Possible Issue with Mother's Day Out

Unless you need to have him in moms day out, he's saying "no school." I didn't do moms day out with my kids because I knew I wasn't going to get to have them home for much longer, and I didn't trust anyone with them and was dreading handing them over to strangers to care for them. If they had come home with big bruises, that would have been the end for me. I'm not saying they did it, or even that it was an accident that happened there, but the doubt in my mind would have ended it. My kids are now 8 and 10, and I'd love to have a day or two home with them every week just to be. Those days are gone.

Well, bruises don't just happen that quickly. Most take a day or two to get dark like that so if they didn't remember anything happening I would try to think back and remember if your child tripped and fell on their hiney outside or maybe they were running around and banged into something.

It is odd that they didn't notice it during the day though while changing his diaper. I would follow through with them.

Kids run around having fun and don't always cry when they get hurt, they don't always cry if they get whacked by another kid with a toy. It sometimes just happens and they don't even notice.

You said your child is verbal. If he can't tell you what happened then it may have just not been a big deal to him. In that case I would think it was just one of those things.

Something is wrong. Your child was subdued, he is saying "no school" when you ask him what happened, and you didn't get a call back on Friday. Not good.

I'm glad you took pictures. If the bruise has deepened, I'd take more pictures and get to your ped. I'd tell him or her what happened. Are they open on Saturday mornings? This is important, Angie.

I would not send him back until an investigation is done and you find out what happened. Something is "rotten in Denmark" and you need to find out what it was.

So sorry,
Dawn

I'm with Jo on this one. If the teacher had "done" something, they more than likely would have mentioned that something had happened. (That's not to say that mentioning something had happened means that they did it.) But people tend to want to cover their own butts...

I could tell you stories of the crazy bruises kids get. If a child fell on the steps or at the bottom of the stairs, backward, that would cause a bruise like the one you describe. So would tripping and hitting one's back on a low table, etc.

and many children do not complain or cry at daycare the way they might with mom. I've seen kids 'shake off' a whole lot of stuff and never say a word. If this happens, it's easy to perceive the child as not being 'hurt'.

Your child isn't saying "Teacher hit me", he's saying "no school". Kids often don't 'like' this change in their routine, they don't like to separate from mom. That's okay. He's starting to realize that this is the new 'normal' of him.

In short, the gild is off the lily. (Much like my kindergartener, who was excited about school for about a week and a half-- then the novelty wore off and reality set in.)

Since you are so concerned, I would make a point of observing the class without notice. Drop off, go out to your car and read a book for ten minutes and go back to look through the window. What's going on? Arrive a bit early for pickup and watch what's happening.

I will say that I would never, ever leave my child with people I didn't trust 100% . Neither should you. Do what you can to confirm your trust or distrust, and go from there.

I'll say one last thing, which caught my eye: "I finally caved" really speaks volumes about how you feel about the MOPS program and leaving him in care. If you don't feel good about it, there will always be something. Is it the program you don't like, or the separation? Be sure to differentiate the two. If it's the separation, maybe it would be good to explore why you don't like the idea of leaving him.... if it's the program, find something else that you feel better about.

Don't wait for them to call you back. Go in first thing Monday morning and pull the teachers aside and ask them directly. Bring the pics just in case---- But if you have any weird vibe or uncertainty about sending him, go with your gut. Hope you figure this out! Any possibility that he fell on something hard to get that kind of bruise? Do they have bikes there? GL

If I couldn't get a straight answer from anyone about what happened I sure wouldn't take him back. It shouldn't be that difficult for them to figure out who was with him those 5 hours, and if they don't know what happened, why don't they? My guy ran and fell into the toy box and hit his face and used an ice pack this past Thursday, there was a note in his cubby and the teacher told me when I picked him up.

And since he's fairly verbal have you encouraged your son to elaborate when he says "no school" by asking him "WHY no school?" He could have fallen or been pushed against something and not mentioned it to a teacher, which could have scared him into not wanting to go back to school, but then you're back to why didn't anyone see? Engage him in talking about school and hopefully find out, and take him to his doctor for documentation.

Why don't you just ask them when you go to drop him off? If they don't give you reasonable answers then leave with your son.

Speculating as you are is just wasted energy. I could give you a million innocent reasons that bruise could happen but my typing would be wasted energy.

