Out of My Bed!!!!

R.! Glad to help your beautiful family get a dry night's sleep. Treat the boys as separate people. First, the bedwetting part of the four-year old. Boys tend to be betwetters longer, so just know it's not a "problem" developmentally for the 4-year old to still be wetting, just a problem for you. I had this, so speak from experience. Don't make him wrong or scold him or give him attitude about it since he can't help wetting in his sleep. It's not his "fault", but he can be "responsible" by helping your cheery self wash, fold and put away. At 4, don't put him in diapers or pullup diapers. Put him in fat absorbent undies and put one of those square absorbent 3' x 3' pads under him in his bed (not paper, but the cloth covered kind). He may be coming into your bed to get away from his own wet bed. Keep fresh fat undies, fresh pj's and a fresh pile of absorbent squares close by his bed. When he comes in to you during the night, just gently carry him back to his bedroom, change his into dry things, put the dry pad in his bed and cover his sweet selp up. All the while you're saying, oh, your body doesn't feel comfortable being wet, so let's you and I get your body warm and comfy. Make it you and him helping his body, not you making him wrong. This attitude also teaches him self-mastery. If you make him wrong, he learns guilt and rebellion. It may take a few days or up to three weeks to get this new rhythm down, but if you persist, the new will trump the old. It takes 21 days to break a habit and learn a new one. So, keep those pads by your bed too since you'll be needing them for a while longer. In the morning, do the washing together with your son. He will benefit from seeing the consequences of wet pants and pj's and bedding. But again, be zen about it and treat it as you would a routine thing, not as a problem and irritation. Your calmness will also teach him to be calm and not get all riled up over life's little ups and downs. Trust me, this effort of self-mastery on your part now will totally pay off for you when he hits his pre-teens as the child of a mother who was on his side, not against him.

The 17mos old is a different case. First, if he's potty trained in the day , just put him in overnight diapers at night and solve the wet bed thing. He's still young enough that coming in and sleeping with you a bit is fine. Let him hang out a little and then take him back to bed. Same routine, no blame, no resons, no justifying .. just ... i'm taking you back to your bed now ... (Don't say "...because mommy wants to sleep alone" or "you're a big boy" You don't need to explain or justify your actions to a 17month old. You'll only teach him to argue with you. You're doing it because you're doing it.

One other thought ... my three year old once had a spell of this ... i was reminded by her preschool teacher (she want to a waldorf preschool) that little ones are very literal and not abstract thinkers. So, I took a ball of yarn, made a loop and looped it around her wrist as she lay in her own bed. Then we said goodnight and i went down the hall to my own room, unrolling as i went. Now she and I played a little tugging game for a while. She would tug and I would tug back. She was "connected", AND in her own bed. It lasted minutes till she was asleep. We did this only for a week and never discussed it. I let her bring it up. After seven days, she forgot about it. This might work with your four year old. Play with it till it works for you. Hope it helps. Let me know. Cheers! J.

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Hi R.. My name is M., I'm 28 yrs old. I have the same problem w/my 7 & 3 yr old. I know u wk full-time & are a full-time mom & @ times are overwelmed. I 2 wk full-time , school part-time & mom full-time, due 2 the fact my husband wks alot as well. I have found the only way 2 break this issue w/them comming 2 bed is getting up & taking them back 2 their oun bed when ever they come in ur rm @ night. I know it sound crazy because @ the end of the day we are done, but i have found this is the only way. Wetting the bed is my 3 yr olds problem, not all the time but here & there. I have found that I cut her off from ____@____.com there is an acident I put a pull-up on her the next night, it is a fight but that helps 4 the time being. I really hope that this wks 4 u or u find something that does, it is frustrating.

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Hello R.. What if you put another mattress or futon at the foot of your bed, and tell them they could sleep there instead? Or, I've seen these plastic sheets you can buy for your mattress so the pee doesn't go through. Hope this helps!

I suggest that you start watching "Super Nanny" on ABC. She gives great advice and hits on this topic a lot.
I have used her techniques and they really work. My husband and I are much happier.

Dear R.,

All the more reason to get the boys to use their own beds and own room. You need all the private time with your husband that you can manage. It is good for the home.

So, just make up your mind that no more night visits and stuck to it. You can listen to some crying and tantrums, but just be firm and quiet and consistent. Do not allow them into your bed one single more time, no kidding. You can do it. !!

Tell them 100 times if you have to, but keep it up. Take them back to bed 10 times a night if you have to. Your husband will appreciate it very, very much, and he will love the new mattress too. We need to think of our husbands more and more as the children take more and more of our time. I know, it is hard, but well worth it.

My husband has alzheimer's and sometimes gets depressed and when I spend just a little more time and cook something special for him, he perks up and has many more good days. Umhum, that is true.

Sincerely, C. N.

Short answer: lock your door... long answer, walk them back to their room. for my daughter sometimes I walked her back to bed and snuggled for a minute and sometimes I had to threaten with a timeout, she didn'tlike it but after only a night or two she stayed in her bed. good luck and if those don't work invest in the plastic mattress covers available.

Well, first things first. I would put pull-ups on the boys during the night. Rachel is 5 and still in pull-ups, but I figure one thing at a time. She just recently started sleeping in her own room. We'll get to the night potty training eventually.

I think that the bed wetting can be solved with A good night time diaper and a pull-up but the real issue is why are they coming in to sleep with you? You state that you work full time and your husband works a lot too. It sounds like the boys MISS YOU! The hours you get to spend with them are probably the early morning and the evening if you have a 9-5 job and those are the "task" hours. The get dressed, breakfast out the door hours and the get dinner, baths and to bed hours. There most likely isn't much time for just "being" with the kids. If there is any way you can make it happen I would suggest cutting back, even if it hurts, financially and living on one income. We did it a year ago and, although it's been really tough, I wouldn't change a thing. I get the everyday time with my kids and they get to learn from me, not a daycare or even grandma. I want them to have my values and feel secure at home because mom is there.
Good luck to you, and I pray that you think things over especially while your kids are so young.

R.,
I know is hard to get your kids away from you, I know because my son is 8 years old and he still sleeps with us. But not because I can't get him to go to his bedroom but because I miss him.
I have watched supernanny and there are three major steps to getting your kids to go to their bed but it requires work from us, it wont be easy, but it will pay off at the end.

Let them know "Honey is time for Bed" that will be the first time they get up and out of bed and take them back and put them in bed.
Second time "Is time for bed" take them back to bed and put them there.
Third time"you do not say anything do not reward him with speaking to him, just put him back to bed.
And every time after that just turn him around and put him to bed (with out talking) It will be hard but if you stick to it it will work for you.

Or you can buy a plastic cover for your mattres they sell them at Target, I bought one for my son because of his allergies to dust.

