Other ADD Moms Out There? How Do You Do It?

Hi A.,
I was diagnosed with ADD and possibly ADHD almost 2 years ago, my Dr wanted to put me on meds but I just don’t believe in them, I wished I could say that I've done tons of research on how to control it in my self, but I haven’t, I have an ADHD son and refuse to put him on meds too, we did once for about 3 years and it was a downward spiraling nightmare.
So I've had to learn how to deal with my ADD on my own, I think the first thing for me was to recognize that I have ADD, that was a relief, it explained so much, but then I was able to start doing something about it, first thing was to give my self a break, not be so hard on my self for not being able to manage my life as easily as other people do.
So I basically became OCD to help my ADD, I'll tell ya, that is quite the combo, all be in the middle of obsessing on something and forget what I'm doing (lol, j/k, kind of).
But for me, Simple Organization is the words I find to describe what works for me. And time, I allow my self lots of time to do things.

I start with re-training my self One Thing At A Time.

I started with making a commitment to open the blinds every morning and close them before bed Every Day. Then when I was used to that being incorporated in my daily living, I made a commitment to buy Lysol wipes and wipe my bathroom counter top every morning after getting ready for work.

I mentioned this in a reply the other day that I buy lots of baskets, some I label, others I just know what they are, but I have them everywhere.
So I started putting Shoes in a large basket in the closet, got used to that. Now with my bills, well first I bought a mail file box to go on the wall in the garage, its real cute and has 3 slots, One for my mail, one for my boyfriends mail and one for my son's mail, so whoever checks the mail has to separate the mail into the appropriate slots, the second I get a bill in my hands, I grab my checkbook, write the check and put the bill back in the mail, I know me, and if I put that bill down, it will be forgotten. That has worked for me and now, my credit is outstanding, Yes my credit was damaged for forgetting to pay my bills.

I am one who was NEVER on time for anything, I still am not always on time for some things but I'm NEVER late for work anymore. What I do about that is I set an alarm on my cell phone, I have to be to work at 8am, it takes me 15 min on a good day to drive my son to school, pick up the mail for work and get to work. I want to be early and allow my self extra time for unexpected traffic or weather conditions so I feel to leave at 7:30 is a great time. That’s 25 min to get to work. I set my alarm for 7:20, when the alarm sounds, I tell my son "The car is leaving in 8 minutes" and hit snooze on the alarm & In that 8 min, I clean up my bathroom, put shoes coats or what ever on, grab my purse, clean up breakfast if not done already, when it sounds again, I'm ready to go out the door, if my son is ready, he can catch a ride, if he is not, he can find another ride to school, either my boyfriend, a friend or walk, its up to him, but I have to leave and he knows that.

I've worked this job over 3 years and have not been late even 1 day. I usually clock in around 7:53 - 7:55.

When he was smaller, I just planed on leaving about 40 min early so that our mornings didnt consist of me yelling at him to get out the door, I was patient to wait for him to tie his shoes, find his stuff, we had sweet mornings instead of sad mornings.

I was amazed how getting up earlier actually gave me more energy because I wasnt wasting it running around in a frenzy looking for everything, yelling and screaming and running to get to work. Now my mornings are peacefull and I can save that energy for something more constructive.

I hung coat hooks by the back door so that hanging up coats in the winter is easy.

I have a basket for all the things I'll need for work. One for the kids too is a great idea.

I posted more to someone the other day about how I do laundry, you can read past posts if you want to see my madness on that.

With what I have learned about my sons ADHD, one of the important things is structure and organization, well, we have nobody to give that to us as adults so we have to create it our selves.

Take it easy, Just start somewhere, don’t beat your self up, teach your kids along the way, I always tell my son "Ok, this month we are going to practice - - - - (Putting our dishes in the dishwasher after every meal, or hanging our towels up after our shower) Now to look at my life, Its clean, organized, together, I'm more responsible, I trust my self more to take on projects because I'm not so scared I'll drop the ball. Life is fun.

