Postpartum Sex

I know its annoying, but some times you just have to get it done! Lol!! You are in mommy mode right now, not "pleasing your husband" mode. But he still has needs too. Since its been awhile it probably wont take very long. I would at least try to do it once a week right now.. Sometimes I just find it easier to give them their 5 minutes. Haha! Gross I know. Sorry about my TMI!

7 moms found this helpful

Introduce him to his right hand.
Also, let him know how much tender loving consideration
and concern for you, your tiredness, your lack of sleep, etc.,
would help make you more cuddleable and affectionate.
Also, you might want to reconsider how you do oral sex.
Don't go so far as a gag reflex. Use your hands.
Good luck.
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PRINT OUT ALL THE ANSWERS.
Roll them up into a cylinder, tie it with a sparkly ribbon.
Give it to him over breakfast on a weekend morning.
Good luck.

7 moms found this helpful

I think you'll find that once you get back into your 'groove' you'll GET that desire back. I know that after I have a baby I have NO interest in sex at all! But once you do it, and remember how much fun it is ;), I bet it won't take long before you're "back". Sit down and tell him that, because you're so tired from being a mom and doing all the household stuff, he needs to go slow and lay it heavy on the romance - but you're willing to try. Tell him that the biggest turn on is NOT a man begging for sex like a 16 year old boy, but a man who helps his wife without asking, who takes the baby so she can have a nice, hot shower.

6 moms found this helpful

You gotta take care of Dad.
If your child needs something you do it because you love him/her.
Your husband is in that same category.
Don't lose yourself. He wants you back too.
You will find that if you take care of him and make him know he's still a top priority, he will be a lot more helpful and understanding.
I'm sure men wonder why we can sit there and clean a poopy butt and be all happy and smiley, and they can't get any attention at all, especially after they are the ones that gave you that sweet little gift.

6 moms found this helpful

Tell him that to get some, he has to give some.

That means helping out with the baby, giving you some time to go upstairs by yourself, take a nice warm bath, read something sexy to get you in the mood, and have HIM put the baby to bed. Let the playtime then begin.

Get some good lubrication - Toko is great, especially the champagne/strawberry. If you are still sore, ask the doctor for some estrogen cream. It will help as you get your hormones straight again.

When you don't feel good down there, it's hard to have sex. But getting the right products and helping yourself feel sexy will start you in the right direction. When you both start back up together, tell him he needs to give you the first help - then he can have his fun. But tell him to be gentle until you are back in the saddle.

Really and truly, the best way to enjoy sex is to think about it, talk about it with him, read about it, and fantasize about your husband doing what you like. The more sex you have, the more you will want it. If you only dread it, it will be poor sex, and neither or you will like it. Your husband would rather have poor sex than none, but you both need the intimate reconnection, and great sex will really help you with that.

Hope you'll get him in the groove with helping so you can get in the mood!

All my best,
D.

6 moms found this helpful

Often times when we become mothers we forget that we are still wives. Right now your husband feels like he is no longer a priority in your life. My suggestion would be to try having sex. Take it slow, the first time could be painful depending on healing and if there is pain you will need to stop and try again in a couple of days. With many woman, when we are not having sex, we lose the desire to do so, but once we start back up that desire will start to increase. I understand you are tired with a new baby, but you have to care for your marriage as well, and if you really think about it, is 20 minutes really too much to give to the man you love, if it makes him feel loved and happy? I have found that the more I make myself available to my husband, the more he starts doing all those little things that make me happy (like the dishes) because he feels so loved he wants me to feel the same. A few year ago I was were you are. The more he pushed, the more I resisted, until I resisted him right into the bed of another woman. Was he right to do that, no, but I was also wrong to deny my husband the love and attention he deserved from the woman he married.

6 moms found this helpful

There's nothing as sexy as a man who changes diapers.

No man EVER got shot doing the dishes.