I home it helps and good luck.

C. Mendoza

Hi R.,

My way to get the kids out of the bed is what I did with my kids they got to decorate and make their room a place that they put together they chose color, lighting and even painted their furniture to make it personal and it worked also for some odd reason they also have kept their room clean. In the mean time you should buy a mattress cover for your bed.

Sincerely,
V.

Consistancy is a MUST! No matter how much you don't want to get up and out of bed in the middle of the night . . . That is exactly what you and your husband have to do. And keep it up until they get it! (up to 2 weeks.) Each and every time they come in to your room and try to get into your bed, you (or both) get up and return them to their room and back to their own beds. If you are not consistant with things you tell them but it's never enforced, how are they suppose to know when your serious. Afterall, it was never a problem before. Nobody said it was going to be easy but this too shall pass. Trust me.

I am a preschool teacher and have heard different things about this very common issue. One thing that I have heard works is to tell them they are too big to sleep in your bed but may sleep in a sleeping bag near your bed if they have to. This usually helps them to transition into sleeping in their own bed on their own. It doesn't work for everyone, but it could be worth a try. Good luck with this!! = )

My son(3y.o.) comes wondering in early morning, but the rule is he must go to the restroom before he gets in my bed. I woke up too many times wet! I would also suggest talking to your older son about why he wants to sleep w/you two since he is such a big boy. I think you should talk to them both and let them know that your bed is your special place just for Mom and Dad at night, and their beds are SUPER special since they are only for each of them at night. You could also try taking them both to the potty as soon as they try to get in your bed, and then put them both back in their own room. It will take a couple nights of interrupted sleep, but I think you are getting that already!

Hi R.,
My daughter has tendency to wander into our room in the middle of the night and we really don't mind, but did mind when she was just learning how to go through the night without peeing. She has peed a couple times in our bed, but thankfully she's learned to wake up if she needs to pee and goes to the bathroom. I think your 17 month might be too young to sleep through the night without peeing. I posted a request earlier about pottytraining my 18 month old and the majority of the responses were to wait until he was 2.5 years before trying to potty train him. If your 17 month old is good about it during the day, then I think you should put him in pull-ups during the night until he's had a dry pull-up for awhile, so you know that he's able to go through the night without peeing. If your 4 year old is also doing the same thing then I think he'll need to be in pull-ups, too. He may not like the idea because he's a big boy, but you have to tell him that since he still pees during the night he has to wear it. My daughter didn't like the idea much because she wanted to wear her panties, but I told her if she can go through two nights without peeing in her pull-up that I'd let her sleep without it. It worked for her. We also did a reward system, too. We had a chart and every time she didn't pee in her bed, we'd place a sticker for that day and then at the end of the week, we'd give her a treat. That helped her, too. Staying dry through the night was hard for her because she was a deep sleeper and wouldn't even know that she wet her bed. But she found her way and I know your son will too. Try not to scold him for wetting his bed because what he's going through is normal. It can be hard when you're frustrated (I know from experience), but getting upset with your son will only make him feel bad about what he's doing and maybe feel shameful and that doesn't help the situation at all.

If you get a new mattress, you can get a plastic cover to place over your bed, so if they do have an accident, it won't soak the bed. They're pretty easy to find. You can also buy one for their beds, too. I think we bought our daughter's at Target.

To keep your boys from staying in their room, you have to put them back in their room when they wander into yours. I know it's hard when it's in the middle of the night. I mean, who really wants to wake up and carry their kids back in their room, but if you don't want them in your bed then you have to do it. You have to be consistent with it, too, or else it won't work.

Good luck and hang in there!

Dear R.,

So sorry, no suggestions on getting the boys out of your bed - this is not one of the issues I dealt with when my kids were little. I just wanted to say, go ahead and get your new mattress. Get a water-proof mattress cover for it, just like you probably have on the boys mattresses, then wash it if they wet your bed again. (I still have these on my kids mattresses - not for bed-wetting, but for vomiting and night-time sweats).

Good luck!
B.

Goodmorning R., Stick to your guns , and put them back in there own beds if you have to get up a dozen times, do it reconfirm your love, reassure that they have each other for security, turn night light on , some gental music and if it is just hectic the safety gate can be added. Pray for them and as for your stained bed this is what i did for mine. stood it up aired it outside one full afternoon added cornstarch and wiped it to draw out moisture, febreeze also brought it back in and used baking soda put tons of dryer sheets under sheets and bedcover. assembled it even cosier than night before when i finally got my first full night alone with my sexy husband it was on a great set of sheets and no smells of urine. God Give you strength to be consistant. best to you, L.

Well it is not easy that's for sure! Can you think of a reward that is something they really want and making it possible to achieve if they stay in their bed?

My daughter in law and son went through quite a time with their first son changing that habit. They lost sleep because he insisted, crying and all kinds of tantrums. Finally though, he got the message that if he gets up, they won't give in. They lost a lost of sleep for a short while, but tbey made up for it once he slept in his own bed!

Hi R.,
My son is 5 and still in my bed - so I help with that part of your problem. However, maybe you should have the boys sleep in pullups until they can sleep through the night without wetting the bed. That's what I did and it worked. I also used a sticker chart with my son where he got a sticker for every night that he stayed dry and he got a present if he stayed dry for 2 weeks. We did that for a month or so and it worked. He hasn't wet the bed in a long time.

If you're looking for something to clean the mattress I used the stuff that you get at the pet store that takes out cat pee stains and smell - it worked great. I hope you can get your new mattress soon!

Good luck.

L.

First and foremost, buy a waterproof mattress pad! You'll still have to wash the sheets daily, but at least it will save the mattress. Secondly, if they are both wetting the bed every night, then that's it's own problem that needs dealing with. I'm assuming the 17 month old is still in diapers? Then obviously he is not in the right size diapers for nighttime. Try a different brand, one of the specifically designed overnight diapers, etc. Also, even if the 4 year old is potty trained, maybe he should be wearing pullups at night if wetting the bed is a consistent thing. If you can resolve the bed wetting problem, then maybe the sleeping in your bed isn't as much of an issue, but if it is, then perhaps for the 4 year old you could do a sticker chart. Every night he stays in his bed he gets a sticker, after x numbers of stickers he gets a toy, treat, movie, etc. I don't have much hope for keeping the 17 month old out of your bed, I'm still trying to get my 3 year old out of mine! ;-)

R., have you ever tried to lock your bedroom door?? I know it sounds kind of mean, but it really works. You need to put your foot down, when they come to your door tell them good night, but do not open your door for them or you'll never end this madness.