I hope this helped, Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

HI A.--

I've worked with many ADD Moms and Kids... in the health and wellness field.. I've found that Omega 3 Fatty Acids really make a huge difference , the DHA in the Omega 3, assist in the brain function especially in the area of focus! Amazing Results.. just make sure it is a toxin free , pure form of Omega 3 , especially from the fish oil... I can help if you are interested.
Shelley Guffey
____@____.com
###-###-####

1 mom found this helpful

dealing with what you have, A. (What a great name!),
and knowing you cannot rid of anything (neither add nor dear kids), you need to seek for how to use the situations wisely.

If a lot of energy and excited, try to put it in use: sing, dance WHILE cleaning up your room, for example, think of something extraordinary you could do, not sneaking away from the responsibilities you have as a mom and housekeeper.
What I did with my two sons, to keep the house clean, I invited them for a game of washing the DECK of the PIRATE SHIP, which was actually a kitchen floor. It made the task fun, and I had the result of the clean space.
All the clutter around, from myself or kids, I piled ALL THE THINGS that were not in place, in the middle of the room, on the carpet, whatever it was; books, toys, paper, dishes, whatever. Thus, for one, I immediately had the room clean. For two, we had a pile of what we called 'the treasures', and now again, with the boys, we all together explored what we have in there, and what use we could do of the 'newly found and discovered' item(s). If it was garbage, we delivered it to the garbage can, because on the pirate ship, we need no extra items, as the ship can only take that much load, in order not to sink. If it was a useful stuff, we decided where it could find a good place to be, which you can even make into a competition for kids to decide, who finds the best place for the thing first. When you and kids have a lot of energy, take one thing at a time, and then dance-walk to the place where the thing belongs. When you are tired of too much motion, you can sit down by the "treasure pile", and sort items out by 'topics': garbage pile, and the pile to go to the kitchen, the one for the bathroom, the one for the sink etc.
You know what I mean: try to make it fun for all of you, and in no time you will teach kids to be more helpful, also, the clean room being a bonus to you, a great happy fun mom!
It worked for us :),
hope it will help a little for you.
Not necessarily this scenario, but honest, if you are one unpredictable cool energetic happy person, everybody around will be happy also. Can you imagine what boys will think if you, instead of getting angry and frustrated, do a somersault (literally) and say: "time for active play!"
Good luck to you, be good, all of you !!! :)

1 mom found this helpful

flylady.com has really helped me out!! Check it out! They give you routines to follow, and how to declutter your home in babysteps, 15 minutes at a time. Great advise about life as well! Hope this helps!

I've heard this book is excellent and should help long term:
Transform ADD with The DaVinci Method

GL:)

Aanika_
Perhaps the solution is to slow down. Maybe you are overwhelmed. A job and a clean house and two kids is a lot for any one person to do. I think that we women always feel like we need to do it all.

I have difficulty concentrating. I listen to music and meditate. I listen to Dr. Laura (nerdy I know, but she helps me focus). I also paint to help improve my concentration. (I'm bipolar- manic states are the worst for concentrating!)

But seriosuly, think seriously about maybe letting go of one aspect. Ask your fiancee to take over the bills. Deligate a little!!!
Cheers!

I don't have ADD but I can relate to feeling overwhelmed, chaotic and behind. If you are open to change one baby step at a time, check out flylady.net --join her yahoo group and you will be amazed! It's totally free and we have so much more peace in our home because of her. I can't say enough good things about flylady.

Hey A., I have the exact same problem! I could use an "ADD buddy" if you'd be interested. We could help each other set goals- and then we'd have someone to be accountable to who actually understands. I have found most of my life constantly letting people down so I get to the point of where I stop trying. I don't want to do that anymore and need to get my life on track. Contact me if you'd be interested!

A.

Good morning A.. Hope you are doing well today. I have to tell my first thought when I read your post. "I do not have ADD, and this sounds just like my life, although I do not get to work until 8:15 (also supposed to be there at 8). And, my girls are 8 and 6! I think one of the hardest things we all have to adapt to when working and caring for our home and children is that it is just way too much for one person to handle. I don't think I know one real super mom, but most moms I meet are super! Our 21 year old son has ADD so we have some experience with it. I think have two or three points of habit built is the key for you. Have one basket or box for bills. One spot for all of your laundry and one spot for toys. When the bills come in throw them in "whatever" you have picked to put them in (maybe right by where you read your mail. For me that is on my kitchen counter. Make one spot for laundry buy where you take your clothes off. Put a big box or tub for toys by where the kids play. Then, prioritize. Bill paying would come before house cleaning because if the bills don't get paid, you don't have your needs met. Then, just do some clean up on your day off.

