Opinions on Birthday Invitees

Okay, I might have a different take on this seeing as my kids range the age spans.

They have friends, that are just theirs, then we have family friends. Friends that are just theirs are just that. No way would every kid want nor expect to go to the party...although the younger ones might lol

Family friends are different. These are children that they are growing up with, regardless of age. An example, my bestfriends son's 14th birthday, everyone of my kids went from the 21 year old right down to the 2 year old. No way would any child be excluded based on age alone.

It's really a matter of how close you guys are as families. My kids at 7-8 would love a party even if the party was for a 2 year old, but we take the ages coming into consideration. So that no one is bored.

There's my take :)

It's just a couple more kids so not a whole lot more money for you to spend. I would invite them all and let them decide. You coul deven call a few days after they get the invitation and say that you would totally understand if the older kids would rather not attend as they are getting older now, but they are more than welcome.

In the case of the two families, I think you have three options... either invite the children the same age as the birthday child (and not the others regardless of if they would enjoy it or not), you invite the whole family, or none of them. The way I see it, you can reasonably invite just the ones that are the same age but to invite only half of their family and not the other half would be rude.

I have problems due to a large family...the party is big before friends are accounted for so I feel your pain.

**Just read your SWH...at a venue, I would just invite those of your daugther's age.

I would invite them all. Talk to the mom's of the older sibs, and tell them you weren't sure if the older sibs even wanted to come.....and let them know it would be ok if they chose not to come. Maybe even have the conversation that in the future, you'll probably only invite kids that are the same age. Maybe put them off the hook and tell them that in the future of the older sibs' bdays you wouldn't be offended if they didn't invite your younger children? Have they been inviting your whole family for the older sibs' parties?

If you had to exclude, then I would only invite the same age kids.

It just depends on what kind of relationship you have with these people, and how candid you can talk about these types of things. GL!

If I were one of the mothers, I wouldn't object... especially after you explained to me that is was going to be a small party (good idea!) for the children her age. I would tell you that my older ones won't be offended at all (they would probably be glad not to have to go to a little-kid birthday party). The too-young one might put up a fuss, but it's your daughter's party and she can invite whom she wishes. I'll take care of my toddler's reaction.

Of course, not everybody thinks the way I do, and I don't know your friends. I should hope that opting for a smaller, age-specific party wouldn't ruin a family friendship.

My kids are both 3 at the moment (at least for a few more weeks before my oldest turns 4) and i have always invited all the children of family friends no matter the age. I have one friend that my kids have known their entire lives who has 4 children ages 8-11 and i would not exclude them from invites, now they can always choose not to come but excluding them from the invite would be rude.

My SS and SD are about 4 yrs apart. There were plenty of times when one was not invited to the party and that was just fine. We sometimes invited only the girl cousins to SD's party and vice versa. Sometimes invites are simply for the friend, and not the friend and all the sibs. In fact, it was years before we put the facts together and realized that SS and SD each had a friend from a particular family, but we never saw the sibs together. I recall one comment from Mrs. Dilley (she had sextuplets and there were a few tv specials) saying that she can't just substitute a Dilley. Not all invites were for all of them. So...I say go ahead and invite who you want.

Now, I usually invite the family if the kids are close in age, get along with my kid and the parents are good friends. However, this year I'm also pruning the list from all my friends' kids to the kids DD really hangs out with. One boy will bring Mom, Dad and baby bro, too, and I'm OK with that. But if one child or another is really your child's friend, then I would probably discuss it with the parents before sending out the invites. And, there comes a point where some kids are too old or too young for venues. So if it's OK for the 7 yr old, it might not be OK for a 4 yr old little sister. Or if it's for the 4 yr old sister, the soft play room may say that kids over 6 need to keep out. So the venue may decide you can't include older sibs (and honestly that may be one way to handle it - "Marie, DD wants her party at the Soft Play Room at the community center. However, the restriction is for children under 6. I hope you understand, but the invite is for Jenny only, not Julie." It may also be that the 7 and 8 yr olds will not be inviting any 4 and 5 yr olds to their next parties, either, so you don't have to reciprocate.

