Parents Laying on the Guilt over Having Only One Child. Need Help

You have to do what is best for you and your family. Tell your parents that orgaizations like Big Brothers/Sisters need mentors badly. In most cases there is a 3-5 year waiting period for these kids to get a mentor if they get one at all. If spending time with a lot of kids is important to them start mentoring.

I was you a couple of years ago. My husband and I were planning on just having one child. When people asked when the next one was coming and we told them our daughter would be an only child, they were shocked! Complete strangers would argue with me that it wasn't a good idea to just have one. I just ignored them because I knew our daughter would be ok. Both my parents were single children and they grewup happy and healthy. My husband decided that financially we were better off just having one. (could save for college, etc.) And WE were happy with that decision. Don't let others try to push you into doing something you don't want to do. It is selfish on their part and you should not accomidate THEM. Do what YOU feel is right for your family. Stand strong and proud mama!!

Shame on your parents!!! I really hope you have at least one sibling - otherwise they are big time hypocrites! Guilt from my parents used to work on me, but doesn't anymore, thank GOD!!! I used to be weak, but no more. I will NEVER pack my bags and go on any of their guilt trips ever again! What a horrible thing to do to your own children - to make them feel crappy for no reason at all! Please don't inherit that horrible trait and do it to your own son. Just tell your parents that if they don't stop giving you the guilt trip over this, they will NOT be allowed to see your son for a while. How do you think they would feel from going from one grandchild to NONE??? Not good! Tell them their guilt MUST stop - otherwise they know the consequences. Good luck and don't let them make you feel bad!

It is perfectly OK to only want one child. I've gone that route myself. We had one daughter in Sep 2006 and the birth was absolutely traumatic for me. I was rushed to the hospital with preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. My liver and kidneys were shutting down. I was dying. The only way to stop the degeneration of my health was to deliver the child via emergency C-section. She was eight weeks away from term.

I'm so happy to be alive and have my daughter. Our family dynamic feels just right. My husband is happy with just her as am I. However, my mother is sad and pushes at me to try for another. I told her what the doctor told me. I have a 40% chance to go preeclamptic again but the next time might not have such a happy ending. I'm not willing to play those odds.

Every couple of months she'll send me another email with a news article or a story she heard from some lady at the place she gets her hair done about how so n so's first baby was premature due to preeclampsia but their second was a normal full term baby!

If my little family feels perfect now... why would I shake it up and possibly destroy it, and my life, to have another baby?

My mother had an answer to that question. She replied, "You don't want your daughter to be alone do you?!?"

And I asked her, "So, you had my sister solely for my benefit? I was the wanted child and my little sister was brought into this world just for me? My little confidant? A living doll, just for me? She wasn't wanted for her own sake but only to guarantee that I wouldn't suffer alone in this world after you shuffled off this mortal coil?"

She fumbled around for an answer to this and I said, "There are no guarantees in life and you have no idea how things will turn out. The best laid plans and all that..."

You see, my sister and I are like night and day. We fought like junkyard dogs growing up and hardly speak as adults. I'm fairly introverted, I like to read and play video games. My sister was a socialite and is into fashion and boys... and mostly herself.

I met my soul mate in high school and we've been together all this time. I've created my own little family and am not alone.

My sister on the other hand has gone through more boyfriends than I can count and is on the path to being alone herself because of her self-centered nature. So the child my mother had to keep me company may one day be a burden to me.

Things don't always go as you plan them so do what feels right. What if your second pregnancy results in a child that requires full time care for its whole life? Would that shut your parents up? So you see, don't do anything because someone else tells you it's the right thing to do. You must decide for yourself what is right for you.

If one day your son says he wishes he had a brother... buy him a puppy.

Uhhh, my response would be that if they are that troubled by your decision to have just one, you'd suggest keeping some distance all together until they can come to terms with it. (Translation: how about you don't get to see the one that you DO have?)

