Parents with More than One Kid...

I have two kids that are 5 and 9.
I TELL them, that I will spend time with them, then the other. That there is only ONE of me... and so we have to take turns.
Its fine.
I don't sneak off. I explain to them... or give them a head's up. ie: "In 10 minutes, I am going to spend time with Johnny... for 1/2 hour. Then I will be with Sally...." etc. My kids understand.

AND they also have alone time too... I don't expect them to have to play together all the time. I taught my kids to SAY when they just want to play by themselves etc. And they tell me or their sibling. Its fine.
NO one, should have to be together all the time, everyone needs just their time alone, or by themselves to regroup or to deflate. Its normal. Even for adults.

I am just very honest with my kids, there is only ONE of me. And it is not scheduled, but everyday may be different. In time/needs/activities etc.

4 moms found this helpful

As a mom of 4, I know exactly how you feel. We seem to have a system that works very well for our family of 6. We have "Family Member of the Week". Each week one member of the family gets to be the "star" of the family. For us that includes picking one special dinner and a dessert for that week, if we are going to watch a movie or show as a family they get to pick what it is, and they get the most one on one attention for that week. You can tweek it to your own families needs but for us it has helped tremendously. If we are at the grocery store and they are fighting over what cereal to buy...the family member of the week gets to pick! My husband and I get our own week too...parents need some special attention too! We have been doing this for about three years now and it has put an end to a lot of fighting and indecision in our house. This way if one child doesn't get to have their turn at something, they know thier week is coming up and they will get the spotlight soon. It makes the amount of attention they get a bit more even too. Hope that helps, some of my friends have adopted this idea in their homes and it has worked for them too.

3 moms found this helpful

I think your kids are doing that because you are making a big deal about "having a turn with you". I don't specifically *try* to have one on one time with the kids, there just isn't time at our house. We have our kids every other weekend (every other weekend they are at their other parents house) so the weekends we have all 3 of them, we do fun family stuff. And during the week by the time they are home from school, homework done, some tv/computer time, dinner, a swim or walk together, its time to start showers and go to bed. On occasion I will cook something with my daughter or play a wii game with my son, or something one on one, but I don't make a big announcement about it like, "I'm going to spend time with SON now, next I'll try to spend time with DTR". They are now 12 and 9 and have not asked for time with just me. So maybe if you stop announcing it and start to focus on "family time" and still in your own head making time with each kid, then maybe that will be better. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I do not daily set an alone time for each of my kids- but I do mark the calendar with 'date nights' with the child's name next to it. This is an evening, rotated between my husband and I, that one child and I(or my hubby) do something special. It can be simple- a milkshake, a trip to feed ducks at pond and just catch up- or maybe dinner and a movie...great thing is you can tailor the date night for the specific child and their personality and what they enjoy! Have fun with it;)
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I don't really set aside time each day for each kid. I have 2 ages 2 and 4. I have one on one with the 2 year old in the morning since since she is awake about 1/2 hour earlier and one on one time with the 4 year old in the afternoon during the younger one's nap time. When both are awake and with me...then we have family time or I let the kids play while I do chores around the house.
One the weekends or in the evenings...if there is something going on or if I just have errands to run..I may take one of the kids with me for some one on one time and leave the other for one on one with Daddy.

1 mom found this helpful

I have 3 (11, 8 & 3) and each one gets their one on one time. There is no set schedule and we don't make a big deal to make the effort. It just happens. I homeschool so sometimes it is one on one while we work on something specific to their age. I will sometimes do it by having one of the older ones help the little one with her colors or something so they are occupied with something that makes them feel not ignored.
We don't go out of our way to do a day out with only one at a time. If my husband or I need to run a quick errand we might bring one of them along or sometimes 2 and leave 1 behind.
It works. They also know that we are a family so they have to work around it. Their siblings live here too and there is only one mom and dad and 3 of them so they have to share and give things up now and again to keep the piece.

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Mine are 1, 3, 4 and 6. Now that I think about it, it's all group!
You bring up some good questions.

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My boys are 5 and 2. I don't "sneak off" because I think that could make the kids upset. But we do find little times for each. The kids play TOGETHER a lot. And I play with them both, some. But when the 5 year old is at Kung Fu, Awanas, horseback riding lessons, or whatever, I spend that time giving the 2 year old special attention (with the exception that we DO stop to watch when he does a new move or rides alone, when we both cheer together for "big brother"). When the younger son is napping, I use that time to do a special craft, project, or let the older son play on the computer with me.....before he also goes down for a nap (just a shorter one). When getting ready for bed daddy gets to visit with each child individually while I have toothbrush duty, one at a time. He reads them both a story from a picture book while we all cuddle on the couch, and then we put the youngest to bed and the oldest gets to stay up a little longer as we continue reading a "big boy book", 1 or 2 chapters before bed. They know this is just the way it is. We do most together, but they get some special time also.