I can SO relate. I had the same problem off and on with my kids when they were that age. (I love sharing the bed with the kids, but I don't love how they spread out and knock me off the edge!) All I can say is -- rotten as this sounds -- you have to plan on sleeping lightly and very little for a couple of nights. The system's simple but brutal: one child wanders in, you take him back to bed; the other wanders in, back he goes; they gang up and sneak in together, two-for-one-ticket back to bed. Don't talk, don't sing lullabies, don't snuggle. Just advise them before bed that this is the plan, then follow through. Wordlessly but kindly. The 'brutal' part is how frequently you're beating a path back and forth between rooms! Sorry, no way around that bit.

My kids figured it out pretty quickly. My most obstinate child took two nights to get the idea. She still tries her luck occasionally, but the same system works flawlessly. One trip back to bed and she realizes -- nope, Mom's still not sharing! wink! (Mean old Mom...)

We had the same problem with our 4 year old. First buy a mattress pad that is lined so it won't soak through to your mattress. Second, we told our 4 year old he couldn't come in our bed until he "put his pee pee in the potty." No pee no getting into bed. We wait until he falls asleep and then move him into his bed. He will do it for a couple of nights and then stays in his room for 3-4 months then it starts again.
Good Luck!

How can you work full time and mother full time? If you and your husband are working so much it makes sense that your kids want to be near you during the night. I have three kids and have never worked and have never had my kids in my bed. I would bet that if you cut your work hours and spent more time woth your kids during the day they would need you less at night.

I have a child-proof door knob cover on the indside of my daughter's bedroom. I keep the monitor on so I can wake up if something is wrong, but she can't get out. There were some nights she cried for a while and we often times will go in and rock her back to sleep, but we don't bring her into our bed anymore. It's nice to have the space again. Good luck!

I have read most of the resonse and I agree with them.The boys need pull ups/diapers and they need to be in their beds. but I am also a single mommy of three, one girl 8.5 and two little boys. My boys slept with me forever! One is 3.5 and the other is 2.5, so instead of getting them both in their own room at the same time, which was awful for all involved! I started with the older one first, while the little one stayed in mommys bed. It sounds more like the boys are starting in your room, not coming in in the middle of the night, so maybe this might work. Your husband will need to be involved too, I used my older daughter. I would lay down with the bigger boy in his bed until he was asleep for a few nights then gradually I would start leaving when he was awake but very groggy until he would just go to bed and fall asleep. This took a couple of weeks, meanwhile my daughter would lay in my bed with the littlest boy and read to him so that he would stay in mommys bed and not come into the boys room and disturb what I was trying to do with big brother, have daddy do this part. Then when Big brother finally got bedtime down I started with the baby, since baby was younger this took alot less time, but I did put baby in a reg bed early so that this process worked ( I don't really fit in a crib lol). But since baby wassleeping in my bed I figured he could handle a big bed on his own too. It takes patience and help from daddy/big sister and about 4-5 weeks. It has been three months and I still have the bed all to myself! Good luck.

I know the feeling... although not the bed wetting part.. But here is how we got my co-sleeping sons out of our beds (now 4 and 2) They had to nap in their own beds during the day- we tried to make it extra special like they were grown up- it took a few weeks and then they demanded to be put to sleep there at night. Then later the 4 year old kept wandering in at night- many many sleepless nights and finally we just said I will put you back one time and then after that you have to put yourself in your bed by yourself- but you do have to get up and take them in there the first time. A few nights of crying happened and then he ended up sleeping through the night and not wandering into our bedroom again.... Here is what my sister in law with 4 boys does- she has a small mattress on the floor at the foot of her bed and if anyone comes in her room in the middle of the night they are welcome to sleep there but are not to get in mommy and daddys bed... it works for them- but she said it took a while of putting them in that small bed. I just keep trying to remind myself that pretty soon they are going to just roll their eyes at everything we say and want to have nothing to do with hugging us when they are teenages so I am going to enjoy it now. Good Luck

First off, your boys should both be in diapers/pull ups at night, they are both too young to make it all the way through. And for the sake of your marriage and to give your husband the respect he sounds like he deserves, GET THOSE BOYS OUT OF YOUR BED. Make them sleep on the floor, keep putting them back into their own beds, have them make "tents" or do something fun like a camp out to make their rooms inviting and fun. But get them out of your room so you can your husband can be a couple. I hate to say this, but your kids have control over you re: this issue. Hope you can take control.

Good book to read: "Different Child, Different Needs" gives insight into their and your personalities and how they interact. Very interesting.

I'm a fan of co-sleeping. In the past, I tried kicking my kids out of my bed (following the "trends")- but my older daughter has such anxiety and fear of being alone, esp at night, and my younger son just does whatever big sister does (which is ask to sleep in my room or later wander into my room). In the end, as it turns out, my husband and I like being that close to the kids as well, so we have a family bed. Luckily it's a king size bed. Win-win situation. The kids occasionally spend whole nights in their room. Arguably nothing wrong with co-sleeping. (Controversy is everywhere). Do what works for you.

(I would hypothesize that if the kids started off the nights falling asleep in their room... in time and as they grow older, they would decide to stay there overnight. Who knows).

I suppose if I was dealing with the bedwetting issue, I would start restricting any drinks a couple of hours before bedtime. Then I would have them pee before bedtime and place an appropriate fitting diaper/ pull-up on. I'd try the homeopathic remedy: Hyland's Bedwetting Tablets (sold at Whole Foods and select stores) http://www.hylands.com/products/bedwetting.php
Then, as everyone's suggested, the waterproof pad for the bed. I also support SuperNanny's suggestions. Love that Nanny.

Well, this isn't really going to be very helpful as far as keeping them out of your bed, but a suggestion for the mattress... Why don't you put one of those waterproof mattress covers underneath your regular mattress cover just to protect the mattress? They have some these days that aren't all bulky and loud - I have one for my daughter that is really thin - it has a layer of plastic on the bottom of it on the cotton part - you really wouldn't even know that it was waterproof unless I told you! :o)

I guess you could offer your 4-year-old some kind of reward for sleeping in his bed all night - a trip to disneyland or a special toy or something... I have nothing as a suggestion for the 17 month old :o)

If you really want them out, consistency is the key. It took us 6 weeks to really get our 4 year old to sleep through the night without coming to our bed until morning.
We made a ChloeGoes to Sleep book, with pictures of her, her bed etc. We read every night so we made up the story book with What the rules of the house are ,...Kids stay in their beds and Moms and Dads in there etc What she can do if she wakes. Each time she woke up and came to us we quietly took her back ( and she had 1 1/2 weeks of tantrums in the middle of the night) I work and so does my husband...not easy. But I enlisted him to take her back...for the most part he did a better job and was less emotional. With me it was one more hug, one more kiss.

We read it every night. But being consistent and talking about what the changes with be are important and finally worked- Thank G-d!