Don't ever let anyone guilt you into doing more than you want. Children especially. Becuase unless they're willing to care and pay for that additional child 24/7, they don't get any vote in the matter.

I have spent my entire adult life caring for children as a profession, so when our families were told we only wanted one child, before we even had one, they said we would change our minds. When we didn't, and my hubby had a vasectomy when our daughter was just 6 weeks old, they were floored and angry. But it was OUR decision to make and one we have never ever regretted. I was floored at their reaction and that they really felt they had a say in the matter (hubbys family really...my Mom was totally in the know and supported me and my siblings were just surprised is all).

I would stop discussing family planning entirely with these people. It is not their decision to make.

Good luck with whatever choice you make in the end.

I think there's a misconception that siblings will be close, and that having more than 1 child provides some guarantee of family. It's increasingly common for people to have one child or even no children and to build a family of friends around them.

Don't let your parents make you feel guilty Deliah. It's clear in your post that you are providing your child with so much. Your parents will not be the ones feeling the overwhelm and stress of having another child. Personally I applaud you for knowing your limits and choosing to stop at one. Do what's right for you and your family.

God luck~

We have one, we are happy with one. We'd be ok if we had 2 but we're older and it probably won't happen. I have a younger sister and do not have now, nor have I ever had a friendly relationship with her. I love her, but do not like her as a person.

It is YOUR life, YOUR time, YOUR body and YOUR sanity. Your son is not harmed by not having a sibling. Children are harmed by parents who don't love or want them. YOu are NOT selfish - you are smart in knowing your limits.

You need to gently ask them to stop putting pressure on you about this issue. They have no right or reason to be "devastated". Tell them you are open to it but are not in a rush and are not ready, and that they are HURTING YOU with their words and attitude. They may not realize the stress they are causing you - let them know.

ONLY YOU can make that decision. Be very firm with them and let them know that you have heard them and there really is no need for them to continue repeating themselves. Turn the tables on them, when they say you are being selfish ask them where their "need" for another grandchild is coming from - aren't they being selfish by asking you to take on the burden of another child when you feel fulfilled with the one you have. There is nothing wrong with having only one child.
I had a wonderful little boy and we were very happy/fulfilled but everyone was pressuring, pressuring us to have another for all the same reasons ... he needs a sibling, blah blah. We gave in and had a second little boy - don't get me wrong, I love him very much and would do anything for him but boy did my life change ... My first began having severe OCD issues which may or may not be liked to the birth of his brother but I feel like it was caused by the anxiety of having a brother, the second was (still is) constantly up all night long (he is 2). It is really very different, "extreme parenting" is what I call it b/c I'm not the same mommy - I don't feel as confident in my decisions, I'm exhausted, I don't feel like I'm as good a mommy anymore. I don't want to sway your decision but you and your hubby are the only ones who can make the decision. Do not let anyone sway you and do not feel pressured. Be firm with the parents and tell them exactly how you feel and that this decision is not theirs to make. They've had a chance to raise their family they way they wanted and they need to step back and let you raise yours the way you want. God bless!! and good luck!!

I know EXACTLY what you're going through! My husband and I welcomed our son almost a year ago and since then, all we get asked is when we're going to try for another. I feel like it's a never ending cycle. At first, we were asked when we were going to get married, then once we did, it was when are we going to have a baby and now that we've done that, we get asked all the time when we're going to have another. I say ENOUGH! Can I just be happy with what I have...an adorable, wonderful, healthy little boy??? I never knew if I wanted children and when my husband and I would respond with that to people who asked, some people were fine with it, some would be shocked. And I can say, for me, and then once I had my son, I now realize I was always missing something in my life. I have never known that I could love something so much it makes my heart ache. But with that, I'm good. I have what I want. I don't need anything else. And for some reason, this still upsets people. I feel like saying, why ask me if you don't really want the truth? Why look at me like I'm being selfish when I tell you that I'm happy having one child. And please don't tell me that my child is going to grow up "lonely". My son is anything but. He has his "best friends" at daycare, he has all of his cousins and he also has two of the most social parents. Remember it is YOUR LIFE! I won't let any friends, family (no, really mom, you CAN give away that baby swing...we are NOT having any more children) and anyone else in my life make me feel selfish or wrong about the decisions my husband and I make about OUR family. So, DON'T feel selfish-feel fulfilled...I do :)

