Phone or Not?

My husband and I have talked about this, even though our oldest is only barely turning 7, because kids want them younger and younger. We have decided that when we feel it is more of a need than a want (involved in sports, going to after-school activities, spending large amounts of social time away from the house, etc.) we will get a pre-paid phone with only certain numbers programmed into it. The phone will only be used to communicate with us and a select few people and specified times, and in an emergency. We will provide 1000 minutes/year (I only use a few hundred more that that myself, so I know it's doable) and he would have to pay for any refills over that amount.
If you go with a pre-paid plan, make sure you understand everything you are charged for. Most of them have a daily access charge, usually $1. I use T-Mobile and love it. You only get charged for the minutes you use. You can get a phone at Wal-mart for $20 and get 1000 minutes for $100. I buy my minutes online at www.callingmart.com and get them for cheaper, though.

We got rid of our landline and added a third line to our phone plan. we keep the third line at home so that babysitters will have a phone in case of emergency. If it were my child i would allow the phone to go with him only if he was going out on his own or with friends as a way of me having contact with him. i would wait on adding the text and let him ease into it. If he can show responsibility in the usage then you can add more features as you like. i defiantly think you should make it clear how many minutes he has and when they are gone they are gone. maybe even go with a prepaid phone

My children are too young, I dont have to deal with this YET.. BUT I do have a niece that is 16 now.. She had a phone and it was a HUGE mistake to have an account where she can do whatever and a bill comes at the end of the month.. with in 1 month she had over 300 dollars in texting.. That phone was taken away the bills were paid with her savings and she just now got one back now that she turned 16. Once she gets a job the plan is that half of her paychecks will be taken automatically to replenish her savings account. They have Cricket where texting is free now so that is better for that.. I personally dont like the texting thing because it becomes like an obsession. She texts ALL the time.. I would definitely not have that as an option. I have the ideal that I wouldn't allow a cell phone until they are at least 16 but I'm sure that will change once my daughters get to that age. I would have it though as a major privilege meaning they have to work for it. They do chores to pay for what they use and it is taken away if they do not fulfill their duties with school and around the house. Make sure they understand that it is something that costs money and money has be to earned. These are just my feelings on the situation, what I plan on doing when that becomes pertinent. We'll see how much I can actually do.. good luck.

I vote not. There is no reason he needs a phone- if it's for emergencies, then a prepaid phone with a $10 minute pack that HE pays for will do just fine [T-Mobile has a $10 card I think you get 33 minutes?]. He can pay for a regular cell phone and plan when he gets a job.
If you do end up getting him one- when are you going to let him use it? He can't use it at school. So what happens when he gets home from school? I would ask yourself: what would you rather he do? Spend his time with family, doing homework, chores, reading, playing outside, etc.
...Or sit around and text on his phone, sit in front of the TV, and sit in front of a computer?
IMHO [text language: in my humble opinion!], To me the answer is obvious. Kids will need to learn how to use all of this new technology just to get by in the future, but there has to be a limit and some idea of what the priorities of the family are. In every decision I make, I try to think, how will this help in the long term? Will it help or hurt any long-term goals?
Also, you said he is becoming more independent...kids are supposed to be dependent on their parents until they learn what they need to know to make it in the world alone. You don't want to "let him go" too soon. Your job as a parent is to teach your children how to be the best people they can be, teach them how to be self-sufficient, and set them up for success. You are also teaching him how a family works and when he has a family he will likely do a lot of the same things you've done with him.
The money you would spend on a cell phone and monthly plan could instead be used to pay for cooking lessons, a CPR class, a foreign language class, an etiquette class, food for less fortunate people that your son could help deliver to a local food shelf, gas money to drive somewhere to volunteer each week, you could buy him a book each week and when he is done reading them you could donate them to a library, Toys for Tots, music lessons, karate lessons, save up for a car, sponsor a child in poverty... the list goes on. Those are the kinds of things that people think "it would be nice if I ________" but never end up doing. You have an opportunity to do something really good right now! Maybe that is not very realistic, and I probably sound like a crazy hippy but that is how I hope to teach my son. I am only 22 and my son is only 20 months but I plan ahead...way far ahead! My dad always used to say "if it's not good in the long run it's not good now"

