19 answers

Planning the Rest of My Life

How have you mamas planned your furture? Ok...Let me explain a bit further--I posted a question last week regarding happiness, which was prompted by my recently being fired. I figure it's the universe hitting me over the head with "you're unhappy and your life is out of balance, so if you're not going to do anything about it, I will." I'm still angry, hurt, etc., but I know life goes on and this too shall pass; however, I have a tendancy to obsess on things which creates inner anxiety. Thus, I need a plan. When I have a plan for whatever, then I don't obsess as much and have less anxiety.

Because of these character traits, I tend to jump into things. This time, however, I think the universe has a greater lesson, so I'd like to go slowly. Now for me going slowly can also create anxiety, so would you offer suggestions how you might deal or have dealt with similar situations.

Thanks for your input.

J.

4 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all for the fantastic responses. I think what I've received most from your responses is to write things down, take small steps toward a larger vision and trust the universe/God/higher power that there is a bigger plan.

It is very difficult not to take being fired "without cause" personally. I am a highly qualified credentialed teacher with Montessori training and was teaching at a local charter school. I have my BA and some graduate work that comes along with being credentialed in CA. I would like to know if I had done anything wrong, but wasn't given any review or warning, so of course I'm second guessing everything about my teaching. The school has now replaced me with two teachers (one long term sub and one Montessori teacher--two for the price of 1). Even so, I can't help but think there was more to it than that, but my director refused to give me further information based on his legal councel's advice.

I am eligible for UI which I am taking while I take stock of my life. I believe for now, I want to be a good mom to help my son through the transition--he still attends the school. I didn't want to change that steady part of his life mid-year. I'm able to spend time with my DH, because I'm not totally exhausted at the end of the day, correcting papers, lesson planing or obsessing on my students' needs.

I do enjoy working with children, so as I go through this transition, I'm going to volunteer and maybe work as an aide. I'm in my late 40s, so I'm not sure about starting over, although I know many individuals do it.

But as mentioned before, I'm gonna go for the day to day baby steps as suggested. One of the first things is to figure out whether or not to keep all of my teaching materials and where to store it. I had to empty my class in a weekend, so it wasn't packed as organized as I would have liked and it makes me ill looking at it in our garage. Yet, I don't want to get rid of it in haste in the chance I find another teaching position.

So much to think about...but again thanks to all you mamas for your advice and support.

J.

More Answers

I suggest you go to a local college or university and inquire about personality/career testing. These tests are usually free. The school counselor can help you to take your interests, personality and education and find a career path that will fulfill you. Once you have that information you can make decisons on what to do next.

Set up an appointment with a financial counselor at your bank and see what it would take to get some investments and retirement funds started.

Sit down with yourself and meditate, let your brain relax, then start to think about the things you dreamed about as a child. What did you want to do and did you follow that path or did you follow the path that 'everyone' said was better for you? After you are able to figure out what you would like to do, plan the steps to get you there.

3 moms found this helpful

First and foremost, take stock of your situation. So you got fired. It happens, sometimes to good and very skilled people. Do not get bogged down in any shame or guilt because of it, but DO own any shortcomings on your part that may have contributed to it. This is how you will help yourself grow and learn and know which direction to take for your future.

Almost nine years ago, I experienced the year.from.hell. It was awful. The year prior was one of the best years of my life. I was in my early thirties, met the man I was certain I would marry, had lots of friends and a great teaching job. Then one day my prince said he needed space and we broke up. I was devastated beyond belief. I didn't go to a church then and didn't grow up going to a church, but I did feel a closeness to God and prayed to him often during this time. I was so fixated on my breakup and despair that it was affecting my job as a teacher. I finally became fearful I was going to get fired because it. I am a talented teacher, but I wasn't giving my best to my job at that time. Luckily, God placed a fellow co-worker in my path that I could trust and respect and she helped me get back on my feet in regard to my job. At the end of the school year, I decided to move to be closer to my older brother and his family. For years he and his wife had urged my mom and I to move. My mom wanted to go, but I was always the one that dragged my feet on the idea and I knew she would never go unless I went with her. Finally, I decided this was the best time to go. I was in a funk and needed a change. 6 months after the move, I met my husband. We were married exactly two years later. Our son was born a year and a half after that and our daughter another 18 months after my son. I also received National Board Certification which is a prestigious and rigorous certification among teachers. My life has been one blessing after another since.

