Paring down the Christmas Gift List!

We have this same problem!! Each year my husband's family says that everyone should just buy gifts for the kids and not eachother any more (he is the youngest of 6 and most are married, kids, etc.). Well, each year everyone always comes with presents for everyone, once again! Of course one year I actually thought they were serious and I felt terrible when we were the only ones without gifts to give, but I've learned my lesson! ;)

I don't know how to fix it, but we've had a similar discussion and haven't come up with a reasonable solution. You could always go the homemade route. One year my sister in law made soup mixes for all of us and it was really cute. Another year another sister made "movie" bags for every couple and filled it with snacks, popcorn, soda and gift card. I personally like the idea of getting everyone the same thing like that, but then sometimes I feel like it's not personal enough. ARG...the cycle! ;) I'll be interested in reading more responses!

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I feel you. Our "immediate" family is 26 people! I don't really have an answer other than making it a game to see how cheap you can find great gifts.
I have a Celebrating Home (used to be home interiors and Gifts) party every fall. In the last couple years I have used my "free" merchandise credits to get gifts for my mom, MIL, stepmom, sister-in-laws, etc...once my free stuff is used I usually get 1/2 price items as well. Its nice because they all usually come to the party and spend money which helps me earn credits and I get ideas for what they want. It really helps with the budget and its fun!
I also utilize my daughter's scholastic book club through school. They have $1.00 books each month and cheap prices on others. I stock up on those for the nieces and nephews...

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Two options:

1. Be honest with the family about what you can afford. Make plans to not exchange with certain people - such as, give gifts to nieces and nephews, but not to siblings. Keep it kids only. You should definitely tell them and talk about it in advance, because if you suddenly decide not to give one but they still give things to you, it might cause awkwardness or hard feelings.

2. Plan a Secret Santa gift exchange. Each family, or family member, gets assigned one person or family to buy for. That way, you're not all buying tons of gifts. You can set a price limit too so the gifts are all of equal value.

K.
http://www.discoverytoyslink.com/karenchao - great gifts for babies and kids of all ages!

4 moms found this helpful

What we have done is to limit our gift giving to our children, our siblings (and their spouses and kids) and our parents oh yeah and my grandparents (only living Great Grandparents). Total of about 28 people not counting our own girls. BTW Family knows our girls come FIRST for gift shopping and they understand.

For our Nieces/Nephews we do get them Gift Cards ($20 each for the teens/20 something) there are 4 of them and then the younger Niece/Nephews (we will have 5 of them this year) we get them a gift that is "Normally" in the $10-$20 range (but I ususally get them on sale or deal).

For our parents/grandparents/siblings (17 adults)- we do "New Years" Baskets - I make cookies/brownies/cakes/breads or the layered mixes type jars and put them in Baskets or Bags with some Ritz Crackers/Summer Sausage/Spray Cheese/ a bottle of wine or apple cider. Since I know what I am putting together I can get somethings on sale during the year and/or go get them at Sam's Club.

This year we may switch our 3 oldest Niece & Nephews to the New Years baskets b/c they are all 18-21 and dating. So that will help alot too.

I love to do the baked goods/homemade type gifts and as a family all of us (the women mainly lol) decided to do that for Christmas a few years back when money had been tight and it has just stuck and it works great.

3 moms found this helpful

Give family gifts to families and small token gifts to couples..

We like to give bottles of sparkling wine, that we place a bow on and write in gold pen directly onto the bottle, "Merry Christmas and a VERY Happy New Year!"
You could give Sparkling juice instead with 2 plastic, champagne glasses and New Years horns.. I have even purchased the New years hat and placed tissue in them with the bottle, glasses and the horns. Pretty inexpensive.. (I gave there to all of our daughters Principals each each year.)

Custom Puzzles Turn out great.. Even if you do not have a photo of them you can design something on the computer that includes their names and birthdates...

http://www.google.com/products?hl=en&expIds=25657,259...

Games (we love Bananagrams and Pictureka!"