My son is in middle school and is turning 12 next week. He's very responsible, but even so, my husband and I have decided against a cell phone because simply put, it's not necessary. I know that EVERYONE has them now (or so I've heard). My son's friend (and his 9yo brother) got them 3 weeks ago and the attitude change is extremely noticeable...and not for the better! I'm hoping that it will fade with time once the "newness" wears off. My son has become extremely frustrated because, for lack of a better word, his friend is obsessed with his new toy and thinking he's so cool now that he has a phone. Another boy from school who recently received a phone for his birthday, teased/made fun of my son for NOT having a phone. (Really? Is that necessary?) I wonder how many parents are buying phones for their kids just because every other kid has them?? In my opinion, it's just another *thing* that too many kids are given without having to earn. Good luck with your decision.

I think that kids believe that they have a right to a cell phone, my opinion is is that it is a priveledge that sould be earned. I have a 17 year old daughter and she didn't get a cell phone until last May. Our rule was that she had to have a "B" average, consistantly. When that goal was achieved we bought her a cell phone. (Same rule for a driver's licence). As far as being able to keep tabs, at 12 they should never be anywhere that you can't reach them, ie... school, a friends house. I personally think 12 is too young. One of the issues I've always had is that you have no idea who or when someone is calling your child or vice versa. I can't think of any need for a child to have a cell phone and I think it ridiculous for parents to get sucked into it. It's one more thing you have to monitor, spend money on and worry about. Children do not need to be accessable to everyone they know 24 hours a day. You are giving up an important part of keeping tabs on your kids friends and communication with their parents when you introduce a cell phone. Not to mention the incessent texting. Then you have no idea what any of them are talking about. My advice is to wait. He's still a little guy in so many ways. Good luck.

I know I am extremely late on this posting but, I just wanted to say from my own experience w/ my own 12 yr old. I got my son a phone when he was 10 yrs old. We never ever had a probem w/ minutes, testing anything until this past yr. He was on my plan I added him to and I really never explained to him how the minutes worked, free after 7pm, unlimtied incoming, 250 text msgs, b/c we never had a problem. Well, it turned in to a problem over nite.... My son one month went over in texting and when I caught it; it was to late. These kids do not realize that just texting back "K" is considered a text! So, I warned him and told him to watch and I monitored and up his phone to 750 text thinking no way will he go over 750 in a month! Well, I checked the phone to see how many were sent and we were only 10 days into the billing cycle and he was already @ 900 and some msgs and anything over 750 is charged $0.25 a minute! Next thing a I knew my cell bill is over $300.00 for a 12 yr leisurely texting! I was so furious, I stopped texting immediately from the phone and their was nothing the phone co could do to help me w/ this. I was so mad and instead of me paying $20.00 for unlimited texting I took it away b/c I thought texting is a privialge and now I am taking it away b/c you ran my bill up on me and I told you to pay attention and you did not! So, now I notice he was talking on the phone more and more and like i said in the beginning I never ever explained how the minutes worked, I check the minutes on his phone and we had 1,000 minutes, unlimited mobile to mobile, unlimited incoming my son has gone ever in minutes the next month b/c he no longer had texting! So, now my total bill is $709.00 b/c if you go over the plans minutes now you will pay $0.49 per additonal minute over the plan! Now, I could just kick my self b/c if I just would have added the $20.00 UNLIMITED TEXTING I never would have had $700.00 phone bill, my credit ruined and no cell phones! I let the phones get disconnected b/c I do not know about all of you but I just do not have $700 laying around for a cell bill! I also let it get disconnected to teach my son a lesson that this is what can happen if you do not follow the contract and guidelines, this happened back in April. When it got disconnected my son says; "What I have no phone! How am I going to talk to anyone, how am I going to contact you?" I told him it is not fair is it? I do not have a phone either now! Why should I have to pay for your mistakes? i said you can use the "GOOD OLD FASHIONED LANDLINE"! I will have to admit for awhile it was nice not having a phone w/ me and being able to just take time for myself and not get 50 phone calls when are you coming home, where are you, what are you doing, can I go here, can so and so come over! He was w/o a phone for 6 months and I got one again, my plan back but he was not put on it. His birthday was in September he turned 13 and I decided to get him a phone again but it all pre-paid each month, w/ unlimited minutes, texting and other things for $49.95 a month and now if I feel he does not need a phone he does not get minutes! There are how many plans out there you can check in to but I STRONGLY recommend to go w/ something w/ no contract and prepaid. Any child can do this and mine never did it intentionally, partial is my failt for not explaining things proprerly right and he also was partially irresponsable. it happens and now everyone is happy again. I made him think though what can happen! I am glad I do have a phone for him again b/c he does do more and more now and I can still give him his independence and check in on him at a distance w/o him feeling I may or may not be invading. Good luck to you and sorry for the long and late response!

