Opinion on Neighbor Noise

Updated on July 24, 2008
A.O. asks from Saint Paul, MN
41 answers

We are fortunate to have a pool in our backyard and I encourage the kids and their friends to use it - I like to see them outdoors and active, but I get frustrated because despite all the work I do to maintain and heat it, they don't use it as much as I would like. My son has used it, with friends, a total of 3 times this summer. My daughter and friends probably are in it every third or fourth day, but usually for about 20 mins to a half hour at a time in the afternoon. On the rare occasion that we are out there at night, we have never allowed any gathering to continue past 10 pm. Now my question - today an older neighbor came over and told me that he had polled the residents of the 5 homes in the block behind us and they all agree that the noise is excessive (particularly the screaming the girls do) and that they are all trapped in their homes because of it. I thanked him for coming forward but warned him that telling 11 year old girls not to scream is a little like telling the wind not to blow. But I feel terrible - both that the neighbors have been put out (according the guy who came forward, he has been stewing over this for a year) and that I will now have to police my kids every time they start doing what kids do in their own backyard. Do you think that living in a neighborhood requires some measure of go along to get along? How disruptive/unpleasant is kid noise to you? I would especially like to hear opinions from older readers who no longer have kids at home. I know I tune a lot of it out. I just can't bear the idea of walking on eggshells in my own yard, but I can't see any way around it. Any ideas?

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B.R.

answers from Omaha on

This is just an opinion... I think that if the kids are being loud in the middle of the day, don't worry about it. After all, when are kids supposed to be kids?! On the other hand, if it is getting later evening, say 8pm or later, maybe the kids could tone it down a little. Personally, I have a neighbor that has motorcycles and likes to fire them up in the middle of the afternoon, often when the baby is sleeping. I feel like I shouldn't complain, because it could be worse, he could be doing it at night. I think that there needs to be a little bit of give and take to make a happy neighborhood. Good luck!

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M.F.

answers from St. Cloud on

It is really hard when you have neighbors in a city dwelling who cannot handle kids being kids. Perhaps a little "you yell loudly all the time, you don't use the pool for a number of days, or no more friends over to use the pool, or only 1 or 2 friends a day to use the pool" may work. My children impress very much on their kids that there is no yelling in the house and not a lot of it outside. Girls are squealers, what can you say?

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L.B.

answers from Hickory on

You mentioned the girls go out most afternoons and that is when my elderly family members take naps. When I was pregnant I took naps and my neighbors dog DROVE ME CRAZY because he would wake me up EVERY afternoon and I was SOOOO mad at her while I was pregnant.

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N.B.

answers from Milwaukee on

We've also had problems in our apartment building with "noise" complaints when our son started walking -- we lived on the second floor. And the people who complained about us were older and had never had children.

After dealing with the situation I faced last year (we ended up moving to the first floor at a significant financial expense to us) I say that EVERYONE needs to learn to get along together. Possibly set some "quite" hour rules in your home where the whole family plans to be realitively quite from say 11am - 1pm. The go back to the neighbor and let him know that this would be a good time for him to use his backyard and that the kids may be outside in the morning or late afternoon.

Remember that you and your kids have the right to use your own space and kids NEED the room to play and be loud -- its good for their growth.

I bet those same neighbors would probably talk about your "bad" parenting methods is you let you kids sit inside and watch T.V. all day. Some people will ALWAYS find something to complain about.

Good Luck.

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H.G.

answers from Minneapolis on

A.,
I know you've had tons of advice but I have a similar situation in my neighborhood. Without the pool. The people behind us and in front of us have kids that run the block. They use our yard to play, ride bikes, run, & scream. Mostly excluding my kids that are younger than them. The parents pay no attention so I'm left to police them myself & send them home - but I can do nothing about the noise. I work very early and my kids have to get up early, so bedtime is 8-8:30 depending on the day. Last night a group of 6-8 boys played ball in the yard just behind mine from 6:30-9:15. After 8 I asked them once not to scream since my kids were in bed - then 10 min later I told them to stop screaming---no parents anywhere around supervising -- they enjoyed their peace inside the A/C house - ours was off since it cooled off & to save energy! All the windows were closed and the TV was on and the screaming was far louder than that!
If you're keeping your kids from screaming there shouldn't be a problem. I think the 10 p.m. rule is too late -- some kids still have to get up early and off to bed early. If the noise is constant and there are no grown ups paying attention it's too much in my opinion---if the parents were out there they'd probably have been quieting them and not me.
I'd talk to your neighbor (bring a treat)and let him know you appreciate his concern & ask him what would make him happy. Try to reach a compromise - although don't let him run you since really they're not doing anything wrong!

