16 answers

Planning a Pregnancy and Then My Sister in Law Got Pregnant

My husband and I decided about 6 months ago to try to get pregnant by this summer. I am considered "high risk" due to complications with the birth of my son. I have been preparing my body and mind to get pregnant. I've lost 100 lbs., quit smoking and getting ready to begin hormone injections so that I can have a period again...(mine have all the sudden stopped after I quit my birth control pills). Needless to say I have been fighting for this prgnancy. Anyways, after all this work and emotional roller coasting my sister in law called us Friday night to tell us she was pregnant!!! I'm very happy for her but this obviously has put a damper on our plans. My question is... would you be offended if I were to stay with my plans for getting pregnant or would I be stealing her glory? If I wait it will be a possible problem for my body. If I don't I will have to deal with upsetting her and sharing the experience which I really am not looking forward to. Help!!!!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks everyone who responded to my message. I appreciate all of you! I feel better about going through with my plans for pregnancy although am still really emotional about the whole thing. I did email my sister in law today but I've not heard from her yet. I spoke to my mother in law last night about how I am feeling and she too is supportive of my plans. She mentioned that I should just talk to my SIL and tell her what's been going on since she has no idea. I'll just have to wait to get a response to my email. I will keep everyone informed on what lies ahead for me. thanks again!

Featured Answers

You won't be stealing anybody's glory, Lindsey! In all likelihood, she'll be happy for you. If she isn't, and she truly thinks you're stealing her glory, well--keep that in mind, as it says a lot about her.

Good luck getting knocked up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

I think it would have been very exciting to be pregnant at the same time as my Sister in law, ....with thoughts of a cousin the same age for my child to play with.

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If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't find it at all offensive. She obviously has to know you have been trying, and as long as she isn't some crazy person, I'm sure she didn't get pregnant to intentionally sabotage your plans of trying to have a baby. My sister in law had quite a bit of trouble concieving (she had several miscarriages when she was able to concieve), and I honestly felt guilty telling her when I got prengant in 2006. Ironically enough, I lost my baby and she found out she was pregnant a few months later and now has a very healthy baby boy! I am pregnant again, and so are both of my sisters. My middle sister and I have been pregnant together 3 times now, and personally, I think it's great to have kids with cousins the same age. You are very good hearted to take her perspective and feelings into consideration. If she doesn't do the same, then you shouldn't worry yourself over being so cautious of hers. Plan your family around what you want and are prepared for, not what everyone else is ready for you to do.

1 mom found this helpful

I would definitely not be offended. There is no reason at all for you to wait because she is pregnant. I think it would be fun to have someone I know be pregnant at the same time. You could share stories, swap maternity clothes, and just be there for each other for support.

Does she and the rest of your family know that you're high risk and everything you have to go through to get pregnant? If they do, then they will know how very much you want this pregnancy and how hard you have to work for it.

It took us a long time to get pregnant with our daughter. It seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant, except me. Coworkers, friends, family, it seemed like every woman everywhere I went was pregnant. It was so frustrating, because we wanted it so bad, but it was taking such a long time. So, I can totally understand where you're coming from with the emotional rollercoaster. It's tough.

Every baby is a gift, a blessing. Every pregnancy should be celebrated, it's a beautiful thing.

Good luck to you! I'll be sending lots of babydust your way.

1 mom found this helpful

What? would you be offended if I were to stay with my plans for getting pregnant or would I be stealing her glory?

No, Way! You had been trying and should continue trying! She should be the the one who should be considerate of your feelings. My SIL got pg twice before me and I lost one trying, you can't let other people interfer with what you want for your family. I bet she wants you to keep trying too.
Best of luck!

1 mom found this helpful

L.
Congratulations on the weightloss. Please do tell how you did it. I too have been trying to concieve for 4 years now and RE wants me to do IUI. But to answer your question you have to continue your journey. I have a co worker who is not married, will be 40 this year and just found out she is pregnant. She did not want to tell me because she knew I would be upset. It does not upset me that someone else gets pregnant but when they talk about not wanting to be pregnant that is what upsets me. She is the second co worker who has gotten pregnant and did not want to be. I am not letting this stop me and my husband from trying on our own. If I end up pregnant then it will be my boss who will just have to figure it out having two people from our department on maternity leave around the same time.
Again congrats on the weight loss and stopping smoking! The rest of your plan will come in gods time!

I had a SIL that got pregnant and waited to tell everyone after I had my baby. Then my other SIL came out a couple months after my other SIL and said she was prego. I know it upset my SIL that waited to tell us, but to each is own and if she is going to get upset, that is her problem. I loved having someone pregnant with me so we could share prego stories. Stick with trying. It's your family and you do what you want. Don't let this stop you. Good luck to you.

