Picking a Junior High

Hi M.,
We had a similar situation with my daughter last year.
We decided to send her to a different middle school from where we were "mapped", as we thought it was a better fit academically, etc. She complained all summer that none of her friends were going there and she wouldn't know anyone. She begged us to let her go to the same school as her friends. Within a week or two of starting school she had a whole new set of friends and is very happy there. She still sees some of her old friends on weekends. I'm glad we didn't back down. Then again, she is the type that gets along with everyone and makes friends somewhat easily, so I guess it depends on your son's personality as well.
I hope this helps.
M.

2 moms found this helpful

I can't tell you what is best for your family. But my family purposely moved at that time in my life, switched me to a 'better' school, and I spiraled downward. I was in accelerated classes at my old school and nearly failed at the new one because I was miserable. Middle school is a hard time to make friends, not impossible though. I eventually came back around in my grades, but not without problems with my parents and teachers. You have a lot of advice on what others think you shoud do, but I didn't see any with personal experience in this area. Keep focused on your son as a person, not an academic machine and he will do well anywhere.

Good luck!
D.

2 moms found this helpful

I admire your ability to consider a school that will last over 9 hours a day! I have 6 children, none are what I would call GATE, nor do they play the violin...that said, they are all happy, and headed to college. School is importaint but so is getting to be a KID... save some of the pressure for high school and college. If he is happy and had a say in schools, sounds like he will be the next President!!! Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I agree that the chances a person keeps their middle school/elementary school friends is low. But I also agree that it is important for kids to be comfortable with their peers. You have to think about your kid's personality and what he needs, as other posters have stated.

As a high school teacher, I just want to say that I really believe that a child can shine and succeed at even a mediocre school if things are in place at home. My parents tried to use specific activities to "teach" me and my brother discipline, but you can use just about anything to teach persistence, discipline and focus. My parents ended up breeding a lot of resentment in me and my brother because we "had" to learn things via the activities they planned for us. My husband had a similar experience.

I agree that it would be a good idea to take a tour with your son and then listen to his perspective on the two schools. You said yourself that both are good schools, so I don't think either choice is right or wrong, as long as everyone is comfortable with the decision. As for the size, you should let him pass judgment on that. Some people think that 12/13 years old is not old enough to know the long-term effects and to make good decisions, but with family support, you son can use this opportunity to learn to make a good decision.

I agree that if you set your expectations clearly about school work, grades, involvement with activities, then it doesn't matter which school is picked. It all starts at the home. I have met many kids groomed to go to the "right" schools who have no sense and nothing but a poor attitude and sense of entitlement. Going to the "right" school didn't necessarily teach them much about how to handle themselves or about life. I have also met kids who couldn't afford to make that kind of decision, or they were never given the option to pick their school. But they had wonderful parents and families, and highly successful, and loving and amazing citizens. I met both of these types of people at my top 10 university.

2 moms found this helpful

If you choose the stricter school and find that he is suffering, don't hesitate to make a change (i.e.change schools). It sounds like an incredibly long day to me, especially for someone who is not into academics. He has to have the motivation to do his work, and no matter how long he stays at school or how low his grades get, ultimately it is he who'll have to decide that it is worth it. I am not saying don't pick it, and I am not saying kids shouldn't be pushed, but you know him well enough to guess if more pressure is likely to help or hinder. Best wishes.

1 mom found this helpful

M.,

Have your son take a tour of both schools. Talk to the school counselors about your concerns for each school and see what they say on how they handle your concerns. See what your son's reaction is to both schools and then decide from there....

M.

1 mom found this helpful

A school of 1200 students will prepare him for high school and then college. My three kids went to a middle school with 1200 students and the high school only had 1500 students. A social framework with family support will keep him centered.
Whatever decision you make, having his family support him will make all of the difference.

1 mom found this helpful

If he's a good kid, and actually spends a lot of time doing these wonderful activities (art, drama, violin), then I would let him go to the high school of his choosing. At least give it a try. Don't assume he is going to fail in a big school. Those artful activities are as valid as the other schoolwork. He sounds like an arty kid, so is he going to be on the basketball and swim team at the other school? I never could get my arty kid to do a sport, much as I tried.