E.

I would put some sort of gate on the door so they can't get out. Also, do you want to use pull ups since they wet the bed?

My 7 yr old still pees the bed if he drinks after 6pm and doesn't use the bathroom at least 3 times before he goes to bed. I know that sounds pretty funny, but any other combo and he'll pee the bed. My 2 yr old wears diapers at night and we're trying to pottytrain him during the day. I wonder if the no drinking after a certain time and going to the bathroom every hour on the hour before bedtime could help your 4 yr old. I'm not sure where your 17 month old is in terms of diapers/pullups/underwear. My 7 yr old is such a heavy sleeper and doesn't wake up at all, but my 2 yr old was doing the same thing as your kids every night till about 2 months or so ago. Sometimes he'd wake up twice! We'd wake up and put him back in his bed and he'd wake up a couple hours later and do it again, haha. They're so cute it's hard to say no, you know? But, I wanted my bed back. We do the same routine every night now. I read them a story, I tuck them in, I sing them a few songs and I go to my room. When the 2 yr old used to get up and try to come in our room I'd just walk him back to his room and he'd cry and whine, and I'd feel bad, but I'd tell him how much I love him and how he needs to sleep in his big boy bed because he's a big boy now. Different things work for different people, but consistency is always the best deal breaker in my opinion. If you slip once, you have to start all over again with whatever method you're trying to use.

Hi R.,

We co-slept with our children when they were babies. My children didn't really start sleeping well until they were over 3 years of age. At that point they both started sleeping in their room without problem. We made the transition easier by one of us sleeping in their room on the trundle bed until they felt safe enough to sleep in their room by themselves. This worked especially well for my daughter who was very needy as a baby. I didn't think I would ever get her to sleep on her own! But after a month of Daddy sleeping on the trundle she was happy as a clam. You might want to consider sleeping on an inexpensive blow-up mattress in their room for a time. When they wake up, you'll be right there. The other option is to put a blow up mattress in your room and explain to the older one that if he is scared at night he can sleep on that mattress in your room but not in your bed.

Get your husband on this! You can't take a boy into manhood with estrogen! This is something he needs to do and with love and encouragement. Every once in a while is ok. But not to be regular in their own rooms can become a problem. Maybe a chart with stars on it for earning. How many starts they get to sleep in their own room with determine their treat at the end of the week. A special movie time, a great book that mom will read to them, an extra hour on Friday night of TV. Something to reward them for being brave and a little more independent. Rewarding with candy is NOT ok!!!!! Candy should NEVER be a reward. Get more creative and more healthy with your rewards. Think of the repercussions into their lives with that kind of rewarding.

Your boys want their mother HOME full-time. Give them that.

Hi! We had the same thing happen in our home and even though it takes a few patient trips you must be firm and quiet letting them know who is boss and what you are doing and why and keep putting the children in bed until they realize you mean business and it took us 3 days but it worked and she has slept in her own bed ever since, even in the middle of the night just put them in their bed even if you have to lay down with them till they fall asleep for a spell. God bless.

Hi. We have the same issue here. I bought the Little Green cleaner by Bissell, and that helps clean up the mess.
I have insisted that they wear a pullup to sleep. Not the cool alert ones because they actually wake the kid up!! not good. but they still feel loved and okay with themselves. we just put on the pullup and let them be themselves! they WILL grow out of the nighttime wetting the bed when their bodies are ready for it. until then, pullups are the answer!

The biggest thing is that you put them to bed in their rooms awake so they can learn to fall asleep in their own beds, I have 5 kids of my own. My best sleepers are the ones I trained to go to bed in their own bed at a very young age. The ones that have problems waking up and coming into my bed are the ones I was rock or hold until they went to sleep and then put them in their beds. They need to learn how to do it without you. What works for me is being consistent with the bedtime routine. It usually consists of a story and a few songs and their night time prayers. Good luck.
S.

R.,
Each time your boys climb into your bed you must put them back in theirs.
Tell them it is time for sleeping and they sleep in their beds and you and their Daddy sleep in yours.
There will be crying, tempers, anger but it must be! They get into your bed because you don't stop them.
Stop them from staying. If you don't wake up when they come in attach a noisy bell to your door handle so that when they open it you will hear it.
When your 4 year old comes in, take him to the toilet. That should help with his bed wetting. Perhaps that is what wakes him up.
Good luck
Gods Bless you
D.

I'm probably in the minority here, but I have long enjoyed a family bed. Neither of my kids had pacifiers or other "lovies" and in the case of my older daughter, I worked full time. I felt that if my child needed to touch base with me, that it was okay. Being an adult is not all it's cracked up to be so I felt no need to push them out of the nest. Now that being said, as they got older, things got a bit more crowded and wet at times too, so we ultimately ended the family bed routine (although my son continues to have other ideas). The other repondents are correct. When you are ready consistency is the key. I woke nightly for about two weeks to escort my daughter back to her room to finally be able to get her to sleep the night in her bed (she was 4). Both my kids continue to have an open invitation to come in for a morning cuddle provided dawn has broken and the birds are chirping. My son is a bigger challenge as I generally am so wiped out I don't even feel him creep into bed next to me so I have no hope of removing him... the old sneek attack! My son is personally responsible for destroying our matress and like you we are not buying a new one anytime soon (Fabreeze anyone?). He hasn't had an accident in about 9 months but the spector of one happening continually haunts us. For the time being we have a waterproof pad just in case.

Good luck and try to enjoy how sweet it is that they want to be close to you. I promise they won't always want to sleep with you, and they won't enter high school peeing in your or their bed!

L.

As hard as it is you will have to put them back into their own beds each time they do this, and they will cry believe it but you will have to stay strong. Unless they have a bad nightmare in which casr you can allow them to fall asleep but as soon as they do --back to their own beds.

As far as the mattress is concerned, if you purchase a new one, you can just buy a mattress cover (pad). They have some that are water proof.

However, with the boys, you should just get up in the middle of the night and put them back in their beds. If you have to lay there a while, then I suggest you do that. I have a son and he did the same thing, but I was persistent in putting him back in his bed and he adjusted well. My son is 22 now. However, I have a daughter and she is 13 and I wasn't so persistent with her because she had a few seizures. She is well now and doesn't have the seizures, but she is still sleeping with me and I can't get her out of my bed and my husband sleeps in another room.

If you want to have a healthy marriage, then I suggest you do as I am telling you because I have been married for a long time and this is causing problems for me.

Good luck, I hope this helps!

I am also working on that issue with my youngest who also wets my bed alot. Until you get them out of your bed, get a waterproof pad. I also got a waterproof mattress pad but you could just use the waterproof pad. I found it at target in the bedding section. It's about 8 ft. long and 4 foot wide. I put it between my sheet and mattress pad, across the bed where their little bodies would lie. Amazingly enough since I put it on the bed, there has been no accidents in my bed. Good luck!

