Over Emotional Daughter

Stephine,
Get her out of their. Something is not right. She is going through alot. Dad gone. She needs reasurance that He is still part of her life. He told care of her all that time. Talk to her as much as possible. The divorce is between you and your husband. She needs the reassurance that the divorce was not her fault.
C. B.

I would say she is not over emotional - just adjusting to HUGE changes in her little life and looking to her parent(s) for help. She probably has a lot of sadness, anxiety and stress over the separation of her parents and worries that you may not be around either - just trying to frame it from a five year old's perspective. She is not too young for counseling and the two of you could even go together. If the divorce is not final yet and you are still in the process there is a Parenting Through Transitions class that is required to get the divorce complete - these would all be excellent questions to ask there - they staff the class with an attorney and a mental health provider. You could also ask her school counselor if they have a divorce support group at the school or any recommendations on books or resources to help her with this adjustment. Good luck!

Hi S.!

I'm sorry to hear of your daughter's troubles. You have a lot of good advice already. I was just going to mention maybe a local stay at home mom near you would be available for after school babysitting... I have done that for a fraction of the price that daycares require, and at a home environment, it would give her an opportunity to relax and come to grips with her changing world. Also, if you can't pay someone for this service, perhaps barter.. babysit the caregiver's child on a few weekend days or nights.. etc... Just a thought.

Good luck and give her plenty of love and time to listen with your heart as well as your ears.

L.

she misses her dad and caregiver. there are too many changes too soon but it takes time before shell realize that this is the way its going to be. just be supportive ahd tell her everyday that you love her and leave her with something to hold when she is lonely. i mad a picture book of things like his toys, his dad, my mom and dad, his pets and me . i sewed clear plastic like the kind you put on fun=rniture, i bought a 1/4 yard at the fabric store and cut it out to fit the pictures and sewed around 3 sides and change the pictures as he chooses, then i bound it with single 3 rig binder at the top. that worked for me

S.,

I'm sorry you and your daughter are struggling. The first thought I'm having is about your job. Is there any way you can negotiate a slightly different schedule at work? Perhaps go in a little earlier, take a shorter lunch, so you could get out earlier to pick her up from school. Any employer worth their "salt" should understand that family comes first, and at least make an attempt to work with you. It sounds like your daughter has just been through so much and needs your attention right now more than ever. It may also just take her a little time to get use to the new family arrangement and all the stress surrounding it. And if nothing else, when you are together, reassure her over and again how important she is to you. And that you understand that this is hard for her. Maybe make special times for the weekend where its only about the two of you and she can have all your attention. In order to do all of that, you'll need to make sure you're taking good care of yourself also. I hope this helps.

Sincerely,
C.

It sounds to me like she doesn't like that particular place. Have you thought about trying maybe the YMCA or Boys and Girls club. I think they might actually pick them up from school too. Something at the after school program there is bothering her, maybe another kid not being nice, I would try really talking to her and asking her what is it exactly there that she dislikes so much. I hope all works out.

Have you checked into daycares located near her school? Usually, the school has a list of daycares that bus to and from the school (for early morning drop off at daycare and after school care). If they don't have a list, you can visit childcare centers close to the school and ask if they bus to and from the school. They are usually more expensive, but your daughter may like being at one of those centers better than kids corner. I found that on site after school programs usually mix older and younger kids, while the child care centers keep them with the same age groups. This might be why she doesn't like the onsite child care.

Is there a mom of one of her classmate or friends that could watch her after school. Ask aroung or talk to the teacher. Of course offer to pay them something too.

S.,
The thing that concerns me when I read this is that maybe something specific is happening at this day care, maybe as simple as a teacher who reprimanded her or as serious as someone abusing her in some way. Have you sat down and really talked with her about what exactly about day care is making her so upset? I would definitely look into it more. Perhaps a new school would help or maybe an in home day care situation? I would say just don't ignore her concerns. Whatever is upseting her is a very big deal, at least in her mind. Give her the benefit of the doubt and take her concerns seriously. Good luck, M.
PS - I don't know where you are in town but I do after school care on the westside and you are welcome to email me.

You should listen to your daughter. Is there any other after school tutoring or boys and girls club or something you can look into that doesnt cost. There is probley a reason for her concern and she just isnt voicing it! Check into it and other options. I know a lot of the schools around her offer more than one after school program that is funded by the district.

Change the program she is in. Maybe they just don't know how to handle her, there are so many loving day care providers, just need to find the right one, Where do you live?

K.