Pleading for Help on Getting a 12 Month Old to Sleep in Her Own Bed!!

I am not sure on how to fix it but I can tell you to fix it fast! You don't want to be like me, she is 3 and refuses to sleep in her bed. If I can get her to stay there until she falls asleep she will be in my bed within the hour! Fix it before she gets the terrible 2's and the stubborn 3's! I am a single mom, so most of the time its ok, but darn it would be nice to have the quiet time at the end of the evening!

Good Luck and be firm!

1 mom found this helpful

Go to your local Bookstore and buy "The No Cry Sleep Solution." It is amazing!! It gives great advice and lets you know how much your child should be sleeping. You can skip over parts if necessary and go straight to the advice for 12month olds... I used it with my 2nd child when she was 7 months old and now at 15 she sleeps from 9pm to 8am. (but it didn't happen overnight!!)

Run, don't walk there to buy it!! I HIGHLY recommend it!!

1 mom found this helpful

Sorry to be blunt... but use a crib. And a net topper if necessary to keep her from climbing out.
She's training you (and very well it seems!) at this point if she's only napping while you hold her. It might take a few episodes of some real heart-breaking tantrums to establish that you're the parent that makes the rules, but in the long run, will make things more consistant (& you get your bed back!).

Good luck -
J.

I had this same thing go on so what I started to was at first I took her in to her room and laid down with her in there and if she wanted to be held I could do it. Then after a few day started to back off more and more. I got a chair puting right by dd bed and sat in there for a few and read a book or play some music in the room but then I started to slow move the chair back closer to the door and now Im out of the rrom and she sleep fine all by her self in her bed. This took awhile not an over night thing but it did work for me. the only other thing I can say is do the touch love stuff and put her in the bed an walk away some time thats all it takes

I hope this helps

i had a similar problem, and in order to fix it you need to be ready for a few bad days and some mommy guilt. The baby will be just fine and adapt in a few days to any changes you make-- give it a week, and she'll be fine. Just make sure you're fine, first!

Put her to bed in her crib with a pacifier and let her cry it out at naptimes. Put on some nice soothing sounds like waves or white noise. Eventually she will get tired and give up. Come get her when naptime is usually up so she sticks to a schedule.

Do this for a few days until she gets it. Then start with bedtime. At night when she wakes, feed her, lover her, and put her back in her crib. She will get used it and it will be a hard week, but you will be a much happier mom and baby soon!

I hope she's at least a sound sleeper. My youngest, my daughter was, thankfully because we tried everything too. We ended up getting a cot to put at the foot of our bed. It was the same height so it gave her the illusion of sleeping with us in the same bed. At least you have the hours before midnight & this may sound hokey but before you know it they dont need you the same way & you might miss it. My daughter is now 16 & a couple times a year she asks me to lie down with her when she is stressed. I am happy I can still help her feel secure by giving her a little attention. But I guess you may not get this til she's a teen.

She has to know what you want...and you and you husband need to be in total agreement. Talk out a plan. Start with putting her in her own bed. If she comes to you at night take her immediatly back to bed. At nap time reassure her that you are just in the other room. If she won't stay in her room for naps, you may need to stay in the room until she's asleep, but don't hold her. She has to learn to calm herself, that's important, but she wants to feel secure, too. Kids need rules!
They are rested,more confident, self sifficent kids when thy have rules...weather they agree or not. I have 5 kids ranging from 11yrs. to 4yrs. Have been happily married for 12yrs.
You may have quite a struggle on your hands, but don't give in, that's what she's hoping you'll do!

Hi M.-
Here is what worked with all 4 of my 9 mo olds (not the same as 12 mo but worth a try)
Step 1-put them in their crib to sleep-use a special night only song- sing 2-3 min or until baby is drowsy not sleeping-when and if there is crying look at the clock- time it.

First time at a crying jag give it 5 min. (the clock is critical!) Go in pick up baby hug- sing same song and then leave. If continued crying give it 8-10 min go in sing same song but don't pick up the baby- you can hug at the crib or pat his back. Keep upping the time intervals-I never had to go past 15 min.

Use this routine every time and by 3-5 days he will learn to soothe himself. This worked with my 4 kids and it is hard to hear them cry but they are testing limits and I really wanted them to sleep well on their own- and now they all do!
Good Luck with whatever route you take.

