K.M. asks from Utica, MI on June 08, 2012
Parenting - Utica,MI
I understand we all have our own way of parenting. But really some of these parents in my daughters grade have me floored. They really look down at me or at least make me feel that way. I have six kids and they have two or three and they won't let there kids be involved only at school with my kids. My kids don't understand why and I don't either so I just tell them that I don't know. Really why do people feel that just because I have six kids that there kids can't hang out with mine? Like what did we do to them? I'm an open book n truthful I tell it like it is n joke with people. These parents really make us feel unwanted. Any suggestion on how to handle these parents? I really want my kids to be able to either hang out with these kids or even as they get older just be a group of great friendships. I don't know am I wrong?
L.R. answers from Washington DC on June 08, 2012
K., could you please post some details and examples so we know what you mean? I don't quite understand how these parents are not letting their kids "hang out" with yours; do you mean that you can't get kids to come over for play dates, or your kids never get invited to play dates, parties, etc.? Or are you referring mostly to other kids not befriending your kids at school? You wrote that "they won't let their kids be involved only at school with my kids" and that's not clear to me. Do you mean they will only let their kids be around yours AT school but not when you invite their kids over? It would help to know what is going on in more detail.
Meanwhile, is it possible that families are just so swamped with school; sports; scouts; dance; church; and/or a million other activities that it is really not as common as you think for any kids to do stuff together outside school much, unless they're near neighbors? Around here, school buddies sometimes rarely get together outside school because everyone is on the go all weekdays after school and on weekends too, with activities and family things. It may not be the fact that parents are slighting your family personally at all -- the issue may be that the kids you are interested in having your kids pal up with are simply scheduled like crazy. It may have nothing at all to do with your having a larger family (unless you've had direct comments that that is the case).
But it's hard to say without knowing a little more. Thanks.
6 moms found this helpful
M.T. answers from Nashville on June 08, 2012
You may be looking at it incorrectly. From their view, they could think you already have enough of your own, why add theirs to yours. They could be thinking, I don't mind inviting them over, but I have to provide for 6 more. They might not be in a position to cater financially or even have the space, time, patience etc. You have the conveniences of raising 6 kids, but other parents may not. If they had a play date with yours, which car would they drive if you have a sienna and they have a miata, etc. Just try to see it from their perspectives. What about your kids personalities, behavior, values, etc..You can't really judge their parenting styles based on the fact they do not hang out with yours.
6 moms found this helpful
T.M. answers from Redding on June 08, 2012
Other moms might think you have your hands full, I know I would think that. They might be afraid you would want them to watch all of your kids if they get too friendly.
Those are my two guesses.
3 moms found this helpful
☆.A. answers from Pittsburgh on June 09, 2012
ETA: K.--how on EARTH are you responding to your own question????
I don't understand your question.
I know people that have 3 kids, 4 kids, 5 kids, 6 kids, etc.
I don't think any more or less of them because of the number of kids they have. I think what I think of them because of their character.
And--if I didn't "like" someone, I wouldn't discourage my child from being friends with their kids because I don't care for their parent(s).
Sorry--confused about your question.
2 moms found this helpful
P.G. answers from Dallas on June 08, 2012
Have you invited any of the friends over for playdates, or are you waiting for them to invite? Waiting doesn't work, cause they would think you don't want your kids to play with them... Communication is the key, I would think. Amom2 may be right in that they don't want to impose more kids on you by starting the back and forth of play dates. Maybe if you initiate, it would open the doors for that kind of thing. Good luck!
2 moms found this helpful
T.S. answers from San Francisco on June 08, 2012
I don't really understand your question. What do you mean by involved? One of the most involved mothers I ever knew was a mom of six and my God those kids played every sport there was and she was on every committee you could imagine, all the way up to being the VP of the parent's cub.
Is it just one child's class (the daughter that you mentioned) that you feel this way about? Does she have a hard time socially?
Do they not accept play dates and/or party invitations?
A few more details would be helpful.
1 mom found this helpful
K.M. answers from Detroit on June 08, 2012
Ok I thank those who have answered and here is some more detail. Yes it actually involves two of me kids. One has never been excepted from the start that's the one who was mentioned in the first ? From the day we moved to the area the kids have bullied and picked on or ignored her. She had a couple of friendships that turned on her. These kids would act like her friend and than turn around and do things that couldn't be explained other than to ask parent than when u ask the parent they look at u like it is ur fault there child treated ur child that way. In the senecio my ? Is about is this the family is a family of three. The one daughter n mine where friends my daughter took a little frustration out on a story they wrote back in like 1or2 grade. Now my son is also and always have been real close friends with there's. They had a couple play dates before this situation. Before this situation every time ask for a play date the answer was well my kids have kids around us they don't need to play outside of the sub. Than it was Sundays re family days I get that. Than well there's family sick or there was some excuse. So we backed off than the situation happened oh ya too I only had four kids at that time and we where taking turns having the kids at eithers house. Than the situation happen now. The boys are together on baseball husband talks to me when wife's not around if she's around nearly acknowledges. The son will talk to mine they are close I say hi to him he nearly looks n says hi to be respectful but tries not to. Like I'm a bother. Than the two girls have made up and are close so my daughter asked to hers to go to the play ground or play ball while the baseball going the mom refuses to let them play. These girls re old enough to go play by themselves not real small. Every excuse there could be was givin. This mom is nice to my son not to my daughter. She works at the school. Also I feel like I need to apologize for what not sure. Than there's other moms that are the same. I try to participate in my kids school every time I participate or put in I can't because I ave little ones who eed to ome with. The school has made it very clear that the other siblings are a is distraction to the class so I can not bring them. Well I dont have a babysitter t my beck n call. So there's some examples or basically the whole senerio.
J.S. answers from Columbia on June 09, 2012
Maybe the husband has a crush on you (from your response below) - that he talks to you when it's just him, but won't acknowledge you when wife is around. Wife might be jealous, and the kids pick up on that.