Gift Certificate to Netflix with candy bars and microwave popcorn..

I love giving these amazing "shadow books." We give them to families and every one of them has said it lead to the kids wanting to Make their own versions..
Order early they sell out fast..

http://www.basbleu.com/basbleu/Item_William-and-the-Magic...

http://www.basbleu.com/basbleu/Item_William-and-the-Chris...

2 moms found this helpful

My family is the same, everyone has agreed to draw names and do a "secret santa" gift. I take it upon myself to draw the names for everyone and tell them who they have. If I don't do it, it won't get done. Makes it easier for everyone, I'm sure there are people in your family who feel the same way, and you may give them some relief bringing up the subject. Good Luck and hope you have a wonderful holiday season this year!!

2 moms found this helpful

Karen C had some good answers. My family has a get-together so within that group they strategized once the grandkid and greatgrandkid count grew too big. Now we do a Secret Santa for the adults, and the adults get gifts for the kids. Now, we do have smaller get-togethers, like with just Mom/Dad, and we'll get them a gift because it's not part of the secret santa thing. But it's easier to control the expense with the secrt santa.

To make the Secret Santa work, SOMEONE has to be in charge of it - otherwise it won't happen (like in poor Tori's answer). Good luck!

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I've been reading the previous responses, and it looks as if you have good ones there. I've gone the homemade route in certain years, and that seems to have worked well. We've also sometimes made "token" gifts - usually a small donation given in, say, Aunt Millie's name to a charity Aunt Millie would like. That can work for a whole family of relatives as well.

But it would be well to be upfront about this right now. Don't hesitate for fear of what somebody might think of you. Some or all of your numerous relations may feel the same way, but somebody has to speak up first! "We're having to tighten our belts in this economy, just as everyone else is, and we may not be able to give fancy Christmas gifts this year to people we love. Could we all cut down or cut out our gift giving to each other, and love each other just the same?" You get the idea.

(If your daughter's grandparents live far away, send them a photograph of their granddaughter even if you don't send anything else! And grandparents also love anything handcrafted by a grandchild; there are inexpensive kits easy for children of a certain age.)

You might promise to make up for lack of gifts by sending a Christmas letter, complete with photographs. That's easy and inexpensive to do on a computer.

1 mom found this helpful

I would ask the adults what they thought about drawing names this Christmas.... maybe they are feeling the pinch too! Alternately a white elephant swap could be fun.

Growing up in our family our parents/aunts/uncles/college students had a drawing (that people could choose to opt out of). So each adult would buy one adult present. They set a price limit for gifts for the younger kids.

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I would guess that other members of your family are probably feeling the same way that you are; we were in the same boat several years ago. Our family lives all over the country, and when you tack shiping costs on to the costs of the actual gifts, whew! Anyway, we now draw names to decide who exchanges gifts. The kids exchange with each other and anyone over 18 is in the adults category. This way, it is fair and based upon the size of your family. (If you have a family of three, then you are responsible for three gifts, etc.) So, we thought this was the fair way to do it.

Also, if you have family out of town, like we do, then you might consider signing up for Amazon prime. (We split the annual cost with a friend, who is also listed on the account. I think it is around $90.) It offers free two-day shipping and $3.95 overnight shipping. That more than makes up for the $90 annual fee. Hope this helps!

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I didn't read all the posts, so I could be repeating. We had this problem in my family, but we spoke up about it and now we only buy for our parents, godchildren, and our own families. I don't buy anything for my 9 siblings and their families and they don't buy anything for us. If you still want to buy, why not try buying family gifts for your siblings and step siblings. Maybe for the grandparents you can do make your self gifts from the kids and you can get them dinner certificates. For the siblings you can get them certificates for a pizza place and a blockbuster or something so they can have dinner and a movie in as a family. Maybe buy some popcorn to attach the gift certificates to. Try talking to some of your siblings, they may feel the same way and afraid to say something.

