Opinions Regarding Older Pregnancy

Since you're asking for an opinion... here is mine. You shouldn't have another child. Even if you got pregnant today, which at your age is unlikely, you would be 45 by the time the baby is born. Though your first pregnancy and delivery went off without a hitch, the fact is that statistically, pregnancies later in life create much higher rates of birth defects. I know you said you have no problem terminating a pregnancy if you find out that the child has a developmental defect, but amnios only catch those that based on chromosomal abnormalities. My child was born with a birth defect that would not show up on an amnio or an ultrasound. Even if that didn't matter to you (which it sounds from your post that it does), pregnancy and delivery at your age are harder on YOU too. You are putting yourself at more risk for complications than you would have if you chose to have a child at a younger age. And as a parent of an existing child, you shoudn't be taking unnecessary risks. You should do everything you can to be sure that you will be around to raise that child to adulthood. A second reason is that your "partner" clearly does not want a second child. Having an adult son and a vasectomy is screaming, "Been there, done that, don't want to start over at this point in my life!" Decisions of this magnitude should not be put into effect unless both partners are on board. We're talking about creating a LIFE, for goodness sake! This is no small decision. If you go ahead and have a child anyway, your "forget what you want, I'm going to do what I want" attitude is very likely to strain the relationship to the point that you two will part ways. And that is the last thing you want. You have already brought one child into the world and you owe her the stability of being raised in a secure, two-parent household. Acting on decisions that will drive your partner away is in no ones best interest. In your post, you talk a lot about your accomplishments. It is clear that you are goal oriented and that you are not afraid to take risks to get what you want. The thing is, the moment that you created another life, what YOU want ceases to be what matters. You now have to do what is in the best interest of your child, regardless of your wants and desires. You're 44 now. You will be nearing senior citizen status by the time she graduates from high school. Having another child as this point sets that point even higher. I understand that you long for another child, but you need to face facts -- that ship has sailed. You made the decisions that brought you to this point. You CHOSE to put off marriage and children while you pursued your own interests through your twenties and thirties. You've focused on YOU for long enough. Focus now on the child you have and make HER your priority -- not your whims. Good luck to you.

Hi E.,
Based on what you've said, it sounds like you've already made your choice. You're healthy and have the right attitude, so the best of luck to you! My only concern would be your partner's willingness to participate :) I, too, am an older mom. My husband is 4 years older than I am. We decided together not to try for another one simply because we want to enjoy our "golden" years without having a child still at home. But, to that end, I do believe it's a personal choice for each couple. Good luck to you!

I encourage you to have another child. Good Luck!

Go for it! Go for it! Go for it!

You sound like a great mom a wonderful person and you deserve to have a family, That is why God put us here.
Good luck with having things easy again. J.

Hi, I am in the same position as you. I have a 19 y/o son from a prior marriage and had my dtr. when I was 40. I am now fourty four and would like another. My husband is thirty nine and would love another child. I am unsuccussful getting pregnant naturally, and am not certain if I want to try alternative options. If you can physically, I say why not.

I got pregnant for the first time at 44, and I say, "Go for it!" I think, if you are not concerned about your status as a single mom and not worried about various religious issues, what is there to stop you? But I'd be very sure about arranging a support sustem for me and my older child for the time right after the birth, as you will certainly need a lot of help!
Good luck,
G.

I think you should absolutely follow through on what your inner voice is telling you to do. You sound like a very strong and stable person who seems fully prepared to move forward in motherhood and seem to have thoroughly thought through all the "pros" as to why this is a good idea. You mention that your partner recently had a vasectomy; would he be supportive of your decision to proceed with a second pregnancy? If so, then great! If not, and he's the one you'll be sharing your future with, you might want to really talk things over and hope he gets on board because the last thing you would want to do is bring a baby into a situation where there could be possible resentment later. I'm a firm believer that all children should feel loved, adored and appreciated for the miracles that they are. You sound like a very responsible and thoughtful person and I wish you well with whatever you decide to do. Good luck and God bless!!

Hi E.,

I think if you can aford a second child, you have the time and resources to care for that child, and you really want to have one then go for it. Obviously the vasectomy will make things more challenging - but I am guessing if you have been thinking about this for a while you have a solution in mind already.

G.

Wow here i thought i was the only one. I have a 30ty year old, a 27 year old and a six year old. oops.
You must come to an agreement with your spouse but if he is ok with it you go for it. You have as many babies as you can love. By the way i am 50ty.

