Playing Outside!

Jenny C has some great ideas!

Just to affirm, those type methods do work - especially with certain temperaments. We learned early on that my oldest (now almost 3) really needs the warning that change is soon to happen. Tell him "it's time to go inside now" - instant meltdown. Give him warning "5 more minutes (and usually once more at 3 minutes) until we have to go inside" - and he trots right in when it's time. We use the time warning often (before we eat, go to bed, get on our coats to leave, etc), and it has prevented many meltdowns. There have even been numerous times when he has shortened the amount of time on his own - "Mommy, my 5 minutes is all done, I'm ready to go inside!" Strange - but true!

Regardless, good luck! Some more meltdowns may come, but hang in there . . . it will get better! :)

1 mom found this helpful

C.,

When my little girl was that age, we started instituting the 'Last Play'. "Okay, Sweetie, almost time to go in, get in your LAST PLAY." Somehow, it worked. It wasn't an arbitrary time; five more minutes, one more minute ... kids can't grasp the concept of time. What they CAN grasp is one last trip down the slide, one last outfit on the doll, one last pass on the driveway with the trike. Last Play still works today and she's 3 1/2.

For your son, the fun ending outside can be tragic. I suggest walking up to him - with no anger in your voice, just curiousity - and take his hands. Say "Oh my goodness, look at those dirty hands! Lets go spend some time in the sink!" and go fill up the sink with some soapy water to play in. Maybe even throw in a bath toy. Perhaps you could do some playtime in the sink a few days BEFORE you try it for the outside/inside transition so that he knows that washing his hands can be fun.

And also added bonus - his hands are clean when he goes inside from playing.

Good luck!
J.

1 mom found this helpful

Just let him have the meltdown. It's not up to him when it's time to go inside. Tell him it's time to go in, and if he throws a fit, pick him up, take him in, put him on the floor, and walk away while he finishes throwing a tantrum. If you pay attention to the tantrum, then you're falling right into his game. If you don't pay any attention to it every single time, then he will eventually give up on thinking that it will somehow get him more time outside. And in the meantime, you're not bothered because you're bringing him in, setting him down, and going about your business.

I have the same problem with my 2 1/2 year old. I just have been telling him that playing outside is a privledge. If he wants to continue to go out, he has to come in when Mommy says it's time. If we still throw a holy fit, then I resort to time out and talk it over after he's had a chance to cry it out a bit. Hope this helps. Good Luck!!

My son is almost 2 and he does the same thing. I warn him that it is almost time to go in. And then I let him know it is time to go in. Now he asks why and I tell him, then I let him know that we can play outside tomorrow if he is good. Since I explain lots of things to him he seem to be understanding and not throwing fits anymore. It did take a couple of days for it to sink in. Good luck.

Jenny's advice is good, that is what we do. Except we do tell them '5 more min' then '3 more min' then '1 more min' and finally (at about 30 sec) 'only one more slide/circle on the trike, etc.' It works for us, and then they at least get the idea that time's almost up.

My daughter is 26 months and I have the same problem. It is almost easier to not let her go outside at all because it is a huge meltdown when its time to come in. I have 3 kids and a husband so I have TONS of stuff to do in the house at all times. I even take her out for a few hours and it just is never enough for her. I really cannot reason with her yet by saying things like if mommy finishes the dishes we will go out for a half hour. She just doesn't undestand. If you get any helpful advice please let me know!

Our 26 1/2 month old daughter has done the same thing. Lately it hasn't been so bad. We have ignored her tantrums when we have to come inside, but than we try to find INDOOR activites for her to do. Like we have tons of books to offer, coloring, writing a story about going outside, even though she don't know the complete concept. We will go over and start playing with her blocks or we even play ring around the rosie / hide n seek (another way of peekaboo), water tub with some water toys on the kitchen floor or a tiled floor, so the carpet don't get ruined. Sometimes we even put in a good movie for her. Sometimes we just grab a snack and sit and visit with each other for a bit. We also have pets, so that too helps, because we'll say we got to go in and feed the puppies and kitties. Also, we got to check on our fishes. Or we even have a little dance off coming in the house. She enjoys it and never is bored. I know she hates coming in, but I know there are times that she just needs to come in and get ready to settle down. All this works for us. Never had any problems and coming in has been a lot easier lately too. We also talk to her and tell her what we are doing. Good Luck!