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I grew up with a large extended family that got together for holidays mostly. We drew names at Thanksgiving for Christmas. All the kids in one hat, all the adults in another. We had Christmas at home with our immediate family, and then went to the big bash. We all knew we would get another gift there, and we tried to imagine who had our name, and what they would buy. Plus, we had a gift for someone, and they were always trying to guess, too. We always started with the youngest, and went to the oldest. Good times, good memories, and not hard on the pocketbook. If you have family too far away to get together, you could send them a restaurant card to take the family out.

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When we knew money was going to be short for us, we announced to the family a few months before Christmas that we were only buying for the kids in the family. This gave all the other family members a chance to decide the same. Last year I knew that my sister had just been through a divorce, my brother and his wife were trying to remodel their home little by little, and my cousin and his wife were struggling to keep from loosing there vehicles and home, my FIL was going through a depression and felt that they could not afford to spend money (my MIL just rolled her eyes and said finances were just as good or better than they had been for the last 10 years, but she would honor his request if it would make him feel better). This narrowed the list down to my 3 children, my brothers 2 step children, and my cousins 3 children. At the last minute my husband received a bonus from work and we decided to get everyone something with a budget of $10 each for cousins and kids and $20 for the my parents, in-laws, and aunt, $15 for my brother, sister, and SIL and of course $50 dollars on each of my own children (to be opened at home or at my in-laws where there was no other children). My husband had also received a gift card for some fancy gift shop. We went to shop, but did not care for anything there except some kids arts and crafts and games. We spent the gift card on our children and opened them at home separate from the 2 regular family Christmas get togethers. We celebrate on Christmas Eve at my in-laws and Christmas at my parents. Last year was the first year in the nearly 13 years that we have been married that we had our own Christmas celebration at home. Since kids, we have not purchased Christmas gifts for each other but maybe 3 years. Last year we did. We had more fun last year that we have had in the past.

If you feel you have to buy everyone a gift set a budget before you start shopping. With a family that big and you getting everyone a gift, I'm sure they would not be disappointed with even a $5 dollar gift. Coffee mugs, Homemade jars of Hot Chocolate Mix, Homemade jars of Brownie mix, Pot Holders, (do you crochet or knit) hats; purses; washclothes; scarves; etc., (do you sew) aprons, etc. It's the thought that counts and homemade gifts show a little extra love.

I made all the men in my family hunter orange toboggans a few years ago. They wore them all day and have commented my times over the years that it kept there head warmer while out hunting than the usual hunter orange baseball type cap. I have even had request for more.

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I hear you!
We get gifts for the kids and adults all get "consumables" of some sort. In our case, wine covers a lot, since we are in the business and get good discounts. Homemade cookies/ cheesecakes, etc. You can also look at homemade "kits" for gifts, e.g. a jar with the ingredients for cookies or coffee mixes in layers and a tag with the recipe.
The kids are getting into making things for grandparents and cousins now. Check out www.familyfun.com for ideas. Often one of the schools has a fundraiser with candy and we buy some boxes (like $8 per box) for gifts (I always bring a couple of boxes in case people I am not expecting show up). The kids' school also has a book fair right before CHristmas and I usually hit that up for gifts.
REally easy idea - homemade Christmas cards with coupons inside (e.g. massage, mowing the lawn, etc.)
Buy everyone a tea cup or mug (check out thrift shops), put a bag of tea or coffee mix in each, a lump or two of sugar and a chocolate covered spoon (you can get "recipes" online).
I say come up with a budget and divvy it up so that you get something for everyone if possible, but not spend as much. That is what I am doing.

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Forgo the gifts for grandparents, parents, aunts & uncles and just let the kids draw names. Make it more focused on the kids and letting them pick out and give the gifts - it will make it more meaningful, as more thought is put into buying one gift versus 40 and you can spend more than $10 bucks on that one person and make the gift be something they really enjoy. How much more do parents, grandparents and aunts & uncles really need? Just seeing and spending time with them is usually what most of them want anyway.
Have a Christmas party where you can all get together as a family and spend time together. (that is if your parents get along with each other despite the divorces.) Have everybody bring a dish and just enjoy each other's company. If you wanted to give parents gifts, then just do them separately later. We usually do this and we give framed professional photos of our kids - that way they have updated pictures to brag about. :)
Good luck! It's tough, but families should understand that it is a tight economy out there now, and everybody is feeling the crunch!

