Overwhelmed at Christmas

I've NEVER understood husbands who expect their wives to buy gifts for THEIR side of the family. Did he not get them gifts before you were married? In our house, I deal with MY side and if hubs wants to give gifts to HIS side, that's on him. THEY certainly don't give ME anything...(and my relationship with the in-laws is actually just fine, no problems at all, that's just the way we do it). I usually do all the decorating, but this year, I'm just not into it, so I put up the tree, brought out the box of decorations and told the kids "I think the tree looks great without decorations - so nature-y and green. I think we don't have to decorate, but if YOU want to, that's fine by me." They had the tree decorated within an hour and it looks great! I usually LOVE decorating, whether anyone helps me or not, but this year, for some reason, I'm just not in the Christmas spirit yet, so I'm leaving it up to them. I'm perfectly happy without all the trimmings, if hubs and the kids want it all, they know where the boxes are, they know where everything goes. I'm just not going to stress about it, just like YOU shouldn't stress about it. Just do what you want and leave the rest. If your husband wants more decorating, gift shopping, whatever-ing, he is (I assume) a capable adult human being, tell him to do it himself. Simple.

7 moms found this helpful

I am taking a lower key approach to the holidays this year. My husband is an admitted Scrooge, but he really does try. He worked on the yard decorations last night. I work full time and have a three year old and a seven year old. I am also eight and a half months pregnant. So, not only are we getting ready for the holidays, we are preparing the new baby. (C-section scheduled for Dec. 29th). I am not sending out Christmas cards this year, and I have done the bulk of my shopping on line. If you have not bought the presents for his family yet, buy them on-line and have them shipped directly to their houses. SO much easier. I only got out about a fourth of the Christmas decorations. We bought a fake tree for the first time ever (love). I am sticking with a red and white theme to make decorating easier and more cohesive looking. Don't panic yet. Christmas is still three weeks away. Plenty of time to decorate and get the presents together. I agree with the other mom about the wrapping - gift bags are way easier. I do some bags and some wrapping. Keep the decorations on the tree simple if no one is willing to help. Wrap some lights around the tree and wrap a thick ribbon around the tree. This will make the tree look decorated even with no additional work. Then hang a few ornaments and call it a day. Put on a red table cloth, hang a wreath, etc. For all of the potlucks, etc at work and for family get togethers, I have been signing up to bring something I can buy at the store. Normally I cook and bake, but I will be doing a limited amount of that this year as well. Make a list of about five things that make you feel in the Christmas spirit, then set aside time to do them. For me, I take my girls several times a week to go look at Christmas lights. It is free and they love it. I also have a couple of Christmas events I want to attend, and I want to spend an evening with hot chocolate and Christmas songs on the radio while I wrap gifts. We already had a fire one night and watched Christmas shows. With so much going on right now, it is very easy for me to get grouchy, but I am trying to remain calm and do one thing at a time. Good luck!

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I have overwhelmed myself every Christmas (and my husband does nothing and doesn't understand my stress level). I wish I had back all the Christmas's I was so busy trying to make Christmas perfect for my family. I actually wish that every year almost as soon as I'm done cleaning up the dinner. If I had them back, I always think I would spend the time with my family and short cut everything else. Then the next year, I do it all over again. It's like a sickness. So I'll tell you to put up the tree and nothing else - who cares? You just have to put it all away. Go to Amazon.com and order everything while watching TV. Buy "family gifts" as much as possible instead of separate gifts. Use gift bags from the dollar store to wrap while you're watching a Christmas movie with the kids. Don't worry about wrapping the kids' presents from Santa. Santa can just leave them out. Get store bought cookies. I'll tell you that but you'll probably still knock yourself out, like I do. So this year I'm challenging myself to not make a big deal about Christmas. Because people like you and me, we have to work at not doing all that work. As much as I would like to get your husband and my husband up off the couch or out of the bar to help us - it's not happening. And only you and I can stop the stress by not letting ourselves get drawn into it. Try to relax and really try to weed your "to do" list down to something less than superhuman. Merry Christmas!

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The lights you can just place on the tree.Just wrap them around .. Do not worky about wrapping the branches.. Remember to test them before you use them.. This is a good thing to let your older child be in charge of this year.. Throw away the old lights and purchase new ones if you need..