Beth
PS All I can recommend is consistency, constistency and more consistency. The more your daughter gets used to the routine the quicker it will work. It is really hard to hear them cry but it isn't as long as you think it is.

Hi M.,
I have read through all of these responses and am a mother of 4. None of my children have been good sleepers. I have learned that "crying it out" certainly does not work for all children. I have tried, and after an hour I have given up because I think it is heartbreaking for the baby. I have a 10 month old and am going through the same issue. It is so frustrating and he still wants to wake up 5-10 times a night. He is breastfed and constantly still wants that as security and will not go back to sleep without it. I know that at some point it will get easier, but honestly you have to do what is in your heart. She is probably old enough, though, to eliminate that morning nap. My son would not take naps longer than 15 minutes up until last week. I started eliminating those short naps and for one whole week now he has been sleeping 2-3 hours for naps. I do have to rock him or feed him to get him to sleep, but then I slowly put him in his crib after he has fallen asleep. He wakes up at around 7am and then I give him his nap around 11:45 and will wake around 2 or 3. I am not sure if this will work for you.

There are a lot of good books and a lot of advice out there. Kim West, the "Sleep Lady" has a good strategy about sitting next to the crib and gradually moving away little by little each time. Whatever you decide to do though, THE most important thing is to be consistent. Decide your strategy and stick to it EVERY TIME. And let me tell you, (from experience) there will be tears and heartbreaking doesn't begin to describe it. Just know it's her way of telling you how much she doesn't want to sleep in her crib. The more consistent you are, the quicker she will get the message, and the quicker she will be sleeping in her own bed. It can be done and it's much harder on the mommies. I wish you all the luck in the world. We did the "Ferber" thing with my oldest daughter. It was so awful, but it worked.

I will start by saying you have to do what feels right for you and for your baby. We have six children. Our youngest is 3 months old today. I have never let my children 'cry it out'. (I personally don't believe in letting an infant cry at length.) They have all slept with us as infants and moved easily to their own beds when they were older. And they seem to be happy well adjusted children. I did nap them in their crib during the day. If she's needing to be held for naps at 12 months old I am wondering if this is a new problem? Otherwise, it sounds like she has been conditioned to it since she was born. You might want to try sitting next to her on her crib/your bed and rubbing her back until she falls asleep. If you do want to try the 'tough love' approach I would suggest not letting her cry for more than 5 minutes without going in to pat her on her back and comfort her. That she is ok and you are there even if you are insisting on her staying in her crib. If you do insist on that do not pick her up. Then she will just cry more the next time.
One of the most important things to a child is a feeling of security. All of our children, with the exception of the baby(who is too young to do nursery or school) have all 'detached' easily when going to the nursery at church and to pre-k and kindergarten. With a little wave and a 'see you later mom/dad'. No clinging no crying.
I have friends who's children never slept with them and their children are equally well adjusted. Whatever you decide you need to be consistent. Security and consistency help a child know what to expect in their environment.
My sister has 3 children and I sat for all of them. Two of them were screamers-not criers, screamers. There were times when I didn't know what else to do and I would put them in the crib but I would go back every 5 minutes to let them know I was there. I did that when nothing else, holding, rocking,etc worked to comfort them. They grew out of it and are cute fun kids now.
Also, try not to stress about whatever you decide to do. Chilren pick up on much more than we know about when it comes to our feelings/worries etc. If you are calm, that calmness with have and effect on her as well. Good luck, sooner than you think this will be a distant memory for you.
M. SAHM with 6 children 3 months to 12 years.

Get the child out of your bedroom! You and your husband need a sanctuary all to yourselves. Baby needs the same.

get her a teddy bear or a doll that plays music or the one that has the heart beat everytime she crawls into bed with you make sure she cuddles to the one you have gotten for her. it will take about 2 weeks but soon she will want to cuddle with this at bedtime

I had the same problem with my daughter. I found out she didn't like the confinement of her crib. I turned her crib into a toddler bed and just put the guards up on it. She now sleeps in her own bed every night. She still needs to fall asleep with me - either on the couch or in my arms-but once asleep I can put her into her bed with no problems. She sleeps there all night.