Poopy Training - Sun Prairie,WI

Just went thru this with my twin 3 1/2 year old. One did NOT want to poop on the potty and would always ask if he was "wearing a diaper or underpants"...like he didn't know! THe only issue is that I put them in diapers for nap (just in case) and night time, and when we go to the pool (about 3 times a week or more). He used to hold it until the swim diaper was on or nap diaper. Then he just could not hold it and would cry to put a diaper on him. I would sit him on the little potty and...just like that, within seconds, he did a poop!! He was soooo afraid and then when it actually happened, it was easier for him to poop on the potty than in a diaper...when he was READY! Patience and Luck to you both!!

I suggest that his body is not mature enough to be able to know he needs to go sufficiently long enough ahead of time to make it to the potty. It's normal for a toddler to learn about poop many weeks/months after being able to use the potty for urine.

If you do believe he's just being stubborn that means that you are in a power struggle with him. YOu'll need to let go of the need to have full control and give him back some power. To do that back off on trying to get him to poop in the toilet. Stop with the rewards and charts. Tell him that you know he'll go when he's ready and now you're leaving it up to him. Then don't say anything. If he's truly just being stubborn then he'll come around once he realizes it's up to him.

In the meantime, yes, put him back in diapers/pull ups. This may in its self be an incentive. Tell him he'll get his big boy pants back when he's able to keep the diaper/pull up dry and clean.

If you mean by being stubborn that he has issues with using the toilet try to figure out what they are. Is he afraid that he's losing part of himself in the toilet? This feeling is fairly common. If that's the case, using a small potty instead of the toilet may help. Is he afraid he'll fall in while sitting the length of time it takes his body to expel the poop? Small potty takes care of that.

Has he had pain when pooping on the toilet. He may be afraid of having pain again. It may be that the poop comes out more easily when he's not paying attention to it. You could try reading to him, giving him toys to play with and in other ways distract him. Have you tried sitting him backwards on the toilet? He'll feel more secure and he can play with toys on the tank.

When he does poop in his pants he may be squatting which does, I'm told, make pooping easier. Notice when he poops and see if this is the case. If so you could try having him squat on the toilet.

Above all be calm and stop pushing him to do it. Let him decide when he's going to poop in the toilet. In the meantime use diapers/pull ups.

Back off on the rewards and incentives. I wouldn't necessarily say he's being stubborn but he isn't ready. Whatever, so be it. The more matter-of-fact and supportive you can be, the better.

Don't change him back to diapers, but perhaps he can ask for a pull up to poop in? You can just frame it as "poop doesn't belong in underpants, but if you know it's coming you can switch pants." Then he can escort you as you empty and flush the poop away, teach him to use wet wipes to clean himself.

I say all this as a mom who didn't handle my son's poop accidents well and I regret it. He will get it in his own time, just ease off a little to lessen the pressure.

I told my kids they couldn't wear their underwear/panties until they were pooping in the potty. I did not want to deal with what you are describing. Our son was scared. He would sit there on the potty and try to hold it in. One day, I knew he needed to go and I told him he would sit there until he went. He had books and stuff. I wasn't harsh. I encouraged him and held his hand. Talked to him. I was determined. I knew that if I gave up, as soon as I put a pull up on him he would go in about 10 seconds flat. I think he sat their for 30-45 minutes. The last 5 were the worst. He thought part of his body was falling off. :) BUT when he did it, we celebrated big time!! He had to do it a couple more times before I would let him wear his beloved Lightning McQueen underwear. That was it. He never pooped in his pants, ever!!
One of my twins just refused. She was about 3 1/2 and stubborn. I finally said, no more pull ups. If you dirty your panties, you will sit by the washer and wait until they are washed and dried. I know some will say that is mean. I wasn't mean. Just matter of fact. When she did it, I calmly said, let's go and put her in a chair next to the washer, without books or toys. I hated every minute and actually put the washer on the shortest cycle, but we had to do that 2 times total and she was trained.
Good luck!

Allowing a child to use diapers for pooping is only "going back" in your own mind! If your son has not yet progressed to pooping in the potty, he has yet to "go forward." Pooping in the potty often comes later than peeing. For some kids, many months later.

It sounds like your son is old enough to be able to talk this over, and if I were in your situation (as have been many young families I've known over the last 2 decades), I would tell him I am confident he'll use the potty for pooping just as soon as he is ready. If he'll tell you when he needs a diaper for pooping, hooray – go for it! That's actually a step toward success. Even most kids who are put back in diapers full-time can and do continue to use the potty for peeing.

If he won't tell you, then you might consider pinning diaper liners in his underwear. Or if he's very regular, you might try just diapering him at those times in his day when he's most likely to poop. Occasionally, families have good results letting their children run nekked, but this is just as likely to have unintended consequences, like poops in hidden corners, or a child freaked out and unable to poop for days, resulting in constipation and further problems.

He will get there. All children do (except a very few with severe neurological or physical problems.) Meanwhile, give him plenty of emotional space to work this out for himself. Parents are eternally surprised to learn that their child, no matter how unaware or uninterested he seems, does mature and decide to use the potty. The less reason you give him to resist, the faster he'll reach that point of readiness.