The words "Honey, go back to sleep. I've got this one." are the biggest turn-on a new mom can hear.

A close second would be either "I don't know how you do it. Here, let me rub your shoulders a little." or "You're still as beautiful as the day we married. I love waking up with you every day."

Some guys (I hear) are naturally sensitive. Many need a "how-to" guide. Same with women.

Remind him that you can get anything when you pay attention to timing & delivery. In this case, his timing might affect your delivery! How & when he asks definitely impacts your response.

I know it's hard in your new mom, sleep deprived state, but re-set things -- for both of you. Try to bring some fun into this discussion -- again, for both of you. Make index cards with statements like the above. Put the statement on one side and then what you're willing to do for him if he does that for you. For instance, a 1-minute neck massage gets him one deep, long kiss once the baby's down. Have fun! Really -- at this point, you both need each other more than you realize -- and in lots of ways.

Relax. It will be OK.

Hug to you as you learn how to balance your new role with your old role and WITHOUT losing yourself in the process.

Really, it WILL be OK.

5 moms found this helpful

3 minute hand job in the laundry room works for us! :)

4 moms found this helpful

I totally get not wanting much sex at this stage (mine is 3 months, and i'm not into it either). However, since you likely didn't do it much third trimester, its probably feeling like and eternity for him. honestely if he is anything like my husband, if he can just get it once or twice after the drought, he'll gain a little perspective and be more patient with you.

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sorry,. tell your husband to grow up. pushing a baby out of your body is no picnic ( tell him its like soaking your best bud in gas and then setting it on fire, then putting it out with chainmail gloves) makes you want sex, doesnt it?
introduce him to his right hand . besides you arent supposed to have sex for at least six weeks after giving birth, not six days.. yeech.
K. h.

3 moms found this helpful

Tell him that he's temping karma for the biggest kidney stone a human being can pass.

I'd have no patience for that at all.

3 moms found this helpful

A man is a grown adult. If he can't understand that you just pushed a baby out of your body and your body is still healing from that then I'm not sure what to tell you. Yes, you do have to take care of your husband too, but your husband is an adult and a baby is a baby. A baby's needs can't wait, an adult's can. I think most Drs say 6-8 weeks at MINIMUM. I don't know what your situation is but I had a huge tear and lots of scar tissue and between being in pain and taking care of that baby (not happy and smiley by any means even though I love my kids and do anything for them, you treasure them when they are babies but alot of times it is FAR from a happy smiley time). This is just ridiculous. All you can do is talk to him. Ask him to just be quiet and listen and let you get things out first and then open it up to him to do the same thing. Explain that there is going to have to be some compromise and support on his side and that you need rest and help before you are gonna feel like yourself again. He has hands he can take care of himself temporarily and give you some help and he might be surprised the more help he gives you the faster you are probably going to be able to heal and feel more like physically giving yourself to him if you aren't physically giving yourself to every other aspect of taking care of the home and family. And he didn't just give you the gift of a child, you also gave him the gift as well so maybe he should manage taking care of that gift.

3 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry, but only 6 weeks post partum and he's hounding you already? He sounds like a neanderthal! Shoot, it was MONTHS before I even gave bedroom activity a thought, and I had c-sections so there were no "fears" of doing it. I just simply was NOT in the mood. Seriously, sleep deprivation and the demands of taking care of an infant is enough to zap any sex drive. You said he's not very understanding so talking to him to make him understand YOUR feelings sounds like he just doesn't care. Very selfish on his part. I wish I had advice other than to talk to him gently and tell him it's not about him but about you and how your body is still recovering from carrying a baby for 9 or 10 months and recovering from the labor and delivery.

2 moms found this helpful

And he won't be understanding because when he looks at you..he sees the beautiful woman he married. Not the mommy who was up at 3am and still rocking the same hairdo and sweatpants. You, on the other hand, know that sex is just not about fun..it's about reproducing.