Hi R.... Well, we are in the same situation. I have two boys (4 & 2) who both like to sneek into our bed at night. Sometimes I don't even notice when they cuddle in. It's been hard to rid them of this habbit for several reasons: 1) My husband works nights, so half the week I'm alone and don't mind the kids sleeping with me. 2) I do enjoy cuddling with my little ones. 3) This stage of their lives is so fast, and I cherish every second I get to spend with them. However, I have been working on getting them to stay in their own beds. They start out sleeping in their room. When I notice either slipping into bed with us, I gently pick them up, reassuring them as they wimper that I love them dearly but being in their own bed is a part of growing up, and I place them back into their own bed. It's not always easy, esp. with the two-year-old (and really I haven't been as consistant with him yet), but I am pushing it with my older boy. It is working for the most part. He has actually started coming into our room much later (around 5:30a.m. now instead of 3:00 a.m.). I am seeing some light at the end of the tunnel for him, and I know that my younger son will eventually be were my older one is. As for the bed wetting, the moment I feel one of my boys slip into bed with me, I make him get up and use the bathroom. We started this habbit after experiencing one night of bed wetting in our bed ... very unpleasent for all of us as we had to move everyone out to change the bed in the middle of the night. Even if I am pushing him back into his own bed, I make him use the bathroom first (even when he fights it!). It will be nice to have our bed to ourselves again someday ... soon! Hope all of this helps. I know how you feel! ~J. C., mother & wife

Chose a night to start and DON'T GO BACK. The first few nights are going to be hell but it will get better and soon it will not be an issue and you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

During the day explain to the older boy (and younger but probably won't understand) that tonight you are going to start sleeping in beds that are for them.

At bed time, put them in their bed and say goodnight. If they get out, lead them back to their own bed and say this is where you need to sleep as this is your bed. If it happens again take them back and say goodnight. If they get out again, (and they will) take them back and say nothing. Do this step over and over when they get out. First night, loads of getting out. Next nightmaybe less, and then less and less over the next few nights.

The main thing is to not go back and let them in bed. It will be hard for a few days and you may be so tired and want to give up but don't. The first time they go to bed and stay there, you will have the best night ever. Just be careful as this is how you have more children. Ha ha

Good luck

My son is 2 1/2 and has just started sleeping in his own room. When he started sleeping with my husband and I and not in his room we decided to put his crib mattris next to our bed and he had slept there for a few months. then we moved the bed to across the room and he slept there for several more months and now he is in his room. We didnt mind him sleeping in our room as long as it was NOT in our bed. I think it got him used to sleeping on his own, close to us but by himself. Now he loves sleeping in his room. He still falls asleep on our bed at night and then we move him into his bed in his room. I Hope you find something that works!

Hi R.!

Well I hired a baby sleep specialist named Kathy Sinclair. She is absolutely amazing! And within 2 days our daughter was sleeping soundly and THROUGH THE NIGHT in her own bed!!!! The name of her business is Baby Sleep Solutions and her #'s are: LA ###-###-#### and Ventura County ###-###-####.

I have a 5 month old, but I have also referred her to others: a 10mo, 13 mo and 3 yr old. All of which have also received incredible results!

Best of Luck!

C. Novak

R.,

I've been dealing with a 21 month old who can climb out of her crib which has also caused some major sleep issues! After reading this book called The Sleep Easy Solution, I made a personalized sleep book. Basically it is a "story" about everything that happens at my daughter's bedtime, where everyone is going to sleep, including the dogs, what happens if she gets out of her bed, and tons of positive messages. It also has pictures of her and the family (some of the pictures staged of course!) We read it three times before bed and held our breath preparing for another long night! Each time she got out of her crib we walked her back to bed. We talked to her the first few times and then the next couple of times, no eye contact, no talking. And finally she fell asleep. (We did the same thing the night before, without the book and it too

k longer) I can't even describe what our nights looked like without this approach or plan. The book claims that their method should work in 5 days. It is written by these women in Beverly Hills who have built a very large celebrity client base. She did wake up 3 times in the night, but I was able to put her right back to bed without a fuss. We hope we are turning the corner and are kicking ourselves for not doing this 3 months ago when it all started.
Good luck with your sleep adventures. Be strong and firm. As the book reminded me, teaching my daughter how to sleep is a huge gift and by creating the bad habits that we were reinforcing we were doing her more of a disservice. You can do it!!!!!!!

Also, I've read that letting them picking out their own sheets (at least for the 4 year old) is a good step in helping the kids feel ownership over their bed. Also do you have something down for bed wetting on their beds. There is a great wrap around protector at Right Start. Also, we switched to Huggies Goodnights for our 21 month old. They are a ton more absorbant and have more coverage so she isn't wetting the bed anymore.

Good luck,
K.

As they get older they will do this less and less, if you emphasize that they need to stay in their own beds. In the meantime get a waterproof sheet for your bed and theirs. They are not that expensive. We have them on all of our beds, due to our grandkids coming over and sleeping with Grandpa and I on occasion. The first night they stay each time makes them want to cuddle with us. After that they stay in their beds here. If there are accidents, sickness or dirty feet on the bed, we just through them in the washer. No ruined mattress, keeps germs away and I don't have to get upset, so we enjoy their visits completely.

I think you should get sleeping bags and put them on the floor next to your bed.let them know that they can sleep in your room but only in the sleeping bags on the floor.Eventually they will realize how cozy their beds are and hopefully they will stop coming into your room

I, fortunately, haven't had to deal with this. But my mom did and she said that she started putting a gate in the door of her room. Maybe you could even explain to them ahead of time that you are going to put a gate in your doorway or the hallway or somewhere that allows them access to the bathroom (if they need that), but keeps them out of your room. You might have to put up with some whining and crying, but I'm sure it will be worth it in the long run. In my experience, it can be hard to see very far into the future sometimes, but I'm sure your peace of mind and solid rest will make it worth it.
Maybe you could make gradual changes- put the gate in your doorway, then, when they're used to that- just outside your doorway, etc...

Hello R.,
I can imagine what you're saying and I have a suggestion or two for you. First, if you're boys are going to come to your bed, I would buy a plastic sheet and put it under your usual sheet. This will at least save the mattress.
In order to keep your boys in their own beds, you might try to put something interesting in their rooms, such as a quite cd, and or a light that reflects pretty pictures on the walls and ceilings, like butterflies, or fish. The more comfortable you make their room for them, the more they will like it and stay in it.
But, you have to be consistant in returning them to their own room when the come into yours. If you let them stay, they will know that it's "oK". I know it seem awful to have to get up in the middle of the night yourself to take them back, but with consistancy, it should work.
Good Luck,
B.