DO NOT let anyone pressure you into having more children! There are many of us only children out there who are happy and glad not to have to deal with siblings! I have two, but one would have been fine too! I don't feel slighted at all by not having siblings -in fact, what I've seen out of so many friends and family members is that having siblings can be rewarding and also a HUGE headache! Tell them that you'll have anither, but you're giving it to them to raise! Seriously, you need to tell them to back off-that you're sick if hearing it and that it's none of their business.

you will probably have to be very firm with them. it is completely inappropriate for them to insinuate themselves into a decision that is solely yours and your husband's. you are NOT being selfish (but they are for putting their wants above your wishes.)there are so many incredibly good and valid reasons to have a single child, but the most important one is that right now this is what is making your family right and complete. no one has the right to interfere in that or make you feel guilty. your child most emphatically does not *need* a sibling.
boundaries. learn to use them. learn to love them.
khairete
S.

The right number of children for you to have is the numberr YOU want and can support. If you want 12, but can only support one, then one is it. If you could support 12, but only want one, then one is it.

Next time your parents bring up the subject, tell them that IF you ever decide to have another, you will be sure to let them know, but until they hear otherwise from you, the subject is closed. Then refuse to discuss it further. If they keep bringing it up, reply, "Mom, Dad, we are not having this conversation. So, how 'bout them Tigers?"

I've always told people who choose to have one, that it doesn't matter what you have or how many someone you run into will always have something to say. So just be confident in your decision and ignore the comments from others. I mean I have two, 2 girls, and we used to get the but don't you want a boy?

I know someone whose parents like yours keep putting their two cents in on some friends of mine. They have one son, and don't/didn't plan on having anymore. The husband got a vasectomy, they never told the parents. So , right now I think the parents just assume they are having problems getting pregnant again.

I guess you could go that route. But I would just be firm with your parents and say you don't want anymore, if that makes you selfish then so be it, but you don't want to hear about it anymore because its your decision not theirs.

Best wishes to you! And don't feel guilty! :)

I hear ya! When we had our son I swore we would NEVER have a second - it was just too much for me to handle. I told my family, my husband told his - and we caught some grief. Typical stuff - Onlies are lonely, weird, grow up to be self absorbed - blah blah blah. I ignored them all. THey aren't the ones who have to raise the kiddos.
That said - your son is still really young. When my little guy turned 4, I took a look at him and thought "Where is my baby?". It was a bit disconcerting - I suddenly wanted another baby. We ended up getting pregnant (planned both of my pregnancies) and having a little girl just 4 days short of my son's 5th birthday.
I don't have any regrets and while some times it's difficult with two - overall - it's so much fun to see them together. The baby LOVES her big brother - and he's really great with her too. So...maybe you'll feel different as your son grows up and becomes more independent. I know a lot of people push the 'two years between kids' thing but I honestly believe the 5 year gap is great for us.
Do what you think is right for YOU...don't worry about what anyone else says. And keep your mind open - you'll be surprised how things can change. :-)

These types of guilt trips really bug me!

Tell your parents, "You were able to decide what was right for YOUR family, now please respect my wishes for MY family." End of discussion.

If they start up a conversation about it again say, "This WILL NOT be a discussion I participate in. Please respect our decision."

You have every right to decide what's right for your family. It's none of your parents business if you are financially, emotionally or otherwise capable of having more children.

THEY are the ones being selfish! How rude to discuss someone else's parenting decisions after they've already made it clear how they feel.

Don't entertain the discussions. Make it VERY CLEAR the topic is off the table. If they get offended, too bad.

