Postpartum Depression - Exeter,CA

I have a favorite commercial with 3 women talking and laughing and at the end they say how great it was to get the kids together for a playdate and they should do it more often-then the camera shows the kids and they are 3 babies in car seats.

As first time moms and SAHMs we don't realize how important other moms are-they don't have to be moms with kids the same age-in fact it's probably better if you have a range. A. You talk to adults, you share, you dread your kid being that age or going through that.
B. you get advise, you help each other through.

With my son I was alone, lonely and depressed for the whole first year-then I discovered my neighbors. They were a group of great women and we helped each other, every day, with little things and big ones. They were my sisters when my sisters weren't around. I appreciate every one of them!
Good Luck.

2 moms found this helpful

Dear J.,

I don't know you but I am going to be very honest with you. I went through post partum depression myself, and it was no picnic. I sobbed, didn't cry, sobbed almost every day. I couldn't explain why, I just did. This for me was very unusual because normally I am a very positive, optimistc and cheeful person. I had a perfect baby girl who as my mom said was 'not an easy baby'. By this she meant that she was high needs -lots of attention and input, and she didn't sleep much. She also spent the evenings crying. Looking back I would say she had colic. My husband didn't adjust well to the new baby. He had trouble bonding with her and the combination of us crying was just too much.

Normally I 'do it all' so I thought I could somehow manage it on my own. And after 8 months I did, but there was no need to suffer so long. It impacted my marriage to where at 18 months post baby we are trying to pick up the pieces. No love has been lost but the perceptions we have of each other was lost. I'm not sure if that makes sense to you.

After the 8th month my hormones or brain chemicals returned to mostly normal so at that point I was able to start making the normal transition/adjustments that motherhood offers. After all, it is a big adjustment (when do I pee? Shower? Can I just have an hour to myself during the day? When do I get my body back?)

Regardless, my point is that you probably can ride it out, but I would make sure your loved ones know what you are experiencing and talk to your doctor. You can tell her you don't want to take medication, but you want to check in so that if it gets worse/better it will be easier to gauge.

1 mom found this helpful

I made sure to get out of the house every single day, especially for walks on sunny days!

Often, depression is actually a deficiency of some sort - magnesium is a huge one.

I started taking coral calcium, which has magnesium in it, and that helped me immensely. Of course this was just my experience. (Before I was pregnant I'd been on all kinds of different anti-depressants over the years and nothing helped.)

Regular exercise every day if possible makes a big difference for some people. I know it helped me out a lot!

Hello J.
sorry to hear of your struggles. I encourage you to find a practitioner of traditional Chinese medicine. The medicine is well poised to help you regain radiant health, physically and emotionally. It might be a combination of herbal medicine, acupuncture, nutrition and exercise. Look for a practitioner that you feel comfortable with and resonate with what they have to offer you.

Chinese medicine is a effective system that has been in place for over 3,000 years and is perfect to address post partum imbalances.

Good luck
best, k

Such great advice, this is such a great forum, such great advice and great ideas for you to try.

Here is my advice: Please talk to your doctor. If he/she doesn't hear you or get how you feel(it does happen) talk to another doctor, i.e., if ob-gyn blows it off, talk to your general practitioner, etc., and get a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist who has experience with postpartum depression. Cognitive therapy is useful. If the other great suggestions here or the cognitive therapy don't quite pull you out of it, then maybe explore with this therapist how a mild, mild antidepressant could be used with cognitive therapy for a short period of time to get out of this.

J.,

I recommend www.flylady.net.

My 'depression' started after I had two kids and was 6 months pregnant with my third (the first two were 4 and 2). I am a sahm and my kids stay home with me (parents are the first and most important teacher for the children).

The website is free and a total godsend. I'm going on 2 years with its guidance and it's made everything in my life better.
It was started by a woman who has been there. She can relate to everything you can dish out.

Trust it. You'll be amazed at how happy you can be with yourself, your baby, and your husband.

Everyday is an adventure with its ups and downs; Flylady gives me hope and guidance every day.

Good luck
ps. This is much better and effective than drugs.

Please don't use harmful drugs with horrible side effects. I would suggest you use homeopathic medication or any other sort of natural approach. Are you getting enough sleep?

My ob put me on a vitamin routine. I keep up my prenatals then took b and e at different times of my cycle. I can't remember exactly, but it's worth asking. It helped me sooooo much!

Hi J.,
I had PPD, too. Daily exercise and a quality fish oil supplement (omega 3's) helped me. I use Carlson's brand because it comes from very deep Norweigan waters where there is little to no mercury. Very best of luck to you; I'm glad you are seeking advice!!

You need your own passion to focus on. And sometimes just being a Mom does not cut it.

Put him in Daycare and get back to life, your life. If you are not happy, he can sense it and it does no good for either of you.

