Postpartum Depression - Lisbon, IA

Poor thing. The best thing, what worked for me, anyway, was getting to a therapist, exercising, talking to friends, and eating right. It is a rough time, but I felt better when I wasn't so isolate. Can you find a good friend to talk to? If one isn't available, I'll happily talk to you. It'll pass, it will...this is temporary but you do need to get help NOW , to ignore it will risk it worsening ...you don't want that.....

Hi L.
I also had PPD with my daughter, she made me think about my childhood and how I wanted hers to be better but was scared I couldn't keep her safe which stoped me from bonding with her like I did my son. So I went to a counsler and she helped me work throu all the things that scared me and know my daughter is almost 7 and we have a great bond and both are doing very well thanks to the help of my counsler. Good luck and hang in there.

Oh L.! HUGS!!! Sure women have "survived" in the past without help for post partum....but to what degree. Don't make your family's comments make you feel like you just have to get over it and simply "survive". You want to LIVE and enjoy your little ones! You are so brave to ask this question and many, many moms are standing with you.
Talk to your doctor/ObGyn whomever you see and tell them everything you feel. They can help you. There is no shame in taking meds to fight depression. For PPD the meds are temporary for most. If your family won't try to understand then go to a counselor. Your doctor can help with this. This is a great day and time where people don't have to hide the fact that they are struggling. Any counselor will build you up and help you through this.
Also.....get as much sleep as you possibly can. I know that sounds impossible with little ones but sleep is so vital.
Please know that in feeling this way you have NOT failed in any way. NO SHAME! :) talk to your doc!!!

Dear L.,
Oh, I am so there with you. I am not feeling that way right now, but I did. I think I was about at my lowest (though there were so many "lowest" times) the morning I woke up and called a mentor friend of mine in serious desperation to say "I am not bonding with this baby". There is no normal amount of time to feel this way. You can get help to "snap back to your old self" (but it isn't really a snap--more of a gradual climb.) I haven't read your responses, but I have noticed that other mothers with this problem get a lot of advice to go on medication. I assume, since many people have had success feeling better that way that it can have that positive effect. But I would never want to take that route if I could find a natural one (which I did). One thing I did was visit a site called sacred window (www.sacredwindow.com) to learn a little about the needs of a post-partum mom. I also called Ysha, the author of the site, and got SOOO much help with dealing naturally with this problem. She does charge for the actual consult call, but it was worth it ten times over. So what I think helped most was getting some sleep (once I decided it was essential to my healing, I was willing to get some people to help with the baby for a few nights), eating the post-partum diet (though I was only able to do that for a couple of weeks), getting the massage (I slept for the first time in a week the night after I got my first massage), and going on progesterone cream (which was my own idea--not Ysha's). I have also learned a lot about potential thyroid problems after having a baby. I might look into that if I were you. You can treat that naturally, too, I think. Using natural methods, I was able to get straightened out very quickly (I was told that anti-depressants can take weeks to begin helping) and I never had to mess up my body chemistry with pharmaceuticals or worry about how and when I could get off of them. One way or the other, go after this thing. You don't have to live with it. Contact me if I can be of any help. I would be happy to talk about it.

Having read your other responses, I would also agree with Jacquie (but don't skip the exercise if you can possibly do it. I cannot tell you what an amazing effect it has on my emotions. My neighbor and I have a little joke between us--we will call each other up and basically say "get out here and exercise with me before I go and drop all of the kids off in the woods". When we finish we are totally new and happier women!) and Janette (I hope it is truly as simple as she makes it sound. I have had incredible help with homeopathy for a lot of things.)

Go talk to your doctor...they shoudl be able to help without meds! I went through the same with with my 2nd. I just scheduled appointments 2 times a week and just talked, they don't think you are crazy they know it is a medical conditiion!! Believe me you aren't crazy!!! It does get better...it might just take some time. And don't worry, your baby won't even know and by the time you know it you will be bonded just the same!! *HUGS TO YOU*

Hang in there L.! I definitely agree that you need to talk to your doctor or someone who can help you. I used a journal to vent my thoughts - I didn't feel like I could share them with my family either.

I had similar issues, feeling like I just didn't bond with my daughter - born 2.5 years after my son - the same way as I did with my son. I always felt like I resented her taking time away that used to belong to just the two of us, and then I felt immediately guilty. I felt like she was at the mercy of her brother's schedule yet I got frustrated when she was needy.

It's like I can barely remember her 1st six months and I remember everything with my son! However, It took until she was older, maybe a year, before I felt closer to her. think it's just the way it is with the second one.

Now, she is three and the love of my life! I look back amazed at how I felt those first few months compared to now.

Best of luck as you seek some help.

L., what you're describing sounds so familiar to me! When my oldest was born, I probably had a little "baby blues" but nothing that seemed out of the ordinary to me (I am also already being treated for depression, so this was on top of my normal baseline). When my second was born, it was a completely different story. I just wanted it all to stop. I felt like everything was going okay until this crying little monster showed up--something I wasn't willing to admit for a long time. And I also had a lot of the guilt about feeling that way: feeling like women have been having babies for thousands of years without getting wrapped up in how "hard" it all is. But now I think of a line from a TV show: "People also died of cholera for thousands of years and blamed it on ghosts." It's silly, but that really helped me to remember that just because we don't have records of women being treated for PPD, that doesn't mean that we don't deserve treatment.