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H.T.

answers from Minneapolis on

They waited a year to talk to you about this & they polled the other neighbors?!? They are over-reacting!! Do any of them have barking dogs?

I think that they needed to talk to you before this & worked on a compromise.
I would ask them what times of the day are bad for them & tell the kids not to make a lot of noise during those times.
We have teens next to us that make a lot of noise when they have friends over, but they are never lewd or shout swear words & they quiet down at 10pm. I'd rather see/hear kids being kids in their yard than out being trouble makers at the mall & playground.

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S.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

wow, your neighbor has a lot of nerve. how are you supposed to suppress kids! i know it's important to try to get along with your neighbor but really...
i'm not sure i would do anything about it. you pay to live there & have the right to enjoy where you live as well! i would make sure you follow whatever city ordinance there is for quiet time in your neighborhood & maybe you could approach the neighbor on a better timeline for them to try to come to a middle ground (maybe he/she/they work nights & needs to sleep during the day?) - but beyond that you shouldnt' have to live on 'eggshells' because of their issues. this is really their issue with kids not your issue & they'll have to figure out how to deal with it. thats my view..may be a little hard but i have to listen to dogs barking at all hours of the day from my neighbors. i have not complained as its a normal function of the dog.
the neighbor puts them out around 1am or 2am when he gets home from work. does it dimish my enjoyment of my home, no.
if they were out 24hrs & barking all the time then i would probably say something but this is not the case for your situation..so i feel your neighbor is out of line.
good luck.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

I would personaly go and talk to the other neighbors. Try inviting them over for a pool party, pot luck of course. Matbe this man who talked to you is just a gumpy old man and any noise bothers him. I feel that when you have a neighborhood with kids you are going to have noise and the noise of kids playing is acceptable. That includes yelling and screaming and loud music playing. Unless you have neighbors close with very small children who go to bed before 10, setting a time limit of 10 PM should be okay. I have neighbors who have a pool and sometimes it gets a bit noisy but then again sometimes I like to play music loud and sometimes my granddaughter gets really noisy, she is slightly autistic and is ODD. So if we are displining her she does rebel and scream.
I have neighbors that are very noisy and have a teenaged son who will set of fireworks any time of the day or night and will rev is car engine for an hour-- I guess this is cool. I have complained about this to his parents and the police.
I am sure that is you talk to your neighbors you can work out a solution for everybody.

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N.B.

answers from Duluth on

If the girls are screaming loud you might want to talk to them about keeping it down. They are old enough to understand. We also had a pool and put a 5 ft fence around it and loved it. I would check with the local ordinances about noise levels. It is not like the kids are in there alot and it is only for a few months in the summer. I would kindly explaiin to the neighbors that at least the kids have a safe place to play and you know where they are. Tell them that you will talk to the girls to sooth them. after that enjoy your wonderful pool

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J.M.

answers from Milwaukee on

I agree with the posts that says that it is ok as long as it is not too late/early. I just wanted to add, if someone wants to complain to you, the thing to think about it that at least they are at their own home. Not out making problems at public places, getting in the way, stealing and destroying other people's property. I say good for you for having yout kids where you can be responsible for them and not letting them run the neighborhood/town. We have had kids go into our town laundromat and destroy things, so it is about time a parent is responsible for their children.

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K.P.

answers from Appleton on

I find that absolutely ridiculous that someone said something. There will be outside noise no matter where you live. I believe kids are kids and you can't confine them to barriers when they are outside. I can understand if it is after 9 or 10 at night, and there is excess noise; however the middle of the afternoon. I live in an area that there are more children to adults on our block and a dog in every third house. Living here you just expect outside noise no matter what time it is. It is all a part of living in a neighborhood. If you want silence, move out of town where there is no one on either side of you. One thing I would suggest is to give that neighbor your home phone number. This way they could contact you when they feel the noise is excessive. Maybe this will make the neighbor feel more comfortable and less likely to call the police for no reason. I would also speak to the other neighbor's around you at leisure to see if they have the same concerns. I have a feeling it is only that one neighbor that has the concern and they joined in others to make their case sound stronger. Best of Luck. Katie

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J.O.

answers from Wausau on

This probably sounds too easy but how about reminding the kids (you could even put up a little sign) that there must be no screaming because you live in a neighborhood and need to be good neighbors and keep the noise down. If they scream, they get out of the pool- all of them- and are not allowed back in that day.

