Parent Directed Feeding

I have to wholeheartedly agree with Wendy T on this one. Couldn't have said it better-parenting is 24 hours a day. It doesn't stop because you are tired, it doesn't stop because you are sick, it doesn't stop because you are busy. When you become a parent you accept the responsibility to parent.

I never quite understand why parents think this book is a good idea. I find it appalling the idea of "telling" an infant when they are hungry and when they are tired. Doesn't sound like he's the one who is mixed up. Feed the child on demand and let him sleep when he needs it.

You do know the author is not a doctor and has ZERO medical background right?

Infants need to be fed on demand. Not a guess but a proven fact. He is sleeping 6 hours at a stretch at times. That's pretty darn good. You can't expect him to sleep more than that all the time. And he's getting ready to head into a growth spurt. Are you supposed to deny him food then too because it doesn't fit into the schedule? I hate to sound harsh but I simply can not imagine thinking Baby Wise is a good idea.

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I just want to encourage you to STOP using that book.

It has been linked to babies failing to thrive. Here is a link by the American Academy of Pediatrics. http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aneyaap.htm

Your baby needs to nurse on DEMAND right now ALL of the time around the clock. He is to young to get on a schedule. They are dangerous, dangerous, dangerous.

Please reconsider this. Parenting is 24 hours. You must be available for your baby at this age.

You will find people who have successfully used that book, but what of the babies whose parents used it and then ended up in the hospital?

PLEASE reconsider. You didn't choose to have a baby to then deny them food did you? That is what this book considers. Get the baby at LEAST 6 months old until you try to deny some food. I don't believe in it at all, but at least then they will have a fighting chance to be healthy and stay alive.

I'm sorry I am so harsh, but that book needs to be banned. There are bookstores that no longer carry it for the above reasons.

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Throw that book in the trash! Babies should be fed on demand. They're little. Their tummies are little. They can only hold so much at a time. You need to stop forcing him to eat. If he goes to bed at 8 and sleeps till 3, then go with it. If you let him take the lead, you'll establish a routine soon enough. All babies are different and what worked for your daughter may no work for your son. I DETEST the Baby Wise book and everything it preaches. I asked my pediatrician about it with my first daughter and I was told to return the book immediately. And that pediatrician wasn't even a very good doctor! I have a fantastic pediatrician now and she said the same thing. Babies are human beings, not robots or animals that need to be trained. If you're hungry, do you eat? If you're thirsty, do you drink? Or do you only allow yourself a drink or a snack at a certain time? Don't you think that your baby should be able to eat when he's hungry? Or drink when he's thirsty?

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There are not only bookstores that refuse to carry the book, and not only did the uber-christian publishers DROP the book (and others written by the same author because of the documented harm it causes infants and children)... but every single nursing, med, & psych school I know actually *suspends* their curriculum for a day to have a lecture about this book in particular (no other book gets the same treatment) with ALL of the "whys" to tell your patients to avoid this book like the plague. It has been linked with more cases of failure to thrive, brain damage, and death than any single other thing... including tummy sleeping.

On first glance the book doesn't "read" like a wacky, dangerous thing... (and I've had to read it for school)... but on closer examination it really throws every single aspect of healthy childraising out the window.

Please, please, please... read up on it, and BURN it.

The article from the AAP is a good place to start. As is the rest of that particular website http://www.ezzo.info/index.htm Babies have been fed on demand for over 60,000 years. It's only in the past 50 years (since wwii) that the whole 'parent directed feeding' came into play... in the beginning it was out of necessity (because of the war... moms were literally on production lines and could only feed during their breaks, and then the original types of formula could turn out to be deadly if fed too often). Neither is the case now.

You are undoubtedly trying to and wanting to do the best for your child. Someone steered you in a dangerous direction. Time to fix it.

All the best,

R

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Throw that book away and be a parent to him 24/7! Parenting is an on demand job, not a 9-5. If he needs to eat at 3am (and most babies do, hes still a NEWBORN) then get up and feed him!

Parent led feeding is a joke, he's a newborn and needs you to meet his needs, and at this age his needs are simple, feeding him when he's hungry, holding him when he needs you, and sleeping when he's tired. Going against what he needs only frustrates you and upsets him, and eventually makes him feel he can't have his needs met.

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I agree with Wendy.
That is a dangerous book and every pediatrician I've ever met recommends to feed on demand.

It has been liked to failure to thrive. He needs to eat when he is hungry not when it's convenient to you to feed him.

Don't you eat when you are hungry? why can't he?

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All babies are different. Your son apparently isn't going to follow your lead on this one. Have you talked to your pediatrician about this? Honestly, this whole part of parenthood passes so quickly that I found it easier to just follow my baby's needs.

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Start pushing the feeding now and it will continue to cause problems years from now. Personally I would burn that book. I got one good thing out of that book, and it was that kids and spouse should all wait to eat until the person who prepared the dinner sits down. Everything else in that book is dangerous and not well researched. I remember reading it after my second child (had my first 9 years before that) and just shaking my head that people bought into that bunk. Many people who used to promote the book have now started to speak out against it. The guy who wrote it is a certifiable nut.

