WOHA!!! Desirae, ok I can see your scared but you need to get a grip on this, first of all lets go this one item at a time...take a deeeep breath, hold, exhale.... ok, first, lets say the child is his, this would be news to him right? And if you had done something with someone else while not with your boyfriend this would not be something you would have to share with the boyfriend if you chose not to do so right? YES RIGHT!!
So, for this much hubby is of the hook for a moment! You can/should stay married and raise the children you have together!! This is NOT the end of the world!! Now, once it is decided the child is his he can petition for joined custody and he will indeed have to pay child support and depending on what is determined by welfare a paper can be filed due to the fact he was not notified of paternity untill the date he FIRST got any kind of notice. (If she told him prior to that he can be held responsible from that date.)
No he can not get full custody just because she dosent work or is on welfare it does not work that way.
Ok second, he can not give up all rights financially unless someone was waiting to adopt the child, but he can choose to be involved with the child as in visitations or parenting issues(personally I think if it is his he should be very involved it only hurts the little one if he is not) You need to go way beyong your 25 years to get a better handle on this. Yes it will be something to over come but marrage is life-long and 15 years is whats left of this baby's childhood!
I realize this is easier said than done but lets be resonable, things happen in life and there is not always someone that needs to hurt back or be sued due to our discomfort, your hubby made a poor choice there is a price to pay but guess what? This is what happens, you can not and should not, be looking for someone to punish, not the system, not the mother of this child (bless her heart she has made some very bad choices and she is paying some high prices for her actions)
and no, not even the system, they must hold people responsible in order to help with the children who need it weather its due to the parents being lazy or just having a hard time, again, not the point. Step back and think of this, it happend, its the past, its going to be messy to handle, but in the long run, it will be done and whats left is a person (the child) who knows her father and had love in her life from him and a step mom and some siblings or an adult who feels anger and hurt inside and inturn, possibly, makes these same bad chioces because she never got the chance to have that same love...thats you and your husbands choice right now should the test be positive for him being the DAD!
Ok now chew that for a few minutes I need coffee........................................................................................................................Ok whew!! Im back, now lets go to the other side ok, open your heart and your mind for this, again, take a deep breath and relax!! Now you go get the paternity test and it is NOT his child you simply cry a few small tears and have a moment of silence for that little one because she is a stistic among the little children we have destroyed with our wicked ways as humans!! You can not be self-centerd over this because this is not some disruption in your life!!! Get beyond yourself! jump the fence, this is a complete hole for some little girl who did not make the poor choices that are now affecting her for the rest of her life (*the time you and your husband have together when you do the right thing)RIGHT? Right!
Now lastly, the lets sue em all.....girl, please, this stress is a direct result of your EX-BOYFRIEND's (not your husband they are 2 people in this light) bad choice! He should have some stress over it and you should step back just a tad and allow him this stress, its HIS! Think of this messed up girl or woman who is in such a sad state that she has no idea who she parented a child with!!!! WHY oh WHY would you be in a place to think you should sue her because her huge problem and pain (trust me she has issues that hurt!) touched your life through your spouce??? Be the bigger person dont cause her more hurt and judgment leave that to God!
You get to go on with your life and be happy with a husband, a father for your babies, a stronger relationship with your husband if you allow it, and an awsome oppertunity to build closeness (by supporting him,) with your husband! It takes a much stronger woman to say hey, baby, you f*&%& up! But I love you and we have a life ahead and some babies to raise lets get to it and put this behind us....than it does to say lets divorce, hurt our little girls, tear a family apart and SUE everyone involved!!! Just so we can then try to pick up a zillion pieces of lives and make some kind of normal picture!
Listen my friend, please take some time alone and talk to yourself about this you must make chioces that end or minimize the hurt and pain for everyone. Your heart and intuition will give you the answers you need ( and if you belive in GOD, invite him into this meeting you hold with yourself)
I realize this is right now your whole life in a nut shell but you must jump outta the nut shell and look at this from the top of the tree all of the future is still ahead again its one nut not the whole tree and all of its fruit but you sure can make it everything for a very very long time if you so choose to do so....be SMART and COMPASIONATE when YOU make your desicions here as they will not only affect you, but your family, husband, children, another mother, and your well-being. You wil need to stop and re-group though as I see your hurt and your desire to MAKE SOMEONE PAY its not the answer force yourself to be quiet, supportive, and loving to all and YOUR stress and fear will dissapear and peace will replace it totally. I PROMISE YOU THIS!
GOD BLESS YOU MY FRIEND!
please let me know the out come if you like and I will do my best to walk with you a little at a time untill you are OK!
____@____.com just drop me an email and I will do anything I can to help you in this very difficult time. YOU HAVE A FRIEND!!!!