I am sorry to say that I do not have a solution for this as I too am trying (and trying, and trying...) to get my daughter out of our bed. I have had the most success with a reward chart where she gets a point every time she stays in bed and when she has enought points she gets to pick something fun, buy a toy, or go for ice cream. It doesn't work every night, but it is helping. Some weeks she earns her prize easily, and some weeks it takes a little longer. Also, I have no problem with using pull ups if necessary. I think that potty training during the day vs night is two different things. Some books say to wake them half way through the night to take them to the bathroom, but if you wake them out of their bed they will be in yours. So, you solve one problem, but eliminate any possibility of solving the other.....ahhhhhh!!! We gave up on bed wetting and are focusing on her staying in her bed (we are just to tired of taking the beatings when she sleeps with us.) I don't care if she uses pull ups till she is 30.....WE NEED SLEEP!! Good luck!

Try getting mattress protectors--they're cheaper than mattresses, and they do the job of keeping the mattress dry. Also, put your boys in the night-time Pullups (which you may be doing, anyway).

Hey mama- I loved co sleeping with all my children- The boys 9 and 7 years old are now too big for my bed and sleep on a fold up matress on the floor of my room and my 5 year old daughter is still with me... if your problem is just the bed wetting then I would urge you to look toward homeopathic remedies, very effective totaly safe and avalible...two great books for the family are Homeopathic medicine at home by maesimund b. panos,m.d. and jane heimlich, this is my favorite and The family guide to homeopathy by alain horvilleur, m.d.-
Blessed Love-

First, if they wet the bed why aren't they in pull-ups or diapers? Second, it is very inexpensive to buy a waterproof mattress cover and/or liner. That will protect your bed in the meantime. Both your kids should have these on their beds. As far as sleeping with you, be diligent in walking them back to their own beds and tuck them back in. If this has been happening for some time it must be habitual at this point and it may take a while to get them to sleep through the night again. My five year did this and I made a deal with her. If she wanted to spend the night at my mother's house she would have to sleep in her own bed. She loves my mom and loves sleepovers. This was a big motivator for her and it didn't take her long to sleep in her own bed all night. This tactic would work best for the 4 year old. This will take a while to correct and even if it improves it could happen again later. Always walk them back to bed and tuck them in. I'd also cut working to part time.

Hi R.,

It is always hard to introduce new limits with kids, especially when they would much rather stick to what they know, and be with you all night. But growing up means change,
and kids need to know that parents have their own space, and need time alone with each other. Be clear and kind but firm.

My suggestion to you is that you encourage your older son to be more "grownup" by having his very own bed to sleep in! Make it fun and a kind of challenge, that you think he is old enough now, no longer a baby, to sleep in his own bed, without you. Tell him you are proud of him, that you know he can do it, even if he is a little scared at first, and that you hope he will reassure his younger brother when they both start sleeping alone.

Set very clear limits and consequences. Do not bend or budge or change the rules or give in to his demands, or the process will be much harder and longer. You are the parent, you make the rules, and all of you need to get more sleep. Encourage him to start trying to wake up when he has to pee, and go to the bathroom; or give him overnight "big boy" diaper/underpants so that he can pee w/o wetting sheets and ruining his mattress.

If he cries, tell him that it will take some time to get used to this new bedtime plan, but that you are all going to see it through, because you know he is ready to sleep alone.

Remember, you are of very little use to your kids if you're exhausted, or resentful about not having time alone or with your spouse. Kids can learn to respect and even appreciate that their parents need time alone together, and strict bedtime rules can really help them to feel secure, safe, taken care of, and might even help them to sleep better and stop wetting the bed.

Good Luck!!

R.

(my daughter is ten, never slept with us, but did need a lot of time to become toilet-trained, and still needs very clear, very consistent limits about bedtime.)

I also have 2 amazing Lil Men(2 and 3) in my life and Daddy is in the Navy so he is not around awhole lot. At first I found it hard to keep my boys out of my bed at nite and like u my older on kept peeing in it. What worked for me was goin in lying in his bed and making sure he was comfortable in there when he got up. I had him sleep in diapers at nite just in case he wet the bed, but we stopped giving him drinks at nite and made sure he goes to the bathroom before he goes to bed and if he wakes up then he has to go again. We have been dry now for about 2 months expect the other nite he almost had an accident, but he got up on his own and told me he was wet. I checked but it was only a drop, so i guess our method worked. Good luck.

Hmmmm, kind of a tricky one... I am a big believer in co-sleeping. I can completly understand how 'yucky' a peed on mattress is!!!! First, I would try to have your mattress have the plastic on it. Weather it is a new one or figuring out how to put plastic on yours..... Through their transition, they will still end up in your bed for at least a little while longer. I think my main suggestion would be putting some kind of 'portable' bed on your floor.... they would STILL get to be in your room, but not in YOUR bed. Slowly move their new portable bed closer and closer to the door..... Do they share a room????? Maybe that would be a good idea....... Perhaps just the compant of another person is comforting.....????

Have you ever watched Supernanny? Love her. It is easy to get your kids out of your bed it you really want to do it, but they are going to cry a little the first few nights. First, make sure you have a consistant routine and a consistant bed time. If you are having issues with this, say goodnight, and don't go back in no matter what they do or say. Then if they get up, the first time you say "It's bedtime sweetheart (or whatever term of endearment you use)", the second time you just say "It's bedtime" and every time after that say nothing, and each time guide them back into their bed. Be calm and consistant, and have absolutely no hesitation or conversation with them, just do it.

THEN, when they get up in the night, repeat. Guide them back to bed with no conversation (or maybe just the first time you do it you can say "goodnight"). I guarantee you that it will work in three nights or less. You just have to be the parent and be firm!

And about the bedwetting, I'm sure you want to tackle that as well- for the 17 month old, if he is doing it too (and I am impressed if you have him potty trained that young), he is still young enough that you could put a diaper or pull up on him at night. But the older one, the best thing do is to set an alarm and get up at, say, 2 am and take him to the bathroom. Do this for about a week, and eventually he will learn to wake himself up when he needs to go to the bathroom. But be patient, it's harder for boys!

You need to purchase a toddler gate and put it across their doorway at night. I had twins and the only way I could keep track of them was to put this across their door so they would play in their room. The four year old might try to climb over it but he is probably only half awake when he gets up in the middle of the night and may not. But it is worth a try. Do you put them in pull-ups at night. This should keep them from spoiling your mattress.

A child's world is so much dependant on the relationship of Mom and Dad. If they see you as a united team they will feel secure. Try spending some "couch time" with your hubby each night. This should be at least five minutes of time where you give each other you undivided attention and let your boys see you doing it. This will show them the "oneness" that you and your husband share and give them security.