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When I was young all the cousins on each side of my family would draw names and exchange Christmas ornaments. I have a big family, 13 cousins on one side and over 20 on the other. We grew up very close. This was great because by the time I moved out I had a collection of ornaments to decorate my own tree. Ornaments tend not to be terribly expensive, $5 or $10. Could you do something similar with the kids on your list?
As for adults, maybe you could all agree not to exchange gifts, to draw names, to only exchange homemade items or to set a very low $ amount and do sort of a secret santa thing.
Forty people on your Christmas list is a lot and I understand your desire to pare it down, but I would suggest not going too crazy there so that you can spend a ton on your daughter. Show her the joy of giving and try to teach her that the holiday is not just about getting gifts.
Best of luck to you!

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Me & my husband buy for our 3 kids.We don't buy gifts for each other anymore don't know why it just happened.We celebrate Christmas with his family mom & dad sister & hubby her 1 step daughter her 2 girls & their 1 daughter~his brother & wife no kids yet & us.We only buy for the kids & parents we have all agreed not to buy for all adults.My family mom & dad brother girlfriend is he has 1,sister & hubby their 3 boys & us we do buy for them but I made an oops last yr. & didn't.Then grandmas x-mas eve there are a total of 20 grand kids but as a general rule since I have entered the family 10 yrs ago they buy for all till your @ the 6th grade Junior High since they want it to be enjoyable for the little kids,& then with the older kids have a white elephant & for adults too.It is really fun because now we are getting things that aren't valuable and are just junk we do it for the kicks and laughter..Now we go to my mom's side it is celebrated at her brother house I don't mind buying for all adults as we did in the past but now we do drawings some yrs it's just kids and some it's for all of us.However no matter what the grandmas have bought for all grandchildren.Now that my hubby's nieces are reaching preteen the gift buying is getting harder so i'm doing only cash this yr. I don't want any more $$$ wasted on them or anyone else for a needless gift when cash will do.I love buying and wrapping and trying to find that perfect something but that is now for my family & nephews.
Don't feel upset that the family has grown & need to cut down my family is doing the same so are near realatives that we once celebrated everything with.This yr. i'm going to keep track of every penny that has been spent on food,drinks,gas,shopping,gifts everything that has to deal with Christmas i'll probably be freaked out on the cost but I have to I never cared before how much was being spent till now things are being wasted toys broken a few days after etc.Have a good time being with family enjoy them we'll have 1 less grandma this yr.

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Here's what we do, Christmas is at our house every year, we only buy for the family and friends that come have Christmas dinner at our house. But I go to the 99 cent store and buy name brand colonge for men, body sprays or candles, poperrie, I make up gift baskets, i buy the baskets and big lots, and goo to the 99 cent store, i don't buy junk, I get good named brand stuff. For my sister inlaw, I give her every year something that I receive as a free gift from ordering clothes from pne of my catalogs, last year it was a designer bag with wallet, this year it is a reversable poncho type like wrap, and i know she will love it, and for my husband and grown children, I just regular shop. One thing you can do since your family is so large, is draw names and who ever you pick is whp ypu buy for, that way everyone is only buying one family gift, or you can do the same but do it as a white elephant game where you pick a name and you give that person something you already have or spend no more than 5.00 dollars, (you choose the amount) createtivity is the best way to go. J..