First, try to stop feeling guilty about feeling bad. If your family is trying to be supportive, let them; don't feel like it's not right to impose on them for help. If they're not being supportive, forget them. Don't look for support from people who are going to make you feel bad about needing it. Talk to your OB, GP, or psychiatrist. A psychiatrist is my first choice, because they're trained specifically in depression. But if it's going to be too hard to get to one, don't put it off; talk to your OB or GP instead. I can't say how long it will take to improve, but it does. But it will happen faster and you'll feel better about the early times in your daughter's life if you get help and support.

Good luck, and feel free to contact me if you ever need someone to talk to!

go to abchomeopathy.com and to the quick remedy finder. You can type in postpartum depression at the bottom of page I think, and then it will take you through a checklist for what you are experiencing. It will give you remedy suggestions, that you can copy down and take to a whole foods market or health food store and all you need to do is ask someone there and they will help you find it. You basically take the remedy whenever you start feeling it all coming back. It's an as needed thing, not take every few hours.

Hi L. - hang in there. I can't say when it will get better, but with the help of "on-line friends" and a good Dr. it will. I remember feeling "down" most of the first year of my second sons life. I think it was mostly due to lack of sleep, so if it is possible to take the kids to a family member or friends house so that you can get a few hours of sleep each day (or more). You may need meds also, I don't know, but I can say that sleep is what helped me the most (lots of it). Big Hugs to you!

L. - You have gotten some great replies to help get you back on your feet. But they have failed to address one thing - your family. Yes, it's hard for them to function without their mother and wife, but they also need to understand what you are going through. I went through PPD as well with both (#1 was worse than #2). It was hard to talk to anybody about it, especially my spouse, without breaking down. I found it was beneficial to write a letter when I needed to say something and have him read it when we were together, or I read it aloud. It helped me say things without being overly emotional or getting sidetracked.

If you go to your doctor or a naturopath for help in finding solutions, he NEEDS to come with you, he needs to learn more and they are able to explain it better than a hormone and sleep deprived new mother who is being suckled on all day!

It will get better. Be patient. And don't forget to give it to God.

(hugs)

Hi L.,
So sorry you are going through this. I did the same thing when my son was born. I felt so guilty that I couldn't bond like I did with my daughters. I talked to my ob/gyn and he gave me some medication. It helped tremendously. Talk to your doctor...there is no shame in that. You are not alone.

Hi L.,
I went through a difficult adjustment after my second child was born. I know it's hard, but it's better to talk to your ob or your midwife about how you're feeling. I seeked out my midwife and she was incredible help! We talked for a long time and afterwards her prescription to me was this: Fish Oil, Vitamin B-Complex, Exercise for 30 minutes a day, and an hour of alone time without kids once a day. I did everything but the exercise and I can honestly tell you that I felt more balanced and energetic after the second day of taking the fish oil and the Vitamin B complex. I would suggest talking to your doc for the correct dosage for you. For me it was 3 times a day. If your depression is more serious, then perhaps medication is appropriate. It's well worth it, and it doesn't make you a bad mother to admit you need some help coping during these really tough first few months. Blessings to you!

Hi L.,

While I think it is pretty normal to feel a little like this after birth, I think that you should maybe talk to your doctor about it. You must already feel that it might be a problem or else you wouldn't have asked for help here, and I think that is a wonderful thing! There is nothing wrong with asking for help, nor is there something "wrong" with you if you do have postpartum depression. It is a very treatable condition and I commend you for recognizing your change in feelings and for taking a step in seeking help. Good luck to you, and remember, this by any means does not make you a bad mother or person.

L.,

I'm so glad you reached out to mamasource! What you are going through is REAL and it CAN be treated. You wouldn't suffer through an ear infection or sore throat...don't let postpartum depression get in your way of being happy and healthy~! You deserve to be happy and your kids deserve a happy mom.

More than just a nuisance, PPD can impact mom/child relationships, behavior, brain development, etc. There is no need to suffer in silence! If family members don't want to hear about, surround yourself with supportive people who do.

Get into your doctor for starts, and ask for a referral to see a good therapist. Don't just lie down and take it! YOU CAN FEEL BETTER!!! Do it for YOURSElF, do it for your KIDS!

Best,
W.