Another thing we do: we have family outings every single week where all 4 of us go out together. Every other week we have a date night that is just for the 2 of us. But we also do "mom dates" and "man time" with each child, on the weeks that we're NOT doing date nights. I will take our older son to eat at his favorite restaurant where we practice ordering, eating with manners, and good conversation.....or we may go bowling, or to a "big kid movie", or like this Saturday morning we're going to a cast net fishing class. While I'm with him, my husband will have "man time" with our younger son where he'll go to the "man store" to pretend they're driving lawnmowers (he's 2 and gets a kick out of this stuff), or they'll go to the beach and fly a kite, practice hitting the ball off the Tball stand, go share a banana split, something like that. Then we switch the next day and I'll take the younger son out, and Jeremy will take the older son out. Just quality time with each, so we can develop special relationships where they know us, and we can know them, individually.

Last week, our 2 year old was showing some signs of timidity, and was scared of some things that weren't the norm for him. He needed extra attention at that time. I simply said "Hey Joseph, you know that I love you with all my heart, no matter what, forever and ever, right? Well right now, Victor is needing a little extra reassurance. Maybe because he knows you're going to be leaving him for school soon and he's nervous? I'm going to be talking to him a little extra today and making sure he knows he's safe and I love him. That does NOT mean I'm playing favorites, I'm just trying to help him through this". Joseph nodded and understood. He even gave extra special attention to his little brother also, and all was well in a few hours. Sometimes, just say what's up. They can understand as much as you teach them to understand.

I am really glad that I have my husband to help on weekends though. It's so much easier to do something special with one child when the other is happily going to go do something special with his dad, and vice-versa. I don't know how a single parent would do it.

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My kids are 5 & 8 and I will tell them I can't play with just one forever. They usually don't demand my time all at once. Sometimes I'm in one room reading to one or playing and the other will ask for me. I usually give them a time when I'll be done and be in their rooms.

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I have four and I don't usually play a whole lot. I read to them and with them. I teach them all kinds of things but I don't play. I figure they have siblings for that. I usually work in alone time with shopping or doing errands. I figure the best thing I can teach them is to share.

Try taking just one along on errands when you can. Or spend some time with an older child while a younger one naps or goes to bed earlier. You can ask the older ones to read quietly while you draw with a younger one, for example. I wouldn't map out mandatory time, but look for ways to treat each kid as an individual.

My kids are 4 and 2.5 and I rarely spend time alone with either of them, and they don't seem to mind. Sometimes my son will be off playing and my daughter and I will do something, but mostly they play together. In fact, I was just trying to get them to do something with me, as I was gone all day, adn they are too busy to play with mom.

I do sometimes take one to the store with me while leaving the other at home, etc. But it's by their choice, sometimes one wants to be with me, while the other wants dad. I doubt we will set aside date times unless one of them forces the issue. We homeschool, so they have access to me 24-7, if they want me.

Hmm, well I spent time nursing, reading to and cuddling with my kids when they were little, but not really playing with them. I had "mom" stuff to do and they had each other to play with, and did it pretty well, MOST of the time :)
Try not to worry about it too much. Encourage them to play alone and with each other. Of course if you WANT to play with them that's great, just don't feel obligated. When they are older you'll have lots of opportunities to spend time with each of them, because they will be involved with different activities that don't include their siblings. My husband and I also both make an effort to take little trips with our kids one on one (for example last year he took our youngest daughter on a four day fishing trip and I took my son to the Grand Canyon before dropping him off at college.) Those are really great bonding moments and special memories for all of us :)

What about a schedule? My son, age 3, is really big on clocks and telling time, so I can tell him that at such and such a time, we will play games, and such and such a time is family time. Then you could make a schedule and make a certain time "Eldest Child" time, etc.

I do both. My kids are older except for my two year old who doesn't want me spending time with anyone alone but him...LOL But his attention span is limited so if I spend a minute with him, he'll be ready to move on. So I do bits and pieces together and alone. I try to listen to each child when they want to tell me something and I be sure to look at them when they talk. It makes them feel special and important.

Its hard to spend quality time with each kid keep the house clean make dinner, exercise, have their friends over. But I do it. Many night my husband very late but this July and August its been awesome. He has been getting home around 7-8 pm.So the kids get to spend with their dad.
My kids and I bike together. Sometime I am able to take a bike ride with just 1 child but its ususally all 3 kids. My older and I exercise at the gym together. I love this time together. Or we go hit the tennis ball against a wall. My middle child and I enjoy having a catch together. My youngest and I walk together. We enjoy family board games especially camp. The kids play Monoploy with their but I ususually dont join. My middle child LOVES scrabble and baseball. My oldest enjoys tennis and my youngest was in the church choir.

I have 11 kids and I do try to spend time with each of them when I can. I take them on errands, or watch stuff on YouTube with them, or even do a cleaning project such as reorganizing the pantry. My husband does his share of spending time with them as well. I have never played much with my kids, even when there was only one. They are great at independent play and they also tend to pair-up and play their own little games.