We're running into a similar problem. I just quit my job to become a stay-at-home mom, and money suddenly got VERY tight. I think you just need to be honest with your relatives and say that it's not longer feasible to buy gifts for everyone. If you feel uncomfortable cutting out gifts completely, you could reduce your spending to a small amount ($10 per person) and let everyone know that you're planning to set a smaller limit (hopefully they will do the same for you, and you won't feel any guilt).

i understand
i am in the same situation this year. i am done buying 200-300 dollar gifts for cousins we never see.
so, we have told everyone we're not exchanging gifts this year, or next year until economy changes for everyone.
i think some got upset (because we're the ones usually buying lavish gifts for them). but i did the math. my husband and i usually get nothing from them. never have. my kids get tops 15 dollar gifts from a group of them, while we spend thousands of dollars.
so we will do gifts only for my kids, a few of their friends and my 2nd mom and her daughter.
my husband and i will not get gifts for each other. instead we will buy something for the house that we need.

I would be honest with the family and let them know what you can do. Perhaps everyone else feels the same way and would love the suggestions of everyone chipping in $10 to buy a gift for each set of grandparents, or for the adult siblings not to buy for each other and only for the nieces and nephews, or everyone chip in $5 per niece/nephew and they get one nice gift from all the aunts/uncles (you can pick names to find out who you are responsible for choosing for).
In my family, the adults do not exchange gifts with each other.

Our large family draws names. That way no one is hurt since they didn't get a present and no one is going broke just to pay for Christmas.

My hubby and I started two years ago only buying gifts for all the kids in the family, no adults except our parents. I would love to draw names for all the brothers and sisters but some others dont like the idea so we just buy for the kids. And yes, Christmas has become more fun and less stress!! It's wonderful. Tell anyone that doesn't like it that " Christmas time is about your presence, not presents!"

I married into a very large family. They have chosen to make the holidays about the children. The children get gifts as usual. Sometimes we give couple gifts. We have also chosen a charity to give to in lieu of gifts. Everyone donates what they can in honor of the family. We usually send out an email talking about how much we all already have and what a great idea it would be to come up with a way that we could give to someone or something (a charity) that is in need. Some charities will send out cards to those that you donated in honor of.

In our family, All the ladies buy a $20 lady gift. All the men buy a $20 manly gift, and the same for little girls, and little boys. Once Christmas arrives, they go into a pile under the tree. We draw numbers, and pick a gift from our catagory (ladies) and it ends up being a lot of fun!

Actually, 2 years ago my sister-in-law and mother-in-law said they were just buying for the kids - and I was relieved! So that's what we do now - we all just buy for all the kids - tell your family that's what you'd like to do since the number of kids keeps growing - they'll probably be relieved too!!!

Hi, M.!
I feel your pain. I've heard of families only buying gifts for the kids, not the adults. I've also heard of them doing a Secret Santa. We have combined them. We draw names of the adults, so each adult only buys one gift for one other adult; then we get presents for the kids.
When I was growing up and would go to my father's parents' house for Christmas, there would always be one "immediate" family group that would be designated to provide the entertainment. They would come up with a skit to do. Everyone on that side was always so creative; they would have makeshift costumes/props and would sing a song or something. It was always so much fun and relatively cheap. You can still make Christmas fun on a budget. After all, it is a celebration and birthday party!
Good luck and God bless!

My family puts everyone's name in a hat and everyone draws one name. That way no one is burdened with gift costs and no one is left out. You don't have to buy something really. You can make something or give something that you already have that could be special to that person. There is no need to make Christmas be about the gifts. It's about family.

My favorite gifts are the ones that are made by children or the simple, inexpensive gifts that really show that the person understands what I am all about. An example of this would be giving several packets of seeds or a small garden decoration to a person who gardens, or stickers or stamps to a scrapbooker. As I have gotten older, I've already acquired a lot of "stuff" and really don't need anymore. It's usually the thought that counts.

we only buy for kids 18 and younger..also we do a secret santa for the adults..that way every adult gets to open 1 present each, but make sure you set a price limit for the secret santa $20 or so per gift.

Within our family of 6 (me, dh, 4 kids) we pick names out of a hat and have a certain amount to spend.
For everyone else, we make up food baskets of things we make ourselves. We typically include candied orange peels (we save orange peels in our freezer all year for these), cowboy cookies, a jar of hot chocolate mix, baked bread, and something the children have made for them, like an ornament with their picture. The nieces and nephews get something very simple or a $5/10 gift card.