Tell your parents the same thing I tell my daughter....

ya git what ya git and you don't throw a fit!!!!!!!!

I have one child - my daughter. One was the magic number for us. She isn't spoiled, the earth doesn't revolve around her and if you asked her, she's very happy with being an only child. Do I feel a little bit of guilt because she will never have a sibling? Yes, sometimes, but I wouldn't have another child just for that reason. I know too many people who have siblings who wouldn't give them the time of day, so I know producing one won't automatically mean they'll be close. You should have another child ONLY if it's what YOU and your husband want to do.

Do not let anyone "back you into a corner". The next time your parents lay the guilt trip on you or ask when you're having another one - look them in the eye and say (very sweetly) "what would make you ask such a personal question?" then change the subject or suggest that they get a dog. It isn't your job to produce the "correct" number of grandchildren for them.

This is no-one's decision but yours and your husband's. I like the expression I once heard related to pro-choice: "if you yourself have not adopted one child more than you are emotionally, financially and physically capable of caring for, then just shut up". I would just be up front with your parents and tell them that you are happy the way things are and to please stop discussing the issue of more children. There are lots of families where the siblings have such different temperaments that the mix is bad for all, so keep you happy little family exactly the way you want it. Tell them to get themselves a puppy, lol!

No parent is selfish by having one child. WHAT?! Obviously it is OK to have no kids, one kid or ten kids and it's ONLY up to the people having the kids. All sizes of families have succeeded for centuries. If you can shrug it off, just ignore it, but if they're never going to give up, and it's making you stressed, tell them their place about it and demand they quit with the guilt trips because it's way out of line. Find a bunch of examples of successful happy people who were only children and show them the list. There is no right choice. "Only" children as well as multiple siblings can grow up happy. You know this. Decide how to best curb the assaults based on your parent's personalities.

Every one's opinions are different. They are valid in how they feel and yet, they should still respect your decision. I just wouldn't discuss your family planning with them anymore, and if they bring it up, just tell them that now isn't the time.

Your son is only two. In a few years, you may yet decide to have another or you may not. It's always good to remain open minded, I believe. But yes, it is annoying to constantly be badgered about this.

I have a number of friends who are only children and they are all perfectly okay with it. They are as well-adjusted as my friends who do have siblings. And even if you do have siblings, there's not guarantee that you are going to get along with any of them and will be brought up in this joyous happy family. Do what works for you and your husband. Everyone is entitled to have the type of family that they desire having -- as long as you can afford to have them. Just consider your parents statements their opinions. What works for them may not necessarily work for you and visa-versa.

Yes, it is okay to not want more than one child.

Your parents sound just like my mother inlaw. While she would never say such a thing to me, she has told my husband that we are selfish because we only had one child. Our daughter was planned as well and we only wanted one child all along. We love our daughter dearly, but she is a handful and I fear we would lose our sanity if we had another one with her temperament. We also just can't afford to have another child. I'm sure we would find a way to get by but we just don't want to put that stress on our marriage and to have to struggle financially when things are already tight now.

I think my mother inlaw thinks we're being selfish because two of my husband's sisters had trouble getting pregnant and she feels that if we're ABLE to have more kids then we should. One of his sisters tried and tried to have a baby but she could only pregnant once (even after seeing a specialist) and it ended in a miscarriage. She's divorced now and she will, more than likely, never have kids of her own (she's in her late 40's). One of my husband's other sisters had one child at the time and was trying to get pregnant again, for several years, but kept having miscarriages (she's also in her upper 40's). She and her husband eventually did have another baby and since then my mother inlaw has stopped asking us about having another one.

Let me say that I support you - and though I saw many of your supportive responses were other parents of one, I am a parent of 2, with another on the way. I am one of 3 kids, and I always knew I wanted several children - 3 or 4. I firmly believe it is everyone's personal choice and also that there is no "right way". An only child can be VERY happy, and having siblings is not always "awesome". That said, siblings can be very happy. You know best, it's your family and it sounds like your son has all the love he needs!
Go moms!