You should absolutely do whatever is best for you, and don't worry about your sister-in-law. My sister-in-law got pregnant when I was three months along with my first child. I was a little miffed at first, because I thought she was trying to steal my thunder, but I quickly got over it, and my daughter and her cousin are great friends. Don't put off your plans, especially if you suspect it might be difficult for you to get pregnant again. And take my word for it... those post-baby pounds are so much harder to lose after age 30!!

Go ahead and try to have a baby. I am sure the extended family would be thrilled to have two additions to the extended family! Each pregnancy and baby is unique and special. (Also, many people try to have a baby on some time schedule, but most doctors will tell you that pregnancies rarely occur right when they are planned). Good Luck! Congratulations on your healthy lifestyle changes! K

I think it would have been very exciting to be pregnant at the same time as my Sister in law, ....with thoughts of a cousin the same age for my child to play with.

You won't be stealing anybody's glory, Lindsey! In all likelihood, she'll be happy for you. If she isn't, and she truly thinks you're stealing her glory, well--keep that in mind, as it says a lot about her.

Good luck getting knocked up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

God bless you. what a neat story you have here. not too often we see someone being selfless! i'd like to commend you for the 100 lbs lost, for quitting smoking,(yeahhhh!) and for your ability to think of others. these are the kind of parents our future needs. i say go for it! maybe if you can change your thougts,you're not stealing glory, you're sharing it. it is a beautiful thing to share "pregnant time" with another,and like the other moms have said, its great to have cousins the same age. God bless ya!

L.,

Go ahead and keep your plans. My step-sister had her daughter 12-17; I had my daughter 1-15; and my sister-in-law had her son 3-11. Now my soon to be sister in law is pregnant and the baby is expected 11-26. There will be time in between the arrival of her baby and the arrival of your baby. Each child will make their own appearance in their own time. It might actually be a good thing since this baby and your son would be 9 years or more apart. My oldest daughter and middle daughter are almost 7 years apart. My middle daughter and my youngest are abouot 21 1/2 months apart. With them being so far apart that can cause problems and jealousy. Everything will work out and be okay. Please keep me posted.

AAAHHH! It is certainly nice of you to consider her feelings, but you have to remember that your family comes first! Your intentions are not to hurt her in any way. You should continue what your doing and make it a pleasant experience for both of you. If you do get pregnant, enjoy it together and look at it as a bonding experience. Besides, your children will be close in age. That is a neat thing!!!

D.

I have been pregnant at the same time as at least one if not two of my sister in laws with each of my girls and we all thought that it was fun to be pregnant at the same time. You can compare experiences as you go and then after the kids are born, you can watch them grow together. My oldest has two cousins who are both about 6 months older then her (opposite sides of the family)and they are her best friends. You obviously won't be due at the same time so you will not be stealing anything from her. BTW, great job on the weight lose and stopping the smoking! That is amazing! You and your baby will both be so much healthier because of it. Good luck with your own little one!

I'm 16 weeks pregnant and my SIL is 11 weeks. I was a little bummed as she lives closer to the grandparents and I feel her baby will get more of the attention but, the other part of me says, who cares? My kid will be cuter. Ha Ha. Honestly, it's my family and I'll have a kid whenever I darn well please.

Also, she's the one who tried to keep me from using a name "she" wanted when I was pregnant with my first. At the time she wasn't married or pregnant. Give me a break. Women can be so possesive of the right to be pregnant, use a name, whatever. It's your life, your family, all of that. Let these two little cousins grow up and love each other. Or hate each other. Right now you have that choice with SIL. And it's okay if it's a little of both sometimes. :)

Hi, L.. I am so excited for you! I would think that your sister-in-law would be happy for you and excited that her child will have a cousin of a similar age. I have been in the position of your sister-in-law and got pregnant while a relative was trying hard to conceive a child. Blessings happen, just not always when we choose sometimes. I wish you the best and will pray that everything goes well for both of you.

L. - My hubby and I have been trying for almost 5 years to get pregnant and have done some fertility with more to come! I've had 2 SIL's come up pregnant during that time and both times (through my mom discussing it with me) found out that they and my brothers were nervous about telling us. They did know about everything we have been doing and felt for us. This was not easy to hear but you have to be happy for them as well. With your emotions being as high as they are because of the struggles you are going through we can't forget that others are excited about having babies and growing their family as well. It's great that you have your MIL as a sounding board and she seems to understand what you are going through! That is my mom for me... You won't be stealing anyone's glory except your own if you try and put your family on the back-burner! So go ahead with your plans and Good Luck! I wish you the best!

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