Can you buy each family 1 family gift? Say, a board game that's appropriate for all ages.

1 year when money was low, I made and decorated cakes as family gifts. They all appreciated it, even though my husband squished them in transport (LOL).

Yes. Yes you can stop buying gifts. Christmas is not about buying gifts. Christmas is about the birth of the Savior. As I recall, other than some very wise men, he didn't receive many gifts that day either. :) The point I'm trying to make is that there are many ways to celebrate this holiday without having to bankrupt yourself.

I have a large family and the gifting started to get out of control as well. We now do an exchange - every person brings one gift, $25 limit, and we make a game out of it.

Be upfront with your family - is there an event coming up where you can speak to all (or most) like a birthday? Mention it and you'd be surprised at how many others in your family probably feel the same. You are not obligated to buy for everyone - even those that buy gifts for you. Christmas is first about Christ, then about being with family.

Our family has agreed to only buy gifts for kids 17 and under. Basically, if they're still school-aged. College kids are considered adults. We also have a gaggle of kids (40 to be exact) on my husband's side alone. So the kids have to draw one name out of a hat at Thanksgiving. We also put a price limit on the gifts...usually somewhere between $10 to $15 or under.

For us, there was a time we felt "obligated" to buy grandparents, aunts, uncles, counsins, nieces, nephews, and even non-family guests like college boy/girl friends or room mates with no where to go...presents! It was totally insane!! I think beyond what we spent on our own kids, and no limit on cost or number of each present for each family member, we were coughing up 3-5 hundred bucks or more getting gifts for just my husband's entire extended family.

Present opening time was an absolute frezy and definitely a fire hazzard as the family room at my husband's aunt's house would be sky-high with boxes, shredded paper and more.

The new method helped cut down the "excessiveness" in spending and gift-giving for the entire family...and I mean big-time. So depending on the number of kids you have..that's how many gifts you're obligated to buy for the extended family Christmas gifts. For example, if you have 4 kids, you'll probably be out $40 dollars getting four gifts for cousins or siblings.

For the adults, the women of the family have gotten into crafting big time. The new custom is to make handmade gifts for each household. It's up to us what that is...being cookies, gourmet mixes in pretty jars, home made soap, a computerized family calendar, fleece blanket with family name embroidered on it, whatever.

Considering we have about 15 households, this can still get costly if you're not careful. So that's why I got "crafty" with cooking. It can be an affordable way to make nice and thoughtful gifts.

We ususally do food gifts. Buying in bulk from stores like Costco, make this very cost effective. I like making "gifts in a jar." I have a recipe book with ideas created specifically for decorated mason jars. I include the recipe, and include (attatch) one set of cute oven mitts, or a set of measuring spoons, or one mixing spoon and/or a spatula from Target or JoAnn fabric's dollar bins for a dollar a piece...to cuten things up.

I've done fleece blankets (probably wouldn't be appreciated more than once) in the past, and they were well recieved. www.orientaltrading.com has craft kits that are affordable, and sometimes come in bulk (so you get enough to make 5 or more).

On my side of the family, we've really simpilified things. Little kids get a present, and everyone else brings one wrapped white elephant gift to the party. It's a hoot, takes the pressure off to buy something new. Some people do, but it's not required. More often then not, everyone tries to out do each other with wacky, weird or funny gifts. After they're opened, if we're especially giddy, we will play LCR and use the dice to move the gifts around the dinner table. If we do this, we will throw in one really, really good gift to bring out the competitiveness in the crowd. Once a grandparent tossed in a $100 dollar Visa card in the midst of weird gag gifts, kitchen gadgets, old books, and ugly kitch, and boy was that an exciting game! I think I got a box of prank/ exploding golf balls. I gave away a butt master..and people fought over it. One of the kids in college got the $100 Visa prize and was absolutely thrilled!

If you're wondering what LCR is...see: http://www.toycrossing.com/lcr/