be dry at night. We didn't have this issue, but I usually try to look at it from their perspective and see if there is a compromise to be made.

J. - mother of 6 year old boy

Not sure what all the fuss is about...I'd say just let her go. She needs to know that she can get up and go potty by herself. I'm sure she's thinking she's missing out on something if you are still up, but this will pass. When she comes to her door and asks to go potty, say yes..."go potty and then right back to bed". Don't go help her or give her any attention.
If it continues every 20 mins as you say, after the first few trips to the potty, just tell her no. "No, sweetie, you already went, it's bedtime." That's it, no attention, no argument, just calm assurance. She'll get the point if you are consistant. Good Luck.
S.

Hi S.,
What we do at our house is I make sure my son goes potty before bed and then he gets one time to get up and go potty. After that he gets something taken away for the night (nightlight, blanket, tv time for the next night, ect). My son is almost 5 and is completly potty trained and has been for almost 2 years. If she is still learning I would let her get up go potty and back to bed. No interactions. After she goes put her back and leave the room. It may be just a stalling tactic so if you don't interact with her she may stop. Good luck.
Chris

Have you tried putting a potty chair in her bedroom? If she can go and wipe on her own, maybe tell her if she has to go she can get up and use the potty chair but may not leave her room and may not come and talk to you. Of course, this assumes she's in a big girl bed and can get in and out on her own.

Eventually, she'll realize she doesn't have to go - since the fun of mom & dad's attention is gone.

We've been potty training too and have discovered the more convenient the potty is for our daughter, the better. I even keep one in our van (I hate public bathrooms).

Good luck!

I like Don C. Dinkmeyer's description of guilt: an expression of intentions we think we should have (or are expected to have) but do not in fact have. Often the result of pressure (from someone else, from something we said or did earlier or from oneself), guilt is used as an escapement -- a way of doing exactly what we choose to do, in spite of knowing perfectly well it is the wrong thing (for us) to do as we do it.

Diapers are to keep the volume of laundry and upholstery cleaning to a minimum. They are not a punishment (even for moms) or a reward for children.

I'm confused, though -- you are taking a child requesting to use the toilet appropriately to the toilet when she indicates a need and that's a problem how?

Often, smart little people work out that 'some' of the family gets to stay up as late as they feel like, and 'others' have to go to bed at some artibrary hour, unrelated to sleepiness, the day's activities or the position of the sun in the sky. That this feels arbitrary (and sometimes insultingly personal) to a child is understandable -- it is arbitrary.

I am not suggesting *not* having appropriate bedtimes for a child, if that's what a family chooses to do... but ensure that the child can't see the hypocricy in the 'tiredest people not going to bed at a reasonable hour.'

One of the happiest and most balanced and settled mothers I have ever known had 5 kids under 7 when I met her... and explained how relaxed and well-slept she was simply with this: I was enormously happier with my life and my family when I gave up on the ludicrous idea that I could have time 'to myself' after the kids went to bed.

Really... is getting enough sleep a visible, real priority in your life, or just for the children in your life?

You know she stays dry at night, no diapers... Just remind her that if she's gotta go she's gotta wake up and let you know so you can go to the bathroom...
Our rule is that there is one "go potty" a night... So make sure she goes before bed, and then ask... when she says I gotta go, ask her if she's sure... If a next time comes up you know she just went, just say Oh, silly... go to sleep, you just went (kiss) see you in the morning... Remind her again that if she has to go later to wake up and let you know.

She'll figure it out and start asking for something else... Lol Kids are smart that way... (keep drinks to just sips, find the favorite blankets, teddys, retuck, fix the pillow, turn off the moon, etc)...

I'm not sure if you are doing this but have her go right before she goes to bed. She very well could be having to go just to not have to go to sleep. I wouldn't put a diaper on her however unless she starts wetting the bed every night. Try to limit her drink intake at least an hour before bed and make sure she goes before she gets in bed and than if she asks tell her she just went and she needs to go to bed. If she does wet the bed let her know accidents happen and don't make her feel bad about it.

Does she still take a nap during the day? If so maybe it's time for her to stop so she'll go to sleep at night better. It sounds like the many trips to the bathroom is because she isn't tired yet. My kids did this too. Cutting the nap time made for a much easier bed time for my kids. The thought of no nap is bad, I know, but you'll at least get to take a break at night instead of chasing her back to bed for hours.

What has helped me with keeping my daughter in bed at night is to turn all the lights off so that she thinks everyone else in asleep and she knows she's not "missing out" on anything going on out of her room. Then if she has to go, I know she really has to go. Frankly, it feels good to sit there for a minute and have some forced rest and take in the day. When she's asleep, we turn everything back on and get our "grown up stuff" done. For us, this usually isn't more than 15-20 minutes.

I would NOT put her back in Pull-UPs or diapers. This is for your fear of her going, not hers. She already knows she's going to stay dry! The idea of having her go by herself is a good idea. If she needs help, set her on and tell her you'll be back in a minute to check on her.

You can try letting her get up once or twice or you can try telling her when you go potty before climbing into bed that this is the "last" time we're going potty tonight and to try get it all out.