Hi ,

I am soooo sorry your parents are not supportive of your decision. It is YOUR decision and no one else's business. You are not being selfish by not giving your child a sibling. Tell your parents to butt out and let you live your life. Best wishes-- Have NO guilt-- Its ok to have one child.

M

It's perfectly fine to be content with O. child! We are! Maturity is the ability to CHOOSE things, not be pressured into something someone else wants you to do.
Same as "Hey, want a hit of this?" -- the situateion and pressure that your parents were probably SO proud that you declined. :)

Ask them why they didn't have more kids because maybe one of those others would be willing to listen to their bullying regarding family size.
NO ONE can make you feel guilty about anything without your permission.
They might be pitching but you don't have to catch it.
It's perfectly fine to be content with having one child.
"You'll never regret having another child" is a load of nonsense usually spouted by prego-holics who are always yearning for one more set of stretch marks before their ovaries give out.
If you want more kids - do it because you and your husband want to raise another child.
Don't do it for your parents or your first child.
My younger sister was a BIG mistake as far as I am concerned - I haven't been able to stand her for close to 50 years - I've always wished I could have been an only child.
"Siblings can teach you so much" - definitively correct - how to punch (or take a punch), pull hair (out), bite, scratch, kick, slap, lie, sneak, destroy treasured toys for spite, steal your makeup, go through your closet/drawers every time you step out of the house. I fully expect a serious melt down from my sister when our Mom passes away - that's going to be such a BIG help.
What people don't realize is - not every sibling is sane.

You sound just like me. Except, my parents understand that our son brings us a lot of joy and a lot of work and never mention the idea of having a second except rarely in a very casual, almost whistful way. Seriously, shame on your parents putting their needs ahead of those of your family. Having children is a major committment and you really have to be ready. Of course you would welcome another but not planning on one does not make you a bad person or a bad mother. I know it hard not to think things like "what if something were to happen to my son and then I was too old to have another" or "When my son grows up and we aren't around, who will be there for him"? But these are not reasons to have another.

LOL. Go ReverendRuby!

I think a good tact may be to come up with a pat answer or mantra and stick to it each time your folks bring up this subject. There is no perfect number of children to have. Make your own decisions, and take what life has to offer with no regrets.

Example:
Folks say "You are selfish because you are not giving your son a brother or sister."
Your Reply: "That's probably true." (Agreeing is not agreeing to do what they want.

Or, ask your folks to lunch alone. sit them down and tell them you love them but that it hurts you when they make these remarks. Politely ask them to stop. Don't get into a "discussion." If they try to argue chose a mantra like, "This is how I feel. I hope you will respect that."

Tell them to back off :) It is your decision and your husband's. Your parents are not there day in and day out taking care of your kids.

My parents guilt me in the opposite way (for having TOO many kids because it makes coming to visit them 12 hours by car in PA versus where we live in Chicago more difficult) -- trade you parents? Then everyone might be happier - ha! (We are currently prego with #3, due in May)

Guilt is a result of us taking responsibility for someone else's well-being. Are you responsible for your parent's well-being or are they? Are they responsible for yours? What about them makes them the "expert" for your life choices? Are you buying in to the belief that "parents know best?" Why do your parents feel "devestated?" What does it mean to them if you choose to have only one child? Do you have the same meaning about your choice? Do you have to fix their belief or thier feelings or do they get to have that responsibility? Is it true that you are "selfish" because you are making this choice with your husband? What does "selfish" even mean?

We have all been programmed to believe that whatever our parents say to us is how it really is. We rarely have permission to question what our parents say. However, a part of maturity and adulthood is the ability to choose for ourselves our own beliefs and values. We need permission to question everything we are told so that we can evaluate for ourselves what works for us and what doesn't. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself the space to listen to your own inner voice about what is best for you and your family.

