30 answers

Paying for the Wedding Costs of an Adult Child

What costs are expected of you if the child has lived with his fiance for 5 years? Especially when you have expenses you constantly have to borrow from family members to pay? (Not me, it's a friend of mine and I'm just curious if she's obligated?)

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Zero, zip, nada, nil! They've played house for 5 years now they can pony up the money for their own wedding!

3 moms found this helpful

It depends entirely on the family and the age of the child getting married. If the "child" has lived with the fiance for 5 year she is an adult and as such should be footing the bill for this. If the family is not able to fund a wedding they need to say so. or say what they will put towards it. You can put on a nice wedding for a couple thousand dollars or you can spend a fortune. if you are having to borrow just to pay normal living expenses then you should not be expected to foot the bill for a wedding.

2 moms found this helpful

Usually the males family pays for the reception dinner, and the brides for the wedding. But fact is, more and more these days, it is the norm for adult children to pay for their own wedding and for the families to simply help out as much as they can.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers

if you have to borrow $ from others to pay your own bills then how the heck are you going to pay for a wedding?

If I were in this financial situation as your friend then I would ask to borrow money to give them to go to City Hall ~ $50

4 moms found this helpful

Traditionally, the parents pay for certain aspects of the wedding. Traditionally, the bride was still dependent on her parents. Having lived together for 5 years would mean to me that for practical purposes they've been "married" for 5 years. Traditionally the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and the grooms expenses such as tuxedos But, in my opinion, he's been living independently for 5 years and should assume his own costs when his parents are not financially solvent. As a parent, I would not expect to pay anything for their wedding. I've not known of any parents paying for independent adult children's weddings.

Since your friend is not financially solvent herself, she should not feel obligated to pay for any aspect of her independent adult child's wedding. She could contribute if she's repaid the loans she's had from family members. And of course I would expect that she give a gift that she can afford within her own financial means. She should definitely not borrow from her family to pay for or help with her son's wedding under any circumstances. I would think this would cause ill feelings within the family.

If the son expects his mother to pay his expenses, while knowing that she has to borrow to pay her own expenses, I suggest that for her to borrow to pay his expenses is contributing to his lack in learning how to responsibly manage fiances. I see the issue as more about the obligation to responsibly manage finances than in who is obligated to pay wedding expenses.

She is not obligated! And if she is putting pressure on her family to loan her money for her son's wedding I suggest that the family is also not obligated.

3 moms found this helpful

It depends on the family. I would consider the following:
- financial possibility
- siblings (if parents paid for another kid, they need to be fair and pay the same for all)
- family values/cultures/history. Some kids just grow up knowning their parents will/won't pay for their wedding
- whether the kids are still depending on the parents/living with them or independent

In our case, my parents like big weddings (simple ceremony, dinner... but LOTS of guests. So, for my siblings and I, the rule has been that the groom and bride pay for everything except their parent's guests. My parents could invite as many people as they wished, great aunts and uncles, old friends... (with a right of veto from me) but would pay for their guests. My husband and I paid for everything else (our guests, dinner, photos, dress, ceremony, venue...)

3 moms found this helpful

Zero, zip, nada, nil! They've played house for 5 years now they can pony up the money for their own wedding!

3 moms found this helpful

M., your friend is not in the position to pay for a wedding. The bride and groom need to have a little wedding in a back yard with a barbeque reception. Costs little, is plenty of fun, and makes sense since they've lived together for so long.


3 moms found this helpful

Personally I feel like parents being "obligated" to pay for thier childrens wedding is a little out dated. And somewhat ridiculous.
First of all, a child should not expect their parent to pay for their wedding unless the parents have specifically said they would do so. And if they the parents do pay, then THEY should have the right to dictate cost since it's coming out of their pockets. And if the couple has already been living together, especially for a few years then they should be mature and together enough to pay for their own wedding. This custom began before couples were living together. This was a way of parents "giving" their daughter to the grooms family, for him to then take over the responsibility of caring for her......OLD FASHIONED.
Long story short, your friend should NOT feel obligated, or guilted by her child to pay for their wedding. Especially if she has financial troubles of her own. They should appreciate anything she OFFERS to pay for. If they've been already living together for five years, they should be well prepared for this day on their own!

3 moms found this helpful

I think the best thing to do in this situation is offer a set amount. Then the "kids" can either have a wedding or elope and keep the rest for a honeymoon.

2 moms found this helpful

Money is a gift not a requirement. If she can give towards the wedding, she can give a set amount and tell them that is all she can afford then they can figure out the rest. I get so tired of hearing how people feel obligated to pay for things for others or how children expect their parents to pay for things. My parents gave me $200 for my wedding because that is what they had, my husband and I took care of most of it and my in-laws chipped in as they were able. If she doesn't have it, she can't give it and definately should NOT go into debt to help.

2 moms found this helpful

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