Out of $Tate Wedding. $Hould I Go?

Be honest with him so he knows you want to be there it is just a money issue. I am sure he will understand and may even offer to chip in on the costs so you can be there. You have to do what is right for your family I am sure he will understand.

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I can only answer as a parent myself.

If I were getting remarried and my adult children were just starting out themselves and traveling would be a significant time and financial burden to them, I would not want them to come. I would want them to focus their engergy on providing for their own little family. Once a parent always a parent -- Within reason we want what is best for our children not ourselves.

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Talk to your Dad about the money issue, also consider going alone.

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Your first obligation is to your immediate family (husband and child). However, all family is important. I think it's great that your trying to save for a house, however, spending some money to travel for this unique circumstance isn't going to break the bank.

Since you mention your husband's paycheck, I'm guessing your not working. Therefore, why couldn't you drive, take a train, or a bus? Or why can't your daughter stay home? This would make the trip affordable for you.

You said your not very close to your father, but what about your brothers and sisters? This would give you an opportunity to visit with them. Would any of them be willing to help you with the cost?

Maybe you could give your father a call and explain that you would really like to be there, but unfortunately you can't afford it at this time. If he really wants you there, maybe he'll offer to help pay part of the cost.

Last year our family (hubby, myself and 2 girls) traveled over 5,500 miles to go to my father-in-laws birthday. We didn't have the money to go and had to dip into our savings, but knowing how happy it made him and seeing the look on his face when he grandchildren arrived made it all worth it. And yes, when he found out we were coming he did offer some money to help pay for the expenses.

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Your immediate family is now your children and spouse. Not that your parents are not important to you, but you have bills to pay and Dad will have to understand that. My suggestion is letting your Dad know it is not in your budget and if he feels he wants you there bad enough, he can send a ticket. I can't see spending an entire paycheck on just airfare alone. You will still have to eat, need transportation, and don't forget a place to sleep! I think that is part of our problem, we got so accustomed to spending outside out budget and trying to make everything happen, now we are all broke.

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Hi S.
The solution is very simple - just tell your dad the truth, that you'd love to come, but you are really strapped for money, so if he wants to see you and your daughter, he might consider paying for the ticket. If HE chooses not to pay for the ticket, then you are off the hook, and he can't possibly be hurt that you are not coming, knowing your situation.

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Could you possibly call your Dad and, talk about it?
Or speak to your siblings about it?

Saving money as you describe, it being an ENTIRE weekly pay for your husband... is a lot and yes, it does take a month or months to save money.
How does your Husband feel? This is a money decision... or is he letting you discern the situation yourself and the buying of an airline ticket?
Next, if you do go to the wedding... there will be more costs in addition to only the airline ticket... food/transportation/lodging etc. So it will inevitably end up costing more. So is that okay?

Its not an easy decision.... he's your Dad. But costs are a reality too. When I got married, NONE of my in-laws came for our wedding. Yes, it is far away for them and expensive... but I know, that they had the means to come, IF they wanted to. So I was miffed and irked. Because I KNEW they had the money to travel here. They just chose to not come. In your case... you do NOT have the $$$... so that is a different story. You can't help it... and money is a big problem right now for many people, in this economy.

All the best,
Susan

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Could you talk to your dad about it? Explain the financial burden it would place on you to use this money that is being saved for a first house, on a wedding trip? As another mom mentioned, your primary focus needs to be on your immediate family (husband, child & food, clothing, housing, etc). Maybe if it is that important to your dad that you are there, other arrangements could be made to help you (if you decide that you really want to go). Otherwise, do what you have to do and don't feel guilty about it. You and your family's survival is most important here. =)

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The decision is yours-but the fact that you are even asking shows that you are trying to justify NOT going. I guess-I'd look at it this way-would you be hurt if your dad didn't come to your wedding? Even if you think you wouldn't-do you HONESTLY think he doesn't care? And if he is hurt-do you care about that?