You could also just do one priority a day, then, sit down amongst the rubble of toys and play with your kids. I wish I had done that when they were young. I opted to clean house all the time instead and now I wish I had done the latter.

I would say, until you are done breastfeeding, just keep those bills in one spot so you can find them when ready to pay them and relax on the rest.

Good luck and enjoy your family!

YESSSS! I have been meaning to respond to this one but I keep putting it off because I want to say just the right thing! I totally relate. There are so many things you can do with out the drugs. The hard part is actually doing them! I was on a high dose of Medidate and I was perscribed to take it up to 3 times a day. I have the type with out the hyper activity... Needless to say I thought I was going crazy when I had to stop taking it during pregnancy. I also breast feed... There are modifications you can make in your diet, take a good vitamin, and really take a good look at the products you use in your home. I have found the diet part to be most challengeing... feel free to email me for more details about the specifics... It really has helped. Typical of ADD folks---it is just hard doing it until you get used to it and make yourself keep going!

have you ask for help with the kids to get you out the door so you can get work on time

Working out and really controlling my diet helps me control the ADD with out meds. Dont take me wrong i have good weeks and bad weeks, but mostly an Atkins style diet and regular walking with the kids or a round of dance revolution with my daughter every day tends to help alot and allow me to focus on the real chores. Try giving the bills to the honey to be in charge of for a while and make cleaning a game with Landan. I hated Barney but his pick up song has made my daughter a real helper. Yhis is what worked for me and I have been off the Adderall for 4 years now.

It is so hard, one thing my sweet mother in law taught me is I have to be realistic. It has taken 4 years but I started with my "3 most important things" list. First I get us all dressed to shoes everyday. My sanity is more important than my carpet. Then I keep up on laundry ( I don't sort, I can't deal with that much) garbage (they all get dumped every day into the big one) then dishes. Hate this one most. I found if I kept up on just these things, I have more abiliyt to focuse because it was not stinky in my house. Lists longer than 5 items were over whelming, keep them to 3-4 items, no carry overs to the next day. Visit CHADD.org and flylady.com these two sites saved me! The best thing I ever did though was to make every bill I could automatic. They all come out of my account without me thinking about it. I actually switched cell phone carriers once because the one I had did not offer this. I have only 4 bills a month I pay myself. All bills come electronicly, get saved in a folder, and all of my log-in's and passwords are the same. (except a few which I keep written down and hidden. This has really helped. Our best is different than someone elses'. Let the small stuff go when ever you can. 1 of my 4 boys is ADHD, another only ADD. 2 are just silly! Boys are a handful, remember that, too!

Yes I am a mom with adult add. It is not easy being an adult with add and being a mom too. I can sympathize with you. I am on medication for my add. I am also bi polar so I am on mood levelers too. Maybe you should see about getting a prescription from your dr for the add. Good Luck!

Hi A.,
I was going to respond to you yesterday, but my internet is acting funny and it wasn't letting me. I just wanted to let you know that I am a mother of two, 3 yr and 13 mo, and I have struggled with ADD my whole life. It has been very difficult for me in many ways since I wasn't diagnosed until I was about 20 years old. I know it can be very difficult to be able to accomplish everyday tasks especially when you have children who are also demanding much attention. I tried very hard to nurse my second baby for the full year, but I found that being off my medication caused much stress, anxiety, and depression because I felt like I couldn't take care of my kids. I had to stop nursing and begin my medication again. Now, I am not saying you should do that because I feel nursing is the best thing for your baby. My older child is difficult, (he has been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD), and since I was having such a hard time with him I felt like I needed to take care of my problem in order to take care of my family. I feel tons better, but I do still need to do other things to keep in order and on task. I have to write everything down, of course. I carry with me a little note book and calendar so that I can write down dates and things to do right when I think of it. I use Microsoft Outlook to remind me of my bills' due dates, a reminder pops up on my computer. I also use a program called Cozi to help me with my shopping lists, if you would like I can email you a link. To do lists are difficult for me to stay on track, but if you schedule exact hours for doing certain jobs then you can get used to a routine. (ex. Everyday from 9-10am I do laundry) I know that motivation is a huge factor with ADD. Once I begin a routine it is hard for me to keep on track for longer than a week. Friends is a great help. Keep in contact with people who might be going through the same thing. Talk to them about how you are doing and gain new strategies from them. If you know that someone is going to be asking about your progress it is a lot easier to keep up the motivation. I would love to have someone to email and help me keep on track. If you are interested you can email me, ____@____.com. Thanks for your post and I wish you luck!
Love,
A.