In the mean time, keep the subject of pooping light and positive. Read him the book Everybody Poops. Look for fun videos. Have Poop Parties with his stuffed toys and superheroes (they can even produce little clay poops in a pretend potty). Have faith, K.. You can trust your child to be among the Normal Millions.

You are lucky... that he has not gotten Constipated.
Because, constipation can take MONTHS to normalize.
Constipation, in potty training Toddlers, are common.
It occurs because:
They are not ready to poop in a toilet, but are not allowed to poop in a diaper. THUS the child, then purposely "withholds" their poop. Thus, they don't poop at all. Thus, they get internal pain & medical problems. Thus, they get emotion based problems because of the pain and anxiety. Thus, they get afraid to poop. Because, it is PAINFUL to hold poop in and the poop gets HARDENED internally, and then cannot come out or causes great pain, when it does come out.

Constipation, can also cause medical problems such as:
Encopresis
Blocked bowels
Bulging bowels
etc.

Now, I know this because, my daughter had stress and anxiety about pooping, when that age. We did NOT force her or anything about it. But it was her emotions not ready for this yet. THUS, she withheld her poop. Got constipated. Then we had to take her to a Pediatric Gastroenterologist. He said, that EVERYDAY he sees Toddlers like this... because, they are NOT ready to poop... for that stage of pottying, yet. HE said, to LET AND ALLOW the child to just poop.... even if that is in a diaper. The world will not end. The child will then be without medical problems and constipation.
WHEN ready, the child will learn to poop and be emotionally ready, for it being in a toilet.

It can take MONTHS for the Constipation... to normalize...and via using prescriptions and other things, to soften the poop. AND for the child, to emotionally.... feel better.

So, this Specialist said: Poop 'training' is 2 fold:
Emotion based and,
Biological based.

Now, again, let your son be.
You do not want him to get Constipated and withhold his poop. This is unhealthy. To say the least.

Your boy is young.
There is no rush.

Pooping in a toilet, is OFTEN that last stage and phase... of potty 'training.'
THIS is very very very, common.
In both genders.

Both my kids, have NEVER EVER went backwards with potty training, just because they had a diaper on for pooping and for sleep.

For naps/bedtime... remember that night time dryness, does not occur until even 7 years old, and this is NORMAL.
Sleep time dryness, is a SEPARATE process, than daytime pottying.
It is about the physiological development, of the body.
For naps/bedtime, my son who is 4 almost 5, still wears a sleep diaper. He does NOT get confused.
My daughter, still wore a sleep diaper even when 5 years old. Normal.
She was still wet during sleep.
At 7 years old, my daughter still had, sleep time pee accidents too.

That is why, you should buy a Waterproof bed pad, to put under the child, to make clean up easier. My kids' sheets do not get wet/soiled when they leak or have accidents, because, I have a waterproof bed pad, directly under them.
All gotten from Amazon. I have 4 of them that I rotate out as needed.
No biggie.

This is VERY common and you will find all kind of previous posts about it on this website. We went through this with both of my sons. It's very important to remain positive and do not pressure him. If he starts feeling pressured or has a negative experience he will start holding it and get constipated which can lead to months or even years of problems, accidents and other issues. My oldest son was successful pooping on the potty right around age 4 so your son is still very young. We actually sought the help of a pediatric therapist and here is what was recommended to us and what actually worked--he can wear underwear most of the time, but when he needs to poop he discreetly asks you for a diaper or pull-up, he does his thing and you quickly clean him up with out any complaints or negative response and put him back in his underwear. You encourage him to use the potty, perhaps "bribe" him and tell him you know he will be ready to use the potty to go poop. A Thomas the Tank Engine toy finally got our son to do it. We also read books about pooping on the potty and even talked about the wastewater treatment plant and what happens after we flush. His preschool teachers got a kick out of that one when he gave them a report one day on the wastewater treatment plant! You are not alone--this happens all of the time and seems to be more common in boys for some reason. Good luck.

My son was very much like that. We tried to tell him he needed to go poopy on the potty & he wasn't ready & ended up holding it for 5 days. He is a very regular kid too. So when I finally relented & gave him a diaper it took him 45 very painful minutes to go. From that time on we decided that he would wear underwear & when he needed to go poopy he would ask for a diaper. He would have to sit on a stool in the bathroom & when he was done he would come out & get cleaned up & put back in underpants. We did this for @ 2 months & then he decided he was ready to go poopy on the potty & we have been fine ever since. He was about your sons age too when we started doing this.

My mom took care of kids for years and was always able to poopy train kids very easily by just having the kids wash out their underwear in the toilet. Seriously, it sounds gross, but trust me, after they had to do it 2-3 times, they were willing to go on the toilet. Just be sure to explain that he needs to wash his hands (and probably arms) very well afterwards. Good luck!

When we potty trained my son (he was 3), we had the same problem. After a couple accidents I told him that I will no longer clean his underwear. He had to do it himself. When he pooped his pants I would strip him down to his underwear and throw him in the shower. He would then have to clean both his underwear and himself. After about 2X doing this he told me he didn't want to clean the underwear it was "yucky". I said I know I don't want to either. I think it took about 3X and he decided it was easier and not as "yucky" to go in the toliet.