As for go along to get along- yes, your neighbors should expect a little noise from neighborhood kids- but your kids are old enough to understand about respecting the neighbors' wishes.

As a mom of a 2 yr old, I do get upset when the kids down the street get noisy outside during my son's nap time or bed time- he has been woken up from the noise many times. However, I have not complained because I think it is a bit unreasonable to expect kids to be totally quiet outside, and I suspect my son will be making enough noise of his own in a few years :)

Also, since you have minors swimming in your pool, you are still responsible for what happens to them while they are in it. So while you don't want to be policing them all the time, I really do think they should have supervision even at the ages they are, and even if they are strong swimmers. Especially with a group, accidents DO happen. However inconvenient for you, they really probably should have adult supervision. I wouldn't allow my own child to swim in someone else's pool unsupervised, even if he was 15 years old. Maybe I am being over cautious, but I wanted to mention that because I feel really strongly about it.

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J.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

Yes, we pretty much don't sleep with our windows open because of the noise at night--others who are at home all day let their kids stay up really late screaming and playing outside, where ours are on the same schedule year round (8-8:30 bedtime) because we work. So I do get annoyed when people are loud in the evenings, especially in a neighborhood with lots of little kids (and adults) who need sleep. I would go by the noise ordinance times as a guideline, but I actually think it's good for people to be honest about a problem if they are nice about it. Why are people offended when a person is honest about something, if done respectfully? I like the idea of being nice to him, and asking if there's a time in the evenings when he'd prefer quiet. I do feel sorry for older people sometimes, but at the same time your kids should be able to have fun within reason as well (but there's something about pools/water games that makes people scream!). Good luck!

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S.B.

answers from Omaha on

That is a tough one. We have next-door neighbors with 3 daughters--now 12-15. They like to go outside (front yard) with their friends after 9:00pm (rarely before then...) and play/scream until well after 10:00, sometimes after 10:30...or later. I'm not so much opposed to their noise, as I am to WHEN it occurs during the day. Our boys have a regular bedtime and with their bedrooms both in the front of our house, it's definitely a problem. (They cannot go to bed with that amount of noise, which means we have to keep them up a bit later OR they have to lay in their beds and listen to all the racket.) If the girls are out during the day (rare!), I chalk it up to them just being girls. However, when we're talking about nighttime, I think they're definitely being disruptive and their parents are being disrespectful by allowing it to continue.

That said, I think if your daughter and her friends are having fun during the daytime, your neighbors should adjust and learn to deal with it. ...but if it's happening later in the evenings, you should try to keep their noise to a minimum. Good luck!

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K.V.

answers from Madison on

There certainly is something to be said for neighborhood harmony, but my guess is that you have one neighbor who does not like the noise and has talked to others about it and has exagerated their feelings. Do you have a friendlship with other neighbors? Talk to others yourself. Chanaces are that if someone else had a problem, they would have let you know - especially if it has been bothering others for over a year. Most likely it is just him. Don't let one person stop you from enjoying your backyard or stop your kids from beiing kids. No one is "trapped" in their home by the sounds of kids having fun. It sounds to me like this guy is being a neighborhood bully. Maybe you could spread a little good will by hosting a neighborhood pool party once a year. Friendship and honesty go a long way toward making good neighbors!

A.S.

answers from Davenport on

I'm sure your neighborhood has a noise ordinance. In most places it kicks in around 10 or 11 PM. As long as your kids are not out running a muck at that time I wouldn't really worry about it. Your neighbors may be upset over noise but they must realize that such is life. I don't particularly like it when my elderly neighbor mows his lawn at 6:00 AM on my only day off but like I said, such is life. Furthermore, if your children are only using the pool (and thereby making the noise) on occasion then I think this is something you shouldn't worry about. I too would feel badly about upsetting the neighbors but at the same time your children have a right to enjoy life.

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A.H.

answers from Wausau on

A.,
If you are really concerned about the neighbors, put up a privacy fence and/or put some tall shrubs and bushes along the sides of the fence to help absorb some of the noise. Personally, it sounds like your neighbors have unrealistic expectations of children. Good luck.
A.