Becky

I really like Tracfone. You pay by the minute, in advance. No monthly fee. So if he uses up the minutes you've paid for, he can pay for more or wait until you're willing to buy him more. It includes text. You might ask him to always keep at least 10 minutes for emergencies (or 30--whatever).

I would say no.

My husband and I have talked about this a lot (even though our kids are not yet old enough....) We are strongly anti-phone. We were even going to get rid of our phones! It was an extra $100 a month that was very UNNECESSARY. But my mom added us to their plan for $10 a month because she wanted a way to be able to call us. We're outside a lot since we farm and she likes to call to "chat". LOL. Although it does come in very handy for my husband with farm issues...... They are just NOT necessary for kids!!!

His nephews (ages 12 and 10) have had one for over 2 years already. It's aweful. They act like they are so cool and really are turning into little punks. I'm sure this is parental fault but the cell phones are NOT helping. My sister-in-laws excuse was for emergencies too but those kids use the phones wherever and whenever they want.

IF you do decide to get him a phone I'd suggest NO TEXTING on it. I read in a magazine about how kids are doing worse in school because with texting they use all abbreviations. (K I no u r hre 2.....)etc. etc. Kids aren't learning how to have decent english skills. Plus people text and drive all the time. Kids don't always listen to their parents and realize that there is really very little way for us to find out if they are doing it..... And I"ve even seen kids texting in church. There is no true reason for the texting exept to "talk" with their friends.

We got one for our son when he was 11. He hardly ever uses it; none of his friends have them, so he hasn't started to use his phone for chatting or texting.

However, it is great that he has it when he goes biking with his friends, or bikes to school, or bikes to soccer practice. I'm really glad he has it in case of emergency.

We got a pay as you go plan, and he has tons of minutes left. I'll re-up in December so he doesn't lose them.

i honestly am not worrying about this yet seeing as to how my oldest will be 5 next month. but what happened to the days where you were lucky to have a cell phone? i grew up with out a cell phone but every day i see more and more kids with them.i have seen them as young as 7-8 yrs old. i honestly think if the child/teen wants a cell phone they should have to have a job to support the bill. growing up my parents had this rule. if you wanted some thing I.E. stereo,cd player, phone(cell/house), we had to work for it. they did not pay the bill. but i guess that is how i was raised. i personally would NOT get my child a phone and if i did. it would have a few minutes on it. to use to call if there was a problem.

My older kids (14 and 11) do not have them. We get a prepaid phone over the summer when they are home alone and are very careful to call it a second family phone rather than their phone. Until they get their driver's license, I don't think they need one. They really aren't anywhere that wouldn't have a phone available.