A. you sound like a prime candidate to try something new in your life. Do you attend a church in your area that is ministering to families and children? I would start there. God is amazing when you ask Him for help, He is there immediately. Ihave been a christian for 25 years and I would not want to go through life without my faith in Jesus. He has done so much for me and my family. My bills are paid, I am a mother of three and I am not stressed out and I am a wife as well. Life is Great!! Only because we have made God the #1 priority in our lives! When you do things God's way, it will work out everytime. So search out a church in your area that is a LIFE giving church and you will never be the same! God Bless!

You are obviously doing better than you think you are because you see that it is a problem! Congrats on that. I can help you just email me ____@____.com My entire family struggles with this. For whatever reason I was able to work through it very early on in motherhood and have since worked many others through it, including helping my 5 siblings and parents. Due to the difficulty maintaining attention we easily become pack-rats as well. Believing that you can do this is half the battle, the other half is purge, plan and prepare. Please feel free to contact me, but to be of any long-term benefit to you I would have to blog a book! I will leave you with a few tips.
1. Prepare for your day the night before...lack of planning can throw any day off, especially someone that struggles with ADD.
2. Have a plan and stick to it. For example, bill day on a certain day and just sit down and do it until it is done. Sometimes the constant burden of remembering what needs to be done is far worse than just doing it and knowing you do not have to think about it again for a month.
3. There are so many things that you can do to make maintaining a house easier, ADD or not. For this I would have to have a better understanding of what you struggle with in this area. For example you can cut so much time out of laundry if you do what hotels do. All linens are white while my kids are young (I have 4 by the way). I have 2 loads of whites a week, they can all go together with no fancy sorting and they can all be washed in hot water with bleach. They also don't fade. I spend 5 min matching socks because when the kids take them off I have trained them, as well as myself, to put them in the dirty clothes matched. I unfold them to get washed and they get folded right back up coming out of the dryer.

TRUELY IT IS A MATTER OF FORMING A PLAN AND NOT JUST LETTING LIFE HAPPEN TO YOU! This is true of anyone but especially those of us that struggle with any kind of attention disorders.

Good luck!

I am not an ADD mom, but my son is ADHD. He was not dianosed until he was 21. I new that something was going on but no one would listen. However I did research on the subject and learned many things. I controled alot of his behavior thru diet. Here are the big things: no white sugar or flour, dyes, food additives or perservitives, or deep fried foods, all natural foods are best. Drink plenty of good water. There are natural remedies out there that will help you to maintain. Go to the local health food store, let them know that you are breast feeding (there are certain herbs that you cannot take while nursing so make sure that they know) and they can suggest some herbal combinations that will help. Do research, www.mercola.com is a good site to go to. They have alot of information on many different subjects. As a mother, you need to take time for yourself also. It might not be much time, but a little is better then none at all. During this time make yourself notes. Refer to them often. I hope this helps. I know to some people that this must sound hard, but it isn't. You will feel better in the long run. God Bless and take care. Love yourself. Also add Omega-3 and a good muti-vitamin.

A., first of all there is not any ADD. that is a made up thing so people don't have to deal with active children. If you would quit all the different kinds of sugar out there in our world you would not have that problem. Also don't give anything with sugars in them to your children. Sugar is the worse thing that we can put in our bodies. In fact it is worse than a drug. Read the book "Sugar Blues" and I can't believe it's not sugar and you will come to believe me. Please, don't take any more drugs for ADD. There is so much natural sweets out there, why take sugar. Read your lables and just see what I mean. Even some sea salts have some kind of sweetners in them. Eat naturals. No more sugard cereals, no candy, eat apples and bananas, oranges, etc. Hope you don't think I am a kook, i am just a happy lady that quit eating surgar and it completely changed my life. K.