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L.H.

answers from Des Moines on

I think your neighbor is a grumpy old man- I live in a neighborhood with lots of kids and yes, they get loud sometimes- but it is summertime! I think 10pm is a reasonable time to get things to settle down and quiet, I personally prefer more like 9pm but I don't think 10 is excessive, especially on a weekend. And who knows what the neighbors really think because you don't know what he asked them. If something like children playing keeps this guy trapped in his home, I think he's got other problems and needs to work those out. And if he has been brooding about this for a year... that sounds like a personal problem and he needs to find other ways to occupy his time.
Now, that said, I do think it is reasonable to ask the girls not to scream- I can see how that might get annoying as I was never a screamer and it drove me nuts when my friends did it. However, it might be so late into the summer that if they've already established a habit, I don't know how well it would go over to try to establish new rules so you might end up just waiting until next summer to try it.

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H.A.

answers from Waterloo on

I would tell your kids that the neighbors came forward because of the noise and ask them to keep it toned down. BUT as long as they are making noise during the day and not at all hours of the night then I think your neighbors should cut them a little slack. It's teens and preteens in a pool in their own back yard during the summer.....sounds pretty harmless and typical to me =) You may also want to remind your neighbors that your kids will be returning to school in X amount of days then things will settle down again.

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

My in-laws live next to a family that has a pool and they too find it quite disruptive and noisy. They were in their later 50's when this started and I guess just wanted peace when they were home from work.

I like the idea of holding a sort of neighborhood meeting or discussion so that everyone knows you do care. Perhaps you can share your time guidlines and give in some and get them out of the pool at 8-9 at night.

Even though I have kids, sometimes the noise other's make gets on my nerves. But I remind myself that we chose to live where we did, and not out in the country where it would be more peaceful. And although a few of our neighbors so some inconsiderate things, all in all we are lucky it is not much worse.

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. But if you are willing to show concern and compromise, it will go a long way.

Good luck!

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D.R.

answers from Sheboygan on

This is a tough one. The problem here is that different people at different stages of their lives are forced to live so close to each other. I went through a stage in college when I'm sure my friends and I disturbed others sleep while walking home at bar time. Right now I have two young children and am frequently bothered by older kids in the neighborhood. My husband and I go to bed at 9:00 because we have to get up early with the kids. I hate it when the neighbor kids have friends over or are setting off fireworks. But I can deal with it because I know it is the way things work. In a few years my kids will be the ones creating all the noise!
I wonder if all five neighbors feel as strongly about this as the neighbor confronting you does. They may have agreed with him because it was the easy thing to do as he stood there in front of him. If you fell comfortable enough you could talk to a few of the neighbors about it. If they agree with your other neighbor then tell them you will work on a solution. 11 year old girls are old enough to control their screaming. If you tell them about the situation - that they won't be able to use the pool if they are too loud, they will keep it down. Otherwise, you should be able to use your backyard and not have to worry about your neighbors getting upset - they need to be more understanding! Good luck!

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A.R.

answers from Des Moines on

Sounds to me like you have a grouchy old man on your hands. If you were out there all the time & till all hours of the evening then maybe I would be concerned. I would also say unless you are hearing it from other neighbors then I wouldn't worry about it. Kids are kids & they are going to make noise esspecially girls. They are just being kids trying to have fun in the summer heat. Any older person who has ever had children would totally understand with it being summer and kids just having fun. Since you are causious already & they don't swim after 10 there is no law against kids making noise being outside. Good Luck!

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T.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

A.,

I suggest, looking up the noise ordanance in your city. Most likely there's nothing wrong with the time your kids are making noise. I think it's very thoughtful that you have a 10:00 curfue on the pool.

I only wish that's the only issue I had to deal with. I have neighbors that think it's OK to set off the "professional" style fireworks in their back yard, and I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old that we try to keep sleeping between the house shaking and the noise. I say if you're not doing that, then your not a bad neighbor.

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T.P.

answers from La Crosse on

I live in a neighborhood of mostly elderly people and then have one neighbor who is always making noise at all hours of the day and night. When it gets past my kid's bedtimes, I get annoyed, but otherwise I let it go. Do you have neighbors who work at night and might be sleeping durring the day or with little kids who might be napping? If not, them your neighbor is being unreasonable durring the day. I would try to keep the noise down after 8 and early in the morning, but otherwise, the shouldn't have a problem with it.