We just went through the same thing with our daughter who's the same age. We did get her a cell phone...with rules attached. We have US Cellular and were able to add another line for $10 per month and we also added unlimited texting for the family (we now have 4 phones for our family) and the kids have to each pay us $10/month for the unlimited texting. I find that that it's much easier to communicate with my kids when they're gone through texting. It's easy, quick and gets the job done. One of our main rules is that we pay for the phone, so we have the right to look at their messages if we want to. We tell the kids that they should think twice before texting anything they wouldn't want us to look at. It's also a great tool to use as punishment - NO PHONE! Hope this helps.

M.,

I started my kids (now 19 and 16) out with a tracfone (pre-paid) with the smallest and cheapest plan when they were 12yrs old. I told them IF they could show good responsibility, by not losing the phone and using the minutes wisely after a year I would put them on my cell plan with texting. Both used the tracphone and never lost it or abused the minutes. After a year I put them on our family plan and have never had a problem with them going over on texting, calling or losing the phone.
It was a great learning tool. I have many friends and family members who had nightmare phone bills from children going over on min.
So I made SURE both knew how to check how many min they used and got unlimited texting (a must with kids) when starting on a regular plan.
The cost of a trac phone was about $40 so IF they lost it I wasn't out tons of money. The trac phone would display how many min they had on the phone so they new exactly how much was left and what they used. It was a good way to teach them responsibility and I was able to contact them when practice or other school stuff was over and they needed a ride.

Hope this helps :)

We added our boys to our cell phone plan when WE needed them to have one. We couldn't conceive of one possible reason that a child would NEED a cell phone. If they don't need one, they just want it, and that makes it a toy. But we don't think a cell phone is a toy. In our case, we didn't need that type of contact with our boys until they were 16 and driving themselves places. At this time they also had a job, so they paid the $10/mo. that it costs to add them to our plan. Then they pay for any texting or other extras that they want on their phone. They are just happy for the opportunity to get in so cheap because we are already paying for a plan.

I would add a note about texting. From what I am observing it appears to be an addictive behavior in some sense. My own boys seem to be going over their limits even when they know it will cost them if they don't take a break, and they don't like to spend money. My sister supervises employees who regularly put their job at risk because they just can't seem to control their texting. I don't know what it's all about, but I would not at all encourage a 12-year-old to get started.

Yes and if you can add them to a family paln great! Add unlimited texting, you will be happier and so will your bill. Unless he has on friends with aphone than no need yet. I wasone of thsoe moms with a big bill from more texting than you can imagine. Just a warning.
Another thing schools all have a different policy about cell phones, I did have one daughter have hers taken away and i had to go to the office to get it back. No biggie to me but it might be for you. All in all I say its so much nicer to be able to talk to them and find out what they are doing, and where they are. Good luck!

I like the idea of a cellphone. However kids are not good at keeping track of minutes they've used. My cousin is a good example of this went over and rang up her parents bill to like $800 dollars yes 800 seriously and you can't really expect them to pay that back right away.

Your safest bet is to do prepaid when the minutes are gone they are gone. Or to do unlimited text/unlimited minutes

I met a mom whose 13 yr old kept asking for a phone as well because all her friends had it. The mom said that it wasn't allowed in any of the classrooms and that she would end up leaving it in her locker all day anyway. The girl said she needed it for emergencies. The mom's response: If all your friends have one, then you can use theirs in an emergency to call me or dad if you really need something! (That was a great one!)

My almost 15 yr. old daughter has a cell phone and has since entering Junior High. I was a bit skeptical at first about her having it. I have since changed my mind! I would advise getting unlimited texting as that is what kids mostly use. Here is a list of the pro's and con's as we have experienced them:

Pro's: No excuses about there not being a phone available or someone's battery being dead because I know she keeps hers charged. If she's out with a friend and decides to go to another friends house, she sends me a text to let me know. It's easy for her to get friends and their families phone numbers and give them to me. If I will be late picking her up or need to send someone else, I just send her a text...she checks her phone between classes, I also send her reminders of when I will pick her up for doctor appt's so she won't be late meeting me at the door. She doesn't like being without her phone so it makes for a good punishment to take it away or at least threaten to if she doesn't do her chores lol. I can check her phone at any time to see who she contacts and get their numbers. A now former friend (who I never did like) had ditched her at the zoo during this girls birthday party along with another kid and she was able to call me right away to come get her & the other kid, she often sends me texts or pictures to share with me what she and her friends are doing, when she's out and about I can contact her at any time, when she's gotten sick at school, she can contact me right away and let me know, which is great because one time the school thought she was trying to get out of a test and refused to let her stay in the nurses office or contact me (she gets mirgraines on occasion) she sent me a text and I went to the school with her medicine in hand and had a chat with the school people while she threw up in the garbage can because of the migraine having gone untreated for too long. (She's not a trouble maker, hasn't ever been in trouble and is a good student so why the school thought what they did is beyond me...all I can say is that the schools are more used to dealing with bad kids than good so they automatically tend to think the worst of everyone anymore). I had never thought that her having a phone would be such a good thing but it has really been a great tool for her and I to keep in constant contact with each other and has helped us during situations that we never imagined that we would be dealing with, such as with her former friend and the school.

The con's: She likes to text her friends after bedtime so I have had to take it away and shut her phone off, she texts during family gatherings unless I've told her to let her friends know beforehand not to contact her during that time, she let a friend borrow it and got it taken away during school hours so I had to go in and get it back from the principal, the phone she has has many problems and we are always taking it in to be fixed (at no cost to us, just the hassle of having to take it in and get a loner phone and waiting for the repaired one to come back in, so be sure to ask about the phone before hand to make sure it's not one that typically needs lots of repairs and don't get anything that's new on the market, get something tried and true).

Many of her friends have phones that need pre-paid minutes. Their parents make them earn the minutes and it works well for them. I am glad that she has the phone as it has come in handy in a pinch, I am able to contact her when I need to and she can call me when she encounters trouble or to let me know who she's with and where she's going (her friends family often take her out to dinner or to the movies with them). Because she can take pictures or contact me at any time, she shares more of her life with me too. I get pictures of her and her friends being silly, texts telling me something funny they did, etc. I love that she has the phone and that through it, I am able to be more a part of her life than I would have been otherwise. On another good note, she keeps in constant contact with her cousins who live far away from here and with other family members as well as she often calls her grandparents just to chat! It has been way more of a good thing than a bad thing for us and I am glad that I changed my mind and got her the phone.

I had great luck with a prepaid service called Jump Mobile - it's available where there is Cricket. You need a Jump phone, or you can use a cricket phone, but the great thing is for $50 you get 3 months of service, the calls out are .10 per minute (that's 500 minutes) but all incoming calls are free and all texting is free. You'll be surprised how much they text. My kids rarely call, but when i call it is free for them. If he runs out of minutes, you add funds with your credit card, so you always have control over costs.

I bought my daughter a cell phone at a young age. She danced at a studio who had a habit of changing the ending time of her classes. I felt like she needed to contact me so she wasn't standing outside the studio in the dark... That being said, I love the service I found at T-Mobile. It's called family allowances. I can dictate who and when she calls. I can cut her off completely if she misbehaves. I can program up to 10 numbers that she can always call, anytime, even if she's out of minutes. I can block numbers that can never call her and that she can never call. I can schedule blocks of time where her phone will not allow calls to anyone but me. I know it sounds controlling. But I love it!!! And we never worry about overages.

IF you do get the phone. Make sure you have TEXTING! That's what kids that age do - they don't talk, they text!

Lisa - mom of 4 boys (the 13 year old has a cell phone!)