The thing is, sometimes these life-altering experiences happen that rocks us to the core, and all you can do while your in it, is hang on for dear life and get through it. Sometimes it has to rock us so hard that we will be willing to make a drastic change. I thought I would live in my childhood hometown for the rest of my life. Turns out my entire life was meant to be in another city and state. It isn't until afterward that you can reflect on your circumstances to see all the blessings that were just waiting to unfold for you in their own perfect timing.

My husband's friend and co-worker, was recently let go from his job. He had been with this company for many years and was a fantastic employee. However, his skill set just didn't jibe with the current role he was in. As devastating as it was for my husband to see his friend go, I am confident that there is something perfect out there just waiting for him . It's like God is saying, "This might sting for a bit, but I promise it will heal and you will be better than ever for it." I truly with all my heart believe that is what he was saying to me during my struggles and is saying something similar to you now. You just have to keep your eyes, ears, heart and mind open for his advice. He will never lead you down a wrong path!

I agree with some of the other responses you have received so far, look into getting a life coach, or if you attend church see what resources they have that can help you with your new path. Did you attend college? Check with your alumni center, they can help you discover untapped interests and skills you may have and also hone your resume. Read StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Tom Rath. It may give you some insight on your individual strengths. Even if you didn't attend college, call a local community college or university closest to you, they will probably still be able to help you.

And above all else, talk to God, pray to him, meditate, read the bible and quiet yourself so you can hear what he is saying to you and what direction he is leading you in. During my time of struggle I read the book A Purpose-driven Life by Rick Warren. It helped me on my spiritual journey and now it seems my life is a series of blessings that I am constantly connecting the dots of where life has led me! It is truly amazing!! Good luck to you and God Bless!
A.

3 moms found this helpful

my first priority is always a paycheck. if i'm not providing for my family, i'm not doing my job as a mother. (of course that would be different if we were a one-income family, but we're not.) that might mean working at mcdonald's until a "better" job comes along. i don't care. i wouldn't let my family suffer because of my pride. a walmart (or whatever) paycheck is better than no paycheck. also there are temp agencies that can do a lot of the job searching for you. i manage an office of data entry (typists) that all were placed by a staffing agency. it's not glamorous but it's a respectable job. jobs are out there.

after that, i would look at the future and figure out what you need to accomplish. college funds? retirement? buying a house? then start making a plan to make those things happen.

i don't mean to make it sound like it's all about the money, but for me (and most people), i'm not happy if i'm not secure. that's the #1 thing that will put me in a downward spiral. i don't know if this answers your question, but by what you have described of your situation, that is where i would go with it. good luck.

ps- along the way, take time to enjoy the good things in your life. your children, spouse, a favorite hobby. reward yourself. hang in there.

3 moms found this helpful

I would start by making a list of things you want to do and think about where you want to be in five years. Prioritize your list by what sounds the most appealing and what helps you to reach your goal. Then research each option and pick the route that actually seems feasible or worth the effort.

Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful

I am so glad you asked this and I'm looking forward to reading the responses, I've been second guessing a lot lately. I hope whichever path you end up taking works in your favor :)

2 moms found this helpful

I think if you NEED a plan, then HAVE a plan....just start smaller :) Instead of planning where you'll be in 5 years, think about the journey and the baby steps you'll have to take along the way. Basically, start with a plan for your plan. Get it?

And good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

The problem with 'planning' the rest of your life, it then causes you stress when the plans don't work out.

You can make reasonable goals such as this much emergency money in the bank by xxxx so that you know you are covered in an emergency but planning everything will cause you more stress than your current method.

2 moms found this helpful

J.:

Having a plan is always a good thing!! Start by writing down what you want to accomplish.

Pros and cons of your life as you see it.
Are there things you can do to change the "cons"? If yes, ONE STEP AT A TIME - don't try and do it all at once.
The pros - what you do best -

What do you want to do?
Did you like what you did in your last job? If so - what did you like best about it?

What do you do best?
How do you feel you work best?
If you journal your thoughts like this - it can, in essence, write your perfect job description.

I'm sorry you were fired. That sucks. BIG TIME! However, it can be the best thing that ever happened to you - IF YOU LET IT. It can lead you down the path of what you REALLY want to do.

I know this is confusing right now. I have 4 boys making a ruckus so my thoughts aren't really clear. But start writing your wants, needs, desires. Fix the things you can fix. Pray about the things you can't. God will lead you where He needs you to go.

You are NOT alone.!!

ETA: Like Jo - I wouldn't plan the "REST OF MY LIFE" - plan bits and pieces. let it all fall into place.

2 moms found this helpful

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