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T.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would tend to agree with other commentors. I have had several similar experiences either directed towards me or in which an older neighbor has wanted to get me involved in a "b*t** session" about other neighbors. I think it's done out of boredom -- and some people can be so negative and snoopy!

The way I solved it the time the older neighbor confronted ME is I brought cookies over for he and his wife as an apology. They've been really nice to me ever since.

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K.G.

answers from Omaha on

first off, did these neighbors really agree to the complaint or was he just not wanting to seem like a crabby old man?

you have no obligation to do more than you have been doing. i say use the "mowing" rules. if its too early or too late to mow then the noise should be strictly regulated. other than that its all part of being in a neighborhood. if you happen to notice the noise getting to a decible that is nerve racking just step outside and tone it down. no prob.

as for the cops. they can call them all they want but unless its during city ordinance quiet hours there will be nothing to report unless the girls are screaming like banchies when the cop drives up. normal levels of noise wont be an issue.

hopefully the neighbor will tone down a bit and not let his feathers get so ruffled. if it escelates contact me. i had a neighbor issue yrs ago that involved them constantly calling cops and i can give you some ideas on how to handle it.

on my days off i am woke by the dogs next door at 10am sharp. is it irritating??? sure. but is it what dogs do and what neighborhoods sound like??? yes.

i raised two boys and of course they had their friends over alot! they are now out of the house and i can tell you that i believe people just forget how it was to have kids at home.

plus... when we were young we could roam the neighborhood and go make our noise at the local park. now its so much harder to have the kids anywhere besides your own home to keep them safe.

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S.G.

answers from Rapid City on

First of all, I really question if he did talk to the others or if he is using that as an excuse to make it seem he isn't alone. I would talk with the neighbors behind you and ask if the noise is bothering them. Ask them what hours they are finding it is to much. Maybe some go to bed at 8 or 9 and can't sleep. If it is because they can't sit out on their back porch and have peace and quiet, then I am sorry, kids will make noise when they are having fun and that takes presidence over the neighbors expecting no noise at all. Chances are they are all out mowing their yards at 7 am when the kids are trying to sleep too. I would adjust it for later in the evening, like after 8 but during the day, let the kids go.

Your children will be going to college in 3 to 7 years and you should let them enjoy this time being young. In a couple years the neighbors will be complaining about loud cars and loud music coming from your kids and their friends anyway, they will be wishing for the screaming 11 year olds!

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Wow, how annoying to have a neighbor like that. I really doubt that the rest of the neighbors are bothered by that limited amount of noise. Now when I was a kid, my sibs and I would play "Marco Polo" for hours in the pool! I could understand that getting annoying but even still, living next door to people can be noisy...I find lawn mowers incredibly annoying but I would never tell my neighbor to stop using one...the house 2 down from me has shrieking children daily because she runs a daycare but I would never dream of telling her to keep them quiet or keep them inside. It is just part of living around people.

I think this person likes to complain. The best solution...invite him and other neighbors over to swim every week. If they are getting some of the joy out of using the pool, it becomes an asset to the neighborhood rather than a nuisance.

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K.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hmmmm...I am the mother of two young boys and I hafta say there is something distinctively piercing about a girl's scream :) . We also have neighbors with a pool and they do not use it all day-every day either. When they are using it, we are sometimes bothered by the inappropriate language...Not swearing exactly...More like sassy or potty talk and the screeching girls. But certainly we are not driven indoors by the noise. I guess my only thought is that kids should be out of the pool closer to 8:00 rather than 10:00. Plenty of older people are winding down at this time and plenty of families with young children are trying to get their kids to sleep at this time and it is a shame to hafta close windows on a nice summer night just to block out noise.

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R.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

hi A.,
I am a grandmother of 10 children 9 and under. Often times at least 4 of my grandchildren come to my home to play. live in a townhouse so they play in the driveway way etc. They are rather noisy at times but..only during the day time. I don't mind the noise of children. I really can't believe that your children are making such a noise that your neighbors are "trapped" in their homes.Question? Do the neighbors have pools too? Perhaps they don't like the fact that you have a pool. Do they complain about other noise your children make? Are all of the neighbors who are complaining "empty nesters"?
I think the best thing to do is to go talk to each neighbor to find out what they are truly concerned about. Don't take the word of the one person who came to talk to you. I know you want to be a good neighbor but you and your family have rights too. I am sure you can find a solution to the problem by talking to your neighbors. Invite the over for lemonade and a sit by the pool to talk things out.
Good luck.
R.