I love my son deeply, he is 5 now. I am just not in love with being his constant companion and entertainer. He is very loved and knows it and is secure in that. He slept with me and breast feed until almost 5, so he is an independant, secure and happy little boy. And so am I, I get to go to work and do what I love best.

So, its not about you loving or not loving your son, its about what you are giving to yourself and your needs for expression.

Don't put yourself in the postpartum depression box, if you do, you will just connect with that idea more and find more ways in which you fit into that box. Follow your heart.

There are several effective and completely side-effects free homeopathic remedies that can be used in post-partum. They have to be selected individually. You have to see professional homeopath for that. It will not only benefit your emotional health, since homeopathy treats person as a whole, your homeopath will address all of the physical issues that may accompany your problem.
Good Luck
V

I hear triptophan works very well and you can nurse while taking it. Check out a health food store. Also keep up your prenatal the folic acid can also help. Good luck

Someone said that the birth of children is the death of parents... and it is kind of true. Suddenly your child takes the front seat to every other aspect of your life. It's kind of miserable in many, many ways. You are so young and I sure would not have been too happy about becoming a mother at that age. It's a shock -- what it does to your body and your mind. I have not felt like myself in many ways since my daughter was born two years ago. I'm tired all the time & have mommy-brain memory loss. I still do not really feel like this is my body. I lost almost all of the weight right away, but my hip bones seem to have moved permanently up and where I used to have a really long waist, now there is little distance between my hips and ribs. It affects everyone differently, of course. My best friend has three kids and never really experienced much of the body changes that bother me... Like I used to really like my belly button, but now it is stretched and not really pretty or round anymore... and don't get me started about the nether regions -- those are less than gorgeous now too. It's hard to never really be able to completely switch off... there is always your child to think of. I worry much, much more about money and the future. I longed to become a mother for about eight years, and now that it has happened, I of course love my daughter deeply, but I can't say that I would recommend parenthood to anyone. Anyway, I don't know if this post is all that helpful, but just wanted you to know that there are other women in your cyber-circle of moms who are not really digging motherhood all that much either. Sending you love and a virtual hug.

If you have one in your area, try accupuncture! Good luck!

I dropped 3 days after my sons were born and then about 2 months after my daughter was born....the hormones change so quickly and the adrenals are fatigued. Here's what helped me:

Progesterone cream (Emerita) at night
Adrenal support in the am
Exercise outside
Getting adjusted by my chiropractor
Nordic Naturals Fish Oil (ProOmega) at night
LOTS of water

I started to feel better in a few days and within 2 weeks, I felt so much more like myself. I think all of it helped, but that Adrenal, I swear by.

www.worldlifesupplements.com

I have 4 children. I had my first at 20, and my 4th at 32. With two of them I had crippling, crushing, cannot-function depression, and with two I didn't. You can't prevent it, but you can deal with it.

What worked for someone else might not work for you. Some women end up sitting motionless for hours, some cry, some can't get out of bed, some get angry, some feel hopeless, some feel unloved.

Figure out what bothers you the most. Is it that you feel as if you're on auto pilot? Is it the fatigue? Is it fear that your husband is distant, or that you're losing your identity in childrearing? Is it body issues? Is it just that your life absolutely does not resemble TV, with beautiful mothers in clean houses contentedly smiling at sleeping babies? You can't start to feel better until you know what makes you feel worse.

DO NOT PUT PRESSURE ON YOURSELF. Read that sentence over and over and over. Some days, it will be a HUGE accomplishment if you get showered. If your friends, husband or relatives don't understand that, DO NOT LET IT GET YOU DOWN!!!! Somewhere, thousands of moms will be ready to say, "You showered AND combed your hair? You GO, girl!!" If everyone is fed, reasonably hygenic and getting some sleep, it's a good day!! (Even if "being fed" means frozen pizza.)You are a good mom, because you care.

Being a parent will always be exhausting, frustrating, painful and worry inducing. It will also be life affirming and joy bringing. You can't have one without the other.

Whatever works FOR YOU is OK!! Figuring it out might take time. That's OK too. Hang in there, Mom! :) You'll do fine.

i dont know i think just stay calm as much as possible get help from family memebers

Hi J., I read your posting and I was not going to reply because I see you've already received a lot of advice. But I just couldn't not share some info with you. Please, please call Mindy Schinnerer at ###-###-####. She is a nutritional cleansing and lifestyle coach. Her title sounds fancy, but it's not. She went thru a similar experience she will share with you and what she found that helped her so that when she had her second child, she did not experience the same feelings. Call her as soon as possible and tell I sent you. At the very least, you will educate yourself on another way of getting you back to 'you' and your family.

