Time to hit the "reset" button, mama.
I really appreciate what many posters said and I'd like to share some concrete tips with you which might help you reframe how you are thinking about the situations at hand and how you are presenting them to your daughter.
First, I would try to take as much of an emotionally neutral approach about the haircutting. If you can do this, your manner will hand the problem back to her. While you might be lamenting the loss of 'hair you helped her grow', try not to show her this side of your feelings. This is a time when "Wow, you really cut your hair pretty short. We'll have to go to supercuts and see if they can fix it." and leave it at that. Let *her* ask about ponytails, etc. When it comes up later, just matter-of-factly hand it back to her. "Can I have a ponytail?" the answer is simple "Oh, no, when you chose to cut your hair, you made it too short for a ponytail. It will have to grow out again." Because she got a big reaction from you, it is likely to happen again, so be prepared and have your coolest, most "I could care less" voice ready to go. And I agree, scissors should be taken away and be on an 'asking' basis, where/when you get to supervise, because she's shown you she's not making good choices. (It's my belief that when we enforce some boundaries/rules around this stuff, our kids are happier and relieved, even if they act like they aren't. What we're saying is "I'm *not* going to let you use this to hurt yourself", which is essentially reassuring to a kid who feels out of control.)
In regard to responsibilities: the prospect of moving can cause some behavioral changes and plenty of anxiety for kids. I agree with not asking her to pack for herself. As a kid who moved many, many times when I was young, 'not packing' is synonymous for "I really don't want to move--if I don't pack, then mommy can't make us move." Yes, this is pretty magical thinking on her part, but it really makes sense. Please take this one off her plate. Plus, packing up all of her stuff this soon before the move likely won't leave her much to play with.
In regard to responsibilities, does your daughter have a printed and illustrated chart/list of things she does to help herself and the household/family? This may be a good start. She needs to have daily expectations and regular responsibilities. I've just made one for my son (5) and it includes the following:
Clothes to Laundry
Brush teeth/go potty (school prep)
Hang up coat/tote (after school)
Put clean clothes away
Clean up bedroom/play areas
Put on Pajamas/Clothes to laundry
Go potty/brush teeth/wash face
Hair wash (as needed)
Bath/body wash (as needed)
Put away groceries
Watch for crosswalk lights
These are his daily responsibilities. Does he do them unassisted, each and every day? no. Sometimes I give him verbal direction/reminders, sometimes (like picking up his room) I'll go in and ask if he wants company or if he can do it himself. I try to make it as relaxed as I can. If he needs help getting started, I can cue him "Start with all the dinosaurs first. Get them in their box." Sometimes, if he has an attitude, I'll give him that direction and then go tend to another task outside of his room. "Come get me when the dinos are put away and I'll help you figure out what's next." Sometimes, we have a lot of fun just being together.
When he refuses to clean up toys, I do put a timer on and let him know the consequences. "I see that maybe you don't want to take care of your toys. I'm coming back in ten minutes and everything that's out will go away for a while." Then they go into a box which I take away for a while (about seven days). This isn't a permanent 'going away', but long enough for him to miss them if he does like the toy. I also do sort through his toys when he's at preschool every so often and remove what's not being played with or things I think he's outgrown.
When responsibilities are not followed-through on, then we make things *his* problem. Table isn't set? Wow--you don't have any dinner because we can't eat! Better get that done! Daily tasks that aren't taken care of earlier means that we go into 'overtime' -- they still have to be done, and we start reading bedtime stories at 7, (we start the timer at 7pm for 20 minutes...this is what works for us), so if you go into 'overtime' getting tasks done, you don't get so much bedtime story time. We do much of our cleanup before I even start dinner, and I just remind him "If it's not done at bedtime, that's time off your stories".
Lastly, M., no, I don't think you'd like to export your child forever, and I've had those days too. If you are feeling pretty stuck, I'd highly encourage you to check out "Taking Charge: Caring Discipline that works at home and at school" by JoAnne Nordling. Ms. Nordling is the co-founder of the Parent Support Center in Portland and I've sat in on her Taking Charge workshops. I've been using this books in my work with kids and think it provides some very concrete, usable solutions for parents and teachers when it comes to disobedience and attitude. If that doesn't appeal, try the Love and Logic series. Good luck.