Piano Lesson Battle with 7 Year Old

sounds like you're perfectly on track to teach her to hate music.
back off, mama.
khairete
S.

5 moms found this helpful

Music and art should be FUN! The whole reason we play instruments, sing songs, dance, draw etc. is to express ourselves and enjoy doing it.

Let your daughter ENJOY the piano. Let her play. Let her goof around. Let her learn songs by ear!

The soul of music isn't in reading the notes. It's in the sheer enjoyment of playing. Someday down the road your daughter may be interested in learning the notes so she can read and write music. But if that never happens, who cares?

Take a break from lessons and let her just play for fun. Otherwise she will learn to hate the piano, and that would be the true tragedy.

4 moms found this helpful

Why not let her enjoy the lessons and work with what is her strength - her great sense of hearing! Why push her to use her weakness and lose the fun? Unless you want to dictate that she becomes a concert pianist, isn't the whole point of music lessons to enjoy them? I had lessons at her age and did not fully understand quarters and eighths let alone what those squiggly things on the paper represented, and HATED music lessons. Then I started again on my own at age 12 and LOVED it. I am 51 and still play. Also, I ENVY my brother who can pick up any song and play it on the guitar after hearing it. So lighten up and let her enjoy.

3 moms found this helpful

My experience was exactly like Jo W's. I hated piano lessons and finally my parents were going to buy a brand new piano and I had to tell them I hated the lessons.

2 moms found this helpful

I'm with Suz T.
I took piano at that age.
My mom would have to haul me out of the pool for my lesson.
I wasn't "into" it.
We can be *good* at things that don't interest us, kwim?
I'd follow her lead and when she asks to--start back up.

2 moms found this helpful

I'm a piano teacher and I have auditory learners that struggle with notes. It's very common, but the reality is that she does need to learn notes. What is your teacher doing to make learning notes easier for her? What method, or series of books, is she using now? If one program doesn't work, then your teacher should try another avenue.

Learning to read notes for music lessons is essential. We don't let auditory learners skip over learning to read, do we? No, we just find a way to "unlock" the mystery of reading for them so it's not sheer torture for the teacher, student and parent.

Mabey it's time for a break from piano until next year. You'd be surprised at the difference a year makes! :) You could also consider a different teacher next time.

2 moms found this helpful

I never played the piano, so maybe I'm confused. It seems like she's a good player, so why worry about the note recognition? Aren't there a lot of musicians that learn that way, by ear? Are you getting into a power struggle because you want her to do it the "right" way? What does her teacher say?
I don't know why this has to be such a battle. If it's not working out there are plenty of other activities she could try :(

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Change your approach to her practices, and it will change her attitude towards it. You have turned this into a battle of wills instead of approaching it as a chance for her to master a difficult skill.

1. Stop fighting with her. If she doesn't practice, she doesn't practice. Tell her it is her responsibility to practice before each lesson, and that she will only be holding herself back from learning new/more interesting songs if she doesn't master the skills her teacher is assigning (such as reading music).

2. Stop hovering. Tell her you are not going to sit with her unless she wants you to because it's not helping her, and then give her a chance to rise to the challenge. Last year, I was having this same battle with my oldest son. It was horrible for both of us. We were both angry and frustrated, and it was because I was trying to control how/what he practiced. When I backed off and gave him space, he struggled initially. He would get frustrated and walk away, but eventually, he'd go back to it and master whatever skill/song he had been struggling with. I can't remember the last time I had to tell him to practice because he isn't using it as a way to fight with me or prove himself to me. It makes a big difference.

3. Make it fun/rewarding. I cannot express strongly enough the benefits of well timed bribery/incentives/rewards. Call it what you will. Sometimes kids need a more tangible goal than, "If you practice, you'll be able to read your music." My boys' piano teacher is awesome in her ability to tailor her approach to the needs of her students. She has developed all kinds of incentive programs for her students including candy bars for consistent practice, rewarding them with songs that are exciting/appealing, and in general, makes a huge effort to praise, praise, praise their progress. For one of my boys, the thought of getting a candy bar for practicing x number of times in a row is enough to motivate him. My other is motivated by music that he likes (ex. the Star Wars theme). Find something that works for your daughter and use it to reward her progress.

4. Think outside the box. My sons' piano teacher uses all kinds of techniques to help her students make the most of their lessons. She made flashcards to help my younger son learn to read music, and we used them as a game to help him learn where the notes are. She also made practice hats for them (foam sun visor style hats), each with a different skill written on it. They were supposed to physically change hats when they were focusing on a different skill (counting notes, relaxation, fingering, etc.). She also teaches them to have goal-oriented practices instead of a set amount of time. For instance, she'll have them play through their songs five times during a practice session. If that takes them ten minutes, fine. If it takes 30 minutes, so be it. It takes pressure off the kids while at the same time encouraging them to focus on their trouble spots. The key is to find an approach that encourages the skills without turning them into a battle.