Hi R.;

I have four children and raised them all. My 25 yrs old is married,had 18 mths old daughter,21 yrs old son lived and studied in NY, 16 yrs old is in Junior College,14 yrs son is freshman in high school. You're suppose to control and discipline this two boys and put the stop coming to your bedroom. Your bedroom is privately for you and your husband but sometimes, if they;re sick we usually wanted to be close and comfort them. Since the two boys are coming to your bedroom habitually, you needed to stop there. Always close your bedroom door and lock it so that they won't open. Explain to your two boys that mom and dad bedroom is private and you needed to have time alone sleeping in your bed. Explain to them that each one of them had their own bedroom and they needed to use it. Tell them a sad story about some other children does not have a privelege to have their own bedroom because they parents are poor and no money to have a big house, or tell them some sleep in the box outside the street because this children is orphanage and does not have mom and dad love,care about them. Sometimes, you have to keep telling them over and over again until it help them understand and discipline their mind that they have to sleep in their own bed. It is your own house and you are the one who makes rules and regulations for your children and not anyone else, especially still wet their bed. I remember two of my boys also wet their bed when they're growing up, I used to put some garbage bag underneath their bedsheet to protect the urine goes to the mattress so that you won't keep changing the mattress of their bed. I used to do that until the two boys grow up. Good luck and start discipline your boys at the younger age because it will beneficial and easy for you to raise children when you discipline them and teach them right and wrong. They are smarter than what you think about them.

Rgds,
A.

If you're not already doing this, try putting them in their own room for nap time during the day. A lot of the times it's simply the darkness of a lonely room that keeps the child from sleeping in there. But if they get used to the room while its still rather light out, they may begin to feel more secure.

my two girls have been doing this to us too. We put one of those mini couches in our room that folds out to a bed for those nights when they come in so that they have a place to stay. That worked wonders and i would purchase a waterproof cover for your bed. I picked one up at Bed Bath and Beyond for $39 and that was for a cal king. The other thing i started 3 weeks ago that worked really well on my 5 year old is they are allowed one piece of candy a day if they come into my room for any no good reason such as i'm lonely or there is something in my room no candy for that day. This has worked wonders. Good luck. My girlfriend let her kids sleep in her bed way too long and she just got them to sleep in their own room by giving them each a light saber from Star Wars to sleep with to protect them through the night.

If you can put your boys to bed together in the same room and a double bed, they wouldn't have the need (as much) to sleep with you. If they wander in during the night just gently take them back and tuck them in. They will give up - IF YOU DON'T! Let them join you in bed on Saturday or Sunday mornings with newspapers, comics and books! They just want a part of Mom and Dad's snuggle time.
As far as bed wetting - put them in diapers and pull ups. Don't make a big deal out of it and eventually they will stop bedwetting. My son took forever to stop, but I sent pull ups on sleep overs and he eventually quit. Sounds like you have a wonderful family and I wouldn't worry about this.

R.,

Pee-proof mattress protectors like this one:

http://cgi.ebay.com/King-Waterproof-Bed-Mattress-Allergy-...

they are breathable so they aren't hot like the plastic ones and they really work. I have them on both of my boys' beds and on my bed. I don't want my bed smelling like pee either and these really work. I still have my 4 y.o. in nitetime pull ups and he almost never pees through them. My 1 y.o. is still in diaper and I don't have any issues with his leaking either. Maybe you need to try different diapers or a bigger size. I can't imagine that them peeing the bed is any more restful for them than for you.

T.

I would put the boys in night trainers to help keep things dry, even if they do have an accident. And tell them that if they are going to be in your room they have to sleep on the floor. Most kids don't mind, they just want to be next to you. Hopefully, they'll soon be able to go back to their room. Good Luck!

Well,
What do you mean he keeps you guessing? At 22 believe me I WAS ONCE THERE and didn't know better. I am now 45, its really, strongly, important to be home with your kids. I have a part-time job married. My husband does work and is home and very dedicated to our girls. Don't work or try to work part-time to be with your kids who at this time of their lives they need their mom and dad. Kids react to problems at home big time! Parents fighting, arguing in front of them over stupid stuff. You guys had kids way too young and now its up to both you to give your very best. Do whatever you can to be with them work when their in school. Its called sacriface! Because if you don't your children have little problems now and it will only get worse as they get older. Listen to DR LAURA on KFI AM 640, Mon-Fri 12pm-3pm. Shes great! Also get her book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.

Take care, Bev
ps: please take this time when their young because it will go fast and before you know it you will be a grandma! My son who is 25 has a 5 month old.

We used a baby gate so ours couldn't stealth into the bed, and redirected them just like suppernanny gets kids to sit on the naughty stool.. with a soft tone and a lot of patience it was all good. Im sure you've loved the family bed, but You're going to love your new bed even more!
L. P

They are still very young. If they wet the bed at night, you have two choices: put them in pull-ups, and/or put a waterproof pad on the mattress. I kept my four kids in pull-ups until they went more than a month without wetting the bed at nigt.

You said except for wetting the bed co-sleeping isn't an issue for you, which is great: I would not force them to stay in their room - nothing is scarier at night than needing mom/dad and not being able to get to them. They are approaching an age when they may start becoming aware of "monsters" or other nighttime scary things, and it is natural that they don't want to be far from you. Evolution designed them to stay near protection - "Our Babies Ourselves" is a great book that describes this.

Whenever your bed begins to feel too small... Do you have room to put another bed next to yours? We have a queen pushed up against our king for a wonderful huge family bed. Again have four kids. Our boys, 6 & 4, sleep on the queen, and on any given night one of our girls, 8 & 10, may wander in to crash during the night. This gives us enough space so our bed is accessible to all yet we have enough room.

when they come into your bed.... take them back, everytime. check out the book healthy sleep habits happy child- it will help give you some structure. it may take awhile but it will eventually get them in their own beds. the wetting the bed is another issue- tackle each one seperately- and be consistant- that is the key.

Hi R., I just watched Super Nanny last night and she was at the home of Wendy Wilson from Wilson Phillips. She had the same problem with her 2 boys. So Jo had her put the boys in their own bed at bedtime. When the got up she had her just put them back in their bed only saying, "it's time for bed sweetheart."She did this 3 or 4 times and of course their was a lot of crying but after 15-20 min. they were asleep. So Jo stayed on the couch to see if they would get up later in the night and they did but their mom just got up put them back in their bed and said the same thing as before. They stayed in their own beds the rest of the night. We had to do the same thing with our 3 year old and it does work. I think they just need to know that what you both say goes. It takes a lot of patience and effort but in a few days they will understand were they need to sleep at night. As far as wetting the bed we are also dealing with that. We have tried everything from pull ups (yuck) to no liquids after a certain time w/o much progress. So I went to Babies R Us and bought crib pads(I was tired of washing sheets and cleaning the mattress)and we wake her up once in the middle of the night to take her to the bathroom. This seems to be working even having nights where she doesn't need to go now and stays dry the whole night. Hope this helps so you can have your bed back. God Bless, H. A.