Hi L.
PPD is very real- some are blessed not to have any of it.
Can be from a lot of things--hormonal, tired and something as simple as a nutrition deficiency of vit D or omega 3 fatty acids- essent. fatty acids you need for brain health. Vit D and Omega 3 def.s are also the easiest and fastest fix. Summer will help with Vit D and some of the same foods for Vit D have omega 3.
Your baby depletes your omega 3 stores and if you don't supplement, it can take up to 3 years to rebuild them with food sources. With a 3 1/2 yo and now another-- if you didn't supplement you were a perfect set up. As a wellness coach, I've seen a lot and I have clients that notice an immed. response within a week of supplementing. You have to use a good one-- has to melt a styrofoam cup with hot water in it too or it's not a pharmaceutical grade-- and best if it contains some other essentials. It's hard to get from food sources in amounts noticeable but wild seafood, flaxseed and more. Make sure it's 3's not 6's as the diet is high in omega 6 already.
Keep your support systems and half the battle is recognizing it. Trust me you're not alone in this- there was a post just 2 days ago.

About me: 48 yo perfusionist, wellness coach (just started a fun new online biggest loser for $) and mom to super 7 yo twin girls.

B. J

PPD is real, I had it really bad after I had my twins, which then turned out that I have Bipolar and I was in a massive depression that I couldn't get myself out of. I still dip into depression every now and then, sometimes I can't get myself out of it without the increase in meds. But I will also go along with some of the other moms and sleep is very very very important and to get the proper sleep to be able to properly function throughout the day!!

Good Luck!!

M.
mom to Ryan 10 in June
Abbey and Alexa 4 in July

my advice talk to your doctor..really,sometimes family is not the best solution.back when i had kids-pms wasnt even discovered yet-let alone this.it took women goin crazy,killing their kids,themselves etc before the whole mess of hormone unbalance was discovered.go had a chat with your doctor.soon..15 weeks is way to long...good luck

It takes different amounts of time to bond with each child. You already have a lot of responsibility with your son, and now adding a daughter, sleep deprivation, and baby blues. Do not think you are alone or feel badly about this. Do your best every day, make sure that you take care of you, eat, drink, sleep, shower, and exercise. If you feel it is still serious, then talk to a professional. My best to you, having a baby is very wearing, and most people never say this. The love will grow but it does take longer with some children than with others.

My sister went through this and it took about 3 months for her to get through it. Please check into counseling and talk to your doctor about it. He/she may be able to prescribe you something to help. Another factor that affects many women is lack of sleep. Will your family watch your children for a while so you can get some sleep?
Another thing that may help is if you find time for yourself to do things that you want to do. Also remember that you will get through this and everything will be ok :)

I'm sorry, honey. I've been there and I know how you feel. Maybe you should talk to your OB/GYN doctor about it. I know they usually ask you when you see them if you're having any depression. Maybe you could get on some medication for it and feel better. It's not fair to you or your children to feel depressed all the time.

Hi L.,

Go back in and talk to your OB/GYN. Tell her you haven't felt the same since having your daughter, that you're still crying alot (15 weeks is too long) and don't feel like you're bonding with her. The bonding issue is big; you want to get yourself back so that you can bond with her.

I suffered post-partum with my first and only daughter nine years ago. My husband was concerned, because within the first few days I didn't seem as if I was bonding with or was excited to have her. My OB put me on Zoloft; I was on it from April until Dec. After that, my hormones were back in line and I was able to go off it. I knew I wasn't bonding with my daughter, but at that point, I really didn't care. After I started the meds (within days of having her), I was holding, hugging, kissing, and marveling at this wondrous little girl God had given me. My weeping stopped, and I felt like I'd gotten my life back.

You deserve to be happy, and your daughter (and son) need their mother. There's nothing to be ashamed about; childbirth does an enormous number on the hormones. Not everyone can bounce back without some help. You've done an admirable job, trying to get better yourself. Now, it's time to seek some help. Trust me. You'll be feeling better within days.

Please keep us informed as to how you're doing.

A.

Hang in there L.! I feel for you!! I went through the exact same thing after my second child came along! When I went back to work after having my son (at 3 months) things were just so much more crazy juggling working full time and being a mommy. I think people underestimate how difficult it can be. I just felt sad, hopeless, definitely not myself. The range of emotions you feel are wild! I ended up going to a counselor through my OB office and she recommended a mild anti-depressant. I was on it for about a year and then slowly weaned off. I'm feeling much better now! :) Don't be afraid to get help for yourself!

Thinking of you,
H.

Try to exercise and eat right and sleep as much as you can, and PLEASE see your doctor about this. There isn't a standard amount of time that it lasts, and some people do need help to feel better. Your doctor will not make you feel bad for bringing it up. I think my son's pediatrician even asked me about it, it is so common. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Make an appointment with your doctor!! The only way to take care of your family is to take care of yourself, unfortunately they don't seem to do too well without us (at least mine doesn't!!) If you think you might need help then you probably do and there's nothing wrong with that, it's completely normal. Seek someone out (your doctor or a friend if family is no help) and in the meantime, give yourself a break. Not everyone bonds right away but you will with time--it's inevitable. Sometimes you just need to get to know each other. I would definitely talk to your doctor about how you're feeling though, why go through it when they might be able to help? Take care!

Hi L.,
Sorry to hear about your situation. You don't have to suffer! Call your doc right away and speak to him/her about your feelings. You may need medication for a SHORT period of time. "Baby Blues" only last about 2 weeks. You have something more going on. Start with your doctor, have your hubby go with you! Good luck!