Playgroup Etiquette

She was rude to call and ask for payment. 2 year olds sometimes break things, so the toys the hostess had out for the young group should not have included anything of such value she that would miss it if it were damaged or broken. If it were me, I would probably deliver her payment as requested, make some excuse, and sit a week out of the group. Take the high road and don't mention it to the other Moms. If you really value the friendship of the kids and other moms, then I would probably let it go, just keeping in mind this person might not be your closest long term friend.

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Just pay for the toy. Maybe the other mom's in the wrong, but assume the best out of her, and then if she keeps asking for money for broken toys, find another play group, or if she is expecting too much from two year olds, I would change groups.

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This is insane! I can't believe she called you about something so insignificant. Toys break, I worked at a toy store, some of them are just made to break! Its one thing if a kid puts a hole in your wall, but breaking a toy, big deal. It comes with the territory. Maybe if you saw the kid do it deliberately in front of everyone I could see paying for that too. But I would ask this lady how is she sure your daughter did it? Replace the toy because you told her you would, but I would find a new play group.

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I think it was completely rude and ridiculous that this woman called you about it in the first place. You are absolutely right, there is no way she can know it was your daughter and things get broken when you have a bunch of kids over, it is to be expected. It would have been a bit different if your daughter was being a crazy person.

I would have reacted exactly as you did and offered to pay for it and would pay for it without question. Obviously this dumb $18 toy means so much to her that she felt she had to call. Good grief! Now that being said, I would consider changing play groups too, I am not one to hang with people that are petty as it only gets my blood boiling and caddy talking and rumors begin. I say, replace the toy immediately, find a new play group and drop it from your mind. You don't need to hold on to her weird problems.

Good luck!

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I'm going to go against most of the other mamas on here. I also have a weekly playgroup that meets about once a month at my house. I love the women and kids in the group, and don't mind hosting, but I would be quite irked if someone else's child broke one of my son's toys and didn't pay for it. Now I do think that she was COMPLETELY out of line for calling you about it later (how does she even know your daughter did it?), but if she had seen her break it and then said something to you, I believe that is a different story. I understand that kids will be kids, but my son knows how to respect his toys and others' toys (not saying your daughter doesn't...just talking about other kids). We also don't have an unlimited amount of money, so if it was a toy that he highly valued or was brand new, I would expect a replacement.

Anyways...I think it was rude of her to call you, but I think you did the right thing by offering to pay for it.

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F.,

I am amazed - and a little shocked at a couple of the responses! Of course you should NOT have to pay for the toy. That is ridiculous. She hosted the play group and it's a given when there are 2 & 3 yr olds around something is bound to happen.

I hosted many, many, many playgroups when my children were younger and we had things break all the time - from toys to glass candle holders (thankfully no one ever got hurt!). I NEVER stressed about it or worried about something getting broke. I was more concerned with making sure the child was okay!

I would NEVER ask another mom to pay for anything that had been broken.

As far as returning to the group, only you can decide that. How close are all of you? Would this pull the group apart? Is it worth it?

Good luck and God bless!!
C.

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no you're not but you can choose to put it aside for time being.
here's the thing: she was out of line to call you and ask to have it replaced even if your daughter really broke it. i just don't understand what was she thinking.
if you don't say anything and not withdraw from the group, you will have a chance to bring it up at a later date. whether after a playdate at your hosue or elsewhere, if something happens you can say
your child broke 'this' but there were a few kids of the age when they don't know how to not break things, i think it is unreasonable for me to think you should replace it.
a huge dig without bringing up what she had asked of you.
also, next time your daughter alegedly breaks something and you get a call, or something just say listen i didn't see her break it so i can't replace it without being a 100 per cent sure, meaning without seeing it with my own eyes. it's pathetic, i know, but she's bringing this whole thing to a pathetic level

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did you ask your daughter if she was playing with the toy? if it broke? that would be my first thing--get your child's story. if your child says it broke while she was playing with it, replace it. if not--that would be a polite thing to bring up to the other mom. and then base your decision about staying in the group or not from there--

if you did not witness it, then of course there's no reason to take the blame. It is very kind of you to offer to replace it, but that lady should NOT have ever expected a mother to replace something the kids were ALLOWED to play with. You have the right idea.. kids are kids, and maybe just don't play with that Mom again.

You know, maybe this lady just has playgroups to get 'free toys'
Since you didn't see the broken toy, is it likely she made up the story so she could get another one? Sounds evil, but you never know!

I do not think you are wrong to be upset. Toys are toys, and sometimes they get broken. It would be different if you were not watching your kids or if your little girl was out of control and that is why it got broken. I would suggest you find a new playgroup, or if you wanted to remain in it on the week it is at her house I would just leave your girl at home.