My last bit of advice is to have an honest talk with your daughter. It's possible that she just doesn't like piano or that it isn't what she thought it would be. But it's also possible that she just feels a lot of pressure from you and/or her teacher to be good/better. I had this talk with my oldest last year, and he said he wanted to quit his lessons because it was just too hard. I told him he could quit at the end of the school year if he decided that he really wasn't interested, but in the meantime, I asked him to really give it his best so that he could know at the end of that time that he hadn't just given up because it was difficult. After we had this talk, I backed off and the piano teacher changed things up for both of my boys to make it more enjoyable for them. We have never had another conversation about quitting, and they have both progressed tremendously since that time. I'm not saying they are musical geniuses or will one day become concert pianists, but they are learning a skill, and they're enjoying it in the meantime.

1 mom found this helpful

I'd just let her continue to work with the piano teacher on this....when you involve a power struggle in the mix it does not make it fun for anyone involved and does not make for her to want to learn. Let the piano teacher handle this...this is what you are paying her for right.

1 mom found this helpful

My girls take piano lessons. The first thing I told their teacher was that I didn't need them to learn how to read music...they just needed to learn how to read the chords and SING the melody. The reality is that they'll never be classical pianists. Just like I'm not. But put some sheet music in front of me with the chords and I can play anything.

I HATED piano lessons when I was a kid. Once I started learning to play the chords, the whole world opened up to me and I could play any popular song. Playing some Queen or Beatles' songs while my daughters sing along is so much fun - and I can't read music to save my life! If I want to hear some classical piano, I leave it to the professionals and listen to some Chopin.

My girls take lessons from a music school which has a slightly different way of teaching. Part of their lessons consist of writing music (sometimes using Garage Band), making up their own melodies while the teacher plays the background music or simply playing the piece in front of them. And learning chords. Right now, my 11yr old is working on an Adele song, because that's what she wants to learn right now. And my 9yr old will sit at the piano for an hour, just playing notes that sound nice to her (and, boy, do those notes sound nice to me, too). They are learning to LOVE the piano. Besides their weekly lesson, I don't insist on them "practicing" at all. But at some point, everyday, I'm hearing some pretty nice stuff from the piano JUST because they feel like it.

It sounds like your little girl either needs a break, a new teacher, or a different approach. I hope you figure out which one because playing the piano can be a lifelong joy and too many people give up because they get totally turned off early on.

1 mom found this helpful

What I've heard about the Suzuki method is that it is a very controlled way of learning. There are lessons with specific goals that must be met. Therefore I suggest that Suzuki would make the battles worse.

I suggest that you find a way to make practicing the piano fun. Perhaps give a privilege or prize for each hour of practice. And don't sit down at the piano with her. Make learning the piano her responsibility so that you can get out of the power struggle. The more you fight her to learn the less she's going to learn. She will have some poor lessons at first. I suggest, tho, that once she realizes it really is up to her and that you'll stay out of it that she'll be more interested in doing it.

Or not. This may not be the right time for her to learn the piano. Give her a choice or take a break.

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I'd look for another teacher, one that actually inspires her. It doesnt sound like that is happening right now.

I am a piano teacher with 20 years experience. I have had ear players read music just fine after playing by ear for about 6 years. If you think of music like a language, it makes sense. Immerse yourself in the country for a year or two, learn to speak the language and then you find the written and reading skills come very quickly.

I see no difference in students who are forced to practice and students who learn in their own time. They both do well...but the ones that are forced have less of a chance of cultivating a life long love for playing the piano.

She is probably not ready to dive into note reading yet. Remember she only learned to read words just a few short years ago.

Some children pick up reading music quickly.

I had a 7 year old play by ear for 7 years. Then when she was 14 *Bing*, it all made sense. Within 6 MONTHS she had fully become a somewhat advanced note reader. I am so glad I followed her lead.

Reminds me of the old Fable The Tortouise and The Hare.

It must never be a battle. My best students have been the ones with parents who let me do my thing.

Sounds to me, like she is likely to play anyway..so you are lucky.

I don't know what the obsession is with reading music. We certainly aren't hard on blind musicians. :)

Who is the teacher? You or the piano instructor? See, this is where I think parents hurt & hinder their kids more than helping them. Us parents think we know it all, all the time, when it comes to our kids, and well, that's just not the case.

Let the teacher do her job & let your daughter develop at her own pace. Forcing her to do something that should be enjoyable is going to make her hate it & would be a waste of such a natural talent.