Haha... Let me know when you get that figured out b/c I have a 4yr old who is still that way...

If I had a NICKEL for every melt down both my kids had when coming inside, I'd be rich!!! It's perfectly normal at that age, just stick to your guns. I tell my 4 year old and 14 month old when it's time to come in, it's time to come in. The baby doesn't yet get it, but even the 4 year old still whines and pouts "I don't Wuv you, mommy" and all of that. Ignore the bad behavior and focus on the positive behavior. Trust me, it's does get better. I used to have to leave my daughter in the back hall and let her scream without an audience until she calmed down. My DH helps out, too, in getting them inside.

How about getting a special outdoor timer? Tell him that you can go outside to play but when the timer goes off then it is time to go in. Just an idea. Good luck, Shannon

Wow! I was having the same problem just late week. I have a 21 year old daughter who loves the outdoors to. She would cry, scream, throw herself down, and refuse to get up to go in the house. The only thing that helped was to allow her to drive her tricycle into the living room from outdoors. Im not sure everyone has this option but it worked for me. After I get her in the house it is not to hard to get her off the bike and into the bath(which she also loves). I hope this helps.

What we have done was to prepareour daughter for what is going to happen by giving her a timeframe. This does takes a while to catch on and isn't without incident, but I think over time your son will have to better understanding of how much time he gets outside. We tell our daugher before we go outside that we will be outside 'x' long and when we come in we are going to take a bath. Then she gets a '10 minutes and we go inside' warning, then 5 minutes, then 2, then in. The key is to not give in when you say it's time to go in. If you do and let them stay outside longer, the whole process looses all meaning.

C.,

I have always told my son how long we will be going outside, and then when it is time to go, say we have 15 minutes left, 10 minutes left, then 5 mins, then time to go. He didn't have the abilty to tell time, but it gavee him the since of time. Now that he is 6 I let him use his watch and tell me. Oh, and if there was a melt down when it was time to leave, we would have a time-out then and there. 1 minute for each year. Good luck!

Hi Carlissa, first of all that is pretty normal behavior, both of my kids have had meltdowns similar to what you have described, and my son would act out when we would leave his grandparent's house too.

So this is what I did, I let both of my children know that we would be leaving soon, or going in soon, so that it wasn't a huge surprise that the fun was ending. And I set a time limit, then I reminded them one more time before it was time for us to leave. This seemed to help. I also used a timer so they had a visual reference.

You could take a egg-timer or something like that outside with you so he can see what you are talking about.

You can even let him set the timer so he feels like he is in control of the situtation too, plus tell him you are going to go in and read a book or take a bath, so he can see that even though the fun is stopping out-side, you are still going to do something fun in-side.

Lastly I did tell them that if the behavior did not stop we would not go out-side the next day, or over to grandma's on the weekend. And I stuck to it which was hard, but they got the message. Especially when it was a beautiful day and we weren't outside or when I said we couldn't go to grandma's the next day because of their behavior.

I hope this helps,
Good Luck,
L.

I agree with Jenny C. about the last play. Sometimes the transition is hard for kids because it is abrupt. Just like we don't like change without warning, neither do they. It helps to let them know what is coming up.

I say things like, we are going to go in soon and then we will take a bath or get ready for dinner, or whatever you are doing next. It warns them of the next phase of the evening.

As long as there is an "outside" kids will prefer to be there. You can run as fast as you can, throw as hard as you can, make a mess and get dirty and it's all ok. It's amazingly fun. There will be tears and meltdowns from time to time, but they are disappointed about having to stop doing what they consider the most fun thing. Don't worry about it. The tears will cease in time and he will be able to transition better.

Hello!
I would try a timer. Explain that when he has 15 minutes left to play outside, show him you are setting the timer & when it goes off, it is time to go in. Let him check the timer after 5 minutes to see time is ticking away. I know he will probably still not like it when the timer goes off, but it is one way of showing them time limits. Maybe something fun waiting inside will help or a snack! My daughter is 3 & LOVES the outside play time as well!

Talk to him while getting him ready to go outside that it
will only be for a little while and then he has to come
back inside. When you do come inside, have something special
for him to do (not just nap time). Have a good snack, lunch
or a game you two can play together - something fun.

I am going through the same thing with my daughter right now. She doesn't completely meltdown, but she definately doesn't want to come inside. Yesterday I picked her up and was tickling her and playing while I carried her inside and that seemed to help some. I think they just have "spring fever" and are tired of being cooped up inside from a long winter. Hopefully it will get better after they realize that the weather should be nice for a long time.