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J.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

I agree with Kelly G. That is what it is like to live in a neighborhood like that. I am a country girl and had a pool growing up so the noise was not an issue but the screaming on the other hand, that was an absolute NO NO to my mom. She thought that if we were screamng that there was something wrong but in all reality that is what girls do. When I finished school I moved into town and I had to deal with motorcycles and trucks that were so loud it would shake the pictures on my walls so a little noise from some kids is not all that bed. I would say to put up a fence if you haven't all ready and tell the old man that unless it is after the "quiet" time that your town has set up then he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Good Luck!

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K.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

that is insane. kids making noise outside is part of living in a neighborhood...if they don't like it, they should move to an adult only community.

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N.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

If the number of times the kids use the pool is correct, I'd say you'd be dealing with this guy whether you had a pool or not. I hate to say it, but I think some older people sometimes have just too much time on their hands and too many years have past since they had young people around. I think it's a case of the "old crumudgeon" and he's picked your house to be his pet project.

I'd ask this guy to produce a hard copy of this "poll". I'll bet you anything, no one has been polled, and it's probably one other neighbor that commented in passing to this guy about noise. I think he's grasping at straws, and if he can get your goat in the process all the better.

To be on the safe side, find out what your city's noise ordinances are, and be sure you're not violating them in any way. Also, if you live in a town-house community, get a copy of your neighborhood by-laws and make sure you're within what's acceptible noise-wise by your association. If you're all doing what the city deems as acceptible, no poll or any other neighbor complaint will "hold water".

I have a neighbor who did this to us about our dogs. He claimed they barked day and night and would call the cops on us all the time. Though our dogs are 2 big hunting dogs, they are in the house all day except for when we take them for walks.

The cops started getting wise to his antics. Unbeknownst to us, they'd sit outside our house and monitor for 5 to 15 minute intervals to see if the dogs were really nuisance barking by the city's code/definition. (Something like continuous barking for 5 to 10 minutes over an hours time or whatever...you get the idea). We had no idea he had been calling the cops until one came to the door to let us know and give us a warning.

The officer was quite annoyed with the neighbor, not us. And he made a point of saying the warning was protocol because they had been called to the house at least 5 times that week. He said the dogs weren't barking, but he had to give us the warning because of the number of times they were called by this neighbor to our address.

After the warning, my husband went to all of the neighbors to see if our dogs were bothering them too. We were shocked to find out the guy was doing this to all of us! All of us had indoor dogs, except for one guy down the street who left his Weimereiners outside all day. I think they were the ones making all the noise. The cops finally stopped coming for all of us and decided the guy was a lonley old Kook kicking up dirt for some entertainment! This guy did other weird stuff too. But that's another story.

I guess I'd say find all the facts out for yourself first. Then get bummed later...or not at all!:) I'll bet it's not as he's making it seem.

Good luck.

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S.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

A.,
I work in a neighborhood for my job and when we have stewing neighbors, we've found the best thing to do is confront it head on and up the communication. What if you got those 5 neighbors together for an informal meeting over cookies and lemonade. You could just be straightforward and say that your neighbor complained and that you would like to have a conversation about what the real issues are and what can be done. This doesn't mean that you have to sit and listen to them complain and then give in to their demands, but you can listen to what the real issues are and put your point of view out there. Generally if someone has been stewing for a year, doing something to diffuse the situation sometimes helps immensely. Sometimes folks just need to vent a little and feel heard and the issue goes away. I've done these kind of meetings for myself living with multiple roommates and have found it very helpful and refreshing (even when they've been all upset at me). Getting things out in the open in a respectful way helps the real stuff get out and stops the sideways stuff. If you want to talk more, you can PM me. Again, it's not about you taking a beating or whatever, just calling out the elephant in the room so you can all talk it over.
S.

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D.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

National night out is coming up. What if you invited your neighbors over for a pool party. They might soften a bit if they know you and your family better.