The fact is had they done something wrong they would have produced a lame excuse when you picked him up. He has a large and obvious bruise. That they didn't say anything tends to show they were unaware of the bruise so they weren't checking for damage from anything that happened.

It sounds like you have taken some good steps. I think leaving a message and telling them you are coming early on monday woud be a good idea. Meet with them and discuss it.

you might not like this, but i do think you really do need to open yourself to the possibility that he may have hurt himself at home and the bruise showed up after class. That does happen sometimes.

Now to me, if the program is great, the teachers are warm and calm, and room is safe, the teacher communicate about his play and social interactions, then you are probably fine sending him back, I think to put my mind at ease i would stay and watch through an observation window. for a few weeks just to make sure the impression you are getting is reality.

If for any reason you hadn't felt comfortable PRIOR to this happening then ok pull him out. But if that was the case, really quesiton why you let him be there in the first place.

Questions for them, would be did they notice the bruise and forget to tell you?-- they are human sometimes even if it isn't busy people forget stuff.

do they remember anything happening ie your son crying that might help pin point when this happened?---- and again i gently suggest you ask yourself this as well. could it have happened at home?

Ask if they have a schedule for changing diapers, if this occured at 10 am do they change diapes at 12:30 where you would have expected them to notice a bruise, but if the diaper change is at 12:30 and he cried at 1:00 I wouldn't expect them to take off his diaper to look for a bruise, i would expect them to comfort him and distract him, not do a strip search.

Finally, if you can go in more in dectective mode than spanish inquisitor mode and keep yourself concerned but not accusing, then you can judge their response and see if they are appologetic and can describe to you what they would do in a typical situation where a child gets hurt in their care.

It's so hard with the little ones. I always would want to know exactly what they did when they were away from me. But sometimes things get misinterpetted.

when i taught preschool, I had a mom accuse me of doing nothing when her dd had had an accident at school. She thought the girl peed her pants and i hadn't used the change of undies we kept for each kid but instead sent her home with no panties AND never told mom. Well the kid was upset and when mom started drilling her just kept nodding and agreeing with everything mom suggested. Later when mom calmed down and had spoken to me, that i was unaware of anything, mom asked the girl again and the accident had happened at home after school when she was playing and she had hid her undies under her pillow (yuck) because she didin't want mom to know. Obviously your son didn't lie about how he got his bruise but sometimes it's just hard to get the full story right away.

I do think I would try to call the director one more time and if you can't speak to her at least tell her you are coming in to meet with her.

I'd go talk to them personally.

I would not take him back!! Your poor baby! And bruises do happen quickly if hit or fall hard enough. I would go and ask face to face what happen on Monday. Do they have video in the rooms?? Sorry your baby got hurt.

Did you ask your child what happened? At 2.5y/o your child should be able to verbalize to you, to a certain degree, if he got an 'owie' and how? That would be my first step...

Other than that, I would follow up with the 'teacher' in person and then do a little 'recon mission' of my own and start dropping by at unexpected times while my child is there and observe if you notice anything out of the ordinary?

1) My son got those types of bruises on a regular basis from falling backwards and landing on his keister. PARTICULARLY on stairs and door jams, but also on toy box rims, lids, and other objects. It's that sharp corner edge that would leave the 'Caned' type line across his leg, bum, or legs. So if it had been mine, that what I would probably assume... Even though I'd still ask. "Dude! Great battlescar! What happened?" (A lot of these were self inflicted, but some would be 'pushed' and lost his balance).

2) Go with your gut. If the program is skeving you out... There's usually a lot of options available.

I think you covered your bases very well and have handled things the way I would have.

Like you mentioned, so many accidents can happen between children at that age, especially if it involves a play ground or playing outside. With a bruise like you are describing, I would think your son would have cried or complained about a little pain when he first got hurt? If so, one of the teachers should be well aware of something happening even if they don't know exactly what happened. Given this, I hope they provide that information to the director.

Can you talk to your son about it? Even if it is something simple like "It looks like you have an owie back here. What happened?"

I would definitely give the director a call on Monday and ask if she had a chance to talk with the teachers. After you have another chance to talk with her, then I would make the decision on changing classes or not.

Good luck and PLEASE keep us updated!

I haven't read the responses so forgive me if I repeat. I would not take him back there.

My daughters and I tend to bruise very easily and rather quickly too. My baby can trip and fall on a toy and literally within minutes there is a bruise there. So I totally believe it was not there when you sent him in.