First of all i congrats on opening up and being honest about your feelings! I suffered with PPD with my 3rd and last child. It was horrible and the saddest part i too was honest with my OB and she just kept riding it off as the baby blues. I think our OB's need training with this because it is real. I got to the point that i was hallucinating from lack of sleep and the depression and anxiety I was feeling. I did not take meds until after i stopped nursing which i regret doing as well. I think the nursing plays a part in the hormonal changes your body is going through. I had a tubal right after she was born which also through my hormones through the ying yang! It was too much for my mind and body to handle.

Of course my daughter was not an easy baby either - she cried everytime we got in the car - all the way to whereever we were going!

Anyhow - there is a light at the end of the tunnel...just hang in there, reach out to your mamasource friends and other friends! you are young and maybe not ready...thats i ok, its not your fault you feel this way or your baby's.

Make some time for yourself - even if its 1 hour a day, read, take a long shower, go have coffee or drinks with a close friend. It will get better.

Remember to keep talking about it - do not hold your feelings to yourself ;)

Joanna - I felt the same way and had PD, too. I tried dealing with it without medication - getting extra help around the house, seeing a psychologist, setting daily goals for myself, going on walks, taking vitamins - and frankly, while those things each helped a bit, they didn't solve it. After a few months, I finally saw a doctor and started on an antidepressant (Zoloft), and it has made a HUGE difference. I too was reticent about taking medication, but the difference is truly transformational. I still feel myself, but much happier, more engaged and loving with my baby daughter, etc. So anyway, I really do recommend that option. There's no need to feel this way if you don't have to.

Good luck.

Cod liver oil, best one from Green Pastures. Also eat organic and non GMO. Careful of corn unless organic and no soy. Grass fed beef is another good fat and protein. Then cook with coconut oil, raw and you will feel better quickly. Put coconut oil on body this time of year when it is dry it's great. M. NTP

Hi J.,
I too had PPD. I went on meds and went off just a few months later because of the side effects. I hated them. I am not a fan of meds but have acknowledged that they are necessary in some situations. I just figured that I had one of those situations. I asked my dr. to test me for anything and everything she could think of. She said that her office is now routinely testing for Vit. D deficiency so I had her test me. Turns out I was EXTREMELY low after having the baby. Within three days of taking the prescribed 50,000 units, my depression lifted. One of my docs does not buy the theory that Vit. D can cause depression but my Gyno says there is possibly a link. There is so little knowledge about it at this point. What I have found through my own research is that they suspect there is a link between Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD - when people don't get enough sunlight), Vit. D defic. and depression. Knowing that and having had my experience with the supplementation was enough for me. This may or may not be the case for you, but pregnancy takes a lot out of us. The baby draws from our stores of every vitamin and mineral before suffering itself. I have taken this to mean that I have needed to be diligent about discovering what I need to rebalance my system after giving birth.

Good luck to you in this.
C.

Hi J., I think you've already done one of the most important things in dealing with postpardum. It's so important to reach out and ask for help. Even if you have to reach out to other moms who are strangers like me. How old is your baby? My baby girl is 2 months. I feel the same way sometimes and I love her so much. BTW, I have 12 & 15 y/o boys and said I did NOT want anymore kids. I started at 17...very young. But Anyway, everyone's reasons or depression is probably different...some don't know why but it's OK. In the beginning I think I had it real bad. I was super emotional, I would cry for no reason...I just felt...overwhelmed, unhappy, frustrated,tired, alone(even though I wasn't). I didn't know what was going on with me, I didn't have PPD with my boys. I think part of it was that my baby girl was born 3 weeks early and it's been extremely challenging since. She's not an easy baby and that made it even harder. On top of that, there have been a few medical scares that we've overcome and still have some concerns that we are dealing with. I ended up talking to my OB about it on my 6 wk check-up and he offered meds. I didn't want to take them either, I didn't like the idea of needing meds you know? I told myself to just take it one day at a time. Just one day at a time, thats all you can do ya know? It will get better, you just have to know that and do the best you can day by day. If it doesn't get better and your feelings of depression turn into anything even close to dangerous for you or your baby, definitely seek help from your Dr. Also, keep reaching out to friends and family. I was so overwhelmed and after I reached out, my friends and my mom started helping me. Bringing food for the family, helping clean or just holding the baby so I can shower and have a moment. I think some of the postpardum comes from being overly tired as well. Things will get better for you, be strong and determined to overcome this and you will. It's just another challenge life has put before you and it will pass. It's OK to cry too, cry it out, sometimes that makes us feel better. I wish you and your son the best!

T.