My teen-age boys started a bonfire once that got a little two smoky and hot and the smoke ended up trapping our neighbor in his garage. He was naturally very upset and let them know that he would call the police on them if they didn't put it out. Since then, I have done my best to let them get to know us so that they can see the character of my boys. The boys have helped them with yard work and whenever the neighbors are out, I try to go over and chit-chat. It has made a big difference in how they see us and our commotion.

It's that old, "soft answer that turns away wrath, thing."

We have found that when someone says something like "the whole neighborhood is upset," that it is really just the two people that talked together.

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J.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

I don't think you need to stop your kids from playing but it would be nice to ask the girls to tone down the screaming. We have a pool also and live on 5 acres and I told my kids to stop the screaming. I try to treat my neighbors the way I want them to treat me. I know that barking dogs, screaming kids, fireworks after 9pm, and other things like that drive me crazy so I try not to drive them crazy either.
If my 6 and 4 year olds can stop screaming then 11 year old girls can stop screaming. Trust me, other people's kids screaming is WAY more annoying than your own :o) If I had my windows open on a nice day and wanted to enjoy the breeze I'd be furious if all I could hear was someone else's kids screaming.
Amyways, just my 2 cents :o)
J.
Mom to 4, soon 5 through another adoption and hopefully more :o)

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B.

answers from Minneapolis on

We all pay a certain price for living in a community. It can't be all our way. If you are being considerate by limiting the times the pool is being used to avoid making a lot of noise when others will likely be sleeping, I think you are doing your part. A lot of how we get along in this world depends on our attitude. We have two neighbors with pools. Sometimes I get screeching girls in stereo, but it makes me smile and chuckle remembering the fun I had when I was a screeching little girl. It wouldn't hurt to butter the old guy up though. Have your daughter and her girlfriends bring the old guy some cookies before their next pool party.

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A.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

I live across the street from a family with 10 kids and a pool. They definitely have fun out there! While it does at times get irritating, I just remind myself that I am sure that my daughter will be loud outside, eventually too. If this gentleman is "older", he may be of the generation that kids should be seen and not heard. I am not sure that any noise coming from a kid is going to "disturb" him. It sounds like you have been completley respectful.

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J.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi A.- As a child I was fortunate enough to have a pool in our back yard as well. My Mom was a stay at home Mom and we had friends over everyday. Back in the day a local swim instruction center would send out an instructor to your home and give your children free lessons provided you have enough other paying children. This much noise and traffic only upset one neighbor, they ended up putting in a privacy fence and then the following year moved. We never had an issue with any of the other neighbors, in fact they saw how much fun we had and by the time I moved out after highschool, the neighborhood had 5 more pools. I do know my parents took some time before setting up all the swim lessons; our city had noise and parking ordinances which had to be followed, however, being in the day time there was nothing wrong with kids having a good time and just being kids. I would start with your city and find out what exactly the rules are about noise and follow up with the neighbors when you see them which a few comments on how you realize it was brought to your attention about the noise, you did speak with the city, and you will make sure the rules of times on the noise levels given by your city is followed to your best ability. I, as a neighbor, would respect the up front nature and the willingness to approach the situation and not push it under the rug.

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S.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

It sounds like you are doing nothing out of the norm and I would not worry about it. Some people are just complainers. I run a daycare out of our home and our next door neighbor used to complain about the noise the kids made outside! Kids laughing and playing outside!! She used to peek over the fence and spy on us, giving us the "evil eye" anytime anyone made a noise. Finally I warned her that *I* would call the police on *HER* for spying on the children if she didn't knock it off! This is the first summer she has not been watching us.
S.

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L.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

I can identify with your neighbors. Growing up our neighbor had a pool and it was constant noise both from kids and adults (surprisingly more from adults). Anyway we could never just have quiet time outside, unless they weren't home. We usually kept our windows closed all summer and we didn't have air-conditioning.

Our current neighbors don't have a pool but their children are outside all day and well past dark. The boys are loud screamers and the little girl is a whiner. It can be very annoying but I just tell myself at least they aren't watching TV all day.

Keep in mind that noise echos more around water, so your family's noise is probably traveling further than most peoples. I only have a few suggestions. 1)Maybe you can discourage the kids from screaming and encourage them to keep the noise levels down. 2)Your neighbors would complain less if they were part of the noise. If you are friendly, you could invite people over. 3)Establish quite times in the evening and on weekend days to give your neighbors a break. 4)Have a meeting with the neigbors and get suggestions from them.

Good luck!

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