I'm going to check back to see what other moms have to say!

hi,
ok this is what I did. I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old and they both used to throw fits. They wanted to be able to stay outside all day long. I would give them an option. I would say ok you can either go inside nicely and play a game while I get dinner ready, or you can go inside throwing a fit and sit in your room until I get dinner ready. It may take a couple of times before he gets that it is his decision. My daughter would start throwing a fit and when I would say this to her she would stop screaming and look at me a little confused. I would tell her her choices again and she would think about it for a minute and then of course she would pick the better of the two options without throwing a fit.
Good luck

First of all, congrats on having a child that actually prefers to play outside! You want encourage that as much as possibl. Too many kids these days prefer to play inside and that's pretty sad. Of course, they do need to come inside at some point. :-) At that young age, transitions (going from one activity to another) can be very hard. They have a very bad sense of time and so to tell them "you can go back out after dinner" or even in an hour is like an eternity to them. Countdown warnings work best... you have 10 minutes, you have 5 minutes, etc. And don't worry about having a watch or making it exact... we call them "mommy minutes". *grin* The important thing is to count down so he knows it's coming. It'll be hard the first few times but eventually he'll get better. It's also nice to have something to look forward to. Instead of saying "time to come inside", tell him "it's time to go to the store so you can pick out which banana you want". Try to get outside several times a day, everyday, so they get used the routine. After a few days, he'll start to realize that it won't be too long before he can be outside again.

I'm very glad we have a 6ft wooden fence and a pretty safe backyard (in a very safe neighborhood/city) because I let the kids go outside by themselves all the time. My 5 and 2 year old pretty much live outside. My 2 year old is out there all the time (I can see her wherever she is from the windows so I can be in the kitchen or do housework or whatever). On non-school days, my 5 year old is outside as soon as he wakes up and I have to call him inside to eat all meals - including breakfast! My 2 year old is easily outside for 2 or 3 hours at a time and still never wants to come in! They still fuss sometimes when I call them in, especially the 2 year old, but they know that they'll be back outside soon.

Give him something to look forward to. I tell my son"Fine, we won't come out here again tomorrow." Usually he realizes that if he doesn't come in he won't get the opportunity. So far it has worked for me. We even use this technique when going to a park.
R.

C.,

When our kids were that little, and we were leaving someplace that they did not want to leave, we gave a warning, and then told them to say good buy to the swing, or the jungle gym, or the ball pit, and tell them that they would see them later. It worked for two of the three. Sometimes there is going to be a child that you just have to carry out kicking and screaming.

Look at this as an opportunity to teach them that they don't get what they want by acting that way, and that they don't like the reaction they get from you when they melt down. One of ours provided ample opportunities for us to teach this lesson. Beware though, it just takes one time of giving in for her to learn to use this behavior to get everything she wants...but it takes multiple repetions of standing your ground for them to learn you mean bussiness.

Most kids never want to leave Disney land either, and it can seem like parenting really means that no good deed goes unpunished! One day, that child will put all that energy into getting something that they really want by working hard, this trait is hard wired!

M.

I am having the exact same problem with my 21 month old son. Can't wait to hear some advice.

Welcome to my world! Except, my daughter's melt downs also apply to going and leaving a store, park, my house in the morning, eating in her highchair, you name it....terrible 2's have started. I swear, my daughter was an angel, until....a week after her 2nd b-day. It'll pass, that is the good news, bad news is that it may not for a while lol. I basically just deal with the melt downs. If she is kicking and screaming, I walk out of the room, which snaps her out of it. If its going in the house, I either bribe her (if we are in a hurry...sorry, but sometimes that is all that works) or, I just pick her up and carry her inside. The worst for me is putting her in a carseat, so I usually have a special toy or something she really likes waiting for her, which seems to do the trick. Since you mentioned he doesn't go for bribes, maybe acting like you are doing something really fun inside would work, like saying, 'oh my gosh, look what is inside the house,' Or, if he has a cartoon/show he watches, you could turn it on (Dora is a major treat in my house). Just know that you are not alone and its normal, although frustrating :)

Set a timer......just like you would for a time out. Talk about what needs to be done AFTER he's outside, i.e. baths, dinner, etc. Kids need to begin to understand a sense of boundaries.