Like you, I have struggled with this very decision. My first child is 3 1/2 and I would very much like another child, as I don't want mine to grow up as an only child. There are also other reasons why I would like another child. I feel this way on many days. Last year, I asked my gyn dr. about this (safety of carrying a baby to term over age 40, etc.) He said that he currently was working with a woman who was pregnant with twins at age 53. You have to look at financial factors, having support in the event that you are unable to care for the baby during daytime while you are working, health factors, etc. Just think carefully about your decision. If you would decide to have another baby, you would be in your mid sixties when the baby leaves home. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do in your situation. Very best of luck.

E.,
Sounds like you have all the reasons you can. I just wonder about your partners decision to have a vasectomy, was that a joint decision? Would you have to seek elsewhere to become pregnant? Adding to your family is always a tough decision, but I have never regreted having more children (I have 3)I know the older I was the harder it was, but your in stellar shape so shouldn't be a problem.

E.,
I think that your partner should be on the same page as you about having a child together. I mean it sounds as if he is not interested in having a child if he had a vasectomy. I think that it is wonderful that you love motherhood, it is truely the most wonderful and miraculous vocation. You sound devoted to your daughter. Perhaps devoting yourself to her is what you were meant to do.

If your hubby recently had a vasectomy are you sure he's going to be supportive of your choice? I would personally hesitate to have a child over 40 just because pregnancy is hard on the body but since you had a great time with your first child I'd follow my heart. I only have one child and personally struggle with the choice to have another one too. I'd love another child and think my son should have a sibling. It sounds to me like this is something that you really want to do and since you waited until 40 to have your first baby you aren't likely making a rash decision. It seems like you have really thought it thru and weighed the pro's and con's. Trust your instinct.

I was just shy of my 40th birthday when I had my son. My husband and I opted not to have another child because I had a very hard delivery. I know many people who have had healthy babies in their 40s. Nadia Comaneci had a baby just before her 45th birthday and he's perfectly healthy. Yes, you will be 60 when the baby is in high school. But if you continue to stay healthy, you'll be able to keep up with him or her. I think that being an "older mom" has helped me to stay young. Like you, I exercise regularly (I'm a long-distance runner).

The down side is that your partner had a vasectomy, which indicates that he doesn't want anymore children. To me the decision to have another baby would have to be a mutual one.

Go for it. If I was waiting in line to enter this world, I would most possibly choose you. I taught Montessori For many years, met and appreciated many, many families of different backgrounds and make-ups. Follow your heart and best of life to you.

Go for it!!!! You're still active & healthy and I see absonlutley nothing wrong with you wanting another child! Who cares how old you are? You are a smart sucessfull woman and if you have the means to support another child then I can't think of a single reason in the world why you shouldn't at least try!!! I could barely waddle around at 8 months and for you to run a 5k? DAMN!!! You've seriously got to be a super mom! I say do whatever is going to make you happy, and good luck with whatever you decide!!!

I love that you are a healthy woman with the ability to care for any children that you choose to have. If I were in your position I would be more concerned with having a partner that doesn't want more children. His vasectomy is proof that he is not likely to change his mind. I would have to decide which is more important to me my partner who doesn't want any more parenting responsibilities or my desire for another child. I wish you luck as you have this discussion with your partner and make your decision. It is a very tough choice.

It seems to me that you want another child so your first child will have a sibling, which is fine and dandy, but your partner has obviously made his decision about parenting responsibilities. Do you really want even ONE child to have only one parent? There is always that chance, even with a marriage certificate to protect you and the kids. I think single parenting is a silly idea and should never be a choice, and a family should always be based in marriage. And I'm not even religious. Parenting is a life-long commitment and too many people write it off like it's a babysitting job.

I would not do it, and I'm speaking as a medical professional. I think you were fortunate not to have difficulties with your first, but there are statistically increased risks of abnormalities after age 35, and unless you're willing to take that on knowing that is a distinct possibility because of your age, why risk that. I know I sound blunt, and I don't mean to sound harsh, but I would really think about all the factors, including your partner's desire for another. Best wishes whatever you decide!

E.,

My question is, 20 years from now, if you do not have another child, how will you feel if you decide not to have another child. Sometimes, I feel that is better to follow your heart. My suggestion would be to examine your feelings.
All the Best,
M.