This is also a reason to address the invite to the child specifically, to ask for RSVPs and follow up on those that don't respond. "Oh, I'm sorry. We are keeping the party smaller this year and it's only for the little kids. We would love to see all of you at another time, but this party is just for Jenny. I hope you understand." Once kids get to a point where they have real friends and care, then I think it's important to consider it.

It's kind of like getting a wedding invite for Mr. and Mrs. and assuming (incorrectly) that it includes the kids.

What is there to react to? Either the child(ren) invited want to and we are able to take them, or not.
I see it as growth/maturity. Eventually, my kids (hopefully along with everyone else's) will need to learn that just because their brother/sister is invited to something, it doesn't mean that they automatically are also. It's really quite simple.
And by age 7 or 8, they should be aware of that already. My kids were.
No big deal.
Invite who you feel like would enjoy the party and be enjoyable to have at the party for your daughter. It IS for HER birthday after all. It's not just a playdate.
:)
hth

I'd talk with the Moms and explain that you're having a smaller party and thus are only inviting the one your daughter's age. I suggest that most Mom's would understand and accept this with no hard feelings.

I suggest we get most upset when we don't understand what is happening and we imagine slights. Talk with the moms.

How hard would it be to just invite the older ones? Or just do the five year olds and ask that other siblings be left at home. I will warn you though, if you do that--alot of people won't come. (have to get babysitters for the other kids) and they find it offensive.

If you want to cut the cost and size, just do two or three of her closest friends and let that be it. She can have a party at school if you want that too.

My kids love all parties - even if they are for toddlers. I say invite them. The family should bring one gift, kids don't eat that much, and they'd all have fun.

So it's not confusing at all (as I say it from the cheap seats :)...) just invite them all!

If you're looking to keep the list skinny, I would invite the similar aged CHILDREN--not the entire families.

Surely that will be understandable for those with older kids, right?

If you have room to expand, then include the older kids to whom your daughter is closest/plays with the most/your family socializes with the most.

Does that make sense?

My 11 year old still likes to go to little kid parties and would likely be very hurt if she wasn't able to attend if she knew the child and my youngest was. I'd say just include them all. The other moms may be wondering why you let Mary's mom bring both kids, but only one of her's could come.

Either invite them all or JUST the kids your dd's age. Excluding only the older siblings is not right and I guarantee your friends will be put off by this-I would. Plus, if you are expecting a parent to stay what are they supposed to do with the older sibling?

Just invite all of the kids. If the olders don't want to attend a 5y's party, they won't.

I would invite the older kids, and if they really don't want to come they don't have to! but maybe they don't mind hanging out with the younger kids!
I'm the oldest of 5 and for a while I hung out with my siblings and their friends....and then I just....grew up! I hung out only with my friends at parties and it was no big deal :) but I say give 'em the choice

I would invite them all again this year but prepare the moms for the next years birthday party. I think that all the parents will see the older kids developing into a different developmental stage this next year. This year they are expecting to be invited I bet.

Call your friends, ask them what they think. You sound like the life of the party and I bet NO ONE wants to miss out. They don't need to feel bad and unliked, they are little kids....that's what I am thinking.

The curse of being a good party planner, everyone wants to come and everyone thinks they are disliked if they don't get invited.

This has come up for us as well. 7 and 8 year olds may still want to participate. I simply invited the families. But I also talked to my friends and mention that the older kids were welcome, but it was ok if they had outgrown the "baby" parties. And at my son's sixth party, I asked our nine year old neighbor to be my assistant, since her siblings were both perfect ages for the party.

if you've always invited all the kids, I'd think you are obligated to invite them still. Since you say you have been friends for years, I'd think you know these people well enough to call and say if the big kids don't want to come thats OK. Then you are putting the ball in their court and not hurting anyone's feelings. If they come, thats Ok too, just another piece of cake, and cake isn't expensive to make. Good luck.

I would invite them all. The age difference it not that big. If they dont want to come they dont have to. I think it makes things h*** o* the other family if only 1 of the kids gets invited .... if I had to find child care arrangements for the ones that were not invited, none of us would go.

Just invite them all and leave it up to the parents to decide. Our best friends have two sons, 9 and 6. Our son is 4. We always invite the family and depending on the party both kids come or just the little guy. It's really up to them and we don't have an expecation either way!