Updated

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I haven't read your other responses.... but I would say to let him sleep his long stretch first. That is what he wants, that is what he is telling you. Continue the night feedings but try to get him to eat at 4 am. Feed him as much as he wants at 8 pm and try to get him to sleep until 4 am, and back to sleep until 8 am. Then you can continue with the three hour feedings through the day. 8 am, 11 am, 2 pm, 5pm and back to 8pm then through the night.... He will, and is able at 11 weeks to sleep this long. We did this at 9 weeks with our daughter. If he is only taking a couple ounces at 11 pm he may be full. It took me a couple of weeks of forcing the late night feeding before I realized what she was trying to tell me. He may drink a larger bottle at 8 pm and be okay unit 4 pm. So he is getting full and trying to tell you that at 11 pm. At 11 weeks he will be fine with missing a bottle. Keep track of how many ounces if you are worried. Listen to his cues. We also weren't strict on the times. If she was awake a half hour early I fed here then. If she wanted to eat at 5 pm and I was busy she would be fed late. So be flexible.
You may have to go to bed early so you can get up at 4 am but you can go back to sleep for a few hours. My daugher is 20 mon. and sleeps 8 pm to 8 am. If they have to go to bed at 7, then 7 pm to 7 am. I also read something somewhere, the author recommended even earlier is better.... 6 pm to 6am...
Don't take everything the book says literally use common sense but don't let feeding on demand rule you or your child. How about a happy medium of both?

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Babies have growth spurts typically at the following intervals:
3 wks, 6 wks, 9wks, 3 mos, 6 mos, and 9 mos. Sounds like he is hitting a spurt.

Also, most babies wake between 3 - 5 a.m. because that is when mom's milk abundantly comes in for the day. I have also noticed that I wake up to go the restroom around this time in my late stages of pregnancy...a way to get my body ready for the 'great wake up call.'

Your little guy is doing great with sleep. I would be very happy with what he is doing. You also didn't mention if he was nursing or formula fed. It is suggested that it is easy to overfeed a baby with a bottle, especially if you are "pushing" a feeding along. With nursing, the baby will only eat what he needs and then stop.

I hope you find the answers you are looking for, but please consider the advise you've been given here.

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Scheduled feedings.... are created for the Parent. NOT the baby's well being.

A baby is a baby... they CANNOT be "scheduled" into everything and they are not a robot. This is not natural. It is creating "Stepford" babies... which is simply not natural.
Scheduled feedings has been proven to even cause "failure to thrive" and poorly developed babies and poor brain development and poor attachment/bonding (which is also crucial for brain development as well).

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Put the book away and listen to your instincts. What do they tell you, other than that you would LOVE to get more unbroken sleep? If I had a 2 1/2 month old baby who slept 5 or 6 hours straight, I would have jumped for joy! I was lucky to have that at 9 months with my son. Why would you deliberately wake a happily sleeping baby at 11 p.m.? Let him go from 8p p.m. until he naturally wakes up hungry and I'll bet you regularly get 5-6 hours in a row...which is an excellent amount of uninterrupted sleep with such a young baby! Babies often get their days and nights mixed up and that could be it as well. But mostly if you know the hungry cry, then you can tell if he is actually hungry or not. Feed him well when he is hungry and he will naturally go a bit longer between feedings at night. Good luck!

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We loosely followed Babywise with our first son too (he's now 3) and really loved it. I hope it works out as well for #2! Anyway, I distinctly remember clustering some of the early evening feedings (like maybe once at 5:30 when home from work, then again at 8:00 or 8:30), when his daytime feedings were more like 4-6 hours apart. And then, after that 8:00 feeding we would try like crazy to keep baby awake until 10:00 and do the "last" night feed then. It definitely took a few weeks, but became easier and easier and by 10 weeks old he was sleeping straight from 10pm-6am regularly.

Don't push the feeding on him yet, H.. He's not ready for it. It won't be long until he hits a growth spurt and then he'll be ready for that 11:00 feeding.

I didn't do Babywise with my children, but my older son had a terrible time waking up if he didn't wake up himself. As an older child, it's a good thing there was never a fire - I would have never been able to get him out of the bed! Some children have deeper sleep rhythms than others, which is what your son sounds like.

D.

I did not follow the BabyWise book in particular though I've read it, but I did feeding on demand with my son (born first) and parent directed feeding with my daughter (born second). I can tell you from experience, that when done right, parent directed feeding can be wonderful for both mom and baby.

With my son, I was so stressed out with feeding him every 2 hours (or less) every time he cried, sometimes he wasn't crying because he was hungry but then he would eat a little, but not enough to fill him up for longer than an hour or so. I did a lot of crying myself because I was simply worn out from breastfeeding so much.

With my daughter, I learned to tell by the time whether she was crying because she was probably hungry or if it was probably something else. And often she didn't even have to wail out with hunger--I knew when she was going to be hungry and could plan the day's schedule accordingly so we wouldn't start driving somewhere only to hear the distressed wailing of a hungry baby. BOTH babies THRIVED, but the parent directed feeding was much better for the whole family's sanity.