Also-do you HAVE to fly? I understand that traveling with small children can be difficult-but it is certainly doable. Have you considered saving on airfare and driving? Where in Colorado do you live and how far is it to his house in Missouri? Driving those kinds of distances is often not that much longer than an entire day spent navigating the airports, plus it is more flexible-stop when you need to and you can even pack food in a cooler for the trip if you want to save money that way. Trust me-gas won't cost as much as your tickets-I've driven those kinds of distances with my kids ever since they were both babies. Plus-you have the added benefit of having your own transportation once you get there, which can be a lifesaver around family:) You said your family is spread out-but you do have family that you could stay with once you are there-so you'd save on hotels that way.

I think there is a difference between honestly not having the money-and having the money, but thinking that an event isn't worth spending it on. If you have some serious issues that make you not want to attend your father's wedding because you don't want to have a relationship with him-then do what you feel is right-but if not-seriously consider what it will mean to everyone involved.

I'm sorry to hear about your predictament however, if you really are not that close to your father and your family isn't going to give you alot of flack over it, send a gift. Its alot cheaper than buying airline tickets let alone a motel room (overnite). As well your dad I'm sure would know the predicament your in, if he's not going to be hurt than you shouldn't feel uncomforable. Like you said that is the only amt. you get to save to go towards an affordable home to buy, I can't say as I blame you. If its not your dads' first wedding and thats pretty obvious, like I said sent a gift, wish him and his bride a fantastic life together and leave it at that. If your worried abt. your brothers and sister call them and explain the situation at hand, I'm sure they will understand. Its not like your ignoring the whole issue, you are going to send a gift but just not a $450.00 gift.
Good luck and I hope your family understands!!

I agree with Mati. Tell dad your situation. If he doesn't offer to pay then send a nice gift. When I got married I had friends, people I loved, unable to afford to come. I was ok with it because I would feel horrible knowing someone had to sacrafice to come to my wedding, you won't enjoy the wedding either if it was a sacrafice for your family. it's also not just $450 it's wedding attire, gift, accomadations if you are not staying with family. It adds up.

My personal thought is yes you go, no question, it is your dad... you can put off one month of not savign the money. it's only a month and it is his wedding, its' a chance for you and you daughter to go on a trip, and to spend time with family.. In my mind yes you go... enjoy and have fun, memories are memories and oney is just money,, and this comes fro someone who has no no no money but go, enjoy and save the following month..

i think you should be honest with your dad. you can tell him we would love to come but here is how much i can afford but it'll cost me this much, and i just can't afford it. ask him if it is ok if you didn't com. he may offer to pay the difference or not. either way, you should worry only about your immediate family. they will get married whether you go or not.

S., I agree with Mati, if your dad and or brothers really feel you should be there they will pony up the cost of the ticket. If you can't afford it you can't afford it. Economically it is hard right now and everyone understands that. Just explain it that way. Now that being said if they offer to pay your airline tickets you should go and make sure you have enough money for a hotel room for the night.

My first thought is, what is one extra month of saving. Getting married is a big deal and I would think that your dad would really want you there. That being said, have you considered talking to your dad about your concerns and see what he thinks? Maybe he can meet you half way on expenses to help you out. Just a thought.

Good luck, I am sure you will make the right decision.

Check in to taking a train there. We live in Michigan and drove to Missouri for a wedding, which was alot of wear and tear on the vehicle and took a day and a half travel. Airline prices were a little too high (about $900 for hubby and I and our 4 yr old). Looking up Amtrak prices, it was about $200 for all of us. It would still have taken about a day to get there by train but there is no stress on the driver, which was a huge consideration for us. Also, there was something so nice about being on a train. Also, maybe look at taking a bus trip. Again, just as long of a ride, but likely WAY cheaper to do.

There are other ways to travel, other than by plane. How about driving there and make it into a mini family vacation? Or you could take a bus, or a train. I don't know what your relationship is with your Dad and the rest of the family but I would say that if you hope to continue to have any sort of relationship with them at all that you should make every effort to be there. I also don't know what your Father's financial situation is, possibly he would be able to help you with part of the transportation cost. You also need to consider where you will stay and where you will eat when you are there.
Speaking from personal experience, when my husband and I got married over forty years ago, his parents (who he has not had a good relationship with in years) refused to come to our wedding ( they lived in Florida we got married in Missouri) and I cannot tell you how it hurt my feelings. We have worked our way through it over the years and are good friends now but it took quite a few years for us to get past it.
Good luck!! Let us know what you decide to do.