Pull out all of the ornaments and tell your kids to go for it.. Give your older child the use of a footstool when the younger one is asleep and let her put up the ornaments on the higher branches.

Just remind them to put ornaments all around the tree.. if they are just on front, the tree will flip forward. Be happy with the work they do. Let them get the credit for the way the tree looks regardless of the results.. This will encourage them in the future to continue to want to help and I promise they will get better and better at it over the years..

Christmas is about fun and the joy of the holiday. If it is freaking you out, stop and take a break. Make hot chocolate, popcorn and put on some fun music and make it a fun gathering.. If your hubby does not want to participate.. do not take him next year to pick out the tree.. The tree people will load it onto your car for you..

Some men only see Christmas as a money pit and a hassle.I think it is their loss. My MIL has a clever way to save up for the HUGE trees she purchases each year. she has a basket, next to her husbands side of the bed. Each night he puts all of his change in there, at the end of November they have all of it changed into bills and that is her budget for the Tree.. It works great for them..

Christmas when they were fun are some of a childs best memories. Dads that grumble are not thinking about the kids.

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Breathe mama. Christmas isn't about everything being prefect. Its about having good memories with your kids.

Gift buying - Go to the Dollar Store, buy a bunch of bags, tissue paper and stick on tags. Toss the gifts in the bag, some tissue on top and slap a tag on it! Done!!

For the tree decorating - to me that's a bit more important. Delegate over the days. Tonight - hang a wreath on the door. (if you have one)
Tomorrow night - while dinner is being fixed, have one parent and the kids put the lights on the tree. (we finally bought an artificial pre-lit to save time)
Each night take out one box of ornaments and have the kids hang them up.

Some other tricks.
Pop a ton of unbuttered popcorn. Then during movie time have the kids string the popcorn and put it on the tree

Make or buy strips of construction paper. Have the kids string it together. Hang it on the tree.

Finally hang the candy canes and stockings if you have them.

4 moms found this helpful

Um -tell hubby if he wants to give anyone in his family gifts, he needs to get out there and start shopping or ordering online! He's at a bar watching football because you do all of this stuff for him. Quit! You should have just looked at him and said, "Hey -I'm not shopping for your family, so if you want them to get anything, skip the bar and hit the mall." Numerous places also have free shipping right now. If he can't get it together and his family says anything, tell them he just couldn't seem to find the time to shop this year.

We decorate the tree together, so you could start that tradition. It's nice -one night is tree night and although our children are really little and only hang a few, it's fun. My 4 year old did really get into it this year! Make it a family tradition! It's completely normal to feel overwhelmed at the holidays, but your husband needs to pick up the slack and do his share. If I were you I would only do exactly what I wanted to personally do decoration-wise. If another household member who is old enough to help doesn't like it -then they need to do it!

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Maybe do the Christmas stuff but don't wash DH's clothes
or make meals for DH. For a few days.
Just a thought.

2 moms found this helpful

Keep it simple. Do what you want to do and if your family wants something extra, then they can do it or help you. If your hubby wants gifts for his family, then he can at least help you shop for it. You can go on a date for dinner, then shopping. You can set the tone for a fun and happy Christmas but if they aren't helping you, you don't need to run yourself into the ground to try to force this. Be happy, cheerful and do fun things together. Otherwise, let them take initiative. Good luck! I talk about this a little bit on my blog at www.JaimeeKeith.blogspot.com

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It has been my experience that people will treat us how we "let" them, by which I mean if we accept doing it all while he relaxes then we'll be expected to continue doing it all.
Yes, you ARE overwhelmed, and no, you don't have to be. It is time to take a stand for yourself; have a talk with your family, explain in a calm voice that you love the holidays and cannot do everything for everyone. Tell them you'd like to build memories by having US do things together, like decorate the tree.
Regarding buying gifts for your husband's family, I would privately let him know that this is just too much for you AND offer a solution, such as we can go together to pick out some lovely gifts.
No, it won't be easy, but change is possible. In fact, you may be surprised by how you are feeling: guilty, confused, etc. even though it is what you want.
If you feel unable to speak with your family/make these changes, you may benefit from speaking with a counselor.
If you involve your family more, your stress level will decrease and you may even find you enjoy the holidays (more?). Try to remember the real reason for Christmas, and see if you can't do less and enjoy more.
Good luck!

