A.H. asks from Eastchester, NY on April 30, 2009
Parent Has Not Reciprocated Hosting Playdate
My son is very good friends with a boy at school. We live in the same area, and had the boy over for a playdate a couple of months back. The two boys play together everyday at school, and so I know they get along well. I am trying to figure out why the mother has not reciprocated the playdate. She does not even mention that we should get them together again outside of school. I know she has had other boys in the class at her house for playdates. I am starting to feel like she must either not like me or not like my son. My son is a good boy. I never get complaints about him. Even his teachers mention how well behaved he is. Am I correct to assume that the mother must not want our children to be friends? Should I ask her if she wants to come over to our house again? Should I ask her if I did something to offend her?
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R.H. answers from New York on May 01, 2009
Hi A.,
I wouldn't take it personal. After all, she is probably wondering the same thing. If the boys want to get together again, just make arrangements. I've always had my daughters' friends over all the time without it being reciprocated at their house. A lot of their friends parents are working parents and don't have the time. They always express to me how much they appreciate me having the kids get together at my house and for me, I am just glad my kids have wonderful friends to play with. It beats being stuck at home by themselves with nothing to do.
P.K. answers from New York on May 01, 2009
Their interests in school might be very different from
those at home. I would not lose any sleep over it and
have some other children over to play. Sometimes it
takes a while to find a friend that just clicks. Now
that the nice weather is here, everyone can be outside.
He will probably have more friends than he knows what
to do with.
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T.M. answers from Utica on May 01, 2009
She might not feel comfortable with inviting people into her home. Maybe there is problems at home and she is embarrassed, maybe her finances prevent her from being able to provide things that she feels her children should be able to share or maybe there is a medicial issue at hoe, or maybe she is just shy, or not hostess type material. I would just continue to invite her to encourage the boys to be friends and enjoy her company and make sure she does not feel judged. ask her for her favorite recipie etc. I was accussed of being arrogant in school, and I was picked on terrible, later years my classmates became my friends and found out I was just shy. LOL. Now we are good friends. I have learned that when i expect of others and they don't follow through, or maybe can't follow through, that is when I get upset or angry or hurt. I have to accept people at face value and then i can expect to be accepted at face value. YOu never know how the other people perceive you.
1 mom found this helpful
D.D. answers from New York on May 01, 2009
Why don't you just invite the child over to your house? Usually the reason for a lack of a second invite is more time management than dislike of a child or their parent. Families are really busy with a lot of different activities. The other mom probably is just trying to get several different play experiences for her son. Don't wait for an invite to her house because there may be problems or issues which make it uncomfortable for her to have kids over. My daughter's house is undergoing some renovations and will be in various states of construction for the next 2-3 yrs. She sets up meet ups at the library or local playgrounds. Works well.
R.H. answers from New York on May 01, 2009
Hi A.,
I wouldn't take it personal. After all, she is probably wondering the same thing. If the boys want to get together again, just make arrangements. I've always had my daughters' friends over all the time without it being reciprocated at their house. A lot of their friends parents are working parents and don't have the time. They always express to me how much they appreciate me having the kids get together at my house and for me, I am just glad my kids have wonderful friends to play with. It beats being stuck at home by themselves with nothing to do.
A.H. answers from New York on May 01, 2009
Invite him over once more... if they have fun.. when the mom comes to pick him up... tell her they had a great time. Tell her that your son wants to come see his friends house next time. ... if that's ok with her. Tell her they had fun.. and ask her to call you with when would be good to get together again.. see what her reaction is.. if she doesn't call within 2 weeks.. then oh well.. her loss. Keep inviting other boys over... and see how it goes. If you son likes this kid.. best... then I guess you should have him over again.. maybe even invite the mom once.. or meet out for pizza or something.. You never know why someone doesn't invite someone over.. Don't worry about it.. just go with the flow.. have fun with the kids..
C.B. answers from Buffalo on May 01, 2009
A.--make some cookies and deliver them to her at home. If she does not invite you and your kids in, then I would assume there is a problem. If you don't mind having her son over at your house all the time, then there is nothing to worry about. Don't let one person get to you, it's not worth it.
D.S. answers from New York on May 01, 2009
I don't think I would say anything. From personal experience I can say that sometimes children do not have the same interests in school as they do at home. When my son was little he once invited this lovely boy over for a playdate. They really had nothing in common out of school. I remember when we went to the little boys house after our playdat he handed my son a word search book to do and wanted to watch the weather channel. Please don't misunderstand there is nothing wrong with that it just wasn't my son's thing. They basically ended up playing separately. This little boy was brilliant and had very different interests as my son did in school they played wonderfully together just not at home. It could also just be she is busy and just hasn't gotten around to it. I would maybe try one more play date and observe yourself to see how they get along and if it doesn't workout just invite a different child to play. I would not ask because she may become defensive and think she has no obligation to reciprocate.
L.S. answers from New York on May 01, 2009
I'm not good at thinking of those things, and I'm not good at hosting. I'd much rather go to someone else's house, so maybe you should just ask her.
D.E. answers from New York on May 01, 2009
Hello,
I would try not to take it so personal. Maybe this mother has not had the time to have your child over since the play date. I am sure when you invited this child to your home to play with your son you did not do so with the intention of expecting her to reciprocate. If you did, was she aware of that fact?
If this is really troubling you, I would invite her and her son over for a little playdate together. Maybe even add a couple of those other mothers and make a day of it. If they attend then you know it is not you or your child just maybe the fact that the mother was not aware that you were expecting her to reciprocate.
Good Luck and think positive. Be glad that you are raising a good boy and that he has friends to play with.
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