You can still be respectful of the fact that your parents are struggling with your choice. However, respect does not mean compliance. You also need to respect yourself and your husband and know that you both have the ability to make wise choices; even if others do not see the wisdom through their filters of different perspective, beliefs and values.

You and your husband will have the sole responsibility of raising another child, so only you and your husband should have a say in the decision to have another child. Every family is different and there is nothing wrong with having only one child. That is unfair of the grandparent's to make you feel guilty for making a decision about your family. They had their children already and made those decisions for themselves. This is your life and your turn to make your own decisions just like they did. I have a friend who knew she only wanted one child and could only handle having one child. So when she gave birth to that one child she had her tubes tied and never regretted her decision. She was happy with her son and with her decision. So let them know you respect their opinion, but that is their opinion. You and your husband will do what you feel is best for your family if another child comes along then great but if not they need to respect your decision too.

I understand you. I am perfectly happy with one child too. I could not even envision having two until recently, when he grew a bit older. He is 3 now and I feel like I MAY be able to handle a second one in a year or so. But maybe not. We may well decide not to have a second one at all.

It is your and your husband's decision to make. They do not have a say in it, and you do not need to be so open about it. You can just say you do not have any plans now, your child is too young.

I don't think there is anything wrong with having one child if that is all you want. Me personally, want 2 or 3. I am pregnant with #2 now. But I know plenty of only children who are very loved and well rounded. I think as long as you surround them with friends and playmates, then its totally fine! My younger brother, is really like an only child. My dad remarried and had him when I was 16 and living with my M.. I live in NJ too, and they live in MI. So although he is my 1/2 brother, he lives his everyday as an only child. He is now 13 and one of the most loved, sweet, kind and cool kids I know. My dad and step M. have done a great job with him and he has never had sharing issues or been 'bratty' or anything like that. So if 1 is what you want then have 1. Its probably better for everyone involved (except you parents!). You don't want to overwhelm yourself, just because some one else wants you too. Love you little boy to the fullest!

It is all your decision. Ponder what your mother says though. I can tell you from a lot of experience with children that I have only ever met one only child that is not spoiled and pampered beyond belief. All the other only children have an incredibly hard time learning many of life's fundamental rules because they simply don't have the opportunity to learn them. Siblings are wonderful for teaching kindness, sharing, patients, manners, taking turns etc. I know when I only had one child she was terribly self focused. Her siblings have taught her more than I ever could. My children are the best gift I could give each of them.

D.,

It's ok to want one child. It really depends on the decision between you and your husband. YOu said you both are financially able to take care of another, but not emotionally. Just keep an open mind. It is not right for your M. to make you feel guilty, but it's not so bad having more than one either. I've seen many only children, some contented and others are not, so it depends on how your son feels.

If later your son starts craving a sibling, then you know he is the type child who wants company and then if possible you may consider, but for now, keep an open mind, enjoy the one you have. Some people can't have any and others have one and dont' want it.

Don't blame your M. for wanting you to have more, but respond to her that if it happens it happens and let time and nature determine that.

Grandparents, by default want tons of kids to spoil, but they aren't the ones that have to loose sleep at 3a for diaper changes and feedings, plus work full time. They spend our whole lifes telling us to be responsible and then it all goes out the window at the word Grandchildren.

If you and hubby are in agreement, then I don't see what the problem is. Your parents are wrong for the guilt trip. If you and hubby ARE in agreement, one of you should follow up with a doctor on permanent bc.

M.

It is nobody's decision on how many kids you should have but you and hubby's. Even though they are your parents it is still very inappropriate for them to be voicing their opinions on your family planning. If I were you I would be upfront with them and tell them that it is your decision and you no longer want to hear their opinions on the matter, you can be polite but assertive instead of allowing someone to make you feel bad. My situation was different we had a boy and a girl, and my parents thought we were done. They just thought we didn't need anymore. We are now expecting number three and they have made comments on enjoying your last one. I never said this would be my last ( although we don't plan on having any more) but the point is it's our decision and we alone take care of the kids so it's no one business. I told
my parents I didn't want to hear it again. I don't believe there is any perfect number or age spacing it's just what you make of your family.

