19 answers

Out of Control Son

im seeking advice on how to deal with my 16 year old son at the age of 8 he was diagnosed with ADD he was always a handful but the last few months he is getting worse he is starting to bully his younger brothers and sister he calls them the worst ever names as well as myself he has broken every window in my car put holes in doors wont even go to school any more iv tryed all sorts of things but nothing seems to work im more afraid he will hurt one of the smaller ones he does not even say sorry anymore when he brakes anything im starting to think he does not care what he says or who he hurts any ideas anyone please

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

You son may have been miss diagnosed and is not add at all. You may want to go and have him evaluted with a different Doctor. To many children that are diagnosed with Add and are actually bipolar. Children you can look on line for the systems of it. If Children that are add are on the right medicine they should not act that way. I have both a child with ADD and Bipolar. I hope that this helps you.

Pediatrician and psychiatrist right away, school guidance counselor next, law enforcement and social workers last but certainly if necessary, don't delay.

More Answers

Sometimes a 16 year old needs a taste of tough love. If he lifts a finger towards you or your other children call the police.
Does he have a job? He needs ot pay for the damage he is doing to your house.
ADD is not an excuse!!! With or without it he is being a menace that needs to be stopped. Sometimes we need to bring in the authorities.

1 mom found this helpful

He definitely, definitely needs psychiatric intervention - and likely an inpatient stay in a childrens' psychiatric unit. I used to work at one such facility, and the kids being admitted had exactly these types of behaviors. What message are you sending if there are no consequences? For the safety of your other children, yourself, and this child, please intervene immediately. He is exhibiting warning behaviors, and you will have a hard time reconciling your feelings about not doing more if he injures his little brothers or sister, or himself. His young mind is in complete turmoil and he needs someone to help him.

Breaking windows in your car?? Refusing to go to school?? Honestly you're lucky nothing else has happened yet. Please do something TODAY.

1 mom found this helpful

hi~
it sounds like a very difficult situation. Have you tried psychology? what do you feel is triggering his behaviors?
if you truly feel like he might hurt someone you may want to strongly consider admitting him to a pediatric psychology unit as soon as possible - https://secure.childrensmemorial.org/depts/childpsychiatr...

I would at the very least call the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and talk to them about your situation - To contact the professionals at Children's Memorial Hospital, call ###-###-#### . Ask the operator if there is an psychiatrist on-call. If not ask them how to handle the situation (e.g. he may need to go through the emergency department). If you feel that he may harm himself or others right now (which is what it sounds like), you may want to consider calling them tonight.

Good luck and i hope all goes well

1 mom found this helpful

Being a handful is one thing - what you're describing is something totally different.

You say it came on in the last few months.... can you think back and remember if anything could have happened to set him off? If it really did just come on you need to find out what the trigger was.

Have you spoken to his guidance counselor? Maybe he/she may know something that happened at school. Does he have a facebook page?? Get on it and read EVERYTHING. Talk to his 'best friend', etc.

You need to check your insurance to see if you have coverage for family therapy and get him to it ASAP. You also need to go as well as the younger ones so that they know this is not OK . Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi A.. You didn;t say if your son was on medication? My son also had ADD and we went through some of the same things you are going through. He did not want to go to school, he fought it. He would not listen to the teachers and would get detentions(which he wouldn't go to) and then suspensions. We talked with the school and set him up with a special state funded program. We had several meetings with the councelors, phycoligist, teacher and my son. The school was very good. He was in a sustained classroom. He did not change classes as that is when he could cut class. When he did not listen and didn;t come to detentions they would send him to a VERY STRICT school for a few days ( HE HAD TO GO). It was very hard. He would be disstuctive to himself and in his room but never anyone else., he was just loud and mean to the family. We too called the cops on him once.
I'm sorry to be going on and on I just know what you are going through and wish I could help more. We even hired a private ADD teacher to come to our house. We did it all and I will be happy to tell you he is 21 now and a WONDERFUL person. He is off all meds, has an apartment (still needs to grow up) but he is doing great. So there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think your sons age is the WORST. So hang in there. If you want to talk to me any further or have any questions please feel free to contact me through mamasourse and I will get in contact with you Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

ADD doesn't cover what he's doing. Your son has some serious anger issues. Something traumatic might have happened to him, or he might be struggling with a mental illness. Still, regardless of the cause, the behavior is unacceptable. At 16, children need to feel the consequences of their actions or will only escalate. It sounds like you are concerned for the safety of the smaller children. If you genuinely believe this to be a danger, then it might be good to remove your son from the situation while he gets help. A military school with plenty of structure and consequences might be a good option, or an inpatient facility if it's a mental health concern. There are also schools for out-of-control kids. It sounds like he's too out of control to handle by yourself, so even if you keep it him at home, involve his teachers, school counselor, a therapist, and yes, the cops. DCFS might also have some resources for you but approach them with care since you can lose control of the situation quickly with them, and you don't necessarily want him in foster care or a facility you don't care for. Good luck with your son. It's agony to have an out of control child, especially when there are smaller children watching the example, and also feeling the impact of his rage and being harmed emotionally and physcially. So hard to balance everyone's needs against your son's needs. I wish you well.

Pediatrician and psychiatrist right away, school guidance counselor next, law enforcement and social workers last but certainly if necessary, don't delay.

My advice....therapy and tough love.

Therapy as there are obviously some anger issues going on here that need to be addressed as ADD never equals willful destruction and hurting people. Tough love in that he must be held accountable for his actions which may mean involving the police (willful destruction of property) or the Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) (safety and well being of the rest of the family).

You didn't mention it but I hope there were dire consequences for the broken car windows and punched doors.

While this isn't as bad as what you describe; my youngest daughter was 16 when she went through some very self destructive behavior and was ultimately arrested, along with a couple of her friends, for shoplifting. As difficult as it was, I sat back and allowed the wheels of justice to turn forcing her to deal with her actions. Despite the fact that her "cohorts in crime" were not additionally restricted by their families, she was restricted from friends and a plethora of other activities for a period of time. She balked and she made life miserable for the rest of us but we "stuck to our guns". She is now eighteen and has changed her life around (while her former friends continue to get into escalated trouble). She, in a sense, paid double and possibly triple for her actions but in the end it was worth it.

It is always difficult to see your child get into trouble and as parents we don't want to see them hurt by their own actions or those of others. But I believe there are times, like the one you describe, when we have to make hard decisions and ultimately force the child to face his or her actions, alone. Unfortunately, that usually means bringing in the authorities and stepping out of the picture. This is not to say, you should abandoned him, but you love him from a safe distance and pray that he finally "gets the point" before he does irreversable damage to himself and / or others.

My heart goes out to your and your family during this time and I pray that everything works out.

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