16 answers

Planning a Pregnancy and Then My Sister in Law Got Pregnant

My husband and I decided about 6 months ago to try to get pregnant by this summer. I am considered "high risk" due to complications with the birth of my son. I have been preparing my body and mind to get pregnant. I've lost 100 lbs., quit smoking and getting ready to begin hormone injections so that I can have a period again...(mine have all the sudden stopped after I quit my birth control pills). Needless to say I have been fighting for this prgnancy. Anyways, after all this work and emotional roller coasting my sister in law called us Friday night to tell us she was pregnant!!! I'm very happy for her but this obviously has put a damper on our plans. My question is... would you be offended if I were to stay with my plans for getting pregnant or would I be stealing her glory? If I wait it will be a possible problem for my body. If I don't I will have to deal with upsetting her and sharing the experience which I really am not looking forward to. Help!!!!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks everyone who responded to my message. I appreciate all of you! I feel better about going through with my plans for pregnancy although am still really emotional about the whole thing. I did email my sister in law today but I've not heard from her yet. I spoke to my mother in law last night about how I am feeling and she too is supportive of my plans. She mentioned that I should just talk to my SIL and tell her what's been going on since she has no idea. I'll just have to wait to get a response to my email. I will keep everyone informed on what lies ahead for me. thanks again!

Featured Answers

You won't be stealing anybody's glory, Lindsey! In all likelihood, she'll be happy for you. If she isn't, and she truly thinks you're stealing her glory, well--keep that in mind, as it says a lot about her.

Good luck getting knocked up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

I think it would have been very exciting to be pregnant at the same time as my Sister in law, ....with thoughts of a cousin the same age for my child to play with.

More Answers

If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't find it at all offensive. She obviously has to know you have been trying, and as long as she isn't some crazy person, I'm sure she didn't get pregnant to intentionally sabotage your plans of trying to have a baby. My sister in law had quite a bit of trouble concieving (she had several miscarriages when she was able to concieve), and I honestly felt guilty telling her when I got prengant in 2006. Ironically enough, I lost my baby and she found out she was pregnant a few months later and now has a very healthy baby boy! I am pregnant again, and so are both of my sisters. My middle sister and I have been pregnant together 3 times now, and personally, I think it's great to have kids with cousins the same age. You are very good hearted to take her perspective and feelings into consideration. If she doesn't do the same, then you shouldn't worry yourself over being so cautious of hers. Plan your family around what you want and are prepared for, not what everyone else is ready for you to do.

1 mom found this helpful

I would definitely not be offended. There is no reason at all for you to wait because she is pregnant. I think it would be fun to have someone I know be pregnant at the same time. You could share stories, swap maternity clothes, and just be there for each other for support.

Does she and the rest of your family know that you're high risk and everything you have to go through to get pregnant? If they do, then they will know how very much you want this pregnancy and how hard you have to work for it.

It took us a long time to get pregnant with our daughter. It seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant, except me. Coworkers, friends, family, it seemed like every woman everywhere I went was pregnant. It was so frustrating, because we wanted it so bad, but it was taking such a long time. So, I can totally understand where you're coming from with the emotional rollercoaster. It's tough.

Every baby is a gift, a blessing. Every pregnancy should be celebrated, it's a beautiful thing.

Good luck to you! I'll be sending lots of babydust your way.

1 mom found this helpful

What? would you be offended if I were to stay with my plans for getting pregnant or would I be stealing her glory?

No, Way! You had been trying and should continue trying! She should be the the one who should be considerate of your feelings. My SIL got pg twice before me and I lost one trying, you can't let other people interfer with what you want for your family. I bet she wants you to keep trying too.
Best of luck!

1 mom found this helpful

L.
Congratulations on the weightloss. Please do tell how you did it. I too have been trying to concieve for 4 years now and RE wants me to do IUI. But to answer your question you have to continue your journey. I have a co worker who is not married, will be 40 this year and just found out she is pregnant. She did not want to tell me because she knew I would be upset. It does not upset me that someone else gets pregnant but when they talk about not wanting to be pregnant that is what upsets me. She is the second co worker who has gotten pregnant and did not want to be. I am not letting this stop me and my husband from trying on our own. If I end up pregnant then it will be my boss who will just have to figure it out having two people from our department on maternity leave around the same time.
Again congrats on the weight loss and stopping smoking! The rest of your plan will come in gods time!

I had a SIL that got pregnant and waited to tell everyone after I had my baby. Then my other SIL came out a couple months after my other SIL and said she was prego. I know it upset my SIL that waited to tell us, but to each is own and if she is going to get upset, that is her problem. I loved having someone pregnant with me so we could share prego stories. Stick with trying. It's your family and you do what you want. Don't let this stop you. Good luck to you.

You should absolutely do whatever is best for you, and don't worry about your sister-in-law. My sister-in-law got pregnant when I was three months along with my first child. I was a little miffed at first, because I thought she was trying to steal my thunder, but I quickly got over it, and my daughter and her cousin are great friends. Don't put off your plans, especially if you suspect it might be difficult for you to get pregnant again. And take my word for it... those post-baby pounds are so much harder to lose after age 30!!

Go ahead and try to have a baby. I am sure the extended family would be thrilled to have two additions to the extended family! Each pregnancy and baby is unique and special. (Also, many people try to have a baby on some time schedule, but most doctors will tell you that pregnancies rarely occur right when they are planned). Good Luck! Congratulations on your healthy lifestyle changes! K

I think it would have been very exciting to be pregnant at the same time as my Sister in law, ....with thoughts of a cousin the same age for my child to play with.

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