Hello! I totally know what you mean! When I changed what I eat, I stopped having that much of a problem! I have added Omega 3, might add Grape Seed Extract depending on how things go with my working more hours. I am undiagnosed, but I have it. What I do for most of my bills is I have them on www.mycheckfree.com where they find all the bills that I input or type in, and if they have access to those companies, then they get the monthly statements from them, in which as soon as I get the email notifying me of this, I set up right away an automatic pay using credit/debit or a bank acct. This has really helped because with paper bills, I wouldn't get them done. As for housework, I had a great book I think it is called 15 minutes to organized. It is a 6-8 week program, I believe. The book is by Emilie Barnes. I couldn't stick with a book that long, so I just started reading and when I found something that would help, or I thought might help, I implimented it and saw how it did. We are a family of 6 here, so I have a ton of clothes and dishes to do. When I have to go somewhere for a certain time, I plan to leave, if it is in town, 30 minutes before I need to be there. I even set a timer, so my kids can hear it and save my voice :) My house isnot perfect, but I also do have 4 boys who do help out here. Have your older one help you with dishes, laundry, and the like.

I have said it before but this time I am pasting in some info from the FLYLADY.NET website. She is an amazing person and will help everyone not just ADD or ADHD people.

ARE YOU LIVING IN CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) like Franny in the pink sweats? Do you feel overwhelmed, overextended, and overdrawn? Hopeless and you don't know where to start? Don't worry friend, we've been there, too.

Step through the door and follow FlyLady as she weaves her way through housecleaning and organizing tips with homespun humor, daily musings about life and love, the Sidetracked Home Executives (SHE) system, and anything else that is on her mind.

When you join FlyLady, you will receive daily FLYmail. Your FLYing Lessons will guide you through babysteps to help you set up routines, get rid of your clutter, and put your home and life in order. FlyLady's approach has worked for thousands. Join anytime you want (there is no cost involved)! You are not behind - you are just getting started! Read FlyLady's personal testimony in WhyFly? Don't be overwhelmed by all the material on this site - take it a little piece at time - baby steps. To get started, check out the FLYing Lessons - it will tell you how to begin. You can have this peace too, and it won't cost you a dime!

Our home page is long. You need to scroll to the bottom to see it all. We use it as a bulletin board to showcase the activities we are currently working on. If today's date is not at the top of this home page, you have an old page on your computer, simply refresh your browser. The links (the underlined words) under FlyLady's feet (along the left hand side) are the permanent parts of the website. Also check the Table of Contents if you are looking for something particular. Welcome to FlyLady.net! Are you ready to FLY?

Joining is Free and setting up your daily routine is amazing. Good Luck A. and everyone else out there.

M. B.
____@____.com
###-###-####

Well a couple of things...
1. As you see something that needs to be done. Do it right away. Soon the tasks start melting away...
2. Start some essential fatty acids and be 100% faithful with it. Some people do well with just Flax oil.
3. Give your self a break your the Mom of 2 boys! YIKES I can't even imagine! Boys are so full of energy! Plan play time with each of them and plan time alone. don't beat yourself up about what you haven't done today make realistic goals for yourself and see how much you did each day. Then allow yourself to feel good about what ever you got done. This will give you positive reinforccement and help you do more the next day.
Good luck!

Hi A.~
I haven't read all the responses, but I read the one about being a prime candidate for something new in your life- and accepting Jesus. I felt like I really needed to respond. I too am an ADD mother (of 3) and a wife as well! I most definitely have the Lord #1 in my life (as does my family), and I do agree with what was said. The Lord is there to help those that call on Him. HOWEVER...He never said life would be easy; but that He would always be right there beside you. Life is stressful for me a lot of times, but that doesn't mean He's not there. He helps us grow and get stronger when times are tough. I am also not on any meds because I am newly pregnant and weened off of them beforehand. I sometimes wonder if I will ever get my messy house/etc. figured out and caught up on! I am looking forward to what other responses you receive!! Don't let your frustration get the better of you, and stay strong. Remember that you are not alone ; I wish you well- take care of yourself so that you can be a happy mommy to your kids!!

I took Prozac my entire pregnancy and while bf, wouldn't change it for anything. I knew I couldn't handle things without it!