Hi E.
I read some of the responses and I don't agree with most of them. I myself are an older mom. I had my first child at 35 and I am currently pregnant with number 4. While it's true that the risks of "abnormalities" is higher as we get older, it would not prevent me from trying for another child if I really want one. My husband and I had the same discussion and would not have had any problems terminating the pregnancy if necessary.

Since you seem to be o.k. with raising your children by yourself if your partner decides not to stick aournd, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't try to have another one.

M.

Hello E.,

This is R.... I had my daughter at 39 1/2 without complications.. I would absolutely have another child right now at age 45 if I could.

You sound like a very well rounded woman that has her life together.

I say GO FOR IT... That will be one lucky child.

God Bless

I think that the only people you should consult in this matter should be yourself, your doctor and your partner. It is a beautiful thing to have a child, no matter your age. You obviously are physically fit and understand the importance of staying active during pregnancy. I feel that an active 40 plus woman has an advantage over a pregnant 25 year old who uses preganancy as an excuse to get fat and unhealthy. The fact that you breastfeed is also an indicator that you are educated and aware of the importance of giving your child a healthy start, so I say have at it and write down your pro and cons.

I'd go for it as long as you are healthy. Just remember that your eggs are older (they are the same ones you were born with which is amazing in itself) so the risks are higher for abnormality but it sounds like your body can handle it. Good luck!

E.,

Congratulations on your great first pregnancy and beautiful experience as a mother! (I HATE YOU, too!) ;)

It's unfortunate that your partner is not intersted in having another child, (He already has his 2- right?) I believe that you should have the opportunity to have your 2 if you really want it. However, if you do it, your relationship may not survive. It seems to me that you're more than capable of being a good, loving single-mother, so that's not a worry, but your baby(ies) would potentially be happier having two loving parents.

Another thing, I often feel that the lives of only-children are not as full or happy as they could be. In the event that your partner won't change his mind, what do you think is the better situation for you little one? Having a sibling, palymate, and companion and one parent or having two doting parents?

I remember not too long ago, I had a professor who was caring for her elderly father and often and matter-of-factly stated how she didn't have anyone but him since she'd been an only child, never had children of her own, and was now divorced- It always made me sad for her, even though she seemed to have come to terms with her life. Your little one could potentially be like her because even though she has a half-brother, he's so much older.

I'm sure you already heard this as well, but every pregnancy is different. I hope if you do it, that the second will be just like your first one, but please keep in mind that they can be as different as night and day! My first and second were both pretty good, but the third was very stressful due to all the "medical" possibilities/probabilities/tests/etc. In the end everything was great, however.

Anyway, I wish you the best! I know it is an extremely difficult decision because it will affect everyone in your family.

-I.

I see nothing wrong with it. Pregnancy at any age is beautiful. If you're both ready and willing to care for another baby then do it. Just keep in mind that when your child graduates high school you'll be in your sixties. If that's not an issue for you, then go for it. I wish you much luck.

If you do decide to go for it, I highly recommend going to an acupuncturist who can prescribe Chinese herbs to help build your energy, so to speak, to make you and baby healthy as possible. If interested, I can recommend a good one. Let me know. (I'm graduating from acupuncture school this summer and am a Holistic Health Practitioner. I have a lot of great teachers and can give you names.)

Hello E....

I had what I thought was a definite idea of older moms having babies, I had mine at 42, but after reading your story, I think you have helped to change my mind. Initially, I just could not imagine why anyone would want to have a child so late in life. I had 5 children in my 20's and we then decided to adopt our foster daughter when I was in my 30's. Obviously I love children. I had a tubal ligation when I was 30. Nature, however, had other plans for me. I found out I was pregant when I had a pre-op urine test prior to a breast biopsy. I was a thrilled, anxious, scared, and in shock to think I would be having a baby at 42. I would have never planned this and it has been very difficult. My daughter is particularly close to her oldest sister who is 21 years older than she is. They are often thought of as mother and daughter. I am jealous at times but certainly understand that my oldest daughter has the energy to keep up with the demands of an almost 13 year old girl. I currently have 7 grandchildren ages 7, 4, 2 - 2 year olds, 1 year and twins who are 8 months old. I babysit at least some of them daily and I still have a fulltime job. So, I am exhausted at the end of most days but wouldn't change things even if I could.