If the children had been playing under the supervision of the mom who lived there only, then I would say of course you should not pay for it. But since you were there watching your daughter, although it was bad manners of her to call you, it is fair if you pay for the toy. This assumes that she actually is 100% sure your daughter broke it, which seems unlikely, but this time I would give her the benefit of the doubt, pay for the toy, and mentally make a note that she isn't a very polite person. I would keep a very close eye on my child at this person's house in future so if she tries to pull the same stunt you can respond with certainty that your daughter did not break the toy.

i am not nice, i would not pay and find a new playgroup. that is ridiculous!

This is ridiculous! If I hosted a playgroup, and a kid broke one of my kids' toys, I would never even mention it, regardless of the price of the toy. When hosting a playgroup, people need to realize that things could happen, they are just kids, and kids break things.
Do not replace the toy, but go back to the playgroup, and if she mentions anything, tell her how you really feel. You can even tell her that she caught you off guard when she mentioned it, but after you gave it some thought, you don't feel its your responsibility to buy her new toys. (maybe put it a little more delicately:) ) See if other moms take your side, and if not, this group is not worth your time.

I agree with Meaghan on this one. I owned a local playgroup for years and these things do happen and can come up. It is proper etiquette to replace anything your child breaks--whether that is a toy or a bowl.

On that note, She may have waited to call so not to confront you in front of everyone, which would have been in very poor taste, and not proper etiquette. Or she wanted to make sure it was your child by asking a few of the other Moms some questions. This is just speculation...

In order to fix this issue we had it in our rules that if you or your child broke an item you were responsible for replacing such item. This also encouraged certain Moms to pay more attention to what their child was doing, instead of ignoring them and using this as "chatting only" time.

You have to remember that some children are easy on toys and some are rougher. This toy may be something her child plays with all the time, but did not break because they were easier with it. Most parents do not expect to have people over and leave them with broken toys, spills to clean up, and a tornado of a home to clean up. It's just plain manners to clean up spills your child makes, help to pick up the toys used, and to replace anything that your child broke.

I know that I have gotten very annoyed when cleaning up to find broken toys that no-one admitted to me before they left to have been broken. And if i knew who had done it, yes--I would have asked for it to be replaced if it was about $20 and up. Toys are expensive--and some families have rules about no new toys unless it's your birthday or Xmas or other major holiday.

Sorry to ramble, but i have encountered this a lot with being owner...Many members came to me upset because they had no idea who broke it, and it may have been expensive, important to the child, or just the principle of the matter.

I had a member who even posted all the broken items after her play date and just asked if anyone had any idea who broke these. No-one fessed up, but a few chipped in money to replace the item, just in case they blinked at that moment.

Accidents happen--we can not see everything our kids do--but we can make sure the waters stay smooth by helping to correct any oopps! our kids have. :)

I would replace it, i think she wasn't quite proper to bring it up to you, but if you enjoyed this group it would be worth sucking it up and spending that much to replace it. BUT i would probably be a little mean and make sure i presented it to her IN FRONT of everyone. just so they could see what a weirdo she is. And make a big deal that maybe the mom should put this some place safer.

I thought about this and came back to edit it but i see posters after me have brought up the point. If this were my house and a toy were broken i would be upset, I don't know if i would have had the guts to call you but i would have hoped that you would replace it. And don't feel your daughter did anything wrong, toys break and i'm sure you were watching her, but distractions happen, so try to let it go.

Ooh, this is tough. I've hosted many playgroups & if someone's child broke a toy, I would NOT expect the mother to replace it. I probably wouldn't even tell her. Things happen when hosting playgroups...toys break or go missing, there are spills, etc. I think this all comes with the territory. If it was a broken TV or something expensive or of significance, that would be different. I think you could stay in the playgroup, but you would have to replace the toy. If she thinks your daughter broke it & you don't replace it, it may be too awkward for both of you to stay in the group.

I guess if the lady was just letting everyone free play and something happened it is really ridiculous to ask you to pay for it. Perhaps her own child broke it and when asked about it the child said your kids name. That happens. My daughter says that my mom took her marbles! We have never bought her marbles and my mom doesn't watch her alone so I know she hasn't either lol! I don't know if they know what lying is at this age lol!

That being said if you do go back to the group you could just mention it. Like,"Sue you need to be careful when you play with the toys here. Last time we were her you broke one and we had to buy another one to replace it, so play carefully!" Then you can get a feel of how the others feel about it. If they say you don't need to worry about a broken toy then you know the other lady is crazy! That or you could just tell the other ladies that you can't talk and have to watch your child very carefully.

I guess I am kinda torn here. I would also pick up anything that I wouldn't want broken. And if I see one of them playing too rough with a toy I just tell them that we don't play like that and it is usually better.

I don't think you are in the wrong at all being upset by this. That seems absurd. When I have people over, I feel that is a risk I'm willing to take. If there is some sort of 'special toy' that I really wouldn't want broken, it gets put away for the play date. I understand your initial reaction, that's exactly what I would have done as well, then I too would have felt mad at myself. I'm not sure it would be a play group I would want to be a part of either.