Hi R.! I had the same sleeping problem with my first son. I was reading some of your responses and I tried a few of them too. I tried the reward thing and it worked for a week or two but then he didn't care anymore. I also tried a chart with a sticker each night and at the end was a big prize like a trip to Chuck E Cheese. However, my first child is REALLY strong headed ( not always a bad thing) and what I had to do was picka Friday night and plan on not sleeping for the whole weekend. You have to set your mind to it and talk to them....then each time they come in you have to take them back to their room. There will be whining and crying but they should have it down pretty good after a few nights!

As far as the bed wetting....we went through that too....I started making them go pee right before they got into bed and it worked for us. Hope this all helps :)

C.

Hi R.,

I have no advice for getting them out (my dauther slept with me until she was 5-ish - and only started staying in her bed because I couldn't leave until she fell asleep! :), and my son (4) still sleeps with me and has no interest in sleeping in his own bed - and is also an occasional bedwetter. However, I have a water proof matress pad, on top of it I put a larg trash bag and a towel over the trash bag, then the fitted sheet over that. Whenever he wets the bed I just end up needing to wash the flat & fitted sheet, along with the towel. May sound like a lot of work but its really not and unless you use more forceful methods to get them out, its worth it. While I do wish my son would sleep in his own bed, he won't be young forever so I cherish every moment. Hope this helps...

I had the same problem with my three year old. What I did was a started making a paper chain from his ceiling in his bedroom. Every night he slept in his own bed, we cut out and added a chain link. When the chain eventually got long enough to reach his bed, he got a special treat like a trip to the ice cream store, Chucky Cheese, Dollar store. The chain seemed to really work because it was highly visible, especially when he was lying in his own bed and it was concrete enough to understand how much further he had to go to reach his goal. You could start off making the chains really big so that they only have to sleep through the night for 10-12 nights to receive their treat and then gradually make them smaller. Hope this helps. N.

1. does there bed sheets have some character they like? spiderman on them? if not get some. 2. gate along there door frame. 3. chart when they stay in there room for 4 days a match box car...then 5 days...so on. sometimes you have to hear a little opera singing,,,then it gets better. when yu do buy the new mattress as well as for them there are covers for mattresses? might be some money50.00 but it worth protecting. peace,,,joannne if you want have them pick out the sheets...and then 1 of there rewards is the spiderman pillow,,,then rug,,so on

Hi R.! I also went through this with my oldest. In my experience, I had to really get straight with MYSELF and ask why I kept allowing my son to wander over to our bed. I think it was 2fold: I was so exhausted in those wee morning hours, that the thought of getting up to put him back as unappealing. And two- he slept better in our bed. But I saw an episode of Super Nanny and I decided to steel myself and go through the process.

1. When child comes in, take him/her by hand and lead back to his/her own bed and kiss/tuck in. No verbal communication.
2. 2nd time- do the same with no kiss. No talking to encourage a debate, conversation, etc.

The kids crave interaction and will seek it out at night. I found that by spending 30 min prior to bedtime reading together, snuggling, etc that my son was more agreeable to sleeping in his own bed. It took a few nights of this, but he finally started sleeping in his own bed. The sleep I lost those nights was well worth it in the long run.

Best wishes!

Hi R....
A friend of mine used a star chart and actually made it kind of a fun reward thing. I'm not usually in to rewards but it gave HER two boys something to look forward to in the middle of the night when they wanted to snuggle up with mom and dad.
Good luck!
Rachaael

AHHHH! I think you would do best to set some new boundaries. Bedtime needs to be a set 7:30 (or whatever you decide) in each of their own beds after a bedtime routine of a story, prayer, teeth brushing, etc, and they don't get out of their beds until 7 a.m. (give the 4 year old a clock and teach him what 7:00 looks like.) You can do it. There is a book called "Happy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, it is a really great tool to help you get to that point. I urge you to try to get this system going. We have a 5 yr old, a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old and they all go to bed without a fight at 7:30 and sleep uninterrupted until 7 am. It is a blessing to our marriage and our family, and my kids hardly ever get sick because they are so well rested! It may take a little bit of training to get there... but I promise it will be well worth all the effort! -well rested 33 yr old mom of 3 preschoolers!

When my daughter was 5 I had the same issue. Not sure it will work on the 17 month old. I went to the 99 cent store and bought a medium sized gift bad and filled it with cheap toys but didn't let my daughter see inside. I brought it home and made a big deal about ALL the toys inside of it. I explained that each night she spent the whole night in her bed, she could reach in and pull out a toy. The 1st night she woke up and came in, I reminded her about the toy bag and she went back in her bed. When she woke up in the morning I made a really big to-do about getting to reach in and choose something from the bag. Within a week she was sleeping in her own bed, no toy neccessary by like the 10th day. Good luck!

First off, my son wets the bed...seldom does a night go by that he wakes up dry and he's 4 yrs old, so I bought him the night time pull ups and call them bed time underwear. And as for them sleeping in their own bed, I had that problem too. We went to the store and let him pick out a few things for his room some posters, and wall stickers, a clock, nightlight, and a shelf. Then we turned it into a reward thing...when he slept in his bed a few nights we put a poster on the wall, a few more nights some of the wall stickers and so on. It worked well, and finally when he was sleeping in there all the time we went and let him pick out a new comforter. He loved that he was able to make HIS room, with stuff he wanted for it. Luckily for me he picked everything cars so it matches, lol. Good luck! The whole prcess took about 8 months.

It seems you have a lot of great responses (Yes, watch Super Nanny!), but here's my two cents from another perspective.

This is an issue which will set a pattern with your children and will be an indicator of your parenting skills. You will want privacy, intimacy, and the ability to sleep, sooner than later, so get this handled as soon as possible. My son is not encouraged to play or eat in my bed, watch tv in my bedroom, or even snuggle with me in that space. He knows that he is very loved, but that this demonstration of affection can take place in every other area of the house - except my bedroom.

My boyfriend, who has 2 kids from his previous marriage, refused to set these rules in his house, and we actually broke up over this. His son had an open invitation to be in the bed and bedroom (except while we were sleeping), so our privacy was constantly interrupted, or never began. This was a pattern which was set up with his ex, and which did not go well with her current husband either. They continue to argue over this issue.

Be very firm. Say, "I love you" and "My bedroom is off-limits." Period.

Good luck!