So...to get to the point, I think you need to do what you feel in your heart you want to do. This is your life and don't miss out on anything you know you can handle. Besides, I think it will be great for your first child to have a sibling. You are in excellent shape in all ways and I am confident that you will do just fine. Good luck to you. I wish you the very best!

Go for it!!! You have your life in order and a very good one at that. Children are so rewarding. Haveing more than one is so important for you and your children i think. It gives you all a real sence of family.
You are a healthy woman and being the age you are should not matter.
Good luck in your decision.
Take care!!
B.

It sounds like the father doesn't want anymore children based on the fact that he had a vasectomy. I believe both parents should fully want a child before conceiving because both of you will be raising the child. You know how much work a child is and you will want the father on board 100%.

Being older has some advantages. You are more secure, you know who you are and I am sure you have the time to devote to your child/children. The disadvantage would be that you won't have as much time with your children. Seeing as you would probably be 45 when you have the child. You probably wouldn't have a ton of time with your grandchildren either. I know that is probably hard to hear but it's true and you asked for opinions.

I say go for it!
I'm 38, almost 39, and expecting my third child. I don't rule out a fourth child, if my husband and I agree that we can handle it.
I, too, would do an amnio and make a pragmatic decision based on it. We were raised Catholic, but, as my mom of six kids said, "The church didn't help us in raising the kids." (She's a proponent of birth control).

Good luck

Follow your heart, in the end that is the only thing that you should listen to.

I think it's totally awesome that you are a single woman who is a proud parent. Congrats.........You can bring home the bacon and fry it up!!! I considered having another child until I was 45.....nothing wrong with that. You sound like you are in Great shape......Go for it and May God Bless You and your little girl. There are many avenues to having another child. Like artificial insemination etc.

It all depends on how you feel about the possibility of raising a Down's child. Are you emotionally and financially equipped to take this on? What would happen when you're in your 70's and no longer able to care for him or her? Do you have family that would?? If you can do all this, I personally say to go for it and hopefully, this won't even be an issue for you. I had my 2nd at age 41 and here it is 10 year later, I'm wishing that I'd had another one. His older brother is out of the house and my 10 year old desperately could use a sibling. He's a social animal and is always looking for someone to play with, and I would've like to have another one for me, as well. My husband and I were too leery about the Down's possibility. Good luck to you!

Hi E.: I read your question a couple of times and am curious how you would attempt a 2nd pregnancy if your partner recently got a vasectomy? Doesn't that present some logistical challenges? Did I miss something?

I am a mother of three, married and I am fourty one years old, had my third child at 39, almost 40. Every one thought I was too old to do this, including my doctor.
I am also a fitness professional and teach specialty classes like prenatal exercises. Since I work in a professional area, most of my class participants are in between the ages of 35 and 45 years of age. I had never heard a bad story about their pregnancy and I encorage anyone who feels they are healthy enough to have another child. But I have to tell you that having more than one child is much harder than I thought. One of my friends, 45, have a 5, 4 and 2 year old, it looks like a piece of cake, but when you talk to her, there is no stop in her daily life. Including teaching manners and school work. Since my children are older, 10, 7 and 2, I drive a lot. Dedication is necessary, even if you think you can keep them at home out of activities, you are still doing your own things with them, TV won't help and will do damage.
I hope you have family and friends to help. I am just worry that I am going to be almost sixty when my youngest go to college.
Good Luck

More power to you, E. :) I, too, am an older new mother. At 43, I had my only child. She is 2 1/2 yrs. I had a wonderful pregnancy, much in part to having an incredibly supportive husband. We are trying to having a second child & then I'm finished. I think it's a great time in our lives to have kids although my body ain't what it used to be. Best wishes to you.

I would like to commend you first on being so independently strong! Your daughter sounds like she is raised in a healthy loving enviroment!You deciding not to marry is your personal choice, which is fine and no one should be judging you for that.
Although I am not in my 40's, the desire to have more children is there, so I understand. Your age should not discriminate you from deciding on having more. You sound healthy and like you would be a perfect candidate for another child?
Congratulations, and I wish you all the best!

Physically, you are probably the best person in the world to have a later pregnancy. It sounds like you take great care of your body, which is an important part of creating another little person. I would only ask you to think about the long term for your children. The older we get the more we have to think about our own limitations. At 60+, will you still have the stamina to keep up with a teenager? I wish you all the best in whatever you decide.