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I would go on strike! In my house everything for Yuletide is a family affair, we work together to be sure we can all have a great holiday.

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You can only do what you can do. Do one thing at a time. On an as-needed basis. Not sure how many or the ages of your kids but do yourself a favor and give up on that Rockwellian ideal of everyone trimming the tree together while sipping cocoa in a clean house! Haha. Do it after the kids are in bed tonight or tomorrow night. As for your husband--ignore him and press forward!

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Because of all the extra stress this year, we are not even decorationg the house or putting up a tree. Im due any day with baby #2, and we have seen first hand what my 21 month DS has done to relatives trees so far this year. (he pulls all the tinsel and breaks the ball ornaments) so no tree this year to make it easy. My DH has been laid off for almost a month now and hasnt got any work done on our house that needs alot of work (like a collapsed mudroom that is not insulated and its below freezing outside) and Im not working (wont be for a few months) Hubby is laid off all winter and his unemployment is $400 less a week then normal, and my non working terminally ill (kidney disease) sister lives with us too. All Im doing this year is gifts. I purposely saved money all summer so I could spoil my son since he wont be the baby anymore, buy DH some nice bday and xmas gifts, and buy my sister what she needs. If your not getting help, i would go on strike. Just leave the tree plain, maybe someone in the house will get the point and decorate it.

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Yesterday it was decided to go get a tree from a tree farm like every year I was planning on doing some shopping for our needs at home not just mine so I did the usual showered makeup got dressed hubby was like I don't see why it takes you 5 hrs (more like 2) to get ready to go chop down a tree well I want to go out in style not a frumpy mom plus he asked while I was getting dressed do you have anywhere you would like to go OH YES I DO (but those words didn't come out because I know it wouldn't of happened)so we left came home then brought everything up from downstairs of course this put me in a horrible mood the containers are heavy i'm the only one who is doing this with help from my son while dad is on his rump watching TV so I put my game face on & tackle it all that night I wasn't going to want to do more today.It frustrates me so much that i'm so grumpy with all the take down the regular decor put it up bring out holiday stuff,I so look forward to the Eve of Christmas I put all the wrapping away then a few items here & there while we are all getting ready to leave then the next day it all goes packed back up down the stairs.This is of course the time year that I have no time alone hubby is out locked in his garage making & building things for me or for our kids (i'm thankful for that but come on here we are talking from sun up to wee hrs of the night)so here we are I need to go shopping that didn't get done yesterday but i'm not taking 3 kids with me they are tired cranky & the girls have a cold.I just don't want to deal with it sorry i'm being a wimp or whatever I just want some time to do what I need to get it done & not forget what I left for.Why can't men see that but it is so different when they have to take the kids or asked to take them with them to the store

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I don't have much advice for you since my husband doesn't help with holidays either. My girls will, so that's a plus. Over the years and after much observations of my friends and their families I have come to the conclusion that if it were not for women, there wouldn't be any holidays. We do everything from cooking the meals, shopping, creating the mood, and whatever. All the guys generally do is show up and eat. Just like planning your wedding.

Do what you can. Try and get the children involved and what doesn't get done, doesn't get done. Don't stress out too much.

Try to enjoy a bit of the holiday season as best you can.

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I agree with Alexandra 100%. We teach people how to treat us. My rule is that I don't do anything that I will feel resentful about later. If you are going to be angry about being left with the task of buying everyone's presents...then don't do it! Be specific & very clear when you talk with your husband. Tell him "I feel angry/overwhelmed/frustrated when you ask me to deal with all of the X-mas tasks." Don't assume that he knows you are upset. You have to tell him how you feel. Also, it's always a good idea to offer the solution when presenting someone with a problem. Tell your husband what you are willing to do & ask if he can do a certain task (it always help if you make this a compliment that boosts his ego. Like "can you decorate the tree with the kids? I just love the way you arrange the ornaments.!). Good luck!!

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wow. Your husband helped with the tree? More than mine has done.

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