Sit with your hubby and ask him to give you some time. Putting pressure on you will make you "not want it" even more. Like Jen said, once you stop..it's hard to get the desire back. Try to get yourself in the right frame of mind. I used to think that planning a night of sex was an absurd idea. But a lot of sex therapists suggest it because it gets you thinking about it all day long...so when the time comes, you are ready. They say that even if you still don't feel in the mood, you should at least let him try. You might be surprised.

My hubby and I have had this same argument for years. There was a point in time where I was afraid to go to bed because I knew he was gonna ask and I knew I was going to turn him down. I have to constantly work at it and it helped to talk to each other about our feelings regarding sex.

2 moms found this helpful

Hubby needs to grow up. Seriously my husband would have been thanking his lucky stars for a few bj's within 6 weeks of giving birth--yeah right! You just had a baby, and just because your doc gives you the all clear physically doesn't mean you are ready. We probably waited a couple months and then it really took about a year for me to fully get my mojo back and enjoy sex again. You do not owe your husband sex of any kind, it should be a mutually enjoyable experience for both of you. I would tell him I don't want a husband if it means I now have two kids to take care of!

2 moms found this helpful

Sounds like he isn't making any effort to get you in the mood. Until he does, he's not going to be very happy. He needs to be supportive, not nagging, helping out with the baby to share the load of your exhaustion, and he needs to be sweet to you all day long.

It's true, men are microwaves, woman are ovens, it takes a long time to get a woman in the mood, and it isn't just sexual touching that does that, but sincerity, hand holding, playing with your hair, sweet kisses all day long.

There are so many articles on this online and in men's health magazines... you'd think men would get it by now!

And ps... many women cannot have sex this early.. I sure couldn't, I had major tearing and everything still hurt until about 9 weeks!

2 moms found this helpful

Does he get up with the baby during the night? Be up front about how much taking care of the baby wears you out right now. And it won't last forever... but right now it is physically exhausting, as well as emotionally exhausting (worried about every choice/decision you make concerning your first baby, am I being a good mom, etc), AND your hormones are still in flux.. which can affect your sex drive.

Tell him that it WILL get better, because it will. If he wants to help that happen sooner, then there are things he can do. If he works M-F, then tell him HE has night duty with the baby on Friday and Saturday nights. Tell him you need 2 hours of time out of the house, without the baby (or in the house- with him and the baby out of the house) on Friday after 6 pm. You need to reconnect with YOU as a person. Mommyhood is hard. And your mind gets so IN sync with mommyness that it is totally OUT of sync with Wifeyness (is that a word? lol). We all know that us women need to mentally be "there" in order to want/enjoy sex. He can help you get there. He might not understand it, as men don't need to be in any particular mental state like women tend to need... lol. But he doesn't really HAVE to understand it, he just needs to help you achieve that state of mind. :)

Then, Spend 10 minutes in a hot shower before you go to bed. Put your baby out of your mind, and think of how much you love that wonderful man. Go to him. Tell him you need him. Then when the baby wakes up at 3:00 a.m. roll over to him and tell him "the baby is calling you" then go back to sleep. :)

Good luck. It will get better. And he will change his tune about the "no more babies" after you get back in sync with your wifeliness. :)

2 moms found this helpful

after 2 kids and 21 yrs of being with my husband I have to say that sex is a critical part of a good marriage. It is how men feel loved, know they are needed and get pleasure.

Sex will hurt, but it is though very important that you do it and the more often you do it, the less it will hurt and the better you will all feel.

Now, you can be honest with him and tell him that you need his help around the house. Negotiate - hey, you do the dishes, we can have sex. You let me sleep in on a weekend and I'll make it worth your while.

You do risk your marriage if you deny him.

Now, for those that think he is selfish, it has been 6 weeks. After both my c section deliveries my doc approved sex at 2 weeks, and that was long enough to wait in my book.