Do what is best for you!!! No matter how many children you have parents or friends or other family will alwasy ask about when the next one is coming. I have three and I am tired of everyone asking me when a 4th is coming...Not planning on it!!! It is ok. Be the best Mommy you can to your little boy! Best wishes.

If you both only want one then have one if you want ten have ten. You are raising and paying for these kids so it is up to you.(and your husband) I have three kids but that's my choice and when I was prego with my secound my husbands family was upset because they thought my oldest would be slighted or suddenly become unloved by us,(my MIL made a wierd comment to my mom when my mm asked her if she was excited about the baby who was due in a couple weeks) when we were prego with number three we were afraid to tell my inlaws. They however love #2 and are very close with him and they don't see #3 much but they are "busy" on the weekends(whatever they lose not him) The only issue I see with having one child is when you are old and he has no one to help him make decisions regarding your care or funeral. I had a coworker whose mother had passed and she had a husband but it wasn't the same a sibling to help you out plus while her mom was ill she also was the only one to make decisions and she kept saying she wished she had a sibling to lean on. I aslo watched my mom and aunt grieve together and make decisins for my grandfathers funeral last year. THAT is the only down side to being an only. My friend has an only child he is 9 and the best boy. He is very spoiled but aslo very unselfish and gives his things away and has always let eveyone play with his hundreds(literally) of toys! As long as you are happy with your family the way it is then try not to feel guilyt. Who knows in a couple years when your son is such a handful you may change your mind.

Then don't your parents are just wanting more and are pushing that on you. You know what's best for you, and not them. They think they might know the old pre husband/child you, but you have changed to who you are now. You think you can only handle one, then you can only handle one. End of story.

Yes, it is okay to have only one child. I was an only child. Single children are often mature, independent, and successful. They get a lot of one on one time from parents and are able to learn to entertain themselve too. There is no reason to assume a single child is spoiiled, except in all the right ways - love and attention focused on them assumning they live in a loving and kind household.

For me, as an only child, there was no question I woudl have more than one. I always wanted a sibling, and as a shy child I had trouble making friends. I also had a bad home life and I felt lonely for those reasons. Also, now as an adult, with an elderly parent, I fear the furture a bit, and even though I have my husband/kids and inlaws, I fear being alone when my parent dies.

If money weren't an option, I would have had 5 kids :) I had my first 7 years ago and we waited a long time to have another because I feel kids really need their parents undivided attention until they arent' "babies." We ended up havign our second daughter 3 years ago (a four year difference). I absolutely love the relaitonhsip my kids have and it makes me even sadder I never had the chance to have that. I know not all siblings get along their whole lives or end up best friends, but I think if you raise good kids and teach them respect for others, that sibling bond is still very significant.

So, yes, of course, you should never have more children than you want. And no one should pressure you. However, I do think your child misses out by not having a sibling. But that won't make his life bad or unsatisfying or make him a spoiled troubled person. But with every decision, there are consequences to consider; you just have to decide if they are important in your situaiton and in what you want for your child. Hope that makes sense.

There's nothing wrong or selfish about wanting to have an only child. From here on out, when your parents bring it up, I would just say, "Thanks for your input but we've made our decision. We're not going to discuss this again." Then you change the subject. If they continue and don't honor your having laid down the law, then you cut conversations short and cut your visits short and just leave. "I told you that we're not going to discuss this any more. Let me know when you're ready to talk about something else."

You have to follow through and you can't engage in the argument any longer or else they'll think they have a chance of convincing you to change your mind.

If you do end up changing your mind it has to be because you and your partner decided that you want to add to your family for your own reasons. Not because people outside of your family unit think you should.