#1 - I find it totally unacceptable that the director has not followed up with you. Yes they may only be open those 3 days but I guarantee she has the teachers contact info and it wouldn't take but a few minutes to call both teachers on a quick conference call to see if either knew what had happened. As the director SHE should want to know what happened ASAP. I would be really ticked off if she had not called me back by the next morning. If my concerns about my child are not important enough for you to follow up on then you don't need to be responsible for my child.

#2 - There is a reason your son is saying "no school." Something has happened and he no longer feels safe there. It could all be very innocent such as he fell on a toy or playground equipment, another child could have hit him, he could of tripped and fell into one of the desks, etc. However, he didn't get the comfort he was seeking to feel secure. Either the teachers didn't see it happen or perhaps he was involved in an altercation with another child and they both got time outs. Whatever happened his needs were not met.

I vote for always going with your gut instincts where your kids are concerned. This bothered you enough to post here for second opinions so go with your gut Momma :)

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

Do the kids go out onto a playground? Does the playground have any form of metal or plastic bars -- for instance, any kinds of monkey bars, anything on which a child can climb or pull up, any form of ladder? Because a bruise like you describe, a straight line, sounds very much like it could have come from his falling onto such a bar on the playground. Even falling onto a hard toy inside (plastic truck, even the edge of a plastic storage box) could cause a bruise like that.

If this is a toddler class, why would a teacher even have a ruler or (I found this one particularly puzzling) a "pointing stick" in her hand?

Of course you are right to want to know if something happened but as someone else noted -- bruises can take time to darken enough to be noticeable. My child has gotten whacked at dance or in gym many times, come home and told me about it, and shown no marks until the next day or even two days later. So it could have happened at home. Kids do not always stop to report that they fell or bumped something if they were in the midst of playing--they are too occupied with play.

I am not dismissing your concerns and I do think you need to tell the director that she should have contacted you again much sooner. But as for not taking him back -- that sounds drastic. can you observe the class without his seeing you?

I suggest rereading Hazel's excellent posting. It's clear you may have some issues with his going to this day out at all -- so you may be extra ready to find a reason not to send him back. Can you step back a little and ask yourself if that might be the case?

As for his saying, "No school" -- he has not yet been back at all since you found the bruise, right? "No school" does not mean "I hate it and someone hurt me." It could just be adjustment. It is not at all unusual for kids to start out enthusiastic about school and cool off quickly once the novelty wears off. The schedule for his schooling could be part of it, too:

I don't know his age but one day a week for five hours sounds like a poor schedule to get a child used to this kind of thing; a better one would be two days a week for two to three hours each of those days, or three days a week for two to three hours each day. One long, tiring, five-hour chunk away from mom is wearing for him and in his mind it's eternal. Then he has six whole days to get back into his I'm-home! routines and then -- back to a looong five-hour day away.

Shorter but more frequent "school" days could work better for him. If he balks at going back to this place, it could be because he sees that one long day as never-ending, whereas shorter days, when he sees you sooner -- and goes back sooner -- will help him adjust better.

One friend discovered that when her son was in preschool two long days in a row and at home the other five days, it was too h*** o* him to go back--but he thrived when he went for three short days, each separated by a day at home. Something to think about.

it may very well be that nothing untoward happened, that his bruise darkened from an unregarded bump in your house, that he just misses you.
but since you don't know, the circumstances are a bit squiffy, and your spidey-sense is tingling, i'd heed it and not drop him off there again. not with judgement or bad feelings.
just because.
khairete
S.

Is your son verbal? When you asked him "what happened?" what did he say?

I'm confused... why don't you just go in & ask the teacher what happened? Am I missing a reason why you can't do that? Why can't you go in and talk to the director? Again, I don't think I saw a reason why that couldn't happen.

Isn't it very possible that he didn't really "feel" the injury because he had a diaper on? That would explain why he, nor the teachers, know what happened.

As far as him not wanting to go to school, of course he's going to say that if he knows he's hurt. Did he know was hurt before you saw the bruise, though? Or is he reacting off of your worry?

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask questions & want follow up. I don't think anyone's beating your kid. I do think it's unreasonable to not expect your kid to get injured at preschool/daycare. It's also unreasonable to expect the teachers to know about an injury when your son gives them no indicators that something happened.