1 mom found this helpful

lol i no more than had our first son, laying in the hospital bed, my husband said u ready for some lovin? i told him to eff off lol. he needs to respect you and the fact that just bc the dr says to wait 6 weeks doesnt mean your ready after six weeks. my husband had to wait 8 weeks and he was soooo miserable but i told him that he would just have to deal with it! and here i am goin in to have a baby on tuesday and we havent had sex in two weeks bc my hips keep locking up, and he knows he has to wait for a while before my interest will come back.

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Try to still take care of him in other ways. I like the poster that said handjob in the laundry room! Men really do feel that sex = love. There is nothing wrong with that. I am sorry i am in the minority, but i think you should help him out a little in that department :)

The mom that said to use your hands during oral sex has a point. You would not have to go any where near your gag reflex. Sorry to be blunt...

1 mom found this helpful

There are many ways to let your husband know he's still the awesome man of the house and now an awesome dad on top of that! Intercourse sometimes becomes the last thing on our minds when we are all wrapped up in being a good mommy and going through all of the hormonal roller coaster ride.
We wish we could just lie in bed at night and dad would rub our shoulders, kiss our neck, wrap his arm around us and tell us he appreciates what we are going through..... I believe many husbands are that empathetic, in touch and compassionate. BUT, you cant ignore them forever and expect to be on a pedestal forever either. Most of them wait patiently throughout your pregnancy and after to get their "wiener" time again. (sorry tmi, but it makes me laff)
If you are not into intercourse and feeling playful just yet, try to be patient and let him know that you don't mind if he relieves himself in the shower, or help him out in any way you can.... you can have the baby sleeping on your lap and still manage to handle his man parts while on the couch watching tv if you are clever (they find things like that even more exciting sometimes) it's not that hard to give him a 10 minute handjob out of love, they put up with a lot from us and the kids, they go to work everyday, they deserve to be loved as well, only you know your man and what he needs to feel like he's appreciated, if he's telling you he wants you, please dont let if fall on deaf ears for too long, it's not healthy for a marriage. Women that say its not important to get back to intimacy will jeopardize their marriage, seriously.
Being a good mother and wife is a hard job, but we women are strong enough to do both of those things at the same time!
He's practically looking at you like your a virgin again, the first time sexual encounter is very exciting to them. They don't deserve to be treated as second fiddle after you've had some kids. Marriage is in big jeopardy in our country, I wonder why? You sleep better when you know that you've done all you can do to take care of your "entire" family at the end of the day.

1 mom found this helpful

He's being pretty selfish about this in my book. I totally get that guys get cranky when they have to wait so long for sex...he's REALLY lucky that he got oral sex a few times. You are amazing for even doing that! Geez you just had a baby, you aren't sleeping and your body went through major trauma.

I'm all for spoiling our men, but it should go both ways. My husband didn't love having to wait 6+ weeks for sex, but he didn't blame me! And making a comment like he wouldn't want anymore kids because of the wait after birth to have sex sounds just really immature to me.

1 mom found this helpful

my boy is almost 5 and I still don't feel the same way about sex as I had before I got pregnant. It is VERY sad, & even therapy and drugs can't change it - I believe your body/mind just completely changes after having a child- Sorry to bear the bad news, but you might just have to get creative and LEARN Which kids of things turns you on, and grasp them!

6 weeks honey? WAIT AT LEAST 6-12 months before expecting ANY libido to return AND TELL YOUR HUBBY TO BE PATIENT, this beautiful new baby is ALL that should matter now :)

tell him to suck it up and if he don't like it then next time he can have the baby! lol

seriously though...just explain to him (if you haven't already) that him bugging you is a turn off all on its own and that you just don't feel ready...or...sneak a call to your doc and see if they can do you a favor by saying that you aren't ready yet ;) lol I find that doctors will help with that situation just because men don't quite understand.

Luckily my husband totally understands and wont pressure or bug me about it till Im ready and I bring it up.

good luck dear!