You've already gotten a lot of viewpoints, but here's our experience. Our oldest son got his phone when he was 12 and 3/4 and in the final months of 6th grade. He was pretty much the last of his friends to get a phone. We ultimately got the phone for OUR convenience not his. He is getting to the stage where we drop him off places, like a friend's football game, or need to know when to pick him up from practice, etc. It's been very useful for that and for calling him at a friend's house or when he's somewhere in the neighborhood, but we aren't exactly sure which house (they start playing football at one person's house and then they move to another person's house). He uses it to text his friends, but he has not become obsessed with it. He seems to use it for "Can you come over this afternoon," "What is the math assignment today" or "Do we have practice" kinds of questions, at least so far. He has been told if he loses it we will not replace it. We opted for unlimited texting because that is the way kids communicate and my husband and I like to text a little too. The phone stays in his pocket during dinner and goes off at night. If you do get your son a phone and you get texting you either need unlimited or you need to MONITOR VERY CAREFULLY the number of messages. They add up much more quickly than you expect and can get quite out of hand. I've heard horror stories of $800 monthly bills, etc. (Incoming messages count the same as outgoing.)

The downside for us has been the beating his phone has taken physically. I don't know if he is rough on it or if it was a model that isn't very durable, but he is on his second phone (no charge to us) because the first one lost part of its audio. He is also on a second battery because something went haywire with that too. The phone has teeth marks on the battery cover because a friend's puppy grabbed it out of his pocket. I would recommend asking for a model that is durable. We have found that the pros outweigh the cons, but our son so far has been pretty responsible with it and hasn't become obsessed or used it inappropriately.

Hi M.,
My 12 year old just got a Cell this year also :)
We have restrictions on it, he only gets it when he's heading out the door to a friends to keep in touch with us. We have also had him bring it to school turned off in case he misses the activity bus after Football practice.
We don't let our son just have free use of it whenever he wants. As for how many minutes he can use.. We have T-mobile and there is a Monitoring plan costs $4.99 total and I am able to put how many minutes he's allowed to use each month and what phone numbers are always okay to call. There is also a block on the phone after 10:00pm and he can't use it till 7:00am.
GOOD LUCK!

~M. C

My 12 year old daughter has a prepay phone, because I honestly could not afford it if she went over on minutes. That way she has a set amount and if she goes over, it shuts off and she's out of luck. Also teaches her some budgeting/time management skills.
If you do add him to your account, I would recommend an umlimited text plan. It's so easy to lose track of how many texts you are sending, and especially those you receive.

i have a few friends who got a free phone cause they get help from the state and they gave the phones to there 5 year old daughters to be able to call people on. i thought a 5 year old does not need a phone.

if your son is active and into sports and stuff then maybe a cell phone is a good idea and maybe look into t-mobile, boost mobile, criket ( boost & criket both have unlimeted calling and texting) i text more then anything thats how i do my talking!!
hope that helps

I would make sure your 100% certain you want to get him one for good before you even let him know your considering the idea. At 11 yrs. old it's definately not necessary, and their very adictive. Four in a half years ago I got a cell phone, and now I"m so adicted I couldn't imagine not having one. If you don't give him one he'll complain a little, but if you get him one, and then change your mind you'll probably have a huge problem. You could try a pre-paid phone. The only reason I ever got one was my husband was afraid I would be at work driving a postal truck, and go into labor early.

I know I am really late in posting this, but I just couldn't help putting in my two cents - especially with two 12 yr olds in the house myself. My oldest 2 girls (now 19 and 21) got their cell phones at 15/16 when they starting working their jobs. My 12 yr olds think that they are already "entitled" to cell phones since all of their friends have them. I have not given in to the pressure (yet). Instead, I have one "kids" phone on my plan ($10 a mo to add a line). The phone sits on the counter until I hand it to the kid that needs it that day. Today, one 12 yr old has Cross Country after school, but rides the activity bus to and from so no cell phone is needed. Tomorrow she has a meet and will need a ride from me when it is finished so she will get the phone to use to call me. When the phone is returned, I check the incoming/outgoing call log to make sure the only call that was made was to me for the ride.

When they start working, they will get cell phones of their own. Until then, they will just have to "suffer" with the house phone to call their friends :)