Dear J.,

I am a fan of independent midwifery care (esp because they often do not turn to drugs or even herbs as a first choice intervention). Any way you could contact one or two by phone and see what their suggestions are? They do stuff for prevention of PP depression, but even you already feel you have it, they still might have some ideas. Or you could look online at midwifery resources for the topic.
I personally feel our nuclear/fractured family life in America is partly to blame. So many other cultures offer a new mom lots more support. (Actual physical care and contact...not just phone calls and e-mails and material stuff) For a longer period of time.
The best to you.

J.,
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I am dealing with a horrible case of anxiety / depression precipitated by childbirth of my 3rd child, and an ear surgery I had 7 weeks postpartum. I was so sick from the surgery, the anxiety and stress just "flipped the switch". I have been on so many different meds, none of which worked, or I couldn't tolerate the side effects. It's a very long story, but I finally just found a new psychiatrist (after two hospitalizations), and he put me on an older antidepressant called Remeron, which I can tolerate so far. I couldn't tolerate the newer drugs like Zoloft, Lexapro, etc.
AND, more importantly for you, as someone who doesn't want to take meds if possible, he put me on fish oil with Omega 3's twice per day. He says a study was done that the Costco brand is just as effective as all those other expensive brands you might buy at health food stores. Supposedly fish oil is a great mood stabilizer / antidepressant.
He also put me on a prescription vitamin called L-methylfolate. It is the broken down version of folic acid. There have been numerous studies done that show that 60-70% of depressed people are either lacking in folic acid, or lack the ability to properly break down folic acid into the derivative your brain needs to properly use it. The L-methylfolate is that derivative. It has been proven to help depressed people. The prescription name brand I take is Deplin.
I am only into week 2 of the Remeron and vitamins, but the panic attacks and anxiety were knocked out right away, a miracle for me. And the depression is improving.
If you don't go the herbal route, you might want to see a psychiatrist who takes a more whole body approach like mine does. I could ask mine if he has a colleague up your way.
Let me know. I hope things get better soon for you. Depression is so awful and debilitating.
Go easy on yourself, you are not a bad mom for feeling like you aren't enjoying motherhood. Anxiety / depression make it very hard to bond with the baby. I am having the same problem myself, and I just have to keep praying for God to lead me each day, and keep forgiving myself for the feelings I have. It's very hard.
Another thing that helps is we have people coming over to help me with the baby as much as possible, so I can get stuff done around the house, and get some down time each day to rest. Depression is very hard physically as well.

So sorry you are having to deal with this ... there is help out there and you don't HAVE to use conventional drugs (often very hard to come off).
Firstly, I know it sounds basic but it's very important.
A little time to yourself each day, even half an hour and you can't do chores, return phonecalls or anything for someone else. Best choice a good walk outside, fresh air and deep breathing - through your nose, yoga is excellent.
B vitamins can make a huge difference. Go to a healthfood store to get a good quality, high dose kind.
A lot of people have good results using a herb called Damiana , also find in a healthfood store.
Lastly see if you can find a Chinese doctor near you (hopefully recommended). With a combination of herbs and acupuncture you could start feeling better in a matter of days. This is a good form of treatment as it addresses your symptoms from the inside out, not simply masking them as with conventional medicine.
I wish you the best of luck with this battle.
You can beat this!

Dear J., I too suffered from PPD. Nothing seemed to work and I was very unhappy, my kids were unhappy. I finally asked for help at my OB Doctor. I got on antidepressents and wish I had done it much sooner! What a difference it has made in my life and in my family's life. My husband has seen the difference and everyone is much happier.

J.,
I had postpartum with my first child and it lasted about 8 to 12 months. I did go to my local vitamin guy who was great at giving me all the right supplements and it did pull me out of it. I don't remember the names of the stuff that I took, since my daughter is 15, almost 16. GNC is not the place to go, but a good holistic doctor or supplement store that you trust would be a good start! Good luck, it will get better!

Try to see if there are some different playgroups in your area. When I had my first child, I finally joined a playgroup when she was 7 mos. old and it was great, having other moms to talk to about this kind of stuff, and just getting out, and the kids grow up together and have friends. If you can afford it, have someone babysit once a week so you can have some "you" time.

Helps to get out of the house at least every other day. And to talk with friends and family. And also to exercise. Just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel - mine went away when my daughter turned 7 months I think.

Hi there! I had/have postpartum depression and there was no way for me to do it without medication. I am now at the point where I do not need to take the medication(my son is 6.5 months old). I strongly suggest you make an appointment with your doctor to get checked out. There is nothing wrong with taking an anti depressant to get thru this time in your life.

Oh and FWIW, I had a mild case of PPD with my daughter(with my son it was much worse) and I was nervous to seek help because I felt as though I should be able to control it. I now realize that I should have asked for help when she was a baby. I finally "snapped" out of it when she was about 1-year old. But that was one long year. She is happy and healthy but I still wish I would have sought some help.

You can private message me if you need to.