I like Denise Z's response.

1 mom found this helpful

What are the odds that your son will be friends with his grade school friends in 20 years? Probably slim to none. Therefore, send him to the school that is a better fit for him. He'll make new friends and can still hang out with his "old" friends on the weekends if he wants. His education is the most important thing right now, and it sounds like you really feel the smaller school would serve his needs better. Trust your instincts!

I'm not sure I have an opinion on this. I'm still reeling with the thought of having to choose a Jr. High (sounds more like what we are used to with college)... is this the new trend in schools rather than being assigned to a school according to where we live?

I notice that other posters seem to think the second school is the best choice. Is it possible that you could have him try that school for the first few weeks, and if he is truly miserable not being with his friends, then have him switch? At age 11, kids think they can't exist without their friends, but if he tries the other school he may find that he makes new friends and enjoys it just fine. It's already been mentioned, but I think you do have to look closely at your son's personality and decide how the school choice will affect him emotionally before making your final decision. Academics are important, but they aren't all there is to a good life.

What does your son want? At this age, he should have some say. And he needs to understand that if he chooses the school where all his friends are, you expect that school comes first, art, music, drama, sports, etc. second and friends third. Make him understand what your expectations are and consequences for not meeting those expectations so you both are on the same page. Be firm and loving and he just might suprise you! Good luck!

When we returned to CA after living for five years in Canada, my sensitive , bright, talented son was in the middle of sixth grade. He had taken the first three grades in two years because he tested very high and they offered an accelerated program in Canada. We had the option of putting him back with his age group and attending the school with the boys who lived in our wonderful neighborhood vs staying at the same grade level. We thought he would have the best of both worlds still keeping ahead of his age group and finishing school school early plus making friends in the neighborhood with his age group. Unfortunately he was a "odd ball" and didn't have friends he could socialized with because the school he attended was too far away (bussed) and the boys in the neighborhood had already established their social group and didn't easily welcome him. Peers are so important at that age!!Size and discipline of the school are far less important than having and continuing with ones friends..School was never after that a joy for him although making friends was not a problem in the future, but he definitely did not live up to what we thought was his potential. He is the brightest, but the only one of our large family who did not finish University...Jr high is such a difficult age especially for boys....listen to what he thinks is most important and let him in on the decision or he might work to prove he was right and you were wrong.

Wow, school #2 is a long time to be in school for anyone, even college. I understand wanting the best education for our kids, especially if the parent didn't get it. However, one can not use the school to parent the child. Now if your son was a child who hungered for more education and wanted nothing else but to continue to excel, then school 2 would be great for him. But to only put him there to try and make him more focused he will end up resenting you and the school and may just turn the opposite of what you hope for.

We have been looking for a new place to live and I'm looking to be mapped in the area to keep my son in the same school with his friends. Are they the best choice of friends? Not always. But I make a point to get to know them and welcome them in my home and sometimes feed them. My son and I have a very close relationship and we talk a lot about friends and making right choices. My son is very bright and gets really good grades, but he doesn't want to apply more of himself into school than what he has to. That use to worry us and sometimes still does. As parents we would like him to apply more, but at the same time he is not doing bad and he keeps his grades up very well.

We do speak about college to him. As a matter of fact, I have already been talking to him about going to the junior college in the summer and getting a jump start on classes. (I met a girl one year when I was taking a summer class and she was just going into 9th grade and was already taking classes at the junior college.) Now they have exit exams, and I believe my son will be able to start college once he passes his exit exam that is taken in his sophmore year.

With the high school he is at now, we have his 4 years of schedule already laid out. He is taking college course classes that will transfer him to a State University. They do offer honor classes, but I think that would be too much work on him. I know he can do it, but at his age there is more to life than just being in school. He plays sports through out the year and I do want him to have some down time to hang out with his friends. So, you can have him with his friends and still keep your rules about education first. As soon as any of my kids get home, it's homework first, then play. I think you should save the college prep for a later time. Check with the high school and see if they offer those college courses. Now should be the time to start talking about college, then college courses later. Good luck!