I think the other moms and doctors are thinking of the cases of moms letting their babies scream with hunger and not feeding them because it's not the right time. Of course a baby will not thrive if they don't get fed enough. But proper parent directed feeding is supposed to take into account the needs of the baby too. You are supposed to adjust the schedule to fit the baby's needs. If you're using a 3 hour schedule but the baby keeps getting hungry after 2 1/2 hours, then you change to a 2 1/2 hour feeding schedule. It's supposed to be used with common sense and love.

But back to your question...
It might be a growth spurt, and you'll need to feed him more often for a few days while he adjusts. Get up and feed him at night while he needs it.
Or you could try to shift your routine a little for a while. Was the first feeding at 7:00am? You could try starting a bit earlier in the morning to have his last feeding at maybe 9 or 10pm. That way he gets an extra feeding during the day instead of in the middle of the night.

I don't think you should ever force a feeding, unless there is a medical need and your pediatrician or a GI dr have suggested it (for ex: my son wasn't gaining weight so we had to squeeze in a certain amount of calories).

Did you know that a 5 hr stretch of sleep is considered sleeping through the night? Also, did you know that forcing a child to eat, especially when they aren't hungry, is linked to obesity and the problems to go along with that?

When my son was a newborn he would nurse at 8 and go to bed. I would give him a "dream feed" around 11:30 (before going to bed). He would wake around 5:30 for another feed and then would go back to sleep until 9:30. I had to stop nursing him and switch to formula when he was 10 wks because of his GI problems, so for the dream feed I would offer 1/2 of a bottle.

I to did the baby wise but am anxious when I hear it being done by others as sooo many take it to far and do not feed the baby when it's hungry as it still has 1/2 hour till feeding time. I see yours is the other way around I let mine sleep at night till they woke up I did not wake them that way their little alarm did not get set to wake up when they were able to sleep all night. two of mine slept through the night at 10 weeks and the other one at 14 weeks. sounds like yours is ready for the long night and i would go for it.

When I had my two sons, I was told so many things by so many people including doctors and also read many books on how to help raise/care for my children. Honestly, what I did was listened to what I heard and read, took it into consideration and used my best judgment with the information I had and what was actually going on with my sons. The best advice I would give is that if you have a child that is sleeping, let them sleep. When they are hungry they will definitely let you know. I was told my son should only have 4 ounces of formula for the first couple weeks. It didn't satisfy him, so I increased the amount and at a month of age wound up putting a teeny bit of cereal into it. You kind of have to go with what your intuition says to do - not just people or a book. Remember all children are different, so what might have worked with the first child, might not work with the 2nd. Good luck!

I have used that book with my daughter who is now two and my son who is now four months old and swear by it. I do not understand how the methods could lead to failure to thrive if anyone is using the method correctly. In fact both of my babies were over the 95 percentile by their 2 month appointments. That being said, you should just stick with it. He is only 11 weeks old and if you keep getting those full feedings in during the day things will right themselves soon. I was in the same boat where I was getting a long stretch from 8 to 2 but after a week or two it corrected itself. If you keep getting those full feedings in during the day the 8 pm feeding might be able to move to 9pm and the night time will adjust itself.

Have you tried clustering the early evening feedings and push his 8 pm feeding back until 9/9:30ish? He may be telling you he wants to go to sleep earlier, but 8pm may be a little too early. I did the PDF with my 2 year old daughter and it worked great. I have an 8 week old son who I'm doing it with as well. It is going well but I have noticed he's a little harder to get on a consistent schedule. I've heard its a boy thing. Good luck.

I read BabyWise and haven been following what it says for the most part - it's a good idea to keep track of how often you are feeding and getting 'full feedings.' I have friends who do on demand feedings and their babies are much more cranky. My DD has adapted well and feels secure knowing that I am on top of things instead of haphazardly letting her eat whenever...it also makes me feel more comfortable knowing what she needs when she needs it. As far as the 8 and 11 pm feedings, I know what you mean - my DD doesn't really have much awake time after her first evening feeding...but she does eat more than at the 10 or 11 pm feeding. I have started feeding on one side, then I will change her diaper, which wakes her up more, and feed on the other side...(she is 11 weeks also). Even if she doesn't eat for very long, she will usually sleep until 3 am. I have never had her sleep for 8 hours straight...but she is small and needs to eat more frequently...but 5 hours is considered a full night's sleep. So, i just wake up and feed her at 3 and then put her back to sleep. She then poops and wakes herself up at 5 am, so i used to feed her then as well, but it threw off her 7 am feeding, so I read at the end of the book that they may not actually be hungry at 5, so just use your instincts....so I started giving her a pacifier at 5 am and waiting to see what happened, and she would just go back to sleep till her 7 am feeding....so she basically only wakes up once at 3 am to eat. I would see if that works - try to feed at least once in the nighttime - it even says at 2-3 months they will still wake up once in the middle of the night - that is normal....also - sometimes she will cluster feed around 7 pm....i will still wake her up before i go to bed around 10:30 or 11 and try again....it's all trial and error and every